Love Affair

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter...I wish I did but I don‘t. I’m only playing with the characters. Please do not sue me. I don‘t own any money so it will just be a waste of everyone‘s time.
Pairing: (eventually) Remus/Sirius
Author: Catium
Rating: NC-13
Word Count: 4091
Genre: Romance, drama.
Status: In progress
Warnings: Fluffy feelings, language, drama, slash.
Summary: The story of Remus and Sirius’s friendship and love affair.
Note: This story is kind of a prequel to There Is a Thin Line between Hate and Love. In chapter 13 of There Is a Thin Line... Harry comes to Remus for an advice because he thinks he has feelings for Draco. Remus tells Harry that he and Sirius were a couple and after Harry runs out to talk to Draco, Remus starts to think about how he and Sirius became friend and later lovers. This story traces Remus and Sirius story of friendship and later love affair.

Super massive thanks to everyone that have read.

Chapter 5. Transforming

“We did it.”

A 15 year old Remus looked up from the book he’d been reading in the library to see the smiling faces of Peter, James and Sirius whom had spoken.

“Did what?” He asked acting stupid although deep inside he knew what they were talking about.

Sirius lowered his voice and looked around the nearly empty library.

“Transformed...into our animal forms. We did it Remus. Finally. No tails left, no hair, horns, fangs...nothing. We transformed to our animal forms and back to humans, no problem.

Upon hearing that Remus sighed. They had done it at last. When they had told Remus what they were going to do during the end of their first year, they had asked Remus to help them. Remus hadn’t answered but when they had started to look into how to become Animanguses, Remus had refused helping them. Telling them it was against the rules and he wasn’t going to become a rule breaker even if they were doing this to help him. He had stood by that decision but despite his lack of help they had now managed to become full Animaguses after four years of hard work and four years of Remus trying to stop them. He didn’t want them to be found out and fired or worse, hurt trying to become Animaguses.

But what frightened Remus the most was...

“After two days Sirius is going to be running around Moony as Padfoot. How he will act is no way telling. But I’m afraid it will be no good.”

Remus now knew that he had more than friendly feelings towards Sirius. He had been in denial when these feelings had been surfacing during their first year and had kept on being in denial during their second and third year but last year he’d finally given up the long lost battle. Admitting to himself that he in fact did love Sirius and that he was gay. He would sometime gawk at other boys, just like other boys would gawk at girls but when he tried looking at girls like that he couldn’t. He didn’t find them remotely attractive.

But he knew he didn’t stand a change with Sirius. He had proven himself to be straight...over and over and over again...each time with different girl.

“Remus are you all right?” Remus could hear James asking him this as he waved his hand in front of his eyes and Remus realised they had been trying to get through to him for some time but he’d been too emerged in his thoughts to notice.

“Yes I’m fine. To congratulations guys. Although I must admit I was starting to hope you wouldn’t pull this off without my help but... clearly not.”

Sirius faked shock.

“We are trying to make your life more bearable and these are the thanks we get? Gee it makes me feel so special when you show your appreciation like this.” He said with mock glee.

“Sorry I just don’t want you to get hurt. What if...”

“What if...what if someone finds out, we’ll be fired and kicked to Azkaban for doing something that we shouldn’t do? What if Moony attacks us...then we are dead. We know this all Remus. Now full moon is two days away. You will go through the normal routine and then we will join you in the Shrieking Shack, turn into Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail before you transform into Moony and we will have an awesome time!” Sirius said a bit too loudly and sounded both mad and strict. “Is that understood?”

Remus like always knew a lost battle and did the smart thing and surrendered to Sirius’s fury.

“Understood.” He mumbled.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Full moon came even quicker than usual and before Remus knew what was what he was being escorted towards the Whooping Willow at sunrise by Madam Pomfrey before the first full moon night, that month.

He picked up a stick and used it to stop the branches on the willow, when he was getting ready to go through the tunnels Madam Pomfrey stopped him.

“I’m sorry dear I don’t have time to walk you through tonight, half the school got the flu and I have to go back to Hospital Wing. Will you be all right?”

Remus knotted his head.

“Yes Madam Pomfrey I’ll be fine. Thank you.”

“Good dear I’ll see you at sunrise.”

After she left Remus went through the tunnels and could hear footsteps behind him. Once he got inside the Shrieking Shack and to the bedroom he usually stayed in he turned around and said to the thin air.

“You can come out now.”

A swish in a cloak could be heard and James, Sirius and Peter came out from nowhere.

“I thought you were going to wait awhile? What if Madam Pomfrey heard you?” Remus scolded.

“She didn’t, relax.” James assured him.

“Yeah relax.” Remus said sarcastically and looked at his watch. “In an hour I’ll turn to monster and maybe tear you to pieces. Sure I will relax!” He growled loudly and kicked a broken chair close by him.

The others looked at him concerned by his outburst.

“Oh is my temper bothering you? Well this is how I am right before full moon and if you think I’m bad now then wait for a minute. It will get worse every minute now until I transform. During last couple of years the four days before full moon’s been hell but I try and hold it in until I get here. So I won’t scare you. Then when I get here I let it loose. I’m not breaking that tradition just ‘cause you’re here. Sorry.” Remus stopped his anger speech, drew a deep calming breath and walked to the bed, from under it he pulled a metal box which was locked. He took the key from his pocket and opened the box. He removed his watch and placed it inside the box.

“I suggest that you put your watches and other stuff that you don’t wish to be broken into the box. I will put it under the bed away from Moony’s reach. He hasn’t been able to throw the bed yet. It’s too heavy.”

The others too stunned by this schizophrenic behaviour Remus was showing pulled off their stuff. Peter only had a watch, James had a watch and his glasses and Sirius had his watch and plain gold chain that he’d worn since Remus gave it to him during last Christmas. Although Remus had sent him the present without a name with a post owl. Writing under the note “From a secret admirer.” Then he had given him a box of sweets from Honeydukes as the official gift.

Remus locked the box and placed it far under the bed. Then he closed his eyes and breathed calmly.

“Time’s passing too fast.” He said in a low voice. “Half an hour until the moon rises.”

“How do you know?” Peter asked. “You just packed your clock.”

Remus looked at his friends who were looking, nervous, excited and a bit scare.

“I can feel it. I can always feel the moon. It’s a part of me.”

“Oh...” was all Peter said clearly not understanding.

“But how can he? How can they understand? They’ll understand some things soon though. And after they see the beast I turn to they will leave me for good and never come back. I shouldn’t have agreed to this.”

Like reading his thoughts Sirius walked up to him and said in a low voice.

“I’ve read about this connection werewolves have with the moon and I think I understand it. It’s so closely involved in what you are that it’s a some kind of survival instinct for you to feel it at all times.”

Remus was amazed. Of the three of his friends Sirius had been the most dedicated during those four years. He had read everything he could get his hands on about werewolves and had never given up on becoming an Animangus while both James and Peter had frequently said they were giving up on this and stopped their efforts for some time, although in the end always starting them again.

“I... I think you should leave the room now. I don’t think you need to see me transform and I also need
to undress and hide my clothes so I won’t rip them.” Remus told them.

“You go naked?” James asked sounding a bit disgusted.

“I stay in my boxers. If I don’t take my clothes off they’ll rip.” Remus told him. “They don’t transform too. It’s not like with Animanguses where they transform with their clothes on. I wish it did, but it doesn’t. Twenty minutes guys please leave the room now. Turn into your animals and come back.

Sirius shook his head. “No way I want to see it all. The final minutes, the transformation the, whole deal. Peter and James can leave I won’t.

“I won’t either.” James stated.

“My...my neither.” Peter said clearly starting to get afraid.

Remus felt the irritation bottle up in him. “Fine!” he growled and started to unbutton his shirt. He folded it and hit it under the bet. Then he pulled off his undershirt. He had turned his back to his fellow Marauders and Peter and James had turned their backs giving him some privacy.

Sirius had done it at first but when he heard Remus pull of his undershirt the curiosity got the better of him. He had never seen Remus completely undressed. Remus would always undress and dress in private. Never taking showers in public shower after the gym. So now Sirius turned around. When he saw the exposed back of Remus he gasped. It had countless scars on it. Some were white and clearly old but others were red and angry looking probably from the last couple of months. When Remus took of his jeans his legs had scars on them too but not as bad as his back. Sirius noticed Remus had scars on his arms all the way to the wrist and some even on his hands.

“That’s why Remus never wears T-shirts. And why he didn’t want to undress with us in the room. He’s ashamed of the scars." Sirius thought. Then Remus turned around and Sirius saw that the front of his body was not in a better shape than the back. Remus flushed when he saw Sirius stare at him.

“Now you know why I never undress in front of you.” He said defensive.

James and Peter turned around and both gasped too when they saw Remus’s scars. Like he knew what they were going to ask before they did it Remus said.

“I stopped counting them when I reached a hundred. Didn’t see the point really.”

“Madam Pomfrey can’t heal them?” James asked.

“Wounds inflicted by dark creatures can’t be healed by magic. So I just have to live with them.”

“Oh.” Was all James could say then added. “On the other thought I think I’ll lead you spend the last minutes alone I’ll turn to Prongs somewhere else and come back after...”

“I transform in ten minutes. Come back in fifteen.” Remus told him.

James started to leave the room and Peter followed him.

“I’m going with him Remus...sorry mate I just can’t.”

“It’s fine Peter don’t worry about it I prefer it this way really.” Remus told him and when they’d left he turned to Sirius.

“I’m staying.” Sirius told him before he could ask. “I want to see it all.”

Remus drew a deep breath crossing his arms over his chest.

“Your funeral.” He muttered.

Sirius walked up to Remus and pulled his hands down with his side.

“No it won’t be.” He told Remus and looked him in the eyes. “And don’t hide your scars because of me. In fact you shouldn’t hide them at all. They are a sign that you’ve survived more than most can. Most kids with lycanthropes die when they reach puberty. You’ve lived and should be proud. You shouldn’t be ashamed of them.”

Remus’s eyes started to well up with tears.

“How can I not be ashamed of them? They make my body an abomination. You saw James and Peter’s reaction...your own. Even my mother flinches if she sees me without a shirt on. And what would I say if someone asked me how I got these scars? And they would. I can’t tell them I’m a werewolf. I would get taken by the Ministry. Hogwarts isn’t allowed to have werewolves as students. Dumbledore would get in trouble and he’s done everything he can to help me. I own him to hide how I am otherwise all will be ruined.”

“I understand that. You would be exposed and that is no good. I get it no t-shirts or going topless in public then. But you don’t need to hide them in front of me, James and Peter we already know who you are. And I didn’t gasp because I was disgusted. I knew you must have some scars, I just didn’t know they would be so many.
And...” Sirius drew a deep breath knowing he was breaching a dangerous line here. “...and I don’t think your body is an abomination.” He told Remus quietly.

Remus looked firmly in his eyes. Searching for some answers. But then time ran out. Remus yelled out in pain and fell to the floor his body twisting and turning like he had cramps. He gasped for air and hissed through clenched teeth.

“Turn to Padfoot...now Sirius...or I’ll kill you...it’s not a threat... it’s a fact.”

Sirius reacted immediately and started to mutter the spell. After a while he felt himself go smaller and felt hairs growing all over his body. When he opened his eyes he was staring at paws. Then he looked up and saw Remus lying on the floor in front of him. He was getting bigger and hair was growing everywhere. As his boxer tore, Remus’s scream became a howl as fangs replaced his normal teeth. His nose got longer and became a snout. After less than a minute Sirius was staring an adolescent werewolf straight in the eyes. The eyes were still Remus’s same honey brown. But now they were filled with fury and a something that Sirius read as a desire to bite... to kill!

Sirius opened his mouth to say something but only a bark came out. He hadn’t tried to bark when he had turned to Padfoot for the first time afraid to be heard. He jumped back when he heard himself. The sudden movement made Moony growl dangerously. Sirius went through everything that he had read and new that in this state Remus would, as the bigger stronger canine, be the leader so he would have to act submissive. He put his front paws more forwards so his body’s after half stood up in the air and his stomach touched the ground. The closest thing he could do to a bow in this form. Then he whined and crawled closer to Moony, at the same time exposing his neck as a submissive act. When he had crawled as close to Moony as he dared Moony had stopped growling. Clearly interested in this dog in front of him. Sirius heart was raising a million miles per hour and he had a mantra going on in his head.

“Please don’t kill me Moony. Please don’t kill me Moony. Please don’t...”

Moony walked towards Padfoot and closed the gap between them. Then he smelled every part of Padfoot and to his distress even his behind. Then he opened his jaws showing his fangs and slowly put it around Padfoot’s neck. He bit down and Padfoot felt the pressure on his neck.

“Oh Merlin...oh Merlin.” Sirius now thought begging to be allowed to live. And just as he was sure the pressure was going to break his skin and draw blood it stopped. Moony was now lying on his stomach in similar submission Padfoot was in and was exposing his neck.

“He’s accepted me. He wants me to accept him back.” Sirius thought relived. Then he mirrored Moony’s action and afterwards barked happily wiggling his tail. Then the door opened and when Padfoot turned around he saw a rat and a stag standing in the doorway.

“Wormtail and Prongs!”

Padfoot kept wiggling his tail and barked again. He turned to Moony and jumped around. Moony growled deep in his throat but didn’t move, just looked at the other animals so Padfoot jumped to them, sniffed them and greeted them in a way he had seen dogs greet their friends.

Moony seemed to accept Padfoot’s friendly greeting as a sign the newcomers were not dangerous and walked to them sniffing them and then he wiggled his tail like Padfoot had done.

“He didn’t bite their necks?” Padfoot thought amazed. “Why did he only do that to me? I’ll have to look it up in the morning.”

Wormtail squeaked and Prongs pawed the floor with one of his front hoof. Then Prongs moved the head indicating to the doors. Then he walked out and the rest of the strange animal heard followed.

They quickly made their way outside and when Moony saw the full moon he howled and started to run.

Sirius panicked afraid he was ditching them but when Moony had run a bit away he stopped and turned, looking at them. Then he wiggled his tail again. Clearly waiting for them.

“He wants to play.” Padfoot thought happy and sprinted after him. Prongs and Wormtail followed swiftly.

The rest of the night went by like an adventure. The Marauders ran over the grounds of Hogwarts under the silver full moon. When the moon started to sit and they could see the sky turning red in the west, indicating the sunrise. The three Animaguses manipulated Moony back to the Whooping Willow and through the tunnels. He wasn’t happy about it but seemed keen to simply follow Padfoot. Sirius wondered about it, he had always thought a nearly full grown werewolf would be harder to control. How easy this had turned out to be surprised him. Once inside the Shrieking Shack and after following Moony to the bedroom Prongs and Wormtail left the bedroom. Padfoot sat down and after less than half an hour, a loud howling and growling indicated the start of the transforming back. In five minutes or so an unconscious Remus was lying naked on the floor.

Sirius thought the spells and turned himself from Padfoot. Once human again he grabbed a blanked, wrapped Remus in it and with relatively ease put him on the bed. He looked at Remus’s unconscious form on the bed and put out his hand, stroking it slowly over Remus’s hair and pulling it away from his face. Then he went outside and to the room he knew James and Peter would be waiting for him in. And sure enough they were.

They were standing there looking as exhausted and happy Sirius felt. They stayed silent for a while and listened until they heard the footsteps and muttering of Madam Pomfrey. Once she was inside the bedroom they put on James’s Invisibility Cloak and snuck out of the Shack, through the tunnels, past the Willow, over the grounds, up stairs and through hallways to the their dorm in Gryffindor.

They put on their pyjamas, silently and crawled into their respective beds. Determined to get a few hours sleep before school. They stayed silent as they fell asleep. This moment seemed to be something that would be spoiled by words.

They had had their first full moon adventure with their friend.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________


Sirius woke up a few hours later with the sound of the alarm ringing to his ear. He jumped out of bed
and got dressed quickly telling James and Peter to wake up. When they were crawling from under their covers

Sirius was dressed and was getting out of their dorm.

“Wait you’re not waiting for us so we can walk down to breakfast together?” James asked.

“I need to check something at the library.” Sirius said and ran out the doors.

On the way to the library Sirius thought about this biting on the neck incident. Moony had only done that to him. He remembered reading in a book about werewolves behaviour that they would wiggle their tail and sniff each other as a sign of friendship. The bowing and exposing neck was to show you were willing to trust the other dog as your friend and to except him as the main partner in the friendship. The biting on the neck. That he didn’t remember reading about.

Once inside the library Sirius found that book and looked up the behaviour on werewolves, friendly behaviour. Right next to it was mating behaviour. Sirius scanned it not really thinking about it then his eyes flashed over the paragraph

“The werewolf to show his interest, sniffs, wigs his tale and bites the neck of his future mate loosely then lies on his stomach and exposes his neck too. If the other werewolf mirrors his behaviour showing his interest back, the first step in mating progress is complete.”

Sirius’s jaw dropped in surprise but it wasn’t a bad surprise. He was pleasantly surprised.

“If Moony expressed an interest in Padfoot than it must mean that Remus is interested in me. I don’t believe it.”

Sirius thought feeling pleased. He had always considered Remus more than a friend. He had always thought their relationship ran even deeper than the brotherly relationship he had with James. They had always been able to almost read each other minds and during the last year or so, Sirius had definitely started to feel more towards Remus that any kind of friendship. He had been beyond upset.

Remus had never shown any interested in him or in men in general. Sirius had been glancing at other boys since...forever. That hadn’t bothered him, he had accepted the idea he was gay long time ago. He knew that his family would never so he hadn’t told them. Neither had he told his friends. Homophobia was widely spread, it was more obvious now when homosexuals were starting to fight for their rights. The topic of homosexuality had never come up in his circle of friends conversations so he didn’t know how his friends felt on the subject. And he didn’t want to spoil their friendship by coming out. Getting bashed by his, probably homophobic friends, would without a shadow of a doubt do that.

And he sure as hell didn’t want to spoil his close friendship with Remus by telling him his feelings. That had been bothering Sirius since he realised his feelings for Remus so he had started to feel his way around the females as an attempt to stop feeling this way towards Remus. It hadn’t worked so far. Sirius decided to wait and see if Remus would expresses an interest out of his wolf form. Sirius thought pessimistic.

“And I will have to wait forever.”
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Remus woke up in the hospital wing feeling like his head was a filled with metal. When thought started to replace the metal he remembered last night. He always pretended like he didn’t remember when Moony took over but usually he remembered most of it. Now he remembered the last night adventure with his friends and before
that...coming on to Sirius as Moony. The memory hit him hard.

Moony smelling Padfoot, wiggling his tail, biting his neck, then showing him submissive behaviour and Padfoot answering him. Even biting his neck back.

Remus knew what it meant, having read everything on werewolves. Not skipping the chapter on the mating behaviour. He knew Sirius had read a lot about werewolves but he knew Sirius. He would have skipped that chapter. So he would just have done the same thing back to Moony that Moony did to him, knowing it was safest to mirror the werewolf behaviour so he wouldn’t be killed.

“But now Sirius must be thinking what it meant and reading up on it. OH SHIT!!!” Remus thought panicking. “But maybe not.” He then thought knowing it was more wishful thinking than a fact.

Remus decided he didn’t want to take the chance on bringing up the subject if Sirius hadn’t given this incident a second thought. Finally Remus came to a decision thinking to himself.

“So I will act like nothing happened unless Sirius says something. Hopefully he won’t.”

TBC

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