Shell Shock

Part five:


Harry rubbed his cheek against the soft skin upon which his head rested on. It took a few seconds for him to realise, however, that it wasn’t skin; it was in fact his pillow. Fully awake now, Harry quickly sat up and looked around the room. Severus was gone. His heart fell to his stomach, wondering if what he had feared last night was true: Severus had regretted what had happened. He searched his bedroom again, looking for any type of clue that would say otherwise. He finally noticed his dressing gown lying on the back of his sofa and smiled. He knew it wasn’t there last night before he went to bed.

Harry heard a distant noise to his right and turned his head in the direction it came from. Someone was outside his room and in his lounge. He jumped out of bed and ran over to his robe, put it on and crept over to the closed door. He didn’t hear anything else, but his natural curiosity got the better of him so he slowly opened the door and peeked out. Severus was sitting at his small dining table, holding up the current edition of the Daily Prophet. In front of him were two place settings and a tray covered with tea and an assortment of food.

“Has anyone ever told you that it is rude to stare, Potter?”

Harry flinched, and walked over and stood next to the table.

“Err, Sev-er -”

Harry stopped when the paper folded down, revealing an emotionless expression. Harry looked down and nervously fiddled with his belt. Obviously, he was right and Severus had regretted last night.

“About last night--”

“Potter, sit down. Have something to eat and then we can talk.”

Harry nodded unconsciously and slid into the nearest chair. He carefully fixed his tea and snatched up a scone from the tray. He began to nibble on it and glanced up. After taking a slow sip of tea to wash the scone down, he cleared his throat and tried to look as confident as he could.

“Seriously, about--”

Severus raised an eyebrow and Harry quickly looked down at his plate.

“Um, the thing is--”

“I have spoken to the healers at St Mungo’s.”

Harry jerked his head up and his heart leapt to his throat. They were going to send him back.

“And I have agreed with their recommendations.”

Harry closed his eyes, sighed and barely nodded.

“You are to go back to St Mungo’s for counselling.”

Harry slowly raised his eyes and nervously bit his lower lip.

“You will continue your apprenticing here under my supervision,” Harry’s eyes widened in disbelief. “As long as you attend the counselling sessions for five hours on Saturday and four on Sunday, and a healer will be on call twenty-four hours a day should you require one.”

Harry opened and closed his mouth several times and only managed a strangled noise to come out.

“Merlin, Potter. Close your mouth,” Severus said with a half-smirk. “Now, do you agree to those conditions?”

“Yes!” he yelled. Harry blushed, seeing both of Severus’ eyebrows raise. He cleared his throat. “I mean yes. Yes, of course. I accept those … terms. Of course.”

“Good. Now that that’s settled, we can discuss last night.”

“Oh.” Harry squirmed a little in his chair. “All right,” he said quietly.

“I assure you that last night--”

“I can explain! I know that you probably think--”

“Would you let me finish?” Severus snapped, clearly annoyed.

Harry flinched slightly and looked away. He heard a chair being pushed back. Severus was ending this and he was leaving. Harry’s shoulders slouched when he felt Severus’ presence standing next to him.

“As I was saying, I assure you that last night was entirely mutual, and that if anything else should occur in the future, I demand the utmost discretion. Am I making myself perfectly clear?” he asked in a low voice that gave no room for argument.

Harry inhaled sharply, totally caught by surprise and his mouth fell open. When he didn’t answer straight away, Severus impatiently repeated the question.

“Am I making myself clear?”

“Y-yes, Sir. I mean Professor. I mean Sev-er -”

Severus smirked at him and then turned to leave. “You really need to start practicing on how to say my name, Potter. You sound like an imbecile.”

Harry softly laughed at himself. He did sound like an idiot.

“Finish your breakfast and then go get ready as the healers are expecting you in one hour to go over the details. We will continue our discussion later,” he said, reaching for the doorknob.

“A-all right,” Harry stuttered.

Severus shook his head as he opened the door and then closed it softly behind him. It was a full two minutes of Harry sitting there in shock before springing to his feet and running to the bathroom.


~*~*~*~*~


“What in Merlin's blood are you doing?” Harry yelled. “You’re not supposed to add Knoxgrass until after mixing in the ginger root! Can't you read? The instructions are clearly written on the board!”

First year Mark Paulsen cringed in his seat. “Y-yes, Sir. But Thomas over there said that it would be finished sooner if I was to--”

“Who is the teacher here, Mr Paulsen?” Harry snapped.

“Y-you are, Sir.”

“Yes I am. And you will be well to remember that. Now dump out that concoction and start again.”

“Yes, Sir,” the boy whispered.

“Five points from Hufflepuff and twenty-five from Slytherin,” Harry said with a pointed glare at Geoffrey Thomas.

Groans filled the room and Harry walked back up the front and plopped down in his chair, all the while shaking his head.

“I can't believe these kids,” Harry grumbled. When he felt a pair of eyes to the left of him staring at him, he whipped his head to the side. “What?” he asked sharply.

Severus merely smirked at him and continued grading the exams in front of him.

Harry leaned over and whispered, “He could have blown up the entire classroom!”

Severus made a sound in his throat that actually resembled a chuckle. “I know.”

Harry grunted and sneered over at the Slytherin boy who was laughing with his friends.

“Would you care to make it fifty points, Mr Thomas?”

The boy lowered his head. “No, Professor.”

Harry eyed the other boys sitting next to him. He raised an eyebrow expectantly.

“No, Professor,” they said in unison.

“Good. Now finish your potions. You only have twenty minutes left.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Harry snorted and folded his hands on top of his desk, watching for any other mishaps.


~*~*~*~*~


When the bell rang out, the first year students quickly got up and scrambled to the door.

“Don’t forget you have a test tomorrow,” Harry called out. “I expect everyone to be prepared.”

After the last student left the classroom, Harry dropped his head on his folded arms. “I can't believe how stupid these kids are,” he muttered.

“Indeed,” Severus replied. “Although I would have chosen a different word. Ignorant might be a better one. I prefer imbecile myself.”

Harry lifted his head up. “Ha. Ha. Very funny. I was never that--”

“Harry!”

Harry jumped in his seat and looked over to Hermione Granger who was standing in the doorway.

“Hermione!” he cried out, leaping to his feet and running over to her. “Why didn’t you tell me that you would be here today? I thought you weren't coming until next week.”

Hermione put her cane in her other hand, took the arm Harry held out for her, and walked up to the front of the classroom.

“I know, but I couldn’t wait. I just wanted to get here early so I could set up my quarters and sort out all my books.”

Harry laughed. She reminded him of the ‘old’ Hermione Granger.

Finally.

"What?"

Harry smiled. "Nothing. Go on."

“Anyway, Madam Pomfrey said I could. In fact, she was thrilled to know that I would be early.”

“Thrilled? Pomfrey?” Harry asked mockingly.

“Yes, Harry. Thrilled. Believe it or not she actually does have other emotions besides frustration and annoyance,” she said sharply. “Maybe if you weren't always getting into trouble all those times, you would have seen--”

“I know. I know. Sorry,” Harry said sheepishly.

Hermione harrumphed and let go of Harry's arm to extend her hand to Severus. “Professor Snape. It’s good to see you again.”

“Severus, Hermione. After all, we are colleagues now.”

“I know,” she said smiling. “It just feels strange.”

Severus glanced over to Harry. “That’s understandable. I am accustomed to not hearing my name said properly.”

“I’m getting better at it!” Harry said defensively.

Severus raised a sceptical brow at him.

“So,” Hermione said smiling, watching the two of them banter. “How are things going?”

Harry rolled his eyes in frustration and Severus smirked at him then smiled at Hermione.

“Perhaps Mr Potter would like to share some of his ‘experiences’ with you. I have heard enough of them to last two lifetimes,” he said dryly.

Harry whipped Severus a sharp look, but Severus ignored it and returned to his desk.

“Harry?” Hermione asked with an amused eyebrow raised.

“Ugh. It’s a long story.”

“How about over lunch? We can go sit outside.”

Harry nodded and held out his arm again.


~*~*~*~*~


Severus watched the two of them disappear out of the room. He sighed and thought about how things had changed so dramatically over the past six months. Harry was getting better with sleeping throughout the night without nightmares, although there were still times he would wake up screaming. In those rare times, Severus would hold onto him tightly and whisper encouraging words to let him know that he wasn’t alone and that he would always be there for him. In the morning, Harry told him that he barely remembered what he had dreamt about, but yet it would all come back to him once he was in counselling.

Severus never took offense to that. He knew in time Harry would feel comfortable enough to talk about it with him. Just like in time Severus would feel comfortable enough to ask Harry again his reasons for wanting to become a Potions master. Not that it mattered as much to Severus as it did at the beginning of their ‘relationship’, but Severus couldn’t help but wonder why. He knew it had something to do with the Finnigan boy, but couldn’t for the life of him figure out how.

That was another thing Harry was reluctant to talk about: Seamus Finnigan. Severus himself had begun counselling sessions with the healers at St Mungo's in order to better understand Harry's concerns, both past and present. It was there Severus learned that Seamus had died in Harry’s arms. That information had never been revealed to the Wizarding World - only that Harry had been with him when he died in the war. Severus could only imagine how tragic it must have been for Harry. Severus also discovered his suspicions were correct: Harry had never slept with Seamus. Of course, it was already quite obvious to him because Harry had asked – politely of course – if they could take things slow. Harry tried to give him the impression that it was because he didn’t want to get hurt again, but Severus knew the real reason.

Harry was still a virgin and he was terrified. Severus also suspected that it had to do with his ‘size’. Harry always mentioned it and frequently made comments that Severus ‘could hurt someone with that thing’. Severus found it amusing how most men always had the misconceptions and the insecurities of being too small. Still, it was amusing to him in the beginning, but the idea that his penis was being described as ‘that thing’ reminded him too much of how Harry had once referred to them as a ‘what’. But what had bothered Severus most of all, was that Harry – unintentionally or not - made it sound as if Severus would purposely try to ‘hurt’ him. Didn’t he know Severus well enough by now to know that Severus would never hurt him and had enough experience to insure Harry would only receive pleasure and never pain? Didn’t the nights they shared together show him that much? Severus sighed again. Hopefully in time Harry would finally come to realise this.

Harry was finally able to wean himself off the Dreamless Sleep potion thanks to Severus’ help. It took awhile since Harry had been taking it from almost day one at St Mungos. The only reason no one knew was because a certain young medi-wizard had been helping him. Severus didn’t even want to ask about how Harry had persuaded him. No charges were brought against the young man, for no one knew save Harry and later Severus when Harry finally confessed, provided he wouldn’t tell.

Still, Harry was making excellent progress. Severus was extremely proud of Harry for his courage to finally face his demons and he hoped it was because Harry wanted to get better and not because he felt he had no choice.

Severus was proud of Hermione as well. Not many who had survived the war recovered as fast as she did. Especially the ones who had lost one of their family members or their close friends. On one of the Death Eater attacks against the Muggles, Hermione had lost her mother. Her father was still in denial, but Hermione always managed to keep a positive outlook – for him at least - and visited her father often. She even joined him in the Muggle therapy her father was attending. Her right leg still gave her problems - she hated that she had to rely on a cane with her artificial leg, but she never complained. Neither Severus nor Harry was surprised when she chose to become a healer. They knew it was her way of coping with the fact that she had taken a life. Now she wanted to save them.

Some weren't as lucky as Hermione. Molly Weasley had not only lost Ron, but her husband Arthur and her two sons, Percy and Charlie as well. Outwardly, she remained strong for the rest of her children, but inwardly, Severus knew she was hanging on by a thread. No mother should ever have to outlive her children. Fred and George seemed to be unaffected by it all, but every once in awhile it would show on their faces. They had never moved out of the Burrow, insisting that rent was too expensive. Bill and Fleur were eventually married but the loss of so many family members had affected them as well. On several occasions, they had mentioned that they wanted to wait before having children. Much to the distress of Molly.

Ginny was still at St Mungo’s.

Yes, some were luckier than others.


~*~*~*~*~