Jason Isaacs Times Five - a Parody - COMPLETE

Lucius as Usual

Lucius Malfoy was an amazing man. Unfortunately, Lucius was the first one who’d tell you so. It was so much a part of his heritage that he never really saw his arrogance or patronizing attitude as others did. Luckily, most of his compatriots at home were just the same, so very few feelings were trampled among the crew.

However, Mr. Malfoy also had Expectations. The others snickered and spelled the word with a capital E. Lucius was not amused. He was the product of centuries of privilege and Expected others to accommodate his wishes. His ex-wife, Narcissa, had fallen afoul of his arrogance when she was caught in a brief affair with a squib, a wizard with no magical ability. Lucius gave her a generous divorce and a one-way portkey to Paris, although it was never clear if her transgression had been the affair or consorting with a squib.

Lucius’ saving grace was that he could also be extremely charming. He was usually able to dig himself out of the more serious holes his self-centric universe dropped him into. He also knew when to let an Expectation go when it was hopeless to pursue it. In short, Lucius Malfoy was an accomplished survivor.

Her handsome wizard brought a larger vision to the group, generally a good thing, and his plans were always on a grand scale. His more grandiose eccentricities could mostly be ignored, but occasionally one of his notions clashed with everyone. His latest project was going to throw the household into an uproar.

“I am the representative for all dealings with outside agencies so this comes under my jurisdiction,” Lucius explained to his angry fellows. It was true he dealt with all the business that entailed outside contracts. He was very accomplished at getting better deals out of businesses than they thought they were going to give. She sometimes suspected Lucius of a bit of magical persuasion but couldn’t prove anything.

“The exterior is my area,” said Felton. “You don’t have decision making authority for that.”

“Not for the gardens, no, but this is attached to the house, so you don’t have a legging to stand on,” Lucius gibed, looking at those articles on Felton’s legs with disdain.

“Then it is my area,” said Tavington, “and I vote no.”

“I didn’t say it was in the house, so it isn’t your area either,” Lucius said dismissingly.

“It will mean all the security equipment has to be rewired, so I vote no,” added Hook.

“The security equipment is outdated anyway, with the new technology now available. My business contacts tell me wireless is in. Any more questions?”

Percy, now called David, was silent. Lucius had already run the numbers for the project by him and the expense was within reason. David also knew his rooms were at the opposite end of the house so any noise wouldn’t affect him.

She entered the conflict by saying, “This is going to block the kitchen door for weeks. Can’t it go somewhere else?”

“It will also block the entire rear of the house, including the library, living room, and study doors, plus the French doors from the conservatory. But only for a month or so. Progress always entails some sacrifice.” Lucius saw immediately those arguments weren’t helping so he changed his tactics. “Try to think past that to the glorious terrace we’ll have - al fresco meals, dancing outside among the stars, a place for Hook and Percy er, David, to smoke...” Lucius hated them smoking indoors. This last point, ironically, swayed the group. All saw an advantage to themselves, smokers and non-smokers alike.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Weekends, when the workers were gone, were, as always, time for relaxation and fun and drawing straws. However, during the week all the workmen and dust and noise wore on everyone’s nerves. Spontaneous pantry and pool table visits were a thing of the past and everyone was getting grouchy, even Mister Mastermind Malfoy. But the day finally came when there was blessed silence at the back of the house. The entire household gathered to inspect the finished terrace and pronounced it beautiful. If private thoughts centered more on what extracurricular activities it would be put to, nobody mentioned it. Lucius had his ten minutes of acclaim for a successful project, then everyone went off to bring out the outdoor furniture.

A week later Lucius was feeding one of his owls on the new terrace. As usual, he was spreading the owl food without worrying who was going to sweep up the mess. Fastidious to a fault personally, he still thought the world was populated with unseen house elves. She grabbed the broom from the closet and went out onto the terrace.

“Lucius, I brought you the broom so you can sweep up the owl food.”

“I? Ask Felton to do it. He’s in charge of the exterior.” Lucius eyed the broom with dislike. “Or you could let me have my wand for a moment, and I could clear this away with no trouble.”

She gave him a gimlet stare. “Tell me, Lucius, who hemmed your new cashmere cape last week because it was too long and you didn’t want to wait for the tailor to fix it?”

Lucius looked at her warily, “That was different. You can’t expect me to do manual labor when I have always used a wand.”

“An interesting premise, Lucius. I wonder why it didn’t occur to you to ask to do your own hem with your wand?”

Lucius patiently explained, “I couldn’t have done the magical sewing as precisely as you could do it by hand. It made more sense for you to do the work.”

“That’s exactly what I think, too.” She looked from Lucius to the owl food all over the terrace. “It makes more sense for you to do the work.” She lifted her eyebrow in perfect imitation of his intimidating manner. “Dinner will be ready just about the time you are finished.”

Lucius heard the underlying threat and knew he was going to become intimately acquainted with a Muggle broom. It didn’t even fly, for Merlin’s sake. But dinner was going to be his favorite tonight. He sighed, “Give me the broom. If this is a lesson to me, be assured I have learned it.” He smiled at her. “I truly did appreciate your sewing. And next time I’ll feed my owl on the lawn.” He grimaced, “I loathe manual labor.”

After dinner, Lucius asked her to inspect his sweeping job. Carefully wrapping her in his cloak, he firmly cupped his hand on the nape of her neck. She shivered at the sensuous magical waves expanding throughout her nervous system. Lucius gently guided her out the back door into the darkness.

“Lucius,” she said, “it’s dark outside. I can’t see the terrace well enough to tell what sort of job you’ve done.”

“Yes, I know,” he laughed, a roguish twinkle in those mesmerizing pale blue eyes.

She looked down. Sure enough, Lucius had Expectations.