Broken Normalcy

Chapter five: Pressure Point

By seven in the morning, the next day, Harry’s mobile rang crazily making Harry and Ginny jump out of their skins.

“Oh, not another ministry emergency at dawn…” Ginny moaned annoyed.

“I’ll get that.” Harry muttered sleepily and murmured an apology on to his wife’s lips as he suggested for her to just go back to sleep.

The phone rang more despite Harry’s snail pace as he groggily searched the pockets of his jacket. Then, finding the vibrating menace, Harry squinted down at it with no glasses and stepped out of the room to see if he could make something out of the screen.

He really didn’t want to get his glasses, he didn’t want to disturb Ginny more than the phone already had and for a brief moment, as he went down the stairs with the phone still going, he regretted not picking up a robe to keep himself warm.

Harry yawned in all his opened mouth grace as he flicked the lights of the kitchen on. It was still dark outside and he reached for the coffee machine as he shook the phone open.

“I’m sorry.” Was quickly uttered in his ear before Harry had time to even clear his throat.

The coffee machine suddenly heavy in Harry’s grip, clacked on the stove as if it weighted a ton.

“Draco?”

“I am so sorry, Harry.”

Harry exhaled. His hip was resting against the stove as he rubbed at his tiered eyes, closing them as his mind span, and brushing his hand in his hair were he pushed it back away from his face.

For a moment all Harry could hear was Draco’s somewhat labored breathing.

“I’m sorry.” The blond repeated quickly just as Harry had opened his mouth again. “Please, I’m sorry.”

“It’s seven in the morning, you idiot. I’m on vacation, you woke my wife and you’re lucky you didn’t wake up the kids as well. Yeah, I hope you are sorry.” But Harry didn’t say that, no.

“You have a hangover.” Harry said instead, emotionless. “Go back to bed—or the toilet whatever, and deal with it.”

“No, Harry please!” And Harry faltered from ending the call there and then.

“I really am sorry. I took a potion and really, I’m fine.” He then added quickly and Harry chewed on his lip, eyes narrowing on the pan nailed against the wall without really seeing it.

“I’m so sorry for last night. For my behavior, for my…Harry, please…”

Harry was suddenly more awake now, aware finally that Draco was actually pleading with him.

Noises came from above and Harry quickly glanced over his shoulders to see if anyone was coming down the stairs. They weren’t, and he swiftly set up to prepare some coffee as he squished the phone between his ear and shoulder so he could use both his hands.

“I can’t talk right now.” Harry said in a more clipped tone. Then his ears picked up the sound of light steps going down the stairs and he hastily gripped the phone. “Goodbye.” And Harry threw the phone on the kitchen bench carelessly, call closed.

When he turned, Ginny was just closing her robe tightly against her and she smiled sleepily at him.

“Good Morning Mr. Potter.”

“Morning Mrs. Potter.” He rolled his eyes playfully at her and she came closer sliding her hands on Harry’s naked skin as she embraced him.

Harry willed himself to not stiffen but he did.

“You must be freezing,” Ginny coed, the way her eyes were shining telling Harry that she knew just the way to warm him up again.

Harry pulled away gently, “Yeah, I’m going to put on a shirt.” He smiled lamely, “You finish with the coffee?”

The redhead witch looked deflated but nodded anyhow.

“Thanks honey.” And Harry kissed her on the cheek making her sigh again as he scurried off, up the stairs.

“Sure, dear.” She muttered gravely to the now empty kitchen.

******
After that, Draco tried to call many times. Harry could have sworn on it. There was no one but him that appeared as a ‘private number’ and divided between emotions, Harry had finally switched his mobile off.

Ginny had asked only briefly about last night when Harry had left and same with the early phone call that morning. She had accepted Harry’s turned away made up lie about it been some problem with the ministry.

Of course, she had insisted that he made it up to Hermione and Ron and he agreed to invite them over for dinner as an apology.

And that, much to Harry’s shock, had been it.

*****
Twenty-four was way too young to already have children, sometimes Harry thought.

Although he loved his kids to death and wouldn’t ever regret having them, he couldn’t help but notice his muggle peers who went to University and partied nights and nights away.

He supposed that was just the muggle way, it worked different in the Wizardry communities, what with Molly and Arthur and other wizarding families Harry knew.

Sometimes however, Harry couldn’t help but feel inadequate and small, still a kid himself with just other kids looking up at him for answers. And very bitterly, he realized, it was nothing different to what his whole life had been.

Laughter shook him slightly off his thoughts and Ron nudged him.

“Pass the gravy will you mate?”

Harry passed it blankly; chatter all around as the children were excited to be with their cousins again as their parents bickered good-humoredly away much to Ginny’s amusement.

They had finally settled for the ‘apology dinner’ that coming Friday and for all the pleasure to have his best friends and family around Harry just couldn’t find it in himself to participate.

He kept drifting off; he kept wondering and all it ultimately, kept on navigating towards Draco.

Harry felt guilty then, thinking about him as he was with the people he loved. With the people who had resisted trough Harry’s pained wrath when told about Draco’s betrayal. With the people who had loved him and supported him and faced up to his gloomy self only just to protect him.

The people who, after all, only wanted to protect him and had his best interest at heart. And Ginny who loved him even more, that had waited and waited just for him to come back.

And Merlin, what a stupid ungrateful bastard had he been.

Seeing Draco and letting him come back in his life again? Meeting up with him? Practically flying over to the blond when he had been drunk? What had Harry been thinking? Why was he so unbelievably stupid—could one never learn?

The remorse and guilt Harry was feeling was so thick that he felt gravity smashing him down on his chair without pity.

Harry jumped slightly when his foot was suddenly kicked and he looked up to meet Hermione’s questioning and worried eyes.

Harry growled mentally.

“I’m fine.” He mouthed as Ron and Ginny chatted animatedly between them and their kids did the same on the other side.

Hermione gave him a glance and Harry knew he wouldn’t be off the hook until the clever witch got some answers.

******
“To my understanding,” Hermione begun as she helped with putting stuff away, “when Harry Potter says ‘I’m fine’ it usually means that it is a bad excuse of a lie just because you don’t want us to worry.” Hermione gave him a flat look, “I worry,” she said, “Best friend’s priority.” And the smile she delivered to lighten up the mood made Harry laugh.

Honestly, it was as if they were still at Hogwarts sometimes.

“I’m fine really Mione, I just don’t want—”

“You to worry.” Hermione nodded, smirking satisfactorily as she ended the well known sentence and flipped her bum to the dishwasher door, making it slide close.

“Argh.” Harry said, and passed a hand trough his hair. “Caught me.”

And Hermione snickered at him as she linked her arm with Harry’s and brought them closer together. “Come on Harry,” her tone growing serious, “You know you can tell me anything. What’s wrong?”

Harry glanced in his friend’s warm eyes and looked away, uncomfortably.

“I…I can’t Hermione.” He looked around the kitchen feeling panicky.

Ron and Ginny were with the kids in the living room, the soft raucous from the kids could be heard floating in.

“There was no ministry emergency, was there.” She said softly, not really needing an answer as Harry’s face spoke volumes. “Harry please, look at me.”

For effort, Harry turned his head towards Hermione but didn’t meet her eyes.

“Harry,” she chided gently, lifting his chin with her hands.

Distraught emerald eyes met hers and Hermione smiled sympathetically at him.

“Oh Harry, what’s wrong?”

And suddenly Harry, the grown man Hero of the Wizarding World and father of two, was sobbing in Hermione’s arms.

The witch held him tightly and begun rocking him gently as his whole body quaked in strangled sobs.

It had always worked back in Hogwarts, when Harry had been no more than a teenager, to calm him down. But these tears, like others in the past, came from deep within; tears of frustration and genuine hurt feelings that had been bottled and muddled on over and over again.

Hermione closed her eyes, her own heart breaking for Harry, as once again she found herself wishing that she could protect her friend, her brother, from anything while holding him in her arms.

“Let it out,” she whispered, her hand caressing Harry’s back. “It’s alright Harry.”

Harry’s sobs seemed to multiply after that.

*******
Hermione had prepared hot coco for both Harry and herself.

She knew her way around the kitchen as if it had been her own and she settled next to Harry at the kitchen table as she handed him over his cup.

The wizard’s eyes were very shiny but only slightly red and Hermione rubbed his shoulder understandingly, making Harry give her a weak smile yet full of gratitude. His lips were of an abused red and Hermione knew that Harry had been bighting on them nonstop.

Previously, Hermione had gone to warn Ron that she and Harry had some talking to do and had asked to keep Ginny and the kids entertained. Seeing Hermione’s face, Ron had understood without questions and kissed her worriedly on the lips before she left.

That had bought them an hour, but both Hermione and Harry knew that they wouldn’t have much privacy. And Hermione, as she studied her friend over her cup, knew that Harry had more hours and hours of crying still to go.

“Thank you, Hermione.” He croaked, his cup remained untouched in front of him.

Harry watched the light brown swirls and circled the hot cup with his cold lifeless fingers. He felt drained.

“Drink up a bit.” He heard his friend suggest and he did.

“Look, Harry, I don’t want to aggravate the situation even more. We’ll talk when the kids aren’t around. I know you don’t want Mel and Derrick to see you like this, or Ginny.”

Harry gave a numb nod. “Thanks.”

Hermione’s smile seemed tight as she reached out to clasp one of Harry’s hands with hers. She tightened her grip gently and this made Harry finally look up at her.

“Ginny thinks you are having an affair.”

Harry blanched; face white as a sheet and he wanted to suddenly throw up the little dinner he managed to chew down.

“I know,” Hermione said sympathetically, taking Harry’s reaction for a different cause, “I told her she was pulling up at broomsticks if she’d ever thought you’d cheat on her.”

Harry exhaled deeply and rested his hand on his head as he gripped tightly his hair out of his face.

“I just thought you should know.” Hermione justified, eyes searching Harry’s now that he wasn’t looking at her anymore.
Then, her voice uncertain, “I was right, wasn’t I Harry?”

“You were. You always are.” He muttered dejectedly.

His friend squeezed his hand once more before leaving it limp on the table. “I’m glad.”

*****

When Harry finally switched on his mobile again he feared for it to start beeping almost instantly.

It didn’t.

It was Christmas Eve day and Ginny was preparing the kids so they could leave for the custom Christmas Eve family party over at the Burrow.

A make-believe normality dawned between Harry and Ginny ever since that night Harry had broken down in Hermione’s arms. And Harry supposed it was for their children’s sakes and well, because it was Christmas after all.

It had been weeks now that Harry stiffened up at Ginny’s touch and although he was genuinely affectionate person with her, he couldn’t stand the sexual attention. They hadn’t had that much action before but now, since Harry had first met Draco again Harry stopped any physical interaction whatsoever.

Things just got more complicated, like the little things between them.
Harry often cringed away from Ginny’s kisses and the hurt looks on his wife’s face doubled his own shame.

Then at night, Harry refused with any possible excuse even the lamest ones, to get in bed with Ginny at the same time. It gravitated to these results after sleepless nights filled with guilt and other feelings Harry couldn’t name. So Harry would slip out quietly and go downstairs to sleep on the couch.

Just till Ginny fell asleep and he’d go back up, he’d sometimes lie to himself.

Their interaction, if any happened, was when the kids were around and Ginny was all glowing and happy, masking that fear in the depth of her eyes that Harry never managed to hide quite as well.

But to any outsider, the Potters were a happy family and the marriage between Mr. and Mrs. Potter was of a happy, stable and long lasting one.

Amongst everything else, Harry tortured himself with thoughts of Draco or if it was the other way around he didn’t know, it didn’t matter, it still hurt anyways.

And Harry, many and many times, had cursed himself and the blond to hell and for him to be so pitifully weak.

*******
The Burrow was louder than ever.

Children laughing, running and playing, some sly redheads giving a crack at the enormous pile of presents under an even more enormous colorful Christmas tree, which were all protected with anti-snoops jinxes—of course—and adults mingled all around, some sniggering at the attempts.

Harry had always felt welcomed in the warmth of Ron’s parents’ home and well accepted in his family. But today, right now, Harry felt like a total alien.

He stayed near Hermione or well, the witch had taken her position by his side and poked him at random intervals out of his gloom.

Ginny was somewhere, he decided, acting happy and being the sheer spirit of Christmas. She had always loved that time of year and Harry felt himself darkening at the thought of spoiling it for her.

Should have that been an extra boost to push him to make things better, to attempt to smile and be as chirpy as Ginny, make her same efforts, should have that worked—but somehow, even that wasn’t enough.

How could Harry ever trust his sense of ‘right’ ever again? He was failure as a father and as a husband.

Hermione caught his eyes and winked as she handed him a cup of punch.

And a horrible friend.

********

A/N: Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock…Oui, Oui! Only a matter of time now before the next chapter will definitely set up some fireworks! *is moving her arse on it*

May I take this time to thank all my beautiful and smart reviewers? You make me update so much faster!