The Dreaded M-word

The morning started much the same as it had for Colin the past weak. He woke, threw up, cleaned up, and headed down to breakfast for a bit of toast to settle his stomach. He settled into the bench near a semi alert John and got to work on eating what he could before class, watching with mild interest as a dark blur zipped under the table near where he was sitting. The sudden sensation of breathing near his leg and a wand being jabbed painfully into his genitals got his full interest rather abruptly.

Looking down to see the reason, he nearly greeted the head of the boy who lived with his standard ‘Hiya Harry’ when the formerly mentioned boy growled in a deceptively calm(and totally sexy, god I hope he doesn’t look down) voice “Colin, I swear to all things holy that if you give any indication to anyone where I am I will hex your dick off before you can blink.” deciding it was best not to anger Harry when that dick was such a very easy target at the moment, Colin nodded mutely and continued snacking on his dry toast.

While Harry threatening any of his house mates was rather odd, the whole boys dorm could hear the screams coming from the 6th year room, so Colin figured whatever set him off this morning was either really important, or the stress had finally driven him mad. Either way, Colin had every intention of helping his hero, even if it meant letting him be carted of to the Janis thickly ward for professional help. He had just resolved to get Harry’s friend, Ron to help him figure out what to do when for no reason Malfoy sat down next to him looking like a kicked puppy.

“Um, hi, um, Creevey, right? I, uh know we, well, kind of got off on the wrong foot, well, you know, for like the past five years, but I um ah wanted to apologize and, well, see if we could maybe try to I don’t know, get along maybe?” the generally confident blond stumbled to get out, flushed and hanging his head, almost like he was genuinely ashamed of his past behavior.

Too nice for his own good, Colin took pity on the broken looking Slytherin, and felt it best to encourage him in the new leaf his upper class man had apparently turned over. “Ok.”

Malfoy instantly seemed to brightened, though he still managed to look pitiful. “That’s great!” he said. “So, um, you haven’t by chance seen Har- um Potter, have you?”

Colin barely refrained from wincing as he felt a sharp jab to his privates. “No, not today. Why do you ask?”

Seeming to wilt again, Malfoy looked down and replied “Oh. Well, I really need to talk to him, and, well, apologize to him to. Look, it’s really important, so if you see him, tell him I’m looking for him, ok?”

“Yeah, sure. No problem.” the sandy haired boy said in a state of shock. Harry was threatening him, Malfoy was apologizing, what next? Perhaps Voldemort would give up on global domination and genocide so he could dedicate himself to teaching ballet?

“Thanks Creevey. You’re the best.” Malfoy gave him a sad little smile. “Well, I have a lot more people I need to talk to, so I’ll see you later, ok?” Colin nodded and watched in disbelief as the blond boy went up to the next Gryffindor and started apologizing. From beneath the table he heard a sigh of relief. Something really odd was going on, and Colin was going to find out what.

Sorting out the odd behavior would have to wait though as the morning post had arrived with this week’s edition of ‘Gilded Dreams’. One must always have their priorities straight after all. Porn was clearly more important then a Malfoy, as was that trip to the infirmary to see about the flu he had been unable to shake.

Elsewhere, in a stately manor, Lucius had finally almost gotten his eggs just right. In the time he spent in Azkaban, he had forgotten that the toast gets cooked first to get the pan to just the right tempature. Though he was still a bit high, he decided to just pick off the burnt bits and have another go at it for lunch.

And so this was how Narcissa Malfoy came gliding in to the kitchen that morning to find her husband plating breakfast while singing along with ‘Muggle Music Mania’ blasting from the stove-top wireless as they played Joan Jet. Sadly, no matter how much her husband loved rock and roll, he still had less rhythm then a toddler in a full tantrum after all these years and remained quite unable to carry a tune even with the help of a bucket.

While she could generally ignore these faults from years of practice, the post prison omelet obsession was about to get on her last nerve. A weak straight of eating cheesy eggs was just plain dull, not to mention bad for her as of yet girlish figure. They were having salad for lunch even if she had to stun the man to get it, and that was all there was to it.

Lucius brought the plates to the small table they pair used when there was nobody about to impress, and the two started on their meal, Narcissa with a heavy sigh, and Lucius with cheerful humming. The post came as it did most mornings, brining the lady of the house her guilty pleasure, ‘Gilded Dreams’ and Lucius confirmation of what he had always know.

In his shock at the content of the letter, his wife found herself with the most urgent of queries. “Luci, dearest, you have five seconds to explain why I find myself wearing your partially chewed eggs in my hair,” she stated sweetly “and after your time is up I will not be held accountable for any missing parts of your anatomy mysteriously turning up next weak in your sock drawer.” she finished with a charming smile.

“Dumbledore asked me to teach D.A.D.A. He’s clearly lost it.” he said blankly. Then in spite of his shock, he remembered that he was married to Bella's little sister, so he wisely added “Sorry about the eggs darling, let me send you to the spa for a day to make it up?”

“Sweetness,” she replied. Lucius shuddered, knowing that his wife was truly going to do something he would not like when she used pet names this heavily and with this much variety. “Treasure, precious, love of my life” jewelry would be needed, most certainly, and from the sounds of it, a very expensive bottle of wine. “There is no way in the 7 layers of Hades that Dumbledore would hire you for anything, baby cakes.” perhaps a vacation in the tropics as well. “Between this and the P.P.O.O., I think”

“P.P.O.O.?”

“Post prison omelet obsession, do try to keep up, pudding, and as I was saying, I think you may be in need of professional help. I’ll just owl St.-“

“That’s not necessary, here you read it yourself and tell me if you get something else from it.”

Narcissa thought she would humor him, only to find “Holy kittens, Luci, that’s exactly what it says.” and continued reading to add “And he’s promised to publish pictures of you from the day you molested Slughorn in the great hall if you decline. Look, he even sent a copy of one to show that he wasn’t bluffing.” At this, she held up the letter to show him the photo spell-o-taped to the bottom of a 6th year Lucius, naked, and humping the former professor’s bald patch while kneeling on the staff table.

“This confirms it. For the sake of Draco’s sanity, I’ll be next year’s teacher. He’d be traumatized for life if that got into ‘The Daily Prophet.”

“No, dear, you’ll be this year’s teacher, starting at noon today. Apparently a prank went wrong and he lost 2 of his staff for the rest of the year.”

Lucius’ lower lip started quivering “B-b-but…my omelets…” he whimpered

“Trust me, Luci, this is for the best. Send my love to Draco when you see him.”

At yet another breakfast table, Remus Lupin was reading through his own copy of ‘Gilded Dreams’, trying to prepare to calm down a certain potions master in the event of a critical, or even negative review of his story. As much as Severus tried to insist that public opinion meant nothing to him, Remus knew that his skin had never been as thick as he claimed. Though he was bound to check in the hopes of a good review, Severus would be in a rage over a bad one, and his beta would hear about it. Since the paper was charmed to allow readers to writ the comments and post them instantly, everyone with the paper would see what opinions were held regarding Raven Prince as they were expressed.

With his paper open to the review page on the table, he was quite surprised to see a letter with the headmaster’s seal on it drop to his table. He opened the letter, and he was even more surprised that Albus had requested he take up the muggle studies post, starting at 2 p.m. that day. With no other job lined up, he quickly penned and sent a letter to accept and packed his bags.

Back at Hogwarts, blissfully unaware that his father was going to find out about his predicament much sooner then planed, Draco continued to search the school for his chance to make things right with the father of his baby. Harry had thus far been terribly elusive, but he would not give up the opretunity to raise his child in a loving and healthy enviorment. Since all the parenting resources he had agreed that it was best for a child to grow up with both parents, he had no choice but to start atoning for his long list of sins and make it right with Harry. And surely, once the gryffendor learned that an innocent child’s mental health was on the line, he would see reason and work towards the same goal.

With that in mind, he bit the bullet yet again and decided it was high time he approach Granger. He would need to mend his fences with her first since the Weasel, oops, bad Draco, Weasley that it would need more then Draco’s appoplogy to find forgivness for him, and with his soft spot for the mud-, muggleborns that is, he was sure to win him over with her help. It just wouldn’t work if his future husband’s friends hated him.


Spotting her in the library, he took a calming breath and went for it. “Um, Granger, I uh um ah see the thing is I uh…”

“Bloody hell, Malfoy, get to the insult already so I can jinx you. Can’t you see I have too much studying to do to wait for you to think of something you belive to be clever?” She snapped at him with a manic gleam in her eye.

“I’msorryforsixyearsofbeingmean!”

“Come again? Ha, ha, for a moment I thought you said that you were sorry for six years of being mean. Now seriously, what do you want? I really don’t have time for nonsense.”

Well, he should have expected this after all those mud- no, muggleborns comments. He’ll just have to try harder. “I did say that. I was wrong. I’m sorry for it. I want to try to make up with you. Please give me a chance to fix things.” there, that wasn’t so hard.

“Sure, of course you do. What are you really plotting? What could possibly make you think after years that I was right to begin with?”

“Please, Granger, if you won’t make up with me for my sake, do it for my baby. All this fighting will only hurt the child.” This would unfortunately be the only part of the conversation Lavender Brown overheard (cough spied on cough), and would be the reason that Lucius wanted to know how his frighteningly gay son managed to impregnate the bushy haired know-it-all, and Draco found himself with Weasley fist sized burses covering much of his body in the infirmary. Fortunately, he had already made nice with Creevey, so he was not likely to be hurt every time Pomfry left the room, and he even had good taste in reading material.

T.B.C.S.

A/N: This has taken on a bit of a life of it’s own. As long as I keep thinking of things I want to add, I will keep writing, but with 4 new chapters in 2 days, I have a feeling I will run out of steam soon.