TRYING TO REMEMBER

Remus held back the tears and quietly left the party. He went home changed into his shabbiest robes and opened a bottle of firewhiskey. He drank it straight from the bottle; he had one intention to get so shitfaced he would forget the night ever happened. He finished that one off pretty quickly and started on another. He had three more bottles before he ran out. He knew there was a muggle liquor store down the street and wanted to get something before they closed. It was a brisk cold night; the December air was felt good on his face so he decided to walk to the store, maybe even clear his mind a little. The trip took longer than he expected because the roads were slick with a coating of ice. He paid for his whiskey and left. On the way back Remus was walking across a bridge when he saw a car come toward him. It was going around eighty miles and hour when it swerved into him knocking him off the bridge and into the ravine. The driver got out looked below and saw what appeared to be a dead body, got back in his car and screeched away.

“Hey Harry, mind if Tonks and I crash here tonight?”

“Go ahead.”

“I heard some banging and moaning coming from Sirius’ room last night. I think the puppies made up.

“I sure hope they did. They would be lost without each other.”

“Night Harry and thanks.”

The next morning Tonks woke up and went to have tea in the kitchen. Sirius was already up trying to sort out what had happened the night before.

“Good morning and did you have a night?”

“You could say that.”

“Where’s your partner in crime.”

“Still sleeping.”

“I’m so glad you two are together, makes my leaving him all worth it. Though I did make out in the deal myself.”

“Who are you talking about?”

“Remus of course.”

“I was with David last night.”

“Fuck Sirius. Last I saw him he was going to get you back.”

“Last I saw him you two were snogging and he was professing his love to you.”

“What?”

“Right out there in the garden.”

“Merlin Sirius you didn’t hear the rest of the conversation did you?”

“I heard enough, Thank you very much.”

“No you didn’t. Especially the part when he said he couldn’t ever love anyone as much as he loved you. Sirius, I could never have him. I never had his heart, maybe a tiny piece. But never what he had for you. When you went through the veil he was devastated. I knew it and started to take advantage of it. When Albus died he lost it. He needed someone because he lost everyone he loved. I was there, willing and able. Do you know how many times I had to pretend not to notice that he would tear up every time he saw your picture or apologize for making love to me?”

“But you were engaged.”

“Before he found out that he could bring you back he asked me to marry him. Once he knew he could bring you back Remus, being an honorable man, kept his promise of marriage. As much as he needed you, he knew Harry needed you more and he would find a way to make it all work out. He found a book on the veil about nine months ago. I knew it was the beginning of the end. I could barely compete with the memory of you never mind with you actually being here. I had a reprieve as he wouldn’t bring you back until the war was over. He wasn’t going to make Harry go through losing you again, and I guess himself. After the final battle, which You-Know-Who planned for the night before the full moon. Remus was badly hurt and the transformation the next night didn’t help matters. Charlie was there for me and we developed a special friendship. On the day of the full moon in October there was a story in the Prophet about your name being cleared. I knew it was a matter of time before he brought you back. I left him so he could be free to be with you. I moved to Romania to explore what I could have with Charlie. I loved Remus; I still do but nothing like I love Charlie. And I know Remus feels the same way about you. The question is do you feel the same way about him?”

There were noises coming from the stairs. It was Charlie and Harry.

Charlie went over to his fiancée and gave her a kiss. “Morning luv, mum wants us to stop by before we head back to Romania.”

“Should be fun.”

As the couple headed up the stairs, Sirius grabbed Tonks’ wrist.

“Don’t’ worry I won’t say anything to him about last night.”

“You mean that I kissed Remus?”

“Yeah.”

“He knows, I told him and he knows why.”

“He wasn’t upset?”

“I think he was a little jealous, but he trusts me. Something you should start practicing with Remus.”

“Thanks Tonks.”

“Remus sleeping in?” asked Harry.

“It’s David.”

“What??? I thought you and Remus made up last night.”

“There seems to be a lot of that going around.”

Sirius had his elbows on the table and his forehead in his palms.

“I think I fucked up big time, Harry.

“What happened?”

“I think Remus might have heard me and David, and I said a few things I shouldn’t have. I just was hurt after I saw Remus and Tonks kissing and then telling her he loved her.”

“Excuse me.”

“Lesson one; if you’re going to eavesdrop on a conversation, listen to the whole thing.”

“I have two dilemmas’ here. Get rid of that,” pointing upstairs, “and try to win back a certain werewolf’s heart. I don’t know which will be tougher.”

“I’m guessing getting rid of that, Remus loves you too much not to forgive you,” said Tonks as she and Charlie were getting ready to floo to The Burrow.”

“I’m a stupid git aren’t I?”

“Yes you are. Molly’s waiting for us. Good luck with everything.”

“I think I have some groveling to do. I want an invite to the wedding.”

“Definitely and Sirius welcome back.”

“First things first, the bedroom.”

“Sirius, I’m not sure about this guy to guy thing, but breaking up in the bedroom just might be a little tacky.”

“Yeah I guess you’re right. I’ll let him wake up, take him out to lunch and then break-up with him.”

“Sounds like you’ve done this before.”

“Only once since I was sixteen and that was in bed.”

“Last week?”

“Okay make that twice. We were twenty-one. When I thought Remus was a spy. I keep breaking his heart don’t I?”

“Seems to me you keep mending it too.”

“I only hope this time I didn’t break it totally.”

They heard foot steps. And David appeared.

“I’m going to my room; I have some studying I need to get done.”

“I thought he was out of school.

“Auror training.”

“Let’s go upstairs and I can train you in some new things.”

“David, we need to talk.”

“That doesn’t sound promising.”

“I haven’t been fair to you. I became your lover when I had no right to be. When you asked me if I took a muggle lover at sixteen, I wasn’t exactly truthful did take a lover at sixteen except we kept it well hidden.”

“It’s Lupin isn’t it?”

“Yeah, twenty three years later I still love him.”

“But he hurt you, luv. I saw that in your eyes.”

“This morning I found out it to be the other way around. I didn’t trust him enough to listen to his side of something. Now I’m just hoping he can forgive me.”

“He’s a werewolf you know?”

“I figured that out when I was twelve, and it was something that made me love him. You’re a great guy Dave and I’m sorry you came into my life when it was such a mess.”

“Well if it doesn’t work out between you and Lupin, you can just call. Or just call anyway I liked hanging around with you.”

“We’ll see.”

David gathered his things, and gave Sirius a kiss on the cheek and flooed home. Harry came downstairs.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. Harry I’ve been here a whole week, not that I’m complaining, I haven’t heard the old bitch once.”

“You’re going to love this.” Harry moved the curtains and there was Mrs. Black eyes bulging as if she was screaming but she had no mouth.

Sirius threw back his head in is hardiest bark like laugh “How did you manage that one?”

“I didn’t, Remus did.”

“How?”

“What muggles call turpentine, it’s a paint remover. It took him forever. He knew how much you hated it.”

“I need to thank that man. I’m going to head out there and do some heavy duty apologizing. If all goes well I won’t be home so don’t wait up, and Harry thanks.”

Harry laughed.

Sirius apparated to the cottage and it was dark, he knocked on the door, nothing he shook the door knob it was locked. Sirius took out his wand and said “I solemnly swear I am up to no good.” He walked in slowly he pointed his wand to the fireplace and muttered “Incendio”. He looked around and saw the firewhiskey bottles strewn all over the place. A drunk werewolf was never a good thing. “Remus?” he called out. He went upstairs hoping to see Remus passed out on his bed, but nothing. Remus Lupin was missing.