A Long Way Back ~ Editing

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JKR. All situations are mine. No $$$ is being made from this fanfic.
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Chapter 4 ~ Confrontation

Hermione took a final sip of coffee and put her fork down with a sigh. She felt rather giddy. The witch had eaten almost half the cheesecake, and felt full for the first time in a very long time. Her eyes drooping slightly, Hermione picked up the remaining cake and returned it to the cooler. She left the fork and coffee cup on the table and pushed her way out of the kitchen.

Immediately, she was blinded.

"What the hell?" she cried, shading her eyes and blinking rapidly.

After a couple of moments Hermione's eyes adjusted and she stared down the light filled corridor, then up at the windows. Every single curtain was gone.

"Severus," she hissed, storming down the hall and into the study, snatching her wand off the armchair.

He had no right. No right. She liked the manor dark. It suited her mood. As she walked quickly to the staircase, she noticed the green marble floor and mahogany walls. The light did add some color to the place. But still…Severus couldn't just make arbitrary changes like this without asking her. This was her manor. He was just a guest. She hurried up the staircase to look for the wizard's bedroom. She was going to give him a nice blast for his impertinence. Her fingers twitched on her wand.

"Severus? Severus Snape!" she called down the corridor.

"In here," Severus called back.

Hermione stalked down the hall and came to an open door. She looked inside, her eyebrows raised. There was a king-sized four-poster bed covered in Slytherin green and silver bed sheets, a large wardrobe, a mirrored dresser and an armchair neatly arranged. He really had transfigured his own furnishings. Severus was standing in front of the mirror, buttoning the last buttons on his robes. He turned to face her.

"Yes?" he asked, an eyebrow arched as he looked at the furious witch.

"Yes?" Hermione seethed, "I'll yes you…Stupefy!"

Severus stood there calmly as Hermione's spell hit him then bounced back and hit the witch, knocking her back against the wall. She slid down it, out cold.

The Potions Master shook his head and finished fastening his robes.

"You're so predictable, Hermione," the wizard said, looking into the mirror. He'd known she'd come after him wand blazing, so placed a repelling spell around himself for a bit of insurance. As long as she didn't cast an Unforgivable at him, he'd be fine.

Severus looked at the unconscious witch, his brow furrowed.

Her flannel granny gown had ridden up, showing thin, chicken-like legs. Her skin was dry too…noticeably flaky and scaly on her shins and knees. Her long, yellowed toenails could use a good clipping and a pumice stone on those heels wouldn't hurt. When the witch was with him she was always as soft and smooth as a baby all over. Severus almost couldn't believe he used to fuck this woman.

Hermione let out a groan. Severus turned and walked over to her, plucking her wand out of her hand, then pointing his own wand at her forehead.

"Enervate," he said.

Hermione's eyes fluttered open.

She blinked up at him.

"What happened?" she asked, placing her hand on her forehead.

Severus smirked at her.

"You stupefied yourself," he replied, offering his hand.

Hermione's face screwed up and she refused his help, scrambling to her knees then standing up, furious. She looked on the floor for her wand.

"Looking for this?" Severus asked, holding her wand out of reach.

"You hexed me!" she spat at him.

Severus scowled down at her.

"You hexed yourself witch. You stormed in here and without saying a word cast a spell at me, intending to do me harm. Luckily, I have a repelling spell on my person. The spell you cast at me backfired, and you have no one to blame but yourself," he replied coolly.

"Give me my wand!" she demanded. Severus looked at the witch, then handed her the wand. If she cast another spell at him, she'd get more of the same.

Hermione looked the wizard up and down as if to see if there was a hole of some kind in his protective spell that she could slip a hex through. Severus watched her, expressionless. He bet she wanted to hex him into next week.

"You had no right opening up those windows, Severus!" Hermione hissed.

"I live here now too, Hermione. I have a right to some light. Just because you like living in a tomb-like atmosphere doesn't mean that I do. Besides, light is good for you," he said evenly.

"Don't fucking tell me what's good for me! I know what's fucking good for me!" she screamed at him, her fists clenched.

Severus frowned at her.

"You don't know shit, Hermione. You've had a breakdown of some kind and haven't been healthy or whole since Harry died," he said.

"Since Harry was killed," Hermione corrected him.

"Harry was killed but not by you…he was killed by the curse cast by Voldemort. All you did was end his pain, Hermione. You are not his killer," the wizard said.

"My hex killed him. He might have been dying, but I am the one who took his life," Hermione said brokenly.

Severus sighed. All this self-pity the witch was evidencing. She needed to let this go. Severus tried to reach her again, this time using his own experiences to try to let her know she wasn't the only one who ever had to take a life to spare someone pain.

"It was a kindness, Hermione. I know it was. I had to do the same thing when I served Voldemort, and the raped, mutilated muggle women who were victims of the Revels lay suffering, praying for death," Severus said, a faraway look in his eyes. "It was kinder to end their suffering with the curse," he said softly.

"But you…you don't know…" Hermione began.

"I do know, Hermione. I saw what happened. I heard what Harry said to you. I saw you cast the curse," the dark wizard said, his black eyes glinting.

Hermione faltered a bit.

"You…you saw it, Severus?" she asked him in a low voice.

He nodded.

"Yes I did," he replied.

"So why didn't you help him? Help us?" she screamed at him, distraught.

"Because there was no help for him. He was right to ask you to end his pain. I was torn and started to step forward to cast the curse for you, but decided it was better that you did it, a friend who loved him, rather than I. Harry and I were never friends, Hermione. You know that. We only tolerated each other for your sake. I might even have been accused of killing him, because of my deatheater status. Not everyone knew I was a spy then," the wizard said.

"So you stood by and let me do it," Hermione said to him, her eyes glistening. "You let me kill Harry."

"Yes," Severus said softly.

Hermione suddenly swung her hand at Severus' face, catching the wizard off-guard, but the repelling spell bounced her open palm back so she couldn't slap him.

"I hate you! I hate you so much, Severus Snape!" she screamed, running from the bedroom and down the hall. She tripped over the hem of her gown, fell and got back up, once again running for her bedroom, crying her eyes out.

The wizard sighed and strode down the hall after the witch. He followed the sound of her sobbing and stopped in front of a door. He knocked.

"Hermione?" he called.

"Get the fuck away from my bedroom, Severus!" the witch cried out.

Severus tried the door. It was locked. He pointed his wand at it.

"Alohamora," he said. The door unlocked but it was strongly warded by the witch.

Severus scowled and applied a curse breaker and the door opened.

Furious, Hermione pointed her wand at him, prepared to throw a hex.

"Don't do it, Hermione! It will bounce back," Severus warned.

"Not if I cast an Unforgivable," she hissed at him.

Severus stood there. His black eyes washed over Hermione coldly.

"Go ahead then witch, " he said, "You can cast the Crucio curse…I've had a lot of experience with that one…or the Imperious, and make me throw myself down the staircase, or…how about the Killing curse? Then you can have the elixir all to yourself, resurrect Harry and live happily ever after. I am certain my death won't affect you as much as Harry's has," he said bitterly, dropping his arms to his sides and presenting her with an easy target. "You could probably live with killing me."

Hermione stared at the pale wizard in front of her, offering himself up to be hexed by an Unforgivable. Tears began to fall again and she lowered her wand.

"I don't want to kill you, Severus. I never wanted to kill anyone," she said, sobbing.

Severus released the breath he'd been holding. He had half expected Hermione to Crucio him. He approached her.

"I know, Hermione. I know, witch. But you have killed…and it was for a very good reason. To spare someone you loved unnecessary pain. It was inevitable that Harry would die, Hermione. You just kept it from being more horrible than it could have been. You have to understand that," he said to the witch, who was shaking her head.

The wizard continued.

"The only reason I followed you to your bedroom, Hermione was to tell you this. You don't hate me. You hate yourself. I know what that's like. You are trapped in a private hell from which there is only one way to be released. You have to forgive yourself, Hermione. No one else can free you," he said quietly. "If I could free you witch, I surely would."

Severus turned and left Hermione's bedroom, closing the door behind him. Hermione stared at the closed door, then plopped down on the bed.

How could she ever forgive herself? All what Severus said made sense, but she still couldn't get rid of the core of guilt inside her. Hermione had loved Harry like her own brother. He had always been there for her. It was her curse that took his life away from him, despite what Voldemort did. Her hex…not the Dark Lord's curse.

The witch fell back in the bed, hugging herself, looking for comfort. Yes…because of the elixir, there would be comfort. All the guilt would go away and she would be whole again. Harry would be back, alive and well and she could be happy again.

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Severus slowly walked down the staircase. Ying and Yang were at the bottom of it yowling up at him. He reached the main hall and looked down at them.

"What do you two want?" Severus asked the cats, who darted down the corridor a little ways then looked back at him imploringly. That was the way to the main doors.

"Ah, you want to go out," he said.

At the word 'out' the pair yowled even louder. Severus imagined they could be quite annoying if they kept that noise up constantly. He strode down the hall and let them out, then started walking back, thinking about Hermione. She was much more damaged than he thought. He hoped she would be able to focus enough to separate the components of the elixir. Most likely she would be able to, once he got her back into reasonable shape.

When he first made the decision to come to Hermione and enlist her help, he thought he might still be sexually attracted to the witch, and hoped that his attraction would not interfere with his plans. He had one tryst with a woman during his five-year excursion, and although he had reached physical climax, the lack of connection only made him miss Hermione more. Afterwards, Severus fell into a depression that lasted about a week and when he recovered, decided to leave women alone and focus on his travels. The wizard felt that the wisest thing to do if he were going to stay on top of his game. It worked, and Hermione was neatly relegated to the back of his mind.

Now that he was here, he found that he didn't have any lust toward the witch. Pity…yes. Frustration…yes. But he didn't want to bed her. It was like she was no longer the woman he once knew. Oh, there were tiny glimpses of the old Hermione…her temper for example, but it was worse than he remembered it. The only reason he didn't give her a bit of her own medicine was because she wasn't herself. He had no problem hexing a witch at all. He had dealt with female deatheaters after all, and they were a nasty lot. Weaker sex his ass.

All the wizard wanted to do was get Hermione up to par. Break her out of her self-made hell so she could work. Fatten her up. Get her interest going again. He wanted to restore Hermione, if not to the woman he loved, then the woman whose mind he greatly respected. She was wasting a gift, and it was a damn shame.

Well, maybe the hope resurrecting Harry would be the driving force to get her going, get her so involved in the work that she wouldn't have time for self-pity. Hopefully Hermione would become as absorbed in the elixir as she used to become absorbed in everything else she ever did. She'd still neglect herself, but he would be there to make sure she got what she needed, if only to keep her able to focus. She had to focus.

Severus didn't know if she would come out of her room for the rest of the day. The scene between them had been quite emotional. Most likely she would hide out like she was used to doing. Ah well. He'd look for the lab and see what had to be done to get it straightened out.

He wandered through the main hall corridor, opening door after door on empty, dusty room after room. Finally he opened one that had a staircase going down. The walls on either side were stone, and torches were spaced in sconces. They ignited as he descended the stairs. Spiders abounded, and cobwebs crisscrossed the stairwell. Severus pulled out his wand and cleared them as he came upon them, having to use a water spell when a torch lit and ignited a huge patch of webbing, the flames flaring up quickly. If the wizard had been any closer he would have been badly burned. Finally he descended to the basement floor. Cobwebs were here too. If Hermione's house had the feel of a mausoleum, her basement felt like a catacomb.

A large door was embedded in the wall. Severus tried to turn the knob, but it was rusted. He used his wand to gain entrance…pushing the door open. Again, torches flared and the wizard looked around.

"Dear gods. This looks like something out of "Great Expectations," he said to himself as he eyed the mass of overturned equipment, scattered yellowed parchments and broken glassware. Cracked cauldrons and ripped up notebooks lay strewn about the floor. Several distilleries were smashed, their jagged tubing jutting upward in disarray. Webbing and dust covered almost everything, giving the lab a surreal and somewhat sinister feel.

"The only thing missing is Miss Havisham's wedding cake," Severus thought to himself as he surveyed the wreckage of Hermione's brilliant past.

The wizard took out a handkerchief, covered his large nose and began scourgifying the laboratory, feeling for all the world like Pip.

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A/N: Another chapter out. Hermione certainly is in bad, bad shape. Severus has his work cut out for him. Please review.