High Time (Started as It Wasn't So Bad)

The beautiful vacation was over far too soon, and Harry, to his own shock, and Neville\'s, really ended up moving in with Snape. For the first three days, he didn\'t even unpack, and simply proceeded to bang Severus on every horizontal surface of his Slytherin quarters, and even on some surfaces that weren\'t exactly horizontal.



Severus Snape, to his credit, took it all in stride. He moaned like a wanton whore when Harry hurt him, he screeched like a Banshee when Harry pleasured him, and he cuddled Harry at night with warmth and kindness that Harry had never deemed him capable of. Hell, Harry never even thought that Slytherins COULD cuddle. He had always imagined they\'d be completely cold and callous all the time. For that matter, he had also imagined that Slytherins would sleep on a pile of withered basilisk skins, surrounded by paintings of scenes from Dante\'s hell to cheer them up at night, and that their dwellings would be permeated by stench of blood and decay.



But Severus did not sleep on a pile of basilisk skins. His bed was soft and comfortable, and the colors in his bedroom were earthy and warm – dark browns, with just a touch of blue and white here and there. His bedroom had some sketches of tasteful nudes on the walls. And it smelled absolutely wonderful. It smelled of sandalwood and lavender.



Outside of sex, they were getting along fabulously as well. It was effortless and smooth, just like Harry had always dreamed a perfect relationship would be.



But more than that, never in his life, had he felt so ... loved, Harry realized, as he was sitting down in one of the comfortable armchairs by the fireplace, staring at Severus longingly. Severus was drinking blueberry port, and paging through a Potions periodical, completely absorbed in the text. Harry gazed at Severus in mindless wonder, adoring every nuance of his expression, every tiny scar on his cheeks, and every wrinkle around his eyes.



“I think I am in love,” Harry said.



Severus set the glass with alcoholic beverage aside, and gazed at Harry oddly.



“Perhaps you should have mentioned it before you moved in,” Severus mused. “This complicates matters.”



“I don\'t understand,” Harry muttered, feeling instantly rejected and affronted. “What would be different if you knew I was in love before I moved in?”



“I might not have let you,” Severus said simply, and went back to reading his magazine.



“Well, if it\'s any comfort, I only realized a few days ago,” Harry said bitterly.



“Oh. Well then, that\'s fine,” Severus said without looking up.



“Fine!” Harry cried out. “Fine?”



“Yes, that\'s fine,” Severus said calmly, without betraying any emotion, and still not looking at Harry.



Harry glared at him, not understanding how the man could be so blasé and nonchalant about his declaration of love. “That\'s all you got to say?”



“What else would I say?” Severus said absently. “I\'m not upset with you. Exclusivity was rarely a part of my relationships. So – whoever you are in love with -”



“I am in love with YOU!” Harry screamed at him, horrified by the sound of his voice breaking, and absolutely astounded by the Potion Master\'s utter stupidity.



Severus finally lifted his gaze from the magazine and stared at him blankly. “Oh,” he murmured. “Well, if that\'s what you think – then... I suppose there\'s no problem at all.”



Harry\'s confusion began to increase. “I don\'t understand. Why didn\'t it occur to you that I was in love with YOU? And what do you mean, if that\'s what I think?”



Severus smiled benignly. “Simply put, Harry, you aren\'t in love with me. You may think that you are, but you aren\'t.”



“That\'s not true!” Harry insisted. “I love you. I am in love with you. You don\'t know how I feel about you ...”



“Tell me how you feel about me,” Severus offered. His voice was cool and clinical. Bastard, Harry thought.



“I want to tie you up and keep you tied for days. I want you naked all the time. I want to fuck you in every position, on every surface and piece of furniture in your miserable quarters, and classrooms, and ... everywhere,” Harry spoke hurriedly. “I want to kiss you until we are both losing brain cells due to lack of oxygen. I want to watch you shower and watch you touch yourself, and...”



“That\'s very heart-warming,” Severus said with a smirk. “However, that\'s not love.”



“What the hell is it then?” Harry demanded.



“That, young man, is known as lust.”



“Oh,” Harry muttered.



“Not that there\'s anything wrong with that,” Severus said in a comforting way.



Harry almost growled at the patronizing tone of voice. “There\'s more to my feelings than that!” Harry spat defiantly.



Severus smirked, looking at Harry with amusement. He actually looked like he was enjoying himself. “Do go on, Harry.”



Harry felt even more exposed and vulnerable, but continued, undeterred, with his usual Gryffindor bravery: “I want to ... romance you, and read you poetry, and take you out for dinners, and buy you ... like.. roses or something.”



“All right,” Severus murmured, wincing slightly at the mention of roses. “That\'s still not love. That\'s infatuation.”



“I fail to see the difference,” Harry protested.



“I know ,” Severus agreed.



“What\'s that supposed to mean?” Harry muttered. This conversation was not going well at all. Maybe it was karma or something, Harry thought bitterly. In all his former relationships, Harry used to speak the words of love easily and effortlessly, but fortunately enough, all his former partners had the good manners to reciprocate the confessions of love in kind immediately. It was just the polite thing to do.



However, it appeared that Severus Snape had no intention of being polite. At least not at the cost of being honest. Which was kind of painful.



Harry looked at Severus pleadingly.



“Harry, why do you want to... read poetry to me and take me out for dinners?” Severus asked gently.



“So that we could fuck afterwards,” Harry said honestly, slightly bewildered that he had to explain.



“Right,” Severus nodded. “That\'s... nice. Now... tell me, what would happen if I were to lose a limb, or an appendage?”



“Why?” Harry asked instantly. “Are you in trouble? Did you have some sort of freak potions accident?”



“No, no,” Severus assured him. “It was just a hypothetical question. Tell me, would your feelings for me change?”



“Don\'t think so,” Harry said hesitantly, then thought of it further. “Well... which appendage are we talking about here, anyway? I mean.. maybe there\'d be a way to compensate for...”



Severus laughed out loud, and shook his head. “Harry, you can set your mind at ease. You aren\'t in love with me.”



Harry glanced at him painfully. “But I think that I am. This is the strongest I\'ve felt about anyone... since... well... since Ginny, I guess, before the war was over.”



“That still doesn\'t make it love,” Severus said firmly. “More like ... infatuated attachment.”



“This is too nuanced for me,” Harry said tiredly. “I really don\'t get the difference.”



“I know you don\'t,” Severus agreed. “In fact, if I were to make a guess, I would say that you don\'t know what love is.”



“That can\'t be true,” Harry whispered, utterly and completely horrified by the suggestion. Love was his strength, the foundation of his life. The newspapers said so. Even the new DADA textbooks in the wizarding world said so. “Dumbledore had said that ... I had the power the Dark Lord had not.. He meant love, didn\'t he?..It was love that saved me from the Killing Curse... and...” Harry realized that he was mumbling and stuttering, but he was too shaken up to care about his verbal skills abandoning him.



“Let me rephrase that,” Severus said, still gently. “You have forgotten what love is. You knew how to love once, but you no longer remember. I believe that love really did save you from the Killing Curse, however, I also suspect that you had spent all of the love you had that night.”



“Nah!” Harry shook his head. “I was fine. Poppy checked me out.”



Severus smiled a little. “Harry, when someone goes out of his way to do something so difficult, and spends himself completely for the sake of others, it can deplete their inner resources. Simply put, you\'ve forgotten what it\'s like to love.”



Harry snorted derisively. “Love can\'t be forgotten.”



“Yes, it can,” Severus said authoritatively. “But the good of it is, it can also be remembered.”



Harry looked at him in absolute misery. “I don\'t love you?”



“No, Harry.”



“Will I ever?”



“Perhaps.”



“I want to,” Harry whispered. He felt absolutely deflated, and embarrassed beyond words. And he still felt utterly rejected.



Severus gazed at him with a kind smile.



“Harry, you are taking this all too seriously. Life is much simpler than that. Do yourself a favor – smoke a joint. It\'ll help you mellow out.”



Harry sniffled miserably, bowing his head in defeat. “Got anything stronger? Got mushrooms?”



“I\'m afraid not,” Severus said. “I don\'t do that anymore. I don\'t keep them around, either.”



“Why not?” Harry asked resentfully. As far as he was concerned, now was the perfect time to get shit-faced on mushrooms.



“Mushrooms didn\'t agree with me, I\'m afraid. I had the poor judgment to ingest some, and ... I was too frightened by the outcome.”



Harry stared at the former spy in surprise, his astonishment making him forget about the whole “Love” argument for the moment. For Severus Snape to admit to being frightened?



“What happened?” Harry asked cautiously.



“The hallucinogenic effect was highly unpleasant,” Severus explained. “As far as I could tell, the staircases in the school stopped shifting, and the portraits ceased moving and talking. It was very unsettling.”



To Be Continued....