The Firewhisky In The Punch

Further Disclaimer: I do not own The Big Gay Sketch Show or Logo. I make no money from this.

A/N: There is a channel on cable television called Logo and on this channel, there is a show that you are approaching and it is called The Big Gay Sketch Show *insert creepy twilight zone sound* One of the skits the comedians do is about a young English boy who wants to be a girl and who has made it his life's mission to get a vagina any which way he can. In the first skit of this poor boy I saw, it was Christmas time and he asked his dad, "Which pressie has the vagina in it?". There was only one thing to do at that point and that was to write. Use it if you think of something else!

Quote: Which pressie has the vagina in it?

Story: Which pressie?

"Which pressie has the vagina in it?"

Harry blinked and stared at his partner of ten years, Draco Malfoy. He honestly couldn't believe that he had just heard Draco, who was so attached to his penis that he had refused to let Harry near it until Harry had proven that he would never do anything to harm Draco's penis, utter anything to the effect of wanting a vagina.

"Love," Harry started, "I know we're going to have kids, but I don't think that means--"

Draco stomped his foot, eyes wide with anger. "Don't! How am I going to give birth to your twins unless I have a vagina?!"

Harry took a deep breath, wondering what in the hell to say that would not upset his husband. Not to mention, he was sorely upset himself. He like Draco's penis himself; liked sucking it, liked playing with it.

"Harry!"

Harry jerked as he sat up on the couch, wondering what in the hell was wrong with his brain. He looked up at his husband and weighed the odds of jumping Draco to reassure himself that Draco's penis was still, well, a penis, and that Draco would never even think about getting a vagina.

It was a difficult choice. Ever since his fifth month, Draco had forbid sex between them. He claimed that he didn't want to have to try to get into difficult positions just for the sake of an orgasm and then he said that he wanted to punish Harry for getting him pregnant and ruining his perfect figure.

Choices, choices.

Draco sighed and sat on the couch which was a difficult task even at only six months.

"I went to the healer today," he said, nervously playing with the edge of his sleeve. "I wanted to ask about a few things." His blush revealed to Harry that he had not been comfortable with the choice and so Harry waited patiently, knowing full well that it was better to wait.

"And I think it was a good thing I did," Draco smirked. "Because it sounds like your dream was...well...um..."

Harry blushed now and felt his fear return. "Promise me that you won't get a vagina!"

Draco chuckled nervously. "I won't." He sighed. "The healer said that it was something I should mention. I still sometimes forget that you were raised by Muggles. They'll do...what was it the healer said Muggles call it...a c-section. I'll keep my bits very happily and neither of us will have to worry about vaginas." He shivered, looking well repulsed.

Harry sighed. That was a great relief.

Draco cleared his throat. "She also said that it would be perfectly safe for us to have sex until half way through my eighth month and that the best position would be for us both to be on our sides, so long as I had a pillow under the children."

Harry smiled and very nearly jumped up to drag Draco into their bedroom. But he had learned his lesson in the early months and would wait for Draco to say yay or nay.

Draco smiled. "What are you waiting for? Get up, you prat, and help me up so we can go practice making babies again."

Harry chuckled and did so, glad that things were on their way to normal.

Well, as normal as things could be when you were Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy.