Who, What and Where am I?
folder
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Snape
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
11
Views:
17,292
Reviews:
44
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Snape
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
11
Views:
17,292
Reviews:
44
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Realizations
Title: Who, what and where am I?
Summary: ‘Severus sat down hard as he extracted his mind from Potter. This could not be happening. It couldn’t be true! Potter was a spoiled brat, selfish and self-centered! He was not ‘boy’. He couldn’t be!’
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing! JK Rowling and her Publishers owns Harry Potter and anything associated with it.
Warning: This is NOT a happy fic. There will be references to sexual situations, chan and non-con. If this disturbs you then please do NOT read. I’ve warned you so don’t flame me about that! But, it will have a happy ending.
I also want to mention, although I put it as a warning when I first posted this fic I didn’t tell you in the first chapter. There will be incest, non-con incest but incest all the same.
AN: Thank you all for your wonderful reviews. I’ve changed the settings to the highest rating as you all suggested
Hope you enjoy the fic and sorry for only putting this up now RL had intervened and I couldn’t put it up Friday afternoon.
Chapter 5
Realisations
Harry sat stiff as a board before Snape.
He didn’t know what to expect or how to handle the situation but he had convinced himself that he would at least try to remain civil toward the professor.
A tray of food placed before him was the last thing he expected and he snapped his head up to look at Snape but only saw the emotionless mask he had become accustomed to since the previous evening.
“Eat Potter, you had barely touched your food at breakfast and I don’t remember seeing you at dinner last night.”
Harry looked back down at the plate in front of him but couldn’t quite keep the grimace off his face. Although the food was as healthy as it could get; green beans, pumpkin, beetroot and even a slice of cold meat, it was way too much and Harry felt his stomach squirm by just looking at all the food.
Snape glanced significantly from the plate to Harry and back then folded his arms and kept staring at Harry.
Repressing a sigh and forcing his stomach to stay put, Harry lifted a fork-full of beans to his mouth and hesitantly ate the bite.
He hated eating in front of anyone but realized that he had no choice, unless he wanted Snape to spoon-feed him personally. No, rather not.
Snape began talking while Harry ate but the topic of discussion only made Harry queasier.
“What we discovered last night will stay between the two of us, do I make myself clear?” It was the first time Snape had expressed any emotion towards Harry in 24 hours and Harry was a bit relieved to see the sneer and iciness back in Snape’s gaze.
He had dreaded seeing pity or anything similar in Snape’s face but it was unnecessary worry. Snape was his old bastard self once again.
Harry nodded his head in answer and took another bite as that gaze once again settled on his plate clearly saying ‘Eat or suffer the consequences’.
“No-one knows about what my father used to do to me. No one knows what a pedophile he was and no-one other than you will ever know.” The tone made it clear that there was no arguing the point.
“What he did was wrong, yes, but he was my father and he provided a roof over my head. I can only assume that you had acted accordingly when we had had that unfortunate ‘switch’ of bodies as he had only been a little displeased with me when I had returned. I want to thank you for that, Potter. No one else would have put up with what he did and everything would have been exposed wide open. My father would most likely have bribed his way out of Azkaban or any other prison and would have fled with me and my mother. I dread to think what he would have done to me or my mother if that should have happened.”
Harry had long since abandoned any idea on eating.
He was too horrified by what he was hearing.
The self-pity he had been dwelling on the whole day was changing into horror. Yes, he had been ridden of his innocence in the vilest way possible, but that had been once. Once, when he had been too young to really understand what was happening and what’s more, he had not remembered anything that had happened. Now, six years later he was wallowing about something which happened years ago, something he had no control over and something which someone else had suffered for years.
There could even be some of the students at Hogwarts now, whom was suffering way more than him and what did he do? He wallowed in self-pity! Thoroughly disgusted with himself, Harry pushed his plate of food away from himself and stood up.
Snape was watching him with narrowed eyes but Harry ignored it.
Snape had thanked him. THANKED him for rather enduring those horrible advances from the ‘adult Snape’ at that time rather than going to the authorities to report the happenings of that house.
He would have been only too grateful if someone else had had the guts to go to the authorities on the abuse at his own home, but what Snape had suffered was worse, so much worse.
And rather than being angry at Harry for not ending that abuse, ending those horrible nights that he had suffered at the hands of his own ‘father’, he had thanked him for keeping quiet.
There was something seriously wrong with this picture.
Then Harry remembered his own feelings, and those directed at the Dursley’s.
Yes, he would have appreciated it if someone could have done something to lessen the abuse he suffered. He would have appreciated any help really but he would not have appreciated being removed from his last family.
Family meant everything to him, even if that family abused him; they at least let him into their home and kept a roof over his head. He had always hoped (still did at times) that he would one day please his aunt and uncle enough that they would show him something other than hatred and censure. To be removed from them would mean that he had no one. No one to call family, no one to please – or at least try to please.
He understood exactly how Snape felt and felt a new understanding develop towards his surly, ‘hatefull’ professor. He tried real hard to deny it but he knew that he would never see Snape in the same light again.
There was so much more to his professor that Harry couldn’t help but be curious about all the layers Snape hid beneath.
*--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*
Severus narrowed his eyes at the boy. He had said more than he had wanted too but it was out now and he just had to wait to see the boy’s reaction.
Seeing Harry’s face contort into horror was not what he was expecting and he forced his face into an emotionless mask.
He would take whatever the boy wanted to lash out with. It had been his father whom had taken the boy’s innocence and he knew that he would not stop the boy if he wanted to lash out at him for what had happened.
The thanks he had expressed had slipped out before he could stop himself but as soon as it left his mouth he knew it was the right thing to do.
No one else would have done what this boy had done and he had to acknowledge it somehow.
He cringed inwardly as he thought of what his father had done to this boy and knew that nothing would ever be enough to make up for that. He just hoped that the boy would keep his mouth shut and not blab everything out in the open.
He would really not blame the boy if he did blab everything out but he hoped to Merlin that that would not happen.
He could just see everyone’s faces. Laughter from the Gryffindors, pity from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw and Slytherin, Slytherin would be the worst. They would loose any and all faith they had in him. They would see how weak he truly was and turn their backs on him.
No, rather not think of that.
He was brought back to the present when a tentative voice reached his ears.
“Your secret is safe with me Professor and I in turn would like to express my thanks to you sir.”
Severus stared at the boy in front of him, looking for signs of deception, pity or what he most expected: hate. He saw only understanding and something which looked like determination.
He didn’t know what the boy was determined about but hoped to Merlin that it had nothing to do with him. Seeing as he had just spilled his innermost thoughts to the boy, he knew it could only have something to do with him. He just didn’t know what.
End Chapter 5
This chapter was surprisingly difficult to write. I hope it was up to my previous ‘standards’ and did not disappoint you.
It was a bit of a twist on the plot but not too much. Both Severus and Harry has deep wounds on their hearts and it will take a while to work through them up to a point where they could accept compassion or even love from someone else.
I would also like to point out that English is NOT my first language so if you find any grammar or spelling mistakes, please ignore them.
I\'ll try my best to have the next chapter out tomorrow.
What did you think?
Review please!!!
Summary: ‘Severus sat down hard as he extracted his mind from Potter. This could not be happening. It couldn’t be true! Potter was a spoiled brat, selfish and self-centered! He was not ‘boy’. He couldn’t be!’
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing! JK Rowling and her Publishers owns Harry Potter and anything associated with it.
Warning: This is NOT a happy fic. There will be references to sexual situations, chan and non-con. If this disturbs you then please do NOT read. I’ve warned you so don’t flame me about that! But, it will have a happy ending.
I also want to mention, although I put it as a warning when I first posted this fic I didn’t tell you in the first chapter. There will be incest, non-con incest but incest all the same.
AN: Thank you all for your wonderful reviews. I’ve changed the settings to the highest rating as you all suggested
Hope you enjoy the fic and sorry for only putting this up now RL had intervened and I couldn’t put it up Friday afternoon.
Chapter 5
Realisations
Harry sat stiff as a board before Snape.
He didn’t know what to expect or how to handle the situation but he had convinced himself that he would at least try to remain civil toward the professor.
A tray of food placed before him was the last thing he expected and he snapped his head up to look at Snape but only saw the emotionless mask he had become accustomed to since the previous evening.
“Eat Potter, you had barely touched your food at breakfast and I don’t remember seeing you at dinner last night.”
Harry looked back down at the plate in front of him but couldn’t quite keep the grimace off his face. Although the food was as healthy as it could get; green beans, pumpkin, beetroot and even a slice of cold meat, it was way too much and Harry felt his stomach squirm by just looking at all the food.
Snape glanced significantly from the plate to Harry and back then folded his arms and kept staring at Harry.
Repressing a sigh and forcing his stomach to stay put, Harry lifted a fork-full of beans to his mouth and hesitantly ate the bite.
He hated eating in front of anyone but realized that he had no choice, unless he wanted Snape to spoon-feed him personally. No, rather not.
Snape began talking while Harry ate but the topic of discussion only made Harry queasier.
“What we discovered last night will stay between the two of us, do I make myself clear?” It was the first time Snape had expressed any emotion towards Harry in 24 hours and Harry was a bit relieved to see the sneer and iciness back in Snape’s gaze.
He had dreaded seeing pity or anything similar in Snape’s face but it was unnecessary worry. Snape was his old bastard self once again.
Harry nodded his head in answer and took another bite as that gaze once again settled on his plate clearly saying ‘Eat or suffer the consequences’.
“No-one knows about what my father used to do to me. No one knows what a pedophile he was and no-one other than you will ever know.” The tone made it clear that there was no arguing the point.
“What he did was wrong, yes, but he was my father and he provided a roof over my head. I can only assume that you had acted accordingly when we had had that unfortunate ‘switch’ of bodies as he had only been a little displeased with me when I had returned. I want to thank you for that, Potter. No one else would have put up with what he did and everything would have been exposed wide open. My father would most likely have bribed his way out of Azkaban or any other prison and would have fled with me and my mother. I dread to think what he would have done to me or my mother if that should have happened.”
Harry had long since abandoned any idea on eating.
He was too horrified by what he was hearing.
The self-pity he had been dwelling on the whole day was changing into horror. Yes, he had been ridden of his innocence in the vilest way possible, but that had been once. Once, when he had been too young to really understand what was happening and what’s more, he had not remembered anything that had happened. Now, six years later he was wallowing about something which happened years ago, something he had no control over and something which someone else had suffered for years.
There could even be some of the students at Hogwarts now, whom was suffering way more than him and what did he do? He wallowed in self-pity! Thoroughly disgusted with himself, Harry pushed his plate of food away from himself and stood up.
Snape was watching him with narrowed eyes but Harry ignored it.
Snape had thanked him. THANKED him for rather enduring those horrible advances from the ‘adult Snape’ at that time rather than going to the authorities to report the happenings of that house.
He would have been only too grateful if someone else had had the guts to go to the authorities on the abuse at his own home, but what Snape had suffered was worse, so much worse.
And rather than being angry at Harry for not ending that abuse, ending those horrible nights that he had suffered at the hands of his own ‘father’, he had thanked him for keeping quiet.
There was something seriously wrong with this picture.
Then Harry remembered his own feelings, and those directed at the Dursley’s.
Yes, he would have appreciated it if someone could have done something to lessen the abuse he suffered. He would have appreciated any help really but he would not have appreciated being removed from his last family.
Family meant everything to him, even if that family abused him; they at least let him into their home and kept a roof over his head. He had always hoped (still did at times) that he would one day please his aunt and uncle enough that they would show him something other than hatred and censure. To be removed from them would mean that he had no one. No one to call family, no one to please – or at least try to please.
He understood exactly how Snape felt and felt a new understanding develop towards his surly, ‘hatefull’ professor. He tried real hard to deny it but he knew that he would never see Snape in the same light again.
There was so much more to his professor that Harry couldn’t help but be curious about all the layers Snape hid beneath.
*--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*
Severus narrowed his eyes at the boy. He had said more than he had wanted too but it was out now and he just had to wait to see the boy’s reaction.
Seeing Harry’s face contort into horror was not what he was expecting and he forced his face into an emotionless mask.
He would take whatever the boy wanted to lash out with. It had been his father whom had taken the boy’s innocence and he knew that he would not stop the boy if he wanted to lash out at him for what had happened.
The thanks he had expressed had slipped out before he could stop himself but as soon as it left his mouth he knew it was the right thing to do.
No one else would have done what this boy had done and he had to acknowledge it somehow.
He cringed inwardly as he thought of what his father had done to this boy and knew that nothing would ever be enough to make up for that. He just hoped that the boy would keep his mouth shut and not blab everything out in the open.
He would really not blame the boy if he did blab everything out but he hoped to Merlin that that would not happen.
He could just see everyone’s faces. Laughter from the Gryffindors, pity from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw and Slytherin, Slytherin would be the worst. They would loose any and all faith they had in him. They would see how weak he truly was and turn their backs on him.
No, rather not think of that.
He was brought back to the present when a tentative voice reached his ears.
“Your secret is safe with me Professor and I in turn would like to express my thanks to you sir.”
Severus stared at the boy in front of him, looking for signs of deception, pity or what he most expected: hate. He saw only understanding and something which looked like determination.
He didn’t know what the boy was determined about but hoped to Merlin that it had nothing to do with him. Seeing as he had just spilled his innermost thoughts to the boy, he knew it could only have something to do with him. He just didn’t know what.
End Chapter 5
This chapter was surprisingly difficult to write. I hope it was up to my previous ‘standards’ and did not disappoint you.
It was a bit of a twist on the plot but not too much. Both Severus and Harry has deep wounds on their hearts and it will take a while to work through them up to a point where they could accept compassion or even love from someone else.
I would also like to point out that English is NOT my first language so if you find any grammar or spelling mistakes, please ignore them.
I\'ll try my best to have the next chapter out tomorrow.
What did you think?
Review please!!!