Shiver

‘Miss Granger, please see me after class.’

I look up from my parchment.

Malfoy is sitting behind his desk, his expression unreadable.  I feel uneasy, because the Malfoy I knew was very easy to read.  Experience has taught me that, if anything, he never had a handle on his emotions. Afterall, how many times did he allow his temper to dictate his actions?  How many times did he bully us, his face always twisted in anger?

This is weird, and I don't know how to react.

Slowly I nod my head, obviously confused.

Not knowing is driving me crazy.  I am unable to concentrate on my lines, and am embarrassed that I am unable to hand in my work at the end of class.  This is a first for me, and it makes me feel less than.  Less smart.  Less on top of things.  I clearly am not as smart as I should be, and inwardly, I hate myself a little more.

I guess he isn’t the only person whose changed.  It seems I can’t even do a simple assignment.

I wait for everyone to leave before carefully collecting my books .  I approach his desk, and he looks up from what he is reading—tomorrow’s lesson plan?—and eyes me thoughtfully.

‘Miss Granger are you alright?’

I am taken aback, because this is Malfoy, Malfoy, asking me, Hermione Granger, if I am okay.  It feels like I’ve stepped into another dimension, because this doesn’t make sense for my world.

He notices my shock and smiles gently, ‘Miss Granger, I notified the headmistress that you seemed to be struggling with working in class.  I don’t think it is a matter of understanding material.  In fact I think if I asked you to you could probably teach the class yourself.  However, that is not the purpose of this program.’ 

I hug my books tighter to my chest.  I feel like crying, because I am ashamed at how pitiful I am.  For someone like Malfoy to recognize my problems must mean I am really bad.

I don’t say anything, I just concentrated on staring at his desk.

‘…The headmistress and I believe it might be more beneficial if you took smaller steps.  I suggested to her that I provide you personal one-on-one attention, with the stipulation that the overall goal is to help you become more comfortable around your peers.  I understand it must be difficult working with the children of some of the most prolific dark wizards and witches.’

He paused again, and I wanted to shout at him to hurry up because the pauses were driving me batty.  Of course I am uncomfortable, of course I hate it!

But I am silent, and like the coward I am I just continue to study his desk.

‘Are you comfortable with this solution?  I will be honest part of bringing me here, and putting you in this class, is to test solutions to encourage better relations with those who now live on the fringes of society.’

‘Death eaters.’ I flatly say.

He is twirling his wand between hands but stops when I speak.  The atmosphere feels incredibly heavy.  I expect him to say something nasty, but he surprises me.

‘That’s right, Miss Granger.  No one wants to repeat the mistakes of the past.’  He smiles at me, a charismatic smile that makes me want to claw his eyes out because I feel like he is laughing at me.  Laughing at the people who sacrificed themselves for slimy gits like him.

But I keep my anger inside.

‘I understand, Professor.’  The sarcasm is clear, and it makes me blush.  I hate passive aggressiveness.  But then, now I am a coward.

He ignores it, as if I never spoke.

‘Are you comfortable with this solution, because I have observed you in class and it appears as if you are struggling to focus.  If I am wrong, correct me.’

He is right.  I don’t like being around these people.  I can’t stand the sight of them.  I feel like I am betraying my fallen friends by acting as if nothing ever happened.  Like everything is fine now when nothing is ever going to be the same.

‘Sure.’

He smiles again, and I shift uncomfortably.  I don’t like the way Draco Malfoy smiles.  It seems dishonest, like making a deal with a snake.  But I tell myself I am paranoid, and ignore the churning in my belly.

‘You and I will meet in the evenings.  Once a week there will be a shared lesson.  You may select the day.  I do not want to stop you completely from interacting with others.  The location will remain the same.’

I nod my head slowly.

‘Very well.  Miss Granger, I will meet you here tomorrow evening after dinner.’

I nod my head again, and since he appears to be finished, I turn and leave.  Once the door shuts behind me I run back to my room, because all I can think about is how big of a failure I must be if someone like Draco Malfoy is reaching out to me.

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