Everything I Ever Wanted

As promised. Not much sex this time but we learn a little more about Billie. REVIEW please!







Chapter Five



The first months flew by quickly. Billie reviewed all of the teachers, and was pleased she’d had to critique only one’s performance, Professor Trelawney, who taught Divination. Billie wondered if her distaste for the subject coloured her opinion, but after talking to Remus, discovered that Dumbledore and McGonagall also had little time for the subject, and Trelawney was considered quite loony by all.



The children had warmed to her relaxed attitude to house tables, spreading themselves out now to eat, and enjoyed visiting each other’s common rooms. The teachers had gradually thawed to her as well, seeing how much the children now mingled: the lines that had been drawn between the houses now blurred. Some of the older professors were not thrilled with the idea of a dance, but the students and younger teachers were enthusiastic, helping the prefects to organise committees to plan food and entertainment.



Remus had gotten his funding for defence, as had several of the other subjects, the professors quickly handing over their proposals once they saw the new DADA equipment and books. Billie had addressed the board after a month at the school, armed with her own recommendation for keeping Remus on, as well as testimonials from staff, current and former students, and parents. Remus had contacted his friend and former student, Harry Potter, who Billie met at the School board meeting, to stand up for him as well, thinking Harry’s popularity in the wizarding world would not hurt his chances.



It didn’t. The board were thrilled to see Harry, a former pupil, and spent a lot of time questioning him about what he was doing now, and rehashing details of the final battle in which Harry had killed the Dark Lord. Eventually, they agreed to keep Remus on, provided there were no incidents contradicting her opinion that he was harmless.

Billie went back to Hogwarts to find Remus waiting in her bedroom, and when she gave him the news, he threw her down on the bed and showed her how grateful he was for her support.



The ‘casual’ agreement between them had continued with both of them keeping their activities discreet; never spending the night with each other, never hinting outside their rooms that they were anything more than colleagues. They kept their talk to light subjects usually, although over the last few weeks, they both were finding this frustrating, wanting to know more about each other. The physical attraction between them hadn’t waned: the two of them spending most nights together in bed, learning more about each other’s bodies and discovering what drove the other crazy.



That night, Remus lay on his side, spooning Billie, running his hand up her arm.

‘How are you feeling now?’ she asked, knowing he had still been tired from the transformation a week earlier.

‘I’m alright,’ he said, kissing her shoulder reassuringly. ‘It never took me this long to recover before the war. I guess the body can only take so much.’

Billie rolled over in his arms to look up at him. She’d known he fought in the war, but he hadn’t mentioned he’d been hurt.

‘You were hurt in the war?’ she asked, a slight frown creasing her brow.







Remus looked down at her, wondering how much he should tell her. ‘I was fighting a Death Eater, Dolohov. Another came up behind me and bought me down.’

He shifted a little, moving lower so he could look directly at her. ‘They used Cruciatis curse on me…..amongst others.’ He frowned, remembering the agony of the repeated spells, coming one after another with no break.



Billie was now frowning deeply, feeling anger rise in her as he continued speaking.

‘Eventually, they were distracted. Some of the Order of the Phoenix, a society I was involved with, had come looking for me. If they hadn’t have turned up when they did; if they’d been just a couple more minutes,….’



He closed his eyes for a moment, recalling how close he’d come to death that day.

‘The spells damaged me. I don’t seem to be able to tolerate the transformations like I used to. That’s another reason I ensure I take the potion. With it, I can still take up to a week to recover fully; I don’t know how long it would take me to be well again after a full transformation.’



Remus looked at Billie and was surprised to see her eyes shining brightly for a moment, before she put her head against his chest, hiding her face. He moved slightly away from her, and put his hand under her chin, lifting her face, seeing a tear streaking down her cheek.

He felt his chest tighten as he saw her distress. ‘Bella, honey,’ he said his voice low.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said, wiping her face. ‘I didn’t know you’d been hurt like that; that you’d been through all that. I shouldn’t have asked you…’

‘No,’ he said, pulling her to him and kissing her damp cheek. ‘I’m glad you asked. I’m glad you know.’



She looked at him, and bought her hands to his face, stroking it gently. ‘I knew you were a brave man, Remus,’ she whispered. ‘I didn’t realise how brave until now.’

She leaned over and kissed him.

As their lips touched, they each felt the difference. There was still passion and heat, but something else as well. They took their time, hands and lips moving slowly over each other. When they joined, their bodies moved fluidly, slowly; and when they exploded, it was intense. This was no longer a casual affair - for either of them.



Remus was dressing soon after, Billie asking him to go earlier tonight, needing some time alone. Before he left, he leaned across the bed and put his head on the pillow next to Billie’s. She gave him a small smile, but he could see her eyes were troubled.

He stroked her hair gently, and said, ‘It just got complicated, didn’t it?’



Billie nodded. Remus stared at her for a moment longer, then kissed her softly. ‘Night, Bella,’ he whispered.

‘Night, Remus,’ she replied, watching as he walked out of the room.

Closing her eyes, she sighed. ‘Damn it!’ she thought, squeezing her eyes shut tight. ‘I knew this would get messy.’

She lay there, trying to figure out what she was going to do.





She had told him she wasn’t good with relationships, and she wasn’t kidding. Billie had been with two men in her life, both long term relationships. Her first was in her early twenties, and had lasted for four years, until his cheating became so brazen that when she’d caught him in her bed with her next door neighbour, he hadn’t even stopped fucking her - not until he was done.

Then, he’d blamed her, saying ‘You’re so damn frigid, it’s a wonder my dick hasn’t gotten frostbite.’’



She felt a rush of anger at the memory, sitting up and getting out of bed, suddenly restless. Pulling on her robe, she wandered down to her office, sitting at her desk. She looked at the proposals she had yet to go through, and pulled one towards her.

‘Alex’, she said, pushing it away again.

The flirtatious Potions teacher reminded her of her exes. He was the same kind of man: self assured to the point of arrogance; always got his way; treated women like possessions, toys, to be discarded when he was bored. Billie sighed, her mind flashing back to her time with her last boyfriend, Jonathon.



He was a great looking man: charming and confident. He’d pursued her and she’d fallen hard for his sweet talk. They’d been together just over two months before he pushed her for the first time: shoving her into a wall during an argument. He’d apologised and she’d forgiven him. He promised her it wouldn’t happen again.



The next time, he hit her; slapping her hard across the face. Then the cycle began. He’d hit her; punch her; kick her, apologising after each fight, promising her he’d get help, that he loved her. Billie shook her head. How on earth had it taken her three years to get out; to realise he didn’t love her; that she didn’t love him.



She blamed her father for her attraction to cruel, twisted men. He’d been her example. A evil man; a bully, her father’s regular abuse of her mother and herself had eventually driven her mother to suicide, leaving behind a very insecure, distraught and terrified ten year old.

Billie had resented her mother for a long time for leaving her to absorb her father‘s frustration and anger: until, after two and a half years of abuse at Jonathon’s hands, she found herself holding a razorblade to her wrist one night. She now understood her mother’s desperation; the feeling of being trapped with no way out. Tears rose in her eyes as she remembered the catalyst; the event that had finally given her the courage to leave.



She’d fallen pregnant. She’d been so happy, thinking that, now she was having his child, he’d finally stop; he’d finally realise how much he was hurting her. But he didn’t. She had been seven months pregnant when he beat her for the last time. She’d remained conscious for long enough to crawl to the neighbours door, but not long enough to knock, passing out on the floor. Her neighbour found her an hour later on his way out to work, and she’d spent four days in hospital as the mediwizards fought to save her child, but he had eventually died inside her. She’d held him for a few minutes before he was taken away. Billie had never seen Jonathon again, sending an message to tell him their son had died. She’d never heard from him; she assumed he didn’t care.



She hadn’t been with another man since: until Remus, who frightened her for entirely different reasons. On the surface, he was more dangerous than any other man she’d met. But underneath his condition, he was the complete opposite of every man she’d ever known in her life. Calm, kind, honest and gentle. And he scared the hell out of her, because she felt things she wasn’t used to feeling when she was with him. Passion she‘d never known she was capable of experiencing, but also a sense of being cared for, protected. She felt safe with him. Billie had never felt safe with a man before.

Heart aching now, she realised she cared a lot more about Remus than she’d allowed herself to admit.



***

Remus walked slowly back to his room, feeling as though he should have stayed with Billie. Her reaction to his pain tonight had bought home a truth he’d been pushing aside. That he had grown to care about her; that he no longer wanted to keep their arrangement casual. He sighed, dragging his feet. He wanted to go to sleep with her; to wake up with her; to be able to reach over in the middle of the night and hold her. Remus stopped suddenly and closed his eyes. ‘Shit!,’ he swore to himself. ‘I’m falling for her.’



He shook his head, walking through his classroom, trudging up the stairs to his private room. He couldn’t be feeling like this. Billie had made it clear that she didn’t want a relationship and, even though they had both felt a shift tonight, she had still asked him to leave; she gave no indication she wanted things to change. Remus remembered her eyes when he left. They were troubled, confused when she admitted things had become complicated.



Remus sat on his bed, still and silent, eyes unfocused as he thought. He stood again, and walked back out of the room, moving quickly. He was going back to see Billie, and he would make her listen to him; to all the reasons they should think about making this more than a fling.



He found her sitting at her desk, her eyes staring off into the distance as she swung her chair to and fro.

‘Hi,’ he said quietly, walking back into the room. She looked startled, but not unhappy to see him.

‘Hi,’ she echoed, giving him a small smile.

He moved around the desk until he was leaning against it, facing her. Billie sighed and stood up. She put her arms around his waist and leaned into his body, closing her eyes as her head rested against his shoulder. Remus put his arms around her, holding her close to him, kissing her head.



After a few minutes, Billie screwed up her courage.

‘I know I said I wanted to keep this casual, but….I care about you, Remus. This isn’t just sex anymore for me. I’ve never felt like this with anyone before, and I’m sorry because I know I’m sending you mixed messages, and….’ He stopped her rambling with a lingering kiss.



‘I’m falling for you, Bella,’ he said softly, when he let her go. He stroked her face gently, as though she might break if he touched her too hard. ‘And I don’t care who knows it.’ He kissed her again, and this time allowed it to deepen, putting all their burgeoning feelings into it.

They were breathing heavily when they parted, Remus’ lips moving to kiss her jaw before pulling her head against his chest.

‘Would you stay?’ she asked quietly.

‘Just try and get rid of me,’ he murmured against her hair.



After a few minutes, they walked up the stairs to her room, Remus leaving her arms briefly to take his clothes off, then returned. They settled themselves into a comfortable sleeping position, kissing and touching gently until they both drifted off to sleep.



Waking up together the next day, they were both slightly shy at first, then Billie started giggling at how ridiculously juvenile they were behaving, setting Remus off. She leaned over and kissed him, and soon they were moving together, breath coming in pants, moans mingling as their pleasure grew until it exploded, sending them both shaking back onto the pillows.



‘Now that is a fantastic way to start the day,’ he muttered into her ear a bit later as she lay on top of him. He felt her laugh, then lift her head.

‘I could get used to this,’ she said, kissing his chest, flicking her tongue over a sensitive nipple, making him groan.

‘I might call in sick today,’ he said, as her tongue traced a scar on his ribs.

Billie laughed. ‘No way,’ she said, gently biting his other nipple, hearing him hiss. ‘I’ll have to take your classes if you do, and I am not sitting through first year DADA classes while you’re lounging in bed.’



Her mouth moved lower, circling his belly button, a little surprised as she felt his return to full arousal so quickly.

‘I’ll just have to give you a bonus for getting out of bed today,’ she said, her words muffled as she kissed his hip, feeling him rise up to her.

Her hands wandered across his lap, and in between his legs, and she heard him gasp when her lips followed. Minutes later, he was pushing up into her mouth, groaning her name as his release shook him.



‘You are a very talented woman, did I ever tell you that?’ he said, later as he watched her getting dressed.

She paused to smile at him, then pulled her shirt on, buttoning it up. ‘You’re not so bad yourself, if I recall correctly,’ she murmured, flicking at some fluff on her blouse.

Remus grinned, throwing his legs over the side of the bed and standing up. He walked over to her and put his arms around her waist.

‘Remind me to remind you how talented my tongue is tonight,’ he mumbled against her lips, feeling her smile.

‘Promises, promises,’ she said, pushing him away gently. ‘Shouldn’t you be getting dressed, Professor Lupin?’

‘Yes I should be,’ he agreed, yawning as he bent and picked up his pants.



Billie wandered into the bathroom, returning a few minutes later to see him trying to smooth the crinkles out of his robes.

‘If I’m going to be spending nights here, I might have to leave a spare set of robes,’ he muttered, giving it up as a lost cause. He looked up at her, seeing her frown.

‘What?’ he asked. ‘Was last night a one off?’

‘No,’ she said hurriedly, coming towards him and smoothing the front of his robes. ‘No, I really enjoyed waking up with you this morning.’

Remus smiled mischievously. ‘Yeah, I heard how much you enjoyed it,’ he said, getting a light slap across his chest for his cheek.



He leant down and kissed her, the kiss deepening and their arms wrapping around each other.

‘Mmm,’ she said, as his lips moved across her cheek. ‘As nice as this is, it’s not what I’m hungry for right now.’

Remus laughed, and raised his head. ‘Yeah, all that exercise gave me an appetite too.’ He slapped her lightly on the butt, and picked her up, kissing her again before lowering her back to the floor.



‘Me first?’ he asked, thinking she wouldn’t want them to be seen leaving her office together.

‘Together, I think,’ she said, startling him. ‘We aren’t breaking any rules, Remus. I’ve checked and rechecked. Staff relationships aren’t encouraged, but there’s no rule against them either.’

Remus smiled broadly. ‘Are you ready to go public?’ he asked hopefully. Billie made a face.



‘Well, not in so many words,’ she admitted. ‘We have to be professional when we’re around other people: no public displays of affection. But….,’

She smiled at him. ‘I don’t want to hide it or sneak around any more. It’ll be a balancing act, but I don’t care if people know we’re together.’

Remus kissed her again. ‘That is the best thing anyone’s ever said to me,’ he said, letting his arms drop and he grabbed her hand.

‘Come on then. Let’s do this.’