Shadows Of The Past

Chapter Five: Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep…







In which Lucius Malfoy’s heart is stolen.









It was late in the evening when Lucius stepped out of the hearth and into Hermione’s lounge. The lamps were on casting a soft glow over the room. Her plush couch was littered with pillows and stuffed animal and Elias’s toys were scattered about on the floor. It was so normal, so…homey and he never failed to wonder at how it touched him to see the reminders of daily life. He withdrew his wand and with a simple spell her living room was tidied and set to rights once more.







In the week that he had been visiting he had seen the exhaustion in her face, heard it in her voice but she never let it slow her down. She would come home from working all day and immediately begin preparing dinner for Elias while he either played outside or chattered incessantly. She would feed him then spend time talking to and playing with him before putting him into the bath and then to bed. In between tasks she would wash and fold laundry and clean up her tiny little house. It was exhausting to watch her but he couldn’t help admiring her. She did it all without complaint and was always ready with a smile or a hug for the chipper little boy who seemed to have boundless energy.







It was so unlike what he was used to. His own mother had spent only a few hours each day with him, leaving most of his care to his nanny. The same had been true for Draco. He had been brought out of the nursery only a couple of times each day to visit then the nannies would take him back. He couldn’t recall a single bath or bedtime ritual he had ever seen with him. He knew for certain that he had never sat on the sofa and watched Narcissa sing and do the “chicken dance” with Draco the way Hermione did with Elias. He felt guilty that Draco had been deprived of such simple joy and jealous that he had been as well.







He couldn’t find fault with Hermione as a mother. His only complaint was that she had kept Elias from him for so long. As a parent she had far surpassed him, giving Elias a wonderful life despite the fact that she was so young and on her own. His youngest son was happy, healthy and thriving. He was a loving, joyful child and Lucius was filled with pride that something so…good...could come from him.







He didn’t see Hermione or Elias as he looked around. He glanced down at his pocket watch and realized that he was later than usual, time had gotten away from him after his conversation with Draco. He heard a squeal and a splash from down the hall, Hermione was tending to Elias’s bath. With a small smile he removed his outer robes and laid them, along with his wand, in a chair near the hearth. He listened to the sounds of a normal life and felt warm, at peace for a change.







The sound of little feet beating out a pounding rhythm on the wood floors had him turning around. Elias was running down the hall in a pair of little briefs covered in tiny trains, his wet hair curling wildly about his head. His laughter echoed off the walls as his mother darted out of the bathroom and chased him, a pair of small red pajamas clutched in her hand.







“Elias, you get back here and get your PJs on!” Hermione called as she followed after their laughing child. Elias skidded around the corner into the living room and stopped suddenly.







“Loo-she-us!” His eyes lit up and he ran towards him, scrambling onto an ottoman and throwing himself into Lucius’s arms. Lucius caught him and held him for the first time, thinking that he should be cradling his son for the first time as an infant into the crook of his arm swaddled in soft blankets, not trying to balance a grown child in his underwear against his side. “I thought you wasn’t coming tonight!”





“Weren’t coming….I apologize for being late, Elias, I had a meeting.” There was a tightening in his chest as he felt the warmth of his son’s skin against him, smelled the sweet scent and basked in a smile so similar to his own. The child was genuinely happy to see him and it affected him more than he would have ever believed.





“I had a bath and brushed my teeth!” He smiled broadly to show Lucius two rows of tiny, pearly white teeth. He still had toothpaste over his top lip like a little mustache. He was so….perfect. Lucius was beginning to feel like a woman he was getting so sentimental over the child.







“I don’t think you are finished, you should put your nightclothes on.” Lucius said, nodding his head towards Hermione.







“You are in trouble, Little Man.” Hermione said, tapping her foot and trying to cover her grin. She was fairly certain that Lucius had never had to deal with Draco running about in his underwear before. Though Draco was prone to bad behavior, perhaps he had.





“I don’t want to wear jammies, I want to sleep in my shorts.” Elias said firmly, furrowing his brow at Hermione.







“I don’t care what you want, Elias, it gets chilly at night and you need to wear your pajamas.” She said, coming towards him with the hated cotton PJs in her hands. “Little boys who disobey their mothers don’t get sweets.”







“I’m not a little boy, I’m a man.” He said, puffing out his little chest and raising his chin in a gesture so “Malfoy” that Hermione could barely contain her snicker.







“A man are you?” She saw Lucius’s mouth twitch as he observed their exchange and she wondered what he was thinking.







“Yes! I have a penis, I am a man.” He stated with a nod. “Uncle Harry and Uncle Ron don’t wear jimmies to bed, they sleep in their shorts and so will I.”







“Uncle Ron and Uncle Harry also let you eat dirt.” Hermione said, rolling her eyes. “And don’t talk about your penis in front of company.”







“Why not?” Elias asked.







“Because, it’s rude and penises are private and should be kept to yourself.” Hermione wondered why other mother’s never told her about the ridiculous conversations she would end up having with her child.









“Oh…then you should tell Uncle Harry cause he wasn’t keeping his penis private at Nanna Molly’s house when he was in Aunt Ginny’s room.” Elias said. Hermione’s face flushed bright red and Lucius began to laugh, the sound rusty and only slightly sinister. “George told Uncle Ron they sag like rabbits but I didn’t see any rabbits and I don’t think rabbits sag….”







“Elias, you shouldn’t eavesdrop, we have talked about respecting people’s privacy. Remember that conversation?” Hermione was struck by the smile on Lucius’s lips, it was genuine, slightly crooked but it was a real smile, not a leer, not a smirk, but a full on smile of happiness. He was quite handsome when he smiled.







“Yes… but I wasn’t being nosey, Mummy, the door was a little bit open and I saw…” Hermione held her hand up to stop him, shaking her head in exasperation. Elias was too smart and too curious for his own good. He was so much like her with his endless curiosity.







“I don’t care what you saw, Elias, you shouldn’t be repeating things. But I WILL be having a talk with Uncle Harry, you can count on that. Now…time to get ready for bed.” She held out his pajama top and Elias wrapped his arms around Lucius’s shoulders.







“I don’t want to!” He insisted.







“I am a man and I sleep in pajamas.” Lucius said quietly. Elias loosened his hold on his neck and leaned back, staring into his face.







“You do?” He asked, his little voice registering his surprise.







“Of course I do, I don’t want to be cold at night and it’s not very polite to run about in your underclothes nor is it appropriate for you to disobey your mother.” Lucius said firmly but without rebuke. Elias’s face fell slightly and he nodded his head slowly in understanding.







“Okay.” He said, loosening his grip on Lucius and sliding to the floor. With his head tucked low he went to his mother and lifted his arms so she could put his shirt on him. “I’m sorry, Mummy. I don’t want to be not propriate.”







“The word is inappropriate, and thank you for apologizing.” Hermione held out his bottoms and he stepped into them then pulled them up. She kissed the top of his head and nudged his chin with her knuckles until he looked up. “Ready for a story?”







Elias nodded, his sweet little smile back in place. He looked back over his shoulder at Lucius then back to his mother.







“Can Loo-she-us read me a story tonight, Mummy?” He asked. Hermione’s heart broke a little as Elias invited Lucius into their bedtime ritual, something that had been just theirs since he had been born. She tried not to let it show, smiling softly as she reached out to tug on a silky curl.







“If that’s what you want.” She said softly. He smiled and wrapped his arms around her neck, squeezing tightly before giving her a loud, smacking kiss on the cheek. “Goodnight, Mummy.”







“Goodnight, Baby, I love you.” She was fighting tears as he pulled away and reached for Lucius’s hand.







“I love you, too. Come on, Loo-she-us!” Lucius allowed himself to be tugged along, meeting Hermione’s eyes briefly, her tears glistening on her lashes. She smiled sweetly and nodded her head, letting him know without words that it was alright, her tears were her issue to deal with.





He hated to leave her there, kneeling on the floor with tears in her eyes but Elias was pulling in earnest, guiding him down the hall and into his little bedroom. His room was rather neat given his tendency to scatter his toys. A toy-chest sat below the window with the top up, toy trains hanging over the edge. An overflowing book shelf sat along one wall, a small desk and a bureau along another. It was simple and small but Elias didn’t seem to mind as he scrambled onto his bed and crawled beneath his blue and red patchwork quilt.







“Do you know any stories?” Elias asked, scooting over to the far edge of the bed. “You sit here.” He said, pointing to the empty space on the bed. Lucius sat down beside him and leaned back against the headboard, unsure of what he was doing.







“I am not certain that I do.” He admitted. He of course knew many stories but he doubted that any of them were suitable for a child his age.







“I have this one! I like this story!” Elias reached out and grabbed a book from his bedside table and handed it to Lucius. The hard cover was a glaring bright orange and he turned it over in his hands curiously.







“Green Eggs and Ham?” Lucius made a disgusted face and opened the book. He was shocked when Elias burrowed into his side, sliding his head beneath his arm so that his head rested on Lucius’s shoulder. With his heart full Lucius began to read through the ridiculous book filled with rhyming words and an annoyingly demanding character named Sam I Am. By the time he reached the end and Sam had achieved his goal of forcing the other poor creature to eat spoiled food, Elias was sound asleep and snoring lightly against his father, even if he didn’t know it.





Lucius laid the book aside and slowly slid his arm from beneath the child’s head. Elias made a soft snuffling noise and snuggled into the pillow, his knees tucked into his chest and his hands beneath his head. He looked like a little cherub sleeping sweetly against the navy blue sheets. He pulled the slightly faded quilt up over him, tucking it around him so he would stay warm. He couldn’t resist reaching out to finger the soft golden curls, pushing them out of his face.







“You are so unexpected.” He whispered, staring at him in awe. He couldn’t recall ever watching Draco sleep and guilt assailed him. “You are my second chance, my chance to be a better man. I will not fail you.” He surprised himself and did what he had seen Hermione do a dozen times in the last week, he leaned forward and kissed the top of Elias’s head. He turned to leave and saw Hermione leaning against the doorframe, her eyes misty once more. She reached inside and turned off the light and waited for him to walk past her. He nearly brushed up against her as they crossed in the doorway, his spicy scent tickling her nostrils as she joined him in the hall and pulled Elias’s bedroom door closed.







“Green Eggs and Ham?” She asked softly as they walked back to the living room.







“Yes…what a strange book.” Lucius said, his brow furrowed.







“His favorite. Would you like a drink? I think I may have some lemonade…”







“Nothing stronger?” He asked.







“No, not with Elias around. I haven’t had a drink since that night. It was my first drink and my last.” She said, gesturing towards the sofa. Normally he left as soon as Elias went to bed so he was somewhat baffled by her friendliness.







“I have so much to be proud of, not only did I seduce you but I corrupted you with alcohol first.” He said sarcastically.







“I don’t recall a seduction.” She laughed softly. “The whiskey just didn’t suit me I guess.”







“So I put you off of sex and whiskey, kudos for me.” He said as he moved his robes and wand onto the ottoman and sat down.







“I don’t know if you put me off of it.” She said on a soft laugh as she let her head fall back against the cushions. “Truth is I have been too busy and too tired to even try drinking….or the other, again.”







“Did I hurt you?” He asked quietly, almost a whisper. She looked at him through hooded eyes, her cheeks warming as the meaning behind his question registered.







“No, not really. I was a little sore for a few days but that was to be expected…all things considered. Why?” He visibly relaxed, sinking back into the plush chair and letting his hands rest on the arms.







“I don’t recall a lot of what happened, but I know that I was not gentle with you, I didn’t…I mean, there was no…you weren’t ready for what occurred and I saw your blood on me…I saw it on you and that image…THAT image remained clear in my mind for all these years. I was afraid I had hurt you badly.” He said, his cheeks flushing to match hers. It was such an uncomfortable situation but necessary in his mind.







“No, you didn’t hurt me badly. I was a virgin, the blood was normal, not the result of any serious injury. Don’t let it haunt you, Lucius.” She smiled at him and he was again struck by her generous nature. He still didn’t understand why she did not blame him. “You usually come just after dinner, is everything alright?”







“I told Draco.” He said, his lips tight and his hands fisting. She pursed her lips and exhaled slowly.







“I take it things didn’t go well?” She didn’t figure that Draco would take the news well. Especially given the timeline.









“No, he was very angry, very hurt. He feels as though I betrayed his mother, that somehow what happened meant that I didn’t care that Narcissa was dead. I don’t know how to make him understand when I don’t fully understand it myself.” He shook his head and looked over at a photo of Elias on the mantel. “Do you know that Elias looks like Draco when he was little?”









“Does he?” Hermione had noticed similarities of course, his eyes, the mischievous smile and sly tendencies. Even the way he held his learner’s wand in his fist reminded her of the way Draco held his when they were in school.





“Oh yes, I was looking at photographs and they look so much alike except that Elias is healthier and his coloring is not as fair. I never read to Draco the way I did Elias tonight. I never got on the floor and played with him as I have in the last few evenings. I failed on so many fronts with Draco, I’ve let him down so many times…I don’t want to be that kind of father to Elias. I want to do it right this time.” He caught her gaze and held it. “I am sorry if you were hurt earlier when he asked me to read to him.”







“No, it’s alright. I won’t lie to you, it is very hard to share him with you. He was mine for so long…it was just me and Elias. It isn’t easy for me to let go but I know it’s the right thing. So far you are doing great, Lucius.” She said, covering her mouth as she yawned.







“Well, it’s only been a week, let’s hope I don’t make a mess of things.” He chuckled. “I will never come between you, Hermione. You are a wonderful mother and I am amazed by everything you have managed to accomplish on your own. He is a fine boy, a son any man would be proud of.”







“Even though he is a half-blood?” Old insecurities raised their heads and she regretted it the moment the words passed her lips.







“Even though he is a half-blood.” Lucius said quietly. “I won’t hold that against him, I learned my lesson the hard way but I learned it well.”







“I’m sorry.”







“It’s alright. I should go, you must be tired.” He said, getting to his feet and retrieving his robes and wand.







“I am. Thank you for tidying up…I didn’t know that you knew any cleaning spells.” She smiled.







“I learned a few in school. Hermione….do you have a day off this weekend?” He asked, donning his robes.







“I have Sunday off.” She said, looking at him curiously.







“Elias mentioned a muggle zoo…I thought perhaps we could go if you weren’t busy.” He saw her tilt her head and look at him strangely. “If you would rather not….”







“NO….no….the zoo sounds lovely, it will be nice to get out a little before the weather turns off too cold. Elias will be thrilled, thank you.” She said.







“Very good, I will see you on Sunday then.” He felt uncomfortable, unsure of what he was supposed to do next.







“You aren’t coming tomorrow evening?”







“I don’t want to make a burden of myself.” He said sheepishly.







“It’s fine, Elias looks forward to your visits. He likes you.” She laid her hand on his arm, a gesture she had performed a million times with Harry, The Weasleys and any number of other people over the years, but it was the first time she felt electricity vibrate through her palm and up her arm.







“Alright…I shall see you tomorrow then.” He said, staring at her small hand against his arm.







“Right…goodnight, Lucius.” She said, drawing her hand back and rubbing her palm against her thigh.







“Goodnight.” He moved into the fireplace hurriedly, needing to escape the strange tension filling the room around them. As he stepped back into his own home he expected to be able to breathe easier but it wasn’t that easy…he could still feel her touch on his arm. Why?







And there you have them…the first five chapters, as always. =)