Beauty and Sadness

Snape and Lily kept close company after that, eating together and spending most of their time together. But Snape noticed jealously that from time to time, Lily put her foot down and insisted on seeing several of her friends. Once, James Potter came to town.

“Aren’t you going to see James Potter, now he’s on holiday?” Snape asked her resentfully.

“No,” Lily said.

“You’re not?” He was taken by surprise.

“Conceited prat,” she said shortly. “He hasn’t changed much. Anyway, I’m with you now.”

He noticed that the words of commitment came easily to her lips, and she seemed content, although he well knew the friction points between them. Lily was loyal. Lily would stay with him, even if she was unhappy, even deeply unhappy, about some aspects of their relationship. He felt himself relax.

Two days later they were eating lunch together in the Great Hall. Although students usually ate at House tables, Lily and Snape as post-graduates were allowed to eat separately from their Houses.

“I want you to come have dinner with some friends of mine,” Snape said to her.

Lily looked intrigued. “Who?”

“Lucius Malfoy at Malfoy Mansion.”

“Lucius Malfoy?” Lily’s tone carried outraged disbelief. “That self-serving bully?”

Snape felt himself flush with anger. “He isn’t that bad! He just likes to get ahead. We all do.”

“Some of us have more scruples about stepping on other people on the way up.”

“He doesn’t step on people! He just—"

“—doesn’t think the rules apply to him? Gets away with whatever he can if it advances him, no matter what the cost to others?” Lily supplied helpfully.

Snape felt his temper rise. Lucius was one of his best friends, an entrée into the pure-blood wizarding world, and a provider of many a helpful connection on the rungs of power.

“He’s been a real help to me, very generous. You have no idea.”

Lily looked at him carefully. “What about his views on purity? How do you rationalize those?”

Snape’s anger died, to be replaced with a swimming feeling of bitterness. “Neither of us has a high opinion of my Muggle half,” he said shortly, to the tabletop.

Lily looked at him with stricken eyes. Then he felt her hand find his under the table. Helplessly, he held onto her hand and a great wave of peace and gratitude came over him. He felt humble in the face of her love. For a long time, they held hands, not speaking and not eating.

Then Lily said, “All right.”

Snape’s face snapped up. “You’ll go?”

“I’ll go. Will I have to talk to that Narcissa creature?”

“She’ll be there,” he said.

Lily nodded and looked away. Her reaction puzzled Snape, but then he had a sudden insight. Lily’s height, hair, and eyes drew all eyes to her when she entered a room. But she was not conventionally beautiful. Her figure was slim and lush (didn’t he know it!), but it was not a fashionable figure. And her robes were off-the rack unremarkable. Narcissa, on the other hand, wore excruciatingly expensive robes every day. Her hair was a white-blond color usually found on a wedding cake. She had the much-admired waiflike figure that all the girls aspired to. In short, her looks were the product of youth, artifice, and a whole lot of money. She stood in great contrast to Lily.

This didn’t bode well.

*

Two days later, Snape was standing in front of the Fat Lady, as usual, waiting for Lily in Gryffindor Tower. Lily emerged looking harried.

“What’s wrong?” he said at once.

Lily looked around. Snape could see the whites of her eyes as she did so.

“What’s wrong?” he repeated sharply.

“Let’s walk,” she said in a low voice.

He took her elbow promptly and they ambled tensely down a secret corridor. Once there, Snape spun her around to face him.

“What is it?” he snapped.

Lily straightened herself. “I haven’t got it yet,” she said miserably.

At first Snape was utterly perplexed. Then the light slowly dawned. He hid his elation. “You don’t know anything for sure,” he reminded her. “We’ll have to do another test.”

“Yes,” she said. He could tell she had been thinking of nothing else all the previous night and ever since she’d awakened. He pulled her into his arms.

“It’s all right, Lily. I told you.”

“Yes, but—" He waited. “I’m—" Her voice was choked against the front of his robes. He found himself stroking her hair. So odd for someone like him to offer comfort to someone like her. “I’m afraid,” she said finally.

“Of what, dear?”

“This isn’t how I wanted things to be,” she said in a muffled voice. “I thought I’d be married first. My parents will be disappointed in me. They wanted me to have a brilliant career. And I’m not always sure about where you’re going, Sev.” This last was said so softly he almost couldn’t hear it.

He continued to stroke her hair. Then he said, “Well, I can’t answer to all of that. But if you want me to quit You-Know-Who, I’ll quit.” The lie came easily to him. He would quit when he could, he told himself, when it made sense. Lily would understand.

He felt her coiled body unwind against him. “Really, Sev?” she said, looking up at him through wet lashes, a tentative smile on her lips.

He smiled down at her. So easy. “Really. So let’s do that test, shall we?”

She nodded at him, her smile gaining confidence.

Some moments later, they were back in the Come-and-Go Room, their clothes off. Lily was sitting between Snape’s thighs, her back to him. He was kissing her neck and softly stroking the outer lips of her sex.

“Just do it,” she murmured, pushing his hand with hers.

“Lily, I can’t just shove it in!”

“Yes, you can.”

He gave an impatient sigh. “No, I can’t. Relax.” He took one of her breasts with his free hand and continued to stroke her below. The urge to do what he really wanted was becoming unbearable. He decided to indulge himself a little. “Spread your thighs for me,” he whispered in her ear. “Open up that sweet pussy for me.” He heard the small catch in her breath. “Do you like it that way just a little, Lily?”

She didn’t answer, but he realized she was nodding slightly. Something bloomed in his chest.

He spread open the outer lips of her sex and slid his finger along the whole of her clitoris. She wriggled in his lap. He pushed his fingertip just inside her and heard her breath get ragged. He withdrew his finger and heard her mew of frustration.

“Want it?” he teased.

“You know I do.”

“How much?”

She turned in his arms, and he could see she was angry. But somehow, he wasn’t as cowed by that as he had been in the past. He rolled on top of her, pinning her under his weight on the day bed, and put his lips on her throat.

“I didn’t like that, Sev,” she said, her voice thick.

“I know. I won’t do it any more.”

He felt her relax, bit by bit.

“Let me get my finger in. I’ll be gentle.”

His use of the word had an odd effect on her. She wrapped her arms and legs around him. Snape hesitated a second, then he opened the heavy lips of her sex and worked his finger inside her. Once he had half his finger inside, he began stroking her inner walls. He knew where to find her secret places.

“Ah, stop!” she said.

“Why?” He watched her as he moved his finger insistently inside her.

“I-I’ll come!”

He didn’t answer, but kept rubbing her inner walls, not giving any quarter.

“Ah! Ah! Ohhh!” On this last note, her hips rose up from the bed, and she arched under him. He pressed his rock-hard cock against her mons, letting her feel his desire as she writhed for long seconds under him. At last, she went boneless on the bed. He grabbed up his wand and held it up where they both could see it.

The end of the wand sputtered, smoked, and then, flickered to light.

Lily’s eyes turned to his solemnly. Snape’s were ablaze with triumph.