Darkness Within

Hermione woke and stretched slowly in the bed, pushing the covers down slightly. She opened her eyes and was surprised by the bright reality of Severus’s bedroom. Pushing herself into an upright position, she looked around the room, squinting a little at the sunlight streaming through the gap in the curtains.



She smiled to herself as she looked at the bed she was in. It was quite possibly the biggest bed she had ever seen and the mattress was firm and deep. She was quite a way from the floor and she pushed her legs over the edge and watched her feet dangle for a moment. Stifling a yawn, Hermione pushed herself to the floor, taking a moment to test her balance. Apart from the stiffness in her upper lip and an ache at the back of her head, she felt better than she had in a long time and she acknowledged that it was probably because she hadn’t had a drink for over 24 hours. At the thought of alcohol, her stomach clenched, and she started to feel a little nauseous. Drink wouldn’t help her concentrate on what Severus had to say to her, she knew this. But her body was craving the drug she had been so reliant on and was betraying her.



Severus had obviously risen earlier. The blanket he had used was folded neatly on one of the chairs and Hermione noticed the whole room was very neat and tidy, with no dust. She wondered if he did his own cleaning. Then she wondered where he was and decided to go and look for him.



She found him in the kitchen, cooking breakfast. The smell of the food made her want to vomit and eat at the same time, and she stood in the doorway for a moment, trying to fight the way she was feeling. He noticed her immediately and helped her to walk to the kitchen chair before turning back to the bacon sizzling in the pan.



‘I was going to bring this up to you,’ Severus said to her.



Hermione smiled. She hadn’t been this well cared for in a long time.



‘I’m sorry to put you out like this. I feel ill. I don’t know if I can eat it,’ she murmured, linking her fingers and wringing her hands slightly.



Hermione was aware of his gaze and she looked up into his dark eyes, unable to fathom what he was thinking.



‘Is it nausea?’ he asked her. Hermione nodded and he opened a kitchen cupboard to pull out a small phial, different to the others. He handed it to her.



‘Anti-emetic. Drink it, because I want you to eat this. You are too thin, Hermione.’ He muttered as he turned back to his cooking.



Hermione drank the potion and then spoke without thinking. She immediately regretted opening her mouth.



‘Do you prefer your women with more meat on them, Severus?’ she purred and then laughed, an unnatural laugh that she used on her nights out. She was actually flirting with him and she froze, horrified.



Severus turned to her again and Hermione gaped at him as she caught the dark, steely glint in his eye.



‘I’m sorry, God, I don’t know why I said that, Severus,’ Hermione stammered, her voice shaking, ‘forgive me.’



‘I would much prefer you didn’t put me into the same category as your paramours, Miss Granger. I have no interest in you in that way, I can assure you.’ He spat at her, his voice edgy.



‘I know,’ Hermione looked at him beseechingly, ‘I don’t know why I said that, I didn’t meant to, I mean…I …I don’t think of you like that, either.’



Severus looked at her and Hermione saw him relax his shoulders slightly. She let out a sigh.



‘Maybe I should go home,’ she murmured and looked down at the table. She felt rather than saw Severus sit down opposite her.



‘I don’t think that is a good idea, Hermione,’ he said gently. ‘You are not well. If you go home, who will care for you?’



Hermione shrugged. It didn’t matter. None of it mattered.



‘What day is it?’ she asked him.



‘It’s Thursday,’ he replied.



‘I need to go to work today,’ she glanced up at him.



‘Please do not lie to me, Hermione. You do not have a job. You lost your last job two months ago because you were too drunk to go in.’ Severus stated flatly.



‘Are you going to keep me here against my will?’ Hermione flared up at him, her eyes flashing.



Severus looked at her, a small smile twitching at his lips.



‘I would prefer you to stay of your own volition, Hermione,’ he said silkily, ‘however, I will keep you captive, if it comes to it. I have no intention of letting you go until I know you are fully recovered.’



Hermione snorted and glared at him. He was still a total bastard.



Severus laughed at her.



‘Yes, I am a bastard. Get used to it!’ he stood and took two plates from the cupboard, plated up the food and put her breakfast in front of her.



Hermione forgot to be angry as she stared at the food in front of her. It looked delicious and she felt her mouth water as she started to eat. She believed she hadn’t tasted anything so delicious in a long time, and within a few minutes her plate was empty and she was reaching for another slice of toast. Her eyes met Severus’s as she looked up briefly and she saw them dancing with amusement as he watched her.



‘I was starving,’ she shrugged and grinned at him a little. To Hermione’s surprise he smiled back at her for a brief moment, his eyes genuinely warm. It changed his face completely and she saw the man he might have been.



Hermione looked at him for a moment and acknowledged his hair, his pale features, his aquiline nose and his lips, soft and slightly parted.



‘Nice,’ she whispered to herself, then looked away quickly as she saw his face register what she had said.



‘What did you say?’ he demanded, his voice harsh.



Hermione bristled a little and met his stare.



‘I said NICE. You look nice, when you smile. That’s all. I’m not interested in your cock, Severus, ‘ she hissed at him, ‘stop being so fucking touchy.’



Severus glared at her for a moment and than let out a laugh that sounded more of a bark. His eyes crinkled in the corners and he grinned at her for a moment.



‘You really have changed. Not all of it is bad, either,’ he smiled at her.



Hermione looked at him, bemused. She had no idea what was going on in his head.



‘I think we should go out today. You need clothes, for one thing. And the fresh air would do you good.’ Severus murmured as he finished eating.



‘Can I have a bath first?’ Hermione ran her hands through her grimy hair and grimaced. She could smell herself, and it wasn’t pleasant.



‘Of course. Come,’ Severus pushed his plate away and held the door open for Hermione.



Hermione was aware of him following her up the stairs and she paused for a moment.



‘Severus, you will tell me what happened, the night you found me, won’t you?’ she asked quietly. She had no memory of the night and it was bothering her that he hadn’t been forthcoming.



‘I said I would, and I shall, later,’ he muttered.



Hermione hesitated and turned on the stairs to face him. They were at eye level as she looked at him.



‘Was it very bad?’ she asked him, her voice trembling a little. His face paled slightly and Hermione noticed a dark shadow flash across his eyes before he answered her.



‘Yes, it was,’ he whispered sadly.



Hermione closed her eyes and felt a little faint. She felt his hands on her hips, steadying her. It was an unconscious gesture and yet, Hermione responded to it by wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him close. She inhaled his scent, a mix of sandalwood and the bacon he had been cooking. She felt safe, she thought to herself, safe and protected. Tears were falling onto her cheeks and she pulled away, embarrassed, rubbing her face roughly.



‘I’m sorry,’ she turned and walked up the rest of the stairs and avoided his gaze.





*******





They were sitting beside each other on a park bench. The sun was high in the sky and it was a truly beautiful day. Severus had taken her shopping and she was now wearing muggle jeans and a plain blue T-shirt. Her hair was clean and she felt better than she had in many, many months. To a casual observer, she looked like any other young woman, but Severus knew there was still a long way to go. The t-shirt didn’t cover the scars on her forearms, and the dark circles under her eyes were still very much in existence. But she had a little colour in her cheeks and he was gratified that she had managed to eat and keep the food down.



Hermione took a sip out of the bottle of diet coke she had insisted on getting, and handed it to him.



‘Try some, it’s good,’ she smiled at him shyly.



‘No, thank you. Artificial bubbles do nothing for me,’ he murmured and smiled back at her.



‘Your loss,’ she grinned and took another slug comically. Severus laughed at her.



‘You are feeling better,’ he stated.



‘Better than I have in a long time, actually, ‘ Hermione gazed into the distance and her eyes clouded a little.



Severus withdrew his wand and murmured ‘Muffliato’. There were other people in the park, enjoying the sunshine, and he had no wish for them to overhear his conversation with Hermione.



Severus turned sideways on the bench and looked at Hermione, carefully considering his words. Hermione gazed at him and he wondered if she knew what he was going to tell her already.



‘I have been behaving badly, Severus,’ she whispered, her eyes filling with tears.



‘Have you?’ he replied softly, resolving to let her talk.



‘I think you know that I have. I must have been pretty drunk when you found me. I don’t remember anything about that night,’ Hermione frowned slightly.



‘You were unconscious when I found you, but yes, before I reached you, you were very drunk. In fact, you could hardly walk,’ he answered.



Hermione twisted to face him.



‘Tell me. From the beginning. I need to know, Severus and please, don’t leave anything out,’ Hermione looked at him, her eyes wide.



Severus took a deep breath.



‘Very well…’





****



I\'m sorry it was such a long chapter, but I wanted to show their relationship building a little. PLease r and r if you can, it really helps!