Why We Build Castles In The Sky

Once again that night Remus and James lingered awake long after the others. Remus was grateful that James paid too much attention to his journal than what Remus was doing up so late when he had no journal himself–just his thoughts. If James only knew what he was thinking...

Remus longed to swim in his sheets with the man he loved at that moment. Every inch of him was suffering from the fact that their fun in the corridors was so brief, it was almost even rude. He wanted to hear Severus moan again...

James cleared his throat loudly, startling Remus out of his fantasies.

Remus looked up at his friend. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw James was casting a glance at Remus though the werewolf looked away quickly afterward.

Remus felt nervous; how come James was looking at him so? Remus knew that James’s journal was private and just the way his facial expression was... he knew James had to be writing about him.

A half hour later James had pulled his hangings shut and snores were coming from inside the curtains. The journal lay in James’s trunk on the floor beside the boy’s bed.

Remus began to sweat as he just stared at it. ‘James wouldn’t know...’ He thought audaciously. Then another voice popped into his head, ‘He’s one of your best friends–if he found out he’d ditch you for sure...’

“No...” He whispered faintly to himself. ‘It just wouldn’t be right.’

He sighed deeply and rolled over on his bed, ready to pull his own hangings shut when something came over him. He was already hiding a big enough secret from everyone, why not just add this tiny one? If James found out–hell he was smarter than him in charms–he could erase the memory of that night ever happening, it was that simple!

Remus rolled back over and magiked the journal out with a silent hover charm. It landed on his bed and he unlocked it, opened it, and began to read.

Turns out James and Lily had had quite the time... more than once. He scanned the first few pages and then, growing bored, went to the most recent entry. It was dated with today’s date and read:

Dear Journal,
A lot has happened this night. Lily and I had an amazing day today, going to Hogsmeade and following Moony’s advice on where to go. It was beautiful–I owe him one. But about tonight... tonight was very eventful. We were talking in the corridor just like any old time when Snivellus and his gang show up... well–that’s all I can remember. Except for one thing; I dreamed that my buddy Remus was... well... making out with Snape.

‘Oh my god...’ Remus thought in panic, ‘He must’ve been barely conscious and saw us in the corridor! ...but he thinks it was all a dream...’ He read on.

Snivellus and Moony ...I think I just puked in my mouth... anyways, it took me as a shock when I woke up on the floor and realized what I had been dreaming about. I didn’t show it though–why mention the dream to my friends when it’d just make them sick? Especially Moony. I know he’d have a fit if he knew what went on in my dreams. Speaking of him actually, he has been acting strange lately... stays up as late as I do. I’ll bet he has a girl! No one stays up that late thinking about homework or something. It has to be a girl... I know it. I’m still disgusted with myself for ever dreaming that dream. That sick greasy fuck! I hate him! What a faggot...
-James

Remus stared at the last word of the entry... faggot. He’d never be able to tell James, he was basically a homophobe. He couldn’t tell anyone about Severus–the one he loved with all of his heart... he wanted nothing more than to just express how amazing he felt whenever they were together.

Remus closed the journal and put it back neatly in James’s trunk. He shut his hangings and then plunked roughly down onto his pillow to stare up at the poster of Hogwarts. He felt awful.

‘Why does everything have to be so hard?’

Two tears fell down the cheeks of the boy called Remus Lupin.

Tap Tap.

Remus shot up and watched as a tear fell onto the surface of his sheets with a minuscule thump. He pulled back the hangings and got up, going to the window. An owl with a letter sat perched outside of it, a letter in its beak.

With a burst of excitement, he pulled open the window and took the letter; patting the bird briefly before it spread its wings and soared out into the night.

He pulled the window closed and made his way back to his bed, tearing the envelope open.

Meet me in the boy’s lavatory ten minutes before breakfast starts.

‘Only ten minutes?’ Remus thought, ‘Aw man!’ He grinned dolefully, although he didn’t care about the time as much as he cared about getting a letter from his Severus.

Remus awoke the next morning bright and early. He pulled back his hangings and peered at his bedside clock. It was a half hour to breakfast. Remus stretched and the he felt something land lightly in his lap. It was the letter from Severus; he must have been sleeping with it on his chest. Remus smiled and hid it along with the other one in his beside table drawer.

He looked around the room. His friends were all snoozing deeply, as they never woke up as early as he did unless it was James for Quiddich.

He leapt up out of bed and began to change into his clothes. He found himself debating on what to wear more often than usual nowadays, obviously because of Severus.

After he scrambled into the clothes of his choice and then applied a good amount of new cologne to himself, he looked at the clock and then discovered it was fifteen minutes to breakfast.

He left the dormitory, assuming it would take five minutes to get to the boys lavatory, and entered the common room to find Lily Evans sitting by herself near the fire. She looked thoroughly depressed.

“Lily? What’s wrong?” Remus asked concernedly.

She looked up and immediately tears began spilling down her pale angel-like face.

Remus strode forward quickly and took her in his arms, letting her begin to sob.

“Oh, Remus... I know James is trying to be better–what with taking me to that wonderful field last Hogsmeade Trip and all... but I...” She choked, her twisting throat constricting her from continuing easily.

“What is it?” Remus asked calmly, running a hand up and down her back to comfort her.

“I... I like someone else.”

“Oh...” Remus said, frowning. ‘Who could it be?’ He thought, ‘Oh, duh... it’s...’

“Sirius.” He said, nodding.

She let out a large sniffle and shook her head, lifting it off of his shoulder to stare at him.

“N-No...” She whispered, “It’s... y-you.”

Remus laughed, feeling instantly foolish to react like this, but he couldn’t think of how to respond.

“No you don’t.” He muttered softly, “You’re just unsure of this relationship right? You think everything seems fake that he’s doing now because you’re not used to it?”

Lily stared.

“...Right?” He said, inclining his head.

“No.” Lily said, plain and simple.

“No?”

“I knew it was you who told James to take me to that place in Hogsmeade. Knew it was you who was thoughtful... romantic... everything I’ve ever wanted in a guy.”

“Lily, you don’t understand....” Remus began, and then with a jolt he realized that he was supposed to be meeting Severus. “I-I have to go, I’m sorry, can we talk later?”

“I knew it!” Lily sobbed, absolutely losing it, “You don’t feel the same way as I do! I thought... we’ve talked so many times, I thought that you’d actually...”

“Lily.” He said calmly. “You’re an amazing witch... but I–I just don’t want a girlfriend right now.” ‘...Or ever.’ He added in his head.

She sobbed on, “And now you’re making excuses! James told me how lonely you were, so you’re lying to me!” She wiped the tears away from her eyes, “What is it? Are you afraid of hurting James?”

“Well, yes...” Remus began, “Actually no... Lily, you really don’t understand...” Remus let out a huge sigh, “I’m–“

But the thing he wanted to say didn’t come out.

“You’re what?! Taken?” Lily said desperately, “Is it another girl?”

Remus shook his head exasperatedly. “No, Lily it’s not... a girl.”

“--Is it Emmeline?!” She cried out, and then she registered what Remus had just said. “Wait–it’s not a-a girl?”

“No.” He croaked, shaking all over now.

“It’s okay.” Lily said calmly now, wiping her tears, “I understand... you can choose to tell me or not. I won’t tell a soul either way. When have your secrets ever been betrayed by me?”

“Never. Lily, I-I’m... gay.” Remus whispered.


* * *


When Remus reached the boy’s lavatory, he found Severus in there looking flustered.

“What happened to ten minutes before breakfast?!” His lover cried in agitation as soon as the door shut behind Remus.

“I’m sorry, Lily was crying in the common room. Had to see what was wrong with her.”

“What did James do this time?!” Severus shot.

“Nothing... she just said that she liked someone else and stuff.”

“Sirius?”

Remus shook his head, “No, that’s what I thought. It was... me.”

“What’d you say?” Severus pressed.

“I told her about...”

“Us?! You said you’d tell no one! If James finds out--”

“--Wait! First of all, you don’t go assuming what I said to her and Jesus Christ Severus, I didn’t mention anything about you!” Remus spat heatedly without control, “Lily was the one who knew I was a werewolf before James or Sirius, and they found out only when I told them almost six months later. Do you think I’d just tell anyone I was gay?!”

“No... I’m sorry. No, you’re right Remus. I just...” Severus said, staring at the ground. He picked up his head to look at his beautiful, “I get scared, you know?”

Remus nodded, “Me too. But all she knows is that I’m gay, not who I’m... involved with. I don’t even think that she knows if I’m attached at all.”

“Well that’s good.” Severus breathed. “And I guess we have to go to breakfast now.” He sighed.

“Who says right now?” Remus said playfully, stroking Severus’s arms with his hands and inching closer to his man.

Oh, tell me why do we build castles in the sky?

Severus responded with a chuckle and took Remus’s hands in his, “After breakfast.”

Remus nodded in slight disappointment, “Alright.”

The two boys snuck out of the bathroom, going in separate directions, and met in the front hall where students were piling into the Great Hall. They paid no specific attention to each other even as they ended up going through the doors at the same time; this was routine by now; disguising their relationship at all costs.

Remus spotted James, Sirius, and Peter sitting down at the table and took his usual spot beside Peter, opposite James and Sirius.

The werewolf sat there agonizing the minutes until it was all over. When it was, he rushed out of the Great Hall, telling his friends that he’d be out on the grounds later due to some homework; they all usually hung out after breakfast on the grounds.

Remus sprinted towards the bathroom again, eagerness etched on every line of his face.

As soon as he got in he found Severus in there already and positively jumped him.

Severus was taken aback, but wasn’t going to let Remus dominate. He picked Remus up, pinned him against the stall of the bathroom and kissed him.

Remus wrapped his legs around Severus’s waist and accepted the kisses that were being smattered down his neck.

After a while, Severus lowered Remus and undid his man’s pants to release his fervent erection.

Severus began to stroke it gently as he took Remus’s hands in his and placed them near his own hardening member.

Remus undid Severus’s pants and did the same, moving his hand up and down at a steady pace.

They were both extremely hard and Remus was aching to go further... he lowered his head and took Severus’s balls in his hand, sucking while massaging.

Severus moaned and placed a hand on the back of Remus’s head, pushing himself in more.

“Yes, that’s it...” Severus hissed through clenched teeth.

Remus sped up his pace, eager to finish his gorgeous man.

“Aaah!” Severus gasped, “Okay, stop baby...” He whispered.

Remus took his mouth off of it and made to stand, but Severus pushed him back down, shaking his head and putting a hand on his member, stroking furiously.

“I want you to taste me...” Severus whispered, jerking off slowly.

He let the sounds of his deep breathing patterns escape his mouth, turning Remus on.

Remus felt the hot substance go on his face and he opened his mouth, putting his mouth back on Severus’s length and swallowing as he heard Severus let out a shrill whimper that filled the whole room as the fluid continued to pump out.

“What the FUCK is going on?!”

Remus felt like he had been hit with a bolt of lightning and shot up, doing his pants up.

“You sick fucking faggot!” Sirius cried, aiming his wand at Severus with a fuming glint in his eye as he started towards him.

“Sirius!” Remus cried.

“It’s okay Moony, I’ll fuck this greasy prat up and he’ll never touch you again!” Sirius shouted, casting Severus a look of pure hatred.

Sirius narrowed his eyes as he dug his wand painfully into Severus’s throat, “Don’t touch my friend, faggot!” He shouted, shoving Severus with all of the strength he had against the wall of the bathroom.

Severus did not match Sirius’s look of loathing, but instead registered fear–embarrassment. His lips were quivering; he looked on the verge of tears.

“Sirius...” Remus began, breathlessly shaking his head. “Don’t... please don’t...”

“I’m not about to let this fuck get away with this... this sick faggot shit!” Sirius bellowed, digging the wand in deeper still.

A tear poured down Severus’s cheek.

“Sirius, I love him!” Remus screamed.

The boy nicknamed ‘Padfoot’ froze. “What?”

“I love him! I just didn’t want to tell you... I didn’t want to tell anyone.”

“What’re you playing at?” Sirius roared at Remus. He jerked his head towards Severus. “He’s gone and messed with your head, that’s what he’s done... a spell...”

Sirius balled his hand into a fist and pulled it back, ready to bring it down.

“No! He hasn’t done a spell! I love him, okay?! I knew you wouldn’t understand, none of you guys would ever understand! Now let him be!”

Sirius just stood there, frozen. He lowered his hand and backed off, turning towards his friend. “Moony, you’re spitting rubbish. You’re not a homo...”

“Yeah I am! I’m gay Sirius, and you better not fucking hurt him!” Remus cried, going over to Severus and wrapping his arms around him.

Sirius shook his head in disbelief, staring at the two. “I can’t believe this.” He said, realization finally settling in.

“Please don’t tell anyone.” Remus croaked. “Sirius, please... if you’re my friend... don’t tell anyone.”

Sirius just continued to stare at them like they were a pair of freaks. He shook his head, mouthing soundlessly, and turned. He went out of the bathroom and broke into a run out into the hall as the door shut behind him.


Oh, tell me why are the castles way up high?