I'll Be Home For Christmas

A big thanks to my reviewers! I truly do appreciate everyone who takes the time to review, as it\'s always nice to know readers like my work. Reviews are also an enormous help to me as a writer, to know what my readers like and dislike about my writing style, which helps me hone my craft, so to speak. Therefore constructive criticism is also most welcome!



Phoenix-forever- Harry knows Severus loves him, he\'s never in doubt about that, even if Severus is losing his lunch in a panic! As for whether or not Severus wants the baby....



Shadygrl- This chapter is for you, because I SO enjoy reading your fic "A New Family For Harry." (Actually, it\'s also a shameless bribe to get you to update!) :)



And here is Chapter 5, as promised.







All That Is Here To Stay









Harry hesitated in the doorway to the bathroom, not sure if Severus would appreciate his intrusion. He stood there a moment, but then concern won out, and he got a towel and a glass of water. He knelt down and handed them to his lover, brushing Severus\'s hair out of his face as he did so.







Trying to ease the situation, he smiled and said gently, "Hey, it\'s supposed to be me hanging over the loo, not you."







At that, Severus groaned, thrust the glass back at Harry and leaned forward again, losing the battle to calm his stomache.







"Don\'t...say...another...word!" he managed to gasp when he\'d finished, then groaned loudly when Harry paid that no mind at all.







Not that he\'d really thought he would, he thought acidly.







"Look...I\'m sorry to spring this on you like this," Harry wailed, squeezing Severus\'s arm, "but...I didn\'t know how else to tell you! I knew you\'d be surprised, but...how do you think I felt! I knew you weren\'t going to whoop for joy, but I didn\'t think you\'d be sick over it! "







"Harry, please," Severus said tiredly, still a bit shaky from retching, "just...just give me a moment..."







"But Sev," Harry continued on, not able to help his earlier annoyance at Severus coming through, "you didn\'t let me finish what I was saying in there. I didn\'t go on the mission. I wouldn\'t place our baby in that kind of danger , and I really resent you automatically thinking I would. That really hurt when you said that I don\'t care about my own safety. That\'s not true, and you should know that by now. I always make sure I come back to you, Sev. I love you too much not to."







Already feeling guilty for yelling at Harry in the first place, Severus made the mistake of looking up into those emerald eyes, so like Lily\'s, and felt his stomache lurch again. He closed his eyes, and after a short but serious struggle, his stomache decided to cooperate.







Forgive me, Lily, he thought, taking a deep breath.







"I am sorry I shouted at you," he told Harry quietly, "And I am sorry for...this..." he added, nodding towards the toilet.







"Is it really that bad?" Harry asked worriedly, "that it made you sick? I mean...I...I know what you said about the kids at school earlier, but...this is our child, and..."







"Oh Harry, Harry..." Severus groaned, pulling the boy to himself, "no...I am sorry for that..I...you, of all, should know how those brats wind me up..."







"Yeah, I know," Harry said even more worriedly.







Damn! Severus thought. "No, no, I meant......well, you know what an old grump I am..."







"Yeah. I know," Harry repeated faintly.







Goddamn it! That wasn\'t right either! Severus berated himself silently. Frustrated, he began again, saying, "What I mean to say, is..."







"What you mean to say is that this is our child and that makes all the difference?" Harry said hopefully.







"Yes......that\'s...that\'s what I mean to say," Severus said and mustered up a weak smile, wishing it was true.







It was good enough for Harry, however, and he smiled back. "Good, because I\'m happy about it...but I\'m also scared blind, Sev. I mean....I\'ve got a baby growing in me! It\'s like...miraculous and wonderful, but it\'s also frightening as hell and...well, I always wanted a family of my own, but...well, gay Muggle men can\'t have babies, and I didn\'t know wizards could get pregnant, so I never thought I\'d have kids of my own, so this is like a dream come true for me! I mean, I love you, I love being with you, and I love all that you\'ve given me, but now...now I truly have everything I\'ve ever wanted! You, and our children."







"Children?" Severus said weakly.







"Well...yeah," Harry said happily, "if we did it once, we can do it again, right? You were an only child, and I was less than a child to the Dursley\'s, and I know your childhood wasn\'t much better than mine. We can both finally have the family we never had before. Except now, of course, we\'ll be the parents, but still! People to love who will love us back, just for who we are to them? I mean, we have each other of course, but with children, what we have together will be so much more, don\'t you think? We love each other so much, Sev, and now we can give that to our kids too. We can have kids! I love magic!"







"Erm...p-perhaps we should...deal with this child before we think about... any more," Severus managed faintly.







"Yeah, you\'re right," Harry agreed, "it\'s just, you know,...like I said. Now that I know we can have kids, we did it once, we can do it again, right? We were both only children, and we were both lonely. I got a taste of what it\'s like to have brothers and sisters with the Weasleys. I used to be so jealous of Ron, having all those brothers. Even though they all used to wind each other up, they could always count on each other when they needed it. They were never lonely \'cause they all had each other. I remember wanting that so badly myself and I can\'t help but want it for our kids too."







Severus could certainly understand Harry\'s pain on that score. Even though his father had terrorized his own childhood, making him glad he didn\'t have brothers and sisters to suffer the same fate, Severus certainly knew what it was like to stand on the sidelines, alone, wanting to be an accepted part of something bigger. He was also fervently glad that Harry\'s path had led him to the Weasley\'s, instead of the Death Eaters, where Severus\'s had. Shuddering both from the cold tile floor as well as that notion, he firmly clamped a lid on that train of thought, and pulled Harry up to standing with him.







Harry smothered a yawn as he did, and Severus felt exhausted himself, the emotionality of the past few hours sapping what energy the late hour hadn\'t.







"I think we could both do with a good night\'s sleep," he told Harry, who nodded his agreement, not bothering to hide his next yawn.







He went to get their wands while Harry cleaned his teeth, cast a cleansing spell over both of them instead of a shower, and bundled a sleepy Harry off to bed, returning to the bathroom to clean his own teeth. As he finished, he caught sight of himself in the mirror and sighed heavily.







"You\'re going to be a father," he told himself firmly, willing away the panic he felt at those words. "Harry is happy about it, and for his sake as well as your child\'s, you had better make yourself happy about it too."







Having thus commanded himself, he forced himself to clear his mind. He wanted to sleep, not to think anymore that night, and took a dose of Dreamless Sleep Potion to ensure it.







There, he thought, that should keep away any nightmares of James Potter cursing him into the deepest pit of hell for impregnating his son.







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