Green Is The Colour Of.....

Special thanks and much appreciation to my dear SickPuppy for patience and support above and beyond!!

There were several titles I considered for this chapter, Foolishness and Delusion being two, but it really should have been Angst considering all the just that, angst, we went through over it! I could not for the life of me decide, and so I sent a plea for help to SickPuppy. Oh how we agonised! In the end, I ended up putting the three final choices on slips of paper in a cup and drew one out, leaving it to chance, and this is the title that won the draw. Okay, I'll stop being a Drama Queen now and just say thank you very much to all who reviewed, it's always greatly appreciated! Now, on to Green Is The Colour Of.....


Folly




Harry came hurtling back into Severus' life, shattering the wall of silence as he did, all over the place all at once and chattering excitedly about the Ministry and "together".


And all Severus could do was stare at the shining emerald eyes and focus on the only thing he'd really heard amongst all of Harry's excited babble.


"Together."

He felt his heart start to beat again. He felt his blood start to flow again. He felt he had a reason to live again.


And then he heard what the boy was saying. Orders of Merlin. For them both. To be awarded to them .

"Together."

At the same ceremony.

"No", he said, bringing the wall of silence back.

Harry, never one for silence, immediately wondered, "No? What do you mean "no"?"

"I mean no," Severus said grimly. "I am no hero. I do not want recognition. I did nothing special."

"Nothing special?!" Harry blurted, green eyes flashing. "Not a hero?!" he continued, outraged. "You...you saved me! So many times! If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be here!"

"And if it weren't for you, neither would I," Severus quietly reminded him. "I did not save you. I only kept you safe. I did nothing anyone else wouldn't also have done to ensure the one who was to vanquish the Dark Lord lived to fulfill his destiny."

"See?," Harry smiled charmingly, like sunshine. "You did save me. You are a hero."

But the ice slowly encasing Severus' heart once again would not let him be charmed. "I am not a hero, Harry," he said, shaking his head, unable to meet those emerald eyes.

"You are to me," Harry said, his voice thick.

Involuntarily his head snapped back up, onyx eyes searching, unable to help himself for the fool he was. Some of the ice began to recede.

"And I know you are to my mum...Lily," Harry said, casting his own eyes down, "for looking after me all these years. I know that wherever she is...you're a hero in her eyes too. She'd say the same thing I do...you've suffered enough. You should take your award proudly. She'd want you to."

Lily...Severus thought...will you always keep reaching for me from beyond the grave? Fool indeed, he thought grimly.

"I am certain that wherever she is, she knows my feelings on the matter," Severus said with difficulty, "and that is more than enough for me."

"Please go," Harry said, suddenly flinging his eyes upon Severus, "I...I want you to. Everybody was wrong about you...me too...and...I would just like everybody to see that...well, things are changed now, aren't they? I mean...we're friends, right? We don't hate each other anymore, and..."

"I never hated you, Harry," Severus found himself blurting. Seeing the surprised expression that statement caused the boy, he sighed while silently chastising himself then added, "I have been in turns, annoyed, deeply irritated, and furiously angry with you more times than I care to remember during our aquaintance. You have cheeked me, disobeyed me, and have been blatantly disrespectful to me, and you have caused me endless sleepless nights spent worrying over your impulsiveness, but...I have never hated you."

"You worried about me?" the boy said rather smugly.

Severus scowled and said, "It came with the job," and watched the boy's face fall. "Which is not to say that you were simply a job to me," he added.

"You did it because of my mother," the boy said, "because you loved her."

Severus didn't know what to say to that. He had loved Lily, still did in a vague sense. He longed to tell the boy that Lily had long ago ceased to be his motivating factor but why burden the boy with something like that? But, the boy appeared to be expecting an answer.

"I did love your mother, yes, but...she didn't love me back," Severus said, punishing himself, "and...in any case, I...it was better, in the end, that she ended up with your father."

There, he'd said it. The truth he'd known all these years. Yes, he'd loved Lily, but he'd never have been able to make her happy. He didn't have it in him. The boy would never guess what he did have in him.

"I still want you to go," Harry said, "Please? It would mean so much more if you were there with me. No matter what you say...you'll always be my hero. Whether you think so or not."

Severus sighed heavily. The boy didn't know what he was saying, he reminded himself. Still...fool that he was, he found himself unable to refuse those beseeching emeralds.

And in the end, the fool won.

"Yes," he sighed again, "I'll go."


**************************************


And this is what the fool gets for his trouble, Severus grimly thought to himself.

The boy had turned up with the entire Weasley family in tow, which wasn't all so surprising, Severus admitted. It wasn't that, and of course they would all want to be there, as much as Harry would want them to be. No, it wasn't the Weasley's in general. It was one Weasley in particular. The girl. Ginevra.

Severus didn't know why he was so surprised.



Of course they would take up where they left off. The boy had only broken up with her in the first place to keep her safe, and a part of him had known all along that they'd resumed their relationship. After all, after the way the boy had chattered on about her incessantly while visiting Severus in the hospital it was glaringly obvious she was very important to him. Severus had known this, but fool that he was, he'd pushed it out of his mind.



And now he was confronted with the proof.



They fairly clung to one another, Harry and the girl, hands clutched together tightly, shoulders brushing. It was obvious that he leaned on her for support and strength, and Severus noticed that Harry glanced at her often as he greeted and pressed palms with the myriad of people who thronged to congratulate him at the reception after the presentation ceremony.

Severus had been standing with them, but the crush of people had separated them, and he now found himself across the room from them, shaking hands with faceless people bent on congratulating him as well, but he hardly heard them, so intent was he on watching Harry and the girl.

He found he could barely speak anyway, overwhelmed and rudely surprised by something he refused to put a name to. Something that coursed through him in burning waves. That made it difficult to swallow. Made his blood pound in his ears.



Those emerald eyes, the way they looked at the girl. So trustingly.

The girl, how close she stood to him. So confidant.

The both of them. Together.

It was like watching James and Lily all over again, and that, Severus could not take.



Not again.


********************************


Severus looked about the now empty rooms of Spinner's End making sure that nothing was forgotten. Not that it mattered much. All of his personal belongings were already gone. Everything else, he'd already vanished.



He had no desire to be reminded of his past life, and he felt no great loss looking at the empty rooms of his childhood home. He'd never been happy here and there were no fond memories to take with him. He had very few fond memories at all and the ones that he had had become painful.



He cast a self cleaning charm on the tiny house, warded it against intruders, took a last look around and apparated away from Spinner's End for the last time.


*********************************


Yes, the small cottage in the wilds of Scotland suited him very well indeed.

There were no neighbours to bother with. He had a garden to grow herbs and other plants, as well as a small greenhouse. The cottage itself was comfortable and had ample room for his needs. Two bedrooms, an adequate bath and toilet, a kitchen, sitting room, and another small room that he'd magically enlarged a bit to serve as a lab.

He'd managed to build a passable little life for himself. He had his garden and his lab, and he brewed some of the more difficult and concentrated potions which he sold to an apothecary via the small owl post office in the small village. He had a moderate income from that, which provided for his upkeep, and he had his privacy. The cottage was pleasant, and he could spend his days tending the garden or brewing potions and both those activities along with his books kept him busy enough.



No, he had his quiet life, his garden, his lab, his potions and his books. He had his privacy. He hardly ever thought about his past. He didn't think about Death Eaters. Voldemort. Dumbledore. Hogwarts. Teaching. And he never thought about emerald eyes.

Except for when the green of the plants in his garden reminded him of them. Or the tiny frogs that hopped up from the small pond. Or the ivy that tumbled over the walls of the cottage. Or the moss that grew between the stones in the fence.

Or when he woke in the morning.


Or when he went to sleep at night.


************************************

Reviews are greatly appreciated! Treasured even! Seriously, please review! :)