Who am I really?

Title: Who am I really?

Summary: AU!! “You cannot be Harry Potter. Harry Potter died thirteen years ago, along with his parents. Only his twin brother survived, ‘Theodore Potter’.”

Disclaimer: Harry Potter does not belong to me. This magical world and everything in it belongs to JK Rowling and her publishers.

Warnings: Okay, this will be a BDSM fic, for certain, but only later on in the fic. This is Snarry slash, Snape will be the Dominant but it will be very different from ‘Life as I know it’, Harry will stand up for himself more…

Chapter Warning: This chapter deals with non-con and abuse, nothing detailed but it is there. If you don’t like, then I suggest you read up to “Flashback” and then again from “End Flashback”.

When at last the boy looked up at him, Severus was astounded at the amount of fear he could read in the boy’s eyes.

Just what the hell was going on here?

Chapter 5: Jarvis

Raymond silently cursed himself for his stupidity. He knew that his Professor was nothing like Jarvis but he could not help his reactions.

His oh-so-loving guardian had left more scars than he had at first realized. Raymond was just glad that it was with Professor Snape that he freaked a bit and not anywhere else.

He had come to know the man better in the past few weeks and could honestly say he had never felt safer anywhere else. The Professor had done nothing – before now – to exact any sense of ‘fear’ in Raymond but he cursed himself now for becoming too complacent in his new life.

A hand under his chin brought him back to the present and he couldn’t help but cringe back a little.

“What is wrong with you Raymond?”

The tone that Professor Snape used made it clear that he expected an answer straight away but Raymond refused to respond.

He had learned long ago that those in authority was always right and he was wrong. No matter the situation.

“I’m sorry Professor Snape. It won’t happen again and I promise to pay you back for the ingredients used and any other damage done. I’ll clean everything up now.”

Raymond turned his head away from the hand which held his chin and was quite surprised to see that there was almost nothing left for him to clean. Either the Professor had done some magic to clean the place up or the potion had disappeared. He thought it more likely to be the former.

“No Mr McShane.”

Startled from his contemplations, Raymond looked back at his Professor with questioning eyes.

“I’m not a man known for my patience Mr McShane so I suggest you listen well and answer as truthfully as possible.”

The subtle threat he could hear in the voice made Raymond shiver. He had heard the same kind of thing for years and what usually followed such a confrontation made his blood freeze.

“Yes Professor.” He answered respectfully and lowered his eyes as he listened to the man’s breathing.

“I’ve been teaching here for many years now Raymond and I can honestly say that nothing like this has ever happened before.

There has been numerous explosions, you can be sure about that, but never in all my years as a Professor has a student feared me so much that they would whimper and flinch back if I just approached them.

Now I want you to answer me honestly, or I won’t be able to help you… Has anyone, ever done anything to you that you did not want them to? Has anyone ever hit you, slapped you or even whipped you?”

Raymond’s breathing sped up as the Professor spoke. Scenes of pain and anguish flashed before his eyes and a soft, unidentifiable sound escaped his lips.

The Professor once again took his face in hand and Raymond was forced to look up at the man.

“I’m not angry at you Raymond. Yes, your potion exploded and yes, we were in danger but we’ll deal with that later. First I want you to answer my questions, honestly.”

Raymond searched his Professor’s eyes. There was still some anger hidden deep within but if he looked past that he could see the sincerity in the black pools. He knew he was in trouble and that explained the anger – he had expected that – but the sincerity came as a surprise, along with the fact that the Professor himself said that he was not angry at him.

Could he believe the man?

Could he let himself believe that this man had actual concern for him?

He had promised himself long ago that he would never again trust the word of an adult. Did he really want to break that promise now?

*--------------------------------------------------------------------*

Severus could see the confusion and turmoil in the boy’s eyes and left him be for a little while.

He did not want to push the boy too much at the moment. To push too hard, too fast would do absolutely no good so Severus waited the boy out.

Personal experience had taught Severus that even if the boy did decide to open up to him, nothing of much worth would be discussed tonight. They would first have to feel each other out before anything of significance could be accomplished.

A soft hesitant voice brought him back from his musings and Severus focused back on the boy.

“N…no Professor. I mean yes, but not… not like that. I mean, I’ve been in some ‘street fights’ and such, but nothing major.”

Severus suppressed a deep sigh. So it was going to be like this…

“Okay Raymond, I won’t push you and I’ll believe that you know what is best for you at the moment. Should anything like this happen again though, I will not let you go without an adequate explanation on your part.”

The boy looked both relieved and apprehensive after Severus’s little speech but he nodded his understanding.

“Good. Now, you will prepare that same potion once again and this time, be sure to let me know if you wish to blow the place up. I’ll be sure to remove both you and the impending explosion from the castle before any danger could befall me.”

The boy cracked a small smile and Severus scowled. He had not meant that as a joke!

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

Raymond snuggled deeper into his comforter and tried to blank his mind but to no avail.

The day had gone without any further mishaps and he had enjoyed a quiet tea and dinner with his professor.

Now, as he lay in bed in the dead of night he could not help but let the feelings and thoughts he had suppressed throughout the day, come to the surface.

It had been months since his last episode, as he called it and he felt a flush of embarrassment that this happened before his professor.

Raymond could still not believe that the professor had not demanded anything from him right then and there as ‘payment’ for what he had done.

Jarvis – should he have been there – would have had him on his knees and three lashes carved in his skin before the explosion even finished.

Raymond could not help but think back and remember the times he had spent with Jarvis.

Flashback

Harry slowly opened his eyes. Grit and sleep made it difficult but he managed after a few minutes of blinking.

A yawn unexpectedly overtook him and he could feel his face stretch to accommodate it. His cheeks were stiff and it was somewhat uncomfortable when he yawned. He knew that this was because of dried tear stains and that knowledge brought back the memories of the previous day.

He had lived with his guardian for two years now and even though he had suffered the occasional slap or kick from the man, nothing like this had ever happened before.

Harry shifted slightly on the bed but he could not move much. His hands were still tied where Jarvis had secured them in the chains against the headboard and he held the lower part of his body as still as possible. He knew that should he move he would once again feel and experience the pain inflicted on him the previous day.

Jarvis - Harry refused to call him uncle or anything other than his given name – had hurt him worse than ever the previous day. He did not know what exactly had happened but he did know that whatever it was, it had hurt like hell!

His bottom was on fire and his back was no better. When Harry first tried to shy away from the intrusion, Jarvis had given him a warning to stay still and take it like a man.

Harry had tried, tried real hard to just stay in that position on hands and knees but the pain had been unbearable. When he had once again tried to squirm free, to get away, Jarvis and ruthlessly pushed him down on the bed and pelted him with a belt. After that, Harry had been too weak to do anything other than complying and so he had been tied to the headboard where Jarvis had then proceeded to hurt him so bad that Harry had lost consciousness.

End Flashback

That had been the first time that Jarvis had taken him but certainly not the last.

Raymond remembered each and every time the man had him on his knees, every time the man forced Harry to take it in his mouth and suck, every time the man brutally and ruthlessly took him, sometimes two or three times in a row.

It had all become too much for Harry and when he had finally found out where Jarvis stored his ‘savings’, Harry had taken the jar of money and escaped.

There had not been a lot, only about thirty pounds but Harry had used it as sparingly as possible, only buying food when he could no longer go without. After that, he had resorted to stealing or begging.

Somewhere after his eleventh birthday he had realized that he didn’t need to use doors or anything to enter a building. It became second nature for him to just walk from building to building without any interference or problems. His ability had saved him on more than one occasion, either from bullies or from himself, his hunger.

At first, he had been freaked but later on he had just accepted it as another ‘oddity’ in his life. Strange things always happened to him, what was so different about this?

Raymond thought back to his first few days with Professor Snape. The man had never answered his question about always using a door, well, not adequately.

Adequately. Raymond smiled as he thought about the dictionary under his bed. The book had come in handy during the past few weeks. Professor Snape was prone to using big words and after he had gifted Raymond with the dictionary, he had never again asked for the meaning of a word, always storing them away for later reference. ‘Adequately’ was one of the words he had looked up.

He just hoped and prayed that he was not making the biggest mistake of his life for trusting in professor Snape. Raymond would not tell the man about everything that had happened to him but he trusted the man with other aspects of his life, such as his education, keeping a roof over his head and any other small thing that people usually took for granted.

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------*

“That is passable Raymond. The thickness of the potion is easily influenced by uneven potion ingredients as well as inconsistency in the stirring of the potion. Focus on that when you next endeavor to create a potion.”

Raymond nodded at the man and made a note in his text book.

Five weeks had passed since ‘the explosion’ and Raymond had realized in that time that to receive a complement from professor Snape would be as easy as stretching out and taking hold of the sun – in other words, completely unachievable.

That the man had come down far enough to the earth to say that his potion was ‘passable’ had to be a new record or something.

Maybe the man was mellowing a bit? Toward Raymond at least…

“Standing there like a fool is not going to get your cauldron clean and the potion, I’m afraid to say is now barely adequate. If you don’t bottle it now I would have to banish the whole thing and you will remake it, tonight! That you don’t know the consequences of exposing a potion to excessive oxygen or lower temperature leaves me to believe that you would never be ready for my class.”

Okay, so maybe not… The man could be such a bastard at times that Raymond was ready to tear his hair out. Either that or he was going to do something that would land him in unmentionable trouble; like conjuring a heart and handing it over to the man with a bright pink ribbon wrapped around it. He might even volunteer to do the operation himself.

Raymond had the distinct impression that instead of being offended by such a thing, professor Snape might just actually keep the heart on display in his office. A trophy of sorts; to show that he had successfully made someone believe that he could actually live and survive without that one major part of the anatomy. It would be an achievement for him, not an insult.

His thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of a wind blowing in his ear and Raymond cursed as he realized he had taken too long in his contemplations, leaving his professor with the chance to do exactly as he had threatened.

He would have to re-make the whole damn potion!

Raymond looked up at his professor and suppressed a snarl at the pleased smirk on the man’s face.

One day, one day he would figure out just how to get that smirk off the man’s face and when he did… there would be a celebration such as the world had never seen before!

*-----------------------------------------------------------------*

Severus could not help but smirk at the boy as he banished the potion. He had warned the brat after all…

Raymond looked up at him with a death glare but Severus merely raised an eyebrow.

He would never admit it out loud of course but Severus was beginning to quite enjoy the young man’s company. No matter the insults thrown at him, the boy just kept going. His potions were mostly on the same level as that annoying Granger girl’s and Severus could honestly say he had never enjoyed a student’s company more than this boy’s.

The brat was quite intelligent and Severus had realized over the past few weeks that the boy was definitely making use of the dictionary he had given him.

Words that most people would frown at could commonly be found in their conversations and Severus admired the boy’s resilience.

Severus, of course, won every little ‘word game’ they had but it was enjoyable nonetheless. It was not every day that Severus could converse with someone; demonstrate his knowledge of the English language without having to repeat himself three times over in explanations.

There had even been a time or two that the brat used a word Severus himself was unfamiliar with but thus far the boy had never caught on to it and had retired for the night, frustrated but determined.

Severus smiled as he thought of what the evening would deliver. Who would win the word game tonight? Even though he had won each previous game, it was getting harder to beat the boy and Severus dreaded the day that the brat would be the one to go to bed triumphant in the knowledge that he had outsmarted his professor. His Professor!

Maybe he should invest in a dictionary for himself?


End Chapter 5

SO sorry that it is short and a day late!! I have no excuse so I won’t even try to talk my way out of it.

I’ll do my best to make the next chapter longer!!

AN: I am SO looking forward to the day that Raymond 'erases' that smirk from Sev's face... Just think of the possibilities...

For those of you who have not read “Life as I know it” – English is NOT my first language so I’ll apologize for the grammar mistakes!!

Just for those of you who are curious – The name Jarvis has a specific meaning and reason for ‘being’ in this fic. Jarvis means ‘spear’, and as in this fic the man had ‘speared’ straight through Harry/Raymond’s heart – figuratively speaking – I found it fitting…