Flame of Existence
folder
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Snape/Hermione
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
18
Views:
16,425
Reviews:
155
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Snape/Hermione
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
18
Views:
16,425
Reviews:
155
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter Four
--> See Introduction for warnings/disclaimer.
FLAME OF EXISTENCE
/ by Bella
Chapter Four
Professor Dumbledore walked into his office later that evening to find Minerva McGonagall sitting in the chair beside his desk wringing her hands.
“Albus ” Professor McGonagall jumped up from the chair and ran over to the Headmaster. “I just paid a visit to Miss Granger. She looks... awful. What in the world is going on here?”
Albus made his way over to the large chair behind his desk and sat down, sighing loudly. “Hermione is going through a rough time right now. She is torn between two decisions, and because of her indecision, she has made herself ill. No need for you to worry over her as well, Minerva. Professor Snape is–“
“Severus? How in the world–“ she stopped for a moment, crossed her hands over her chest and said firmly, “I’m her Head-of-House. I should be worrying over her.”
“You’ve always had a very large heart, my dear. But in this case, I suppose Severus is the only one who can sort out Miss Granger’s current... problem.” Professor Dumbledore folded his hands together and rested his chin on top of them.
“I don’t understand. Professor Snape is–“
“A very good man... and a wizard, Minerva. He has a hidden heart, but it is there. I would trust my own life in his hands.”
Professor McGonagall walked over to the front of Dumbledore’s desk, leaned down, and gently placed her hands on the top of it. Her words following were calm, suspicious, and had a hint of skepticism in them. “What is cooking in that mind of yours, Albus Dumbledore?”
The Headmaster smiled and popped a lemon drop in his mouth while looking his dear friend straight in the eyes. “I haven’t planned anything that wasn’t already planned in the minds, and hearts for that matter of Hermione and Severus. Something tragic has happened to Hermione, yet she will not confess it to me or her best friend, Harry. Minerva, I firmly believe that she will speak to Severus. I’d bet my lifetime supply of lemon drops on it.”
As an afterthought, he popped another into his mouth and smiled at Professor McGonagall. “You must have faith in the Fates, dear. Whatever happens once Hermione is free from the Devil’s Snare that is currently wrapped around her heart, will happen. Neither you nor I will have a say in it.”
“But Albus, you have a great influence–“ Minerva was interrupted once again by Dumbledore’s voice.
“My dear, you flatter me.” He smiled at her, eyes twinkling, as he offered her the dish of lemon drops..
{--------------------------------------------}
The clouds over Hogwarts had cleared soon after midday, replacing the skies with nothing but clear blue. The damp grounds aired, but did not dry completely, and as night fell, the crickets of late summer and the fireflies all came out to play.
The moon was bright that night, full and lighting the grounds of Hogwarts below. Those who truly appreciate the dangling, yet powerful lamp in the night sky could hear her sing.
With his face turned upwards toward the sky, any observer would see the sharp planes of Severus’s face in contrast of shadows and light. His thoughts were currently on the accusation Dumbledore had spoken many hours ago outside of the infirmary.
Accusing me of already ‘helping’ that... Gryffindor. What nerve that old wizard has
It is rumored that Dumbledore has an ear for knowing everything that happens at Hogwarts, but Severus never believed the rumor until now. Digging the edge of his boot into the moist ground, he thought about what he was to do next.
Severus knew he couldn’t go directly to the girl and demand, “Tell me everything - especially about the night Draco Malfoy forcefully removed your shirt.” It would be wrong and rude. Wait, he was rude, wasn’t he? Maybe being blunt would get the job done.
He shook his head. It would just frighten the little chit. He figured that maybe he could just keep doing legilimens on her until he got the whole store straight, and maybe on Draco as well.
Satisfied with his plan so far, he straightened up and began to walk back inside. Glancing up at the Headmaster’s office, he cursed Dumbledore for putting him in this very unwanted position.
His dungeon rooms were chilly, as all dungeon rooms usually were, and dark. With the flick of his wand, the large fireplace at the end of his study was lit and he sat comfortably down in a chair opposite of it.
Having grabbed a fresh bottle of Firewhiskey on his way into his study, he propped his tired feet up on the table and sighed. It was going to be a long night that night, he thought to himself. And an even longer double potions with Slytherin and Gryffindor in the morning.
{--------------------------------------------}
Hermione paced the tiled floor in front of her bed, looking down worriedly at the many pamphlets Madam Pompfrey had given her before she left. She contemplated reading them.
They might be useful, she told herself. Yet, she couldn’t bring herself to actually looking at them. She was scared, in a way, that the books might pinpoint her actual problem. She knew exactly what was wrong with her, or at least she thought she knew.
She had been raped, for Merlin’s sake Did they really expect her to recover so quickly?
You haven’t told anyone, Hermione, a voice in her head told her. How can they expect you to be anything but normal? Right now, knowing how you’ve been acting will only make them think you are going off your rocker.
She sighed and sat down on the edge of her bed and picked up the first pamphlet. These were magical pamphlets that have a variety of subtopics concerning a certain topic. The one she was holding was labeled, “Sexual Intercourse.”
Gathering up as much courage as she could, Hermione opened the pamphlet and was greeted by a pop-up menu that had many choices concerning sex.
1. Basics of Sexual Intercourse
2. Sexuality
3. STD Statistics
4. Pregnancy
5. Rape
6. Frequently Asked Questions
7. Resources
8. Abortion - It’s Your Choice
Hermione pointed to number five and a whole other menu appeared.
1. Rape Hotline - One point away
2. Have You Been Raped? How to tell.
3. After Effects & How to Deal
4. You Are Not Alone - Other Rape Victims’ Stories
5. Self Protection - Avoiding Rape
Hermione stared at the list, her throat tightening and her eyes burning with unshed tears, and she wondered silently if all of her recent questions could be answered through one little booklet. Snapping the pamphlet shut, she threw it across the room and threw her head into her hands, sobbing.
“Why me?” She curled into the fetal position at the end of her bed and cried for a long time. Eventually, she flicked the lights out with her wand and stared out of the lone window. The moon’s light filtered through and landed on the restless young woman.
Finally Hermione’s heart stopped pounding in her chest, and she was able to walk over to the discarded pamphlet and opened it up. For the better part of an hour, she red the pop-up menu and content, only to discover that her reactions were completely normal, and that the ‘how to deal’ part of number two didn’t really seem feasible.
How To Deal
1. Talk to your family and friends – they will listen.
2. Write your traumatic experience out on paper.
3. Eat nutritional foods and exercise.
4. Get the proper amount of sleep.
1. She couldn’t talk to her family or friends. Exposing the event she had recently went through would only cause her further grief. Draco would be convicted and possibly expelled from school. The Malfoy’s held a lot of power in the wizarding community and she couldn’t dare risk exposing the rape.
2. She just couldn’t see how writing about it could help.
3. She couldn’t hold down a decent meal, and exercise when all she wanted to do was lay around?
4. Nightmares plagued her dreams. Of course, she could ask Poppy or Snape for a Dreamless Sleep Draught, but she would rather endear many sleepless nights then have Poppy turn all motherly on her, or Snape sneer and make fun at her.
Closing the pamphlet once again, Hermione tossed it aside with the rest of them and climbed to the head of her bed, where she wiggled her way under the covers. Her eyes, unrested for many nights now, closed, only to be plagued with the same nightmare again.
In the morning, she had found that she had gotten at least four hours of dreamless sleep, and three hours of nightmares or no sleep at all. She got out of her bed, feeling a little less restless, and walked into her private Head Girl bathroom to take a shower. The warm water eased the tension in her shoulders and back a bit as she stood under the head. Cleaning herself to the point of rawness again, an almost ritual with her, she watched the blood trickle down from her dark red thighs into the swirling whirlpool at her feet.
Hermione got out and dried herself gently, not wanting to make her sore thighs even more chaffed. She dressed quickly, and for the first time in many meals, she walked into the Great Hall for breakfast. Granted, she was late, so when the large doors leading into the Great Hall opened, almost every attending eye turned to watch her go to the Gryffindor table.
At the Head Table, most of the teachers had stopped to watch the very thin Hermione take a seat beside her surprised friends. Snape watched from his seat between Professor McGonagall and Professor Flitwick. His eyes darted over to the Slytherin table where a pompous Draco Malfoy pointed and laughed with his two best ‘friends’, Goyle and Crabbe.
When the chatter picked up again and breakfast was almost over, Snape exited early as always. He went to his classroom to prepare for his first class - the seventh-year Slytherin and Gryffindor class that was surely to piss him off as always.
He took out the ingredients that were going to be needed and wrote the procedures on the side board. He purposefully putting them up on the Gryffindor side, so that Hermione would have to look towards Draco. Today’s lab would be easy for the advanced students, giving them more chances to talk to each other. Snape had planned on staying out of the way and simply observing the actions between Draco and Hermione.
Giving that his plan was almost perfect for what he needed to find out, Snape quietly left the classroom and went to his private quarters where he downed a few shots of firewhiskey for strength.
Entering the classroom a half-second late as usually, with his robes billowing out like smoke behind him, Snape snapped at the class.
“In your seats, now Instructions are on the board. Try and keep your wandering minds on your potion today, as I have work of my own to complete. As usual, samples of your potions are to be bottled and stopped and brought up to me at the end of class. You may start now, and Mr. Longbottom, try not to melt any cauldrons today. How you made it here in the first place is beyond me.”
He sneered down at him and took a seat behind his desk, grabbing his quill and a spare piece of parchment. His eyes darted to Hermione, with whom he was ‘glad’ had decided to attend class that day. Then he looked over at Draco Malfoy, who was sneering over at the only Gryffindor female to make it to advanced potions.
Hermione walked up to the front of the classroom and got the materials she needed to properly brew the potion. She felt a robe swish behind her and then a hand firmly squeeze her buttocks. She jumped forward, causing a few vials on the edge to go crashing down to the ground, and then turned quickly to see who the culprit was.
Draco Malfoy, of course, stood behind her grinning, looking every-so-often back at his fellow Slytherins who were egging him on.
Hermione’s eyes narrowed and then widened and she ran back to her desk with her arms full of the stuff.
Snape watched the interaction, but did not say anything. He grabbed his wand and repaired the three vials, moving them back on to the table with magic. Nobody besides the other Slytherins had noticed what had happened. The Gryffindor gits were too busy talking amongst themselves to actually notice anything.
Hermione sat at her lab station and closed her eyes, trying to even out her breath and not cry. The rims of her eyes reddened as she set up the cauldron and added the first few ingredients with shaky hands. Snape looked between the two distinct groups and noticed that none of them were even acknowledging his existence.
Picking up his wand from the table, he quietly cast ‘legilimens’ on Hermione and was greeted once again with a picture-slide of memories. Hermione was being splashed by Moaning Myrtle in the deserted lavatory. She was fifteen and running away from the Deatheaters in the Ministry of Magic. Draco was pushing her to the ground and ripping off her shirt.
He focused on the one memory, and was flooded with several images at once. Snape watched as Hermione’s memory of Draco taking off her shirt expanded into Draco taking off her pants and the her undergarments. Hermione fought him, trying to get him away, but Draco was too strong for resistence.
He could feel Hermione’s courage slip as she gave way to Draco violating her. He watched, silently from the solitude of his desk as Draco raped her, leaving her in the hall naked and bleeding. Another image of Hermione in the shower, steam everywhere, washing herself of Draco’s seed.
He watched another memory of her vomiting into the loo the next morning. Her going to Madam Pompfrey and asking for a special potion.
He pulled out then, and watched as Hermione’s trance ended and she looked around, confused. Her large brown eyes darted around the classroom and landed on Draco, hate evident as they narrowed to slits.
Snape felt his teeth clench together, fighting the urge to get up and rip the boy’s head off of his shoulders. He had never really respected Hermione Granger as he had now. She was trying to show strength by not saying or confessing anything. She was smarter than he had ever imagined– he knew she was keeping quiet for her own good.
His eyes softened at the sight of her, in a respectful way, almost caring. When the class was minutes from being over, he gave the time alert and the students bottled their potions and brought them to the front.
Hermione appeared in front of him last and he took the potion from her.
“Well, it’s nice to see that you still know how to brew a potion, Miss Granger.” His voice bit at her temper, but she refused to retort. Snape remembered her begging Dumbledore to send him away in the infirmary, and his eyes narrowed a bit.
Why the hell should I help this little, ungrateful child? He asked himself as he watched her pack her things away.
The answer was simple: He already knew too much
{--------------------------------------------}
Later that evening, before having to serve detention with Snape, Hermione found herself sitting in front of the fire. In front of her was the CD collection she had asked her mother to send to her, and her CD player, which she had charmed to work on the grounds of Hogwarts.
The music was loud in her ears, and there were thick tears of agony running down her cheeks.
Why, bleeding is breathing
You\'re hiding underneath the smoke in the room
Try, bleeding is believing
I saw you crawling on the floor
Why, bleeding is breathing
You\'re hiding underneath the smoke in the room
Try, bleeding is believing
With each word, a new tear formed in her hollow eyes, and she found herself running the edge of razor lightly across the top of her forearm, and wondering if things would ever get better.
End of Chapter Four / To Be Continued
A/N: Lyrics are credited to Natalie Imbruglia --“Smoke”. I tried to find a singer/song from the late 90\'s that could correspond to this time of the story, and I found her. :) (Thanks, Sarah123 for clearing up the whole British/Aus. thing. I\'m America, and I could have sworn that I read British. LOL)
Yes, I know... a lot of angst, but you must try to understand that it is really necessary with what Hermione’s been through.
Also, thanks for the reviews As always, your imput on the story always gives me ideas and motivation. :) Keep the reviews coming - I really appreciate the constructive criticism.
FLAME OF EXISTENCE
/ by Bella
Chapter Four
Professor Dumbledore walked into his office later that evening to find Minerva McGonagall sitting in the chair beside his desk wringing her hands.
“Albus ” Professor McGonagall jumped up from the chair and ran over to the Headmaster. “I just paid a visit to Miss Granger. She looks... awful. What in the world is going on here?”
Albus made his way over to the large chair behind his desk and sat down, sighing loudly. “Hermione is going through a rough time right now. She is torn between two decisions, and because of her indecision, she has made herself ill. No need for you to worry over her as well, Minerva. Professor Snape is–“
“Severus? How in the world–“ she stopped for a moment, crossed her hands over her chest and said firmly, “I’m her Head-of-House. I should be worrying over her.”
“You’ve always had a very large heart, my dear. But in this case, I suppose Severus is the only one who can sort out Miss Granger’s current... problem.” Professor Dumbledore folded his hands together and rested his chin on top of them.
“I don’t understand. Professor Snape is–“
“A very good man... and a wizard, Minerva. He has a hidden heart, but it is there. I would trust my own life in his hands.”
Professor McGonagall walked over to the front of Dumbledore’s desk, leaned down, and gently placed her hands on the top of it. Her words following were calm, suspicious, and had a hint of skepticism in them. “What is cooking in that mind of yours, Albus Dumbledore?”
The Headmaster smiled and popped a lemon drop in his mouth while looking his dear friend straight in the eyes. “I haven’t planned anything that wasn’t already planned in the minds, and hearts for that matter of Hermione and Severus. Something tragic has happened to Hermione, yet she will not confess it to me or her best friend, Harry. Minerva, I firmly believe that she will speak to Severus. I’d bet my lifetime supply of lemon drops on it.”
As an afterthought, he popped another into his mouth and smiled at Professor McGonagall. “You must have faith in the Fates, dear. Whatever happens once Hermione is free from the Devil’s Snare that is currently wrapped around her heart, will happen. Neither you nor I will have a say in it.”
“But Albus, you have a great influence–“ Minerva was interrupted once again by Dumbledore’s voice.
“My dear, you flatter me.” He smiled at her, eyes twinkling, as he offered her the dish of lemon drops..
The clouds over Hogwarts had cleared soon after midday, replacing the skies with nothing but clear blue. The damp grounds aired, but did not dry completely, and as night fell, the crickets of late summer and the fireflies all came out to play.
The moon was bright that night, full and lighting the grounds of Hogwarts below. Those who truly appreciate the dangling, yet powerful lamp in the night sky could hear her sing.
With his face turned upwards toward the sky, any observer would see the sharp planes of Severus’s face in contrast of shadows and light. His thoughts were currently on the accusation Dumbledore had spoken many hours ago outside of the infirmary.
Accusing me of already ‘helping’ that... Gryffindor. What nerve that old wizard has
It is rumored that Dumbledore has an ear for knowing everything that happens at Hogwarts, but Severus never believed the rumor until now. Digging the edge of his boot into the moist ground, he thought about what he was to do next.
Severus knew he couldn’t go directly to the girl and demand, “Tell me everything - especially about the night Draco Malfoy forcefully removed your shirt.” It would be wrong and rude. Wait, he was rude, wasn’t he? Maybe being blunt would get the job done.
He shook his head. It would just frighten the little chit. He figured that maybe he could just keep doing legilimens on her until he got the whole store straight, and maybe on Draco as well.
Satisfied with his plan so far, he straightened up and began to walk back inside. Glancing up at the Headmaster’s office, he cursed Dumbledore for putting him in this very unwanted position.
His dungeon rooms were chilly, as all dungeon rooms usually were, and dark. With the flick of his wand, the large fireplace at the end of his study was lit and he sat comfortably down in a chair opposite of it.
Having grabbed a fresh bottle of Firewhiskey on his way into his study, he propped his tired feet up on the table and sighed. It was going to be a long night that night, he thought to himself. And an even longer double potions with Slytherin and Gryffindor in the morning.
Hermione paced the tiled floor in front of her bed, looking down worriedly at the many pamphlets Madam Pompfrey had given her before she left. She contemplated reading them.
They might be useful, she told herself. Yet, she couldn’t bring herself to actually looking at them. She was scared, in a way, that the books might pinpoint her actual problem. She knew exactly what was wrong with her, or at least she thought she knew.
She had been raped, for Merlin’s sake Did they really expect her to recover so quickly?
You haven’t told anyone, Hermione, a voice in her head told her. How can they expect you to be anything but normal? Right now, knowing how you’ve been acting will only make them think you are going off your rocker.
She sighed and sat down on the edge of her bed and picked up the first pamphlet. These were magical pamphlets that have a variety of subtopics concerning a certain topic. The one she was holding was labeled, “Sexual Intercourse.”
Gathering up as much courage as she could, Hermione opened the pamphlet and was greeted by a pop-up menu that had many choices concerning sex.
1. Basics of Sexual Intercourse
2. Sexuality
3. STD Statistics
4. Pregnancy
5. Rape
6. Frequently Asked Questions
7. Resources
8. Abortion - It’s Your Choice
Hermione pointed to number five and a whole other menu appeared.
1. Rape Hotline - One point away
2. Have You Been Raped? How to tell.
3. After Effects & How to Deal
4. You Are Not Alone - Other Rape Victims’ Stories
5. Self Protection - Avoiding Rape
Hermione stared at the list, her throat tightening and her eyes burning with unshed tears, and she wondered silently if all of her recent questions could be answered through one little booklet. Snapping the pamphlet shut, she threw it across the room and threw her head into her hands, sobbing.
“Why me?” She curled into the fetal position at the end of her bed and cried for a long time. Eventually, she flicked the lights out with her wand and stared out of the lone window. The moon’s light filtered through and landed on the restless young woman.
Finally Hermione’s heart stopped pounding in her chest, and she was able to walk over to the discarded pamphlet and opened it up. For the better part of an hour, she red the pop-up menu and content, only to discover that her reactions were completely normal, and that the ‘how to deal’ part of number two didn’t really seem feasible.
How To Deal
1. Talk to your family and friends – they will listen.
2. Write your traumatic experience out on paper.
3. Eat nutritional foods and exercise.
4. Get the proper amount of sleep.
1. She couldn’t talk to her family or friends. Exposing the event she had recently went through would only cause her further grief. Draco would be convicted and possibly expelled from school. The Malfoy’s held a lot of power in the wizarding community and she couldn’t dare risk exposing the rape.
2. She just couldn’t see how writing about it could help.
3. She couldn’t hold down a decent meal, and exercise when all she wanted to do was lay around?
4. Nightmares plagued her dreams. Of course, she could ask Poppy or Snape for a Dreamless Sleep Draught, but she would rather endear many sleepless nights then have Poppy turn all motherly on her, or Snape sneer and make fun at her.
Closing the pamphlet once again, Hermione tossed it aside with the rest of them and climbed to the head of her bed, where she wiggled her way under the covers. Her eyes, unrested for many nights now, closed, only to be plagued with the same nightmare again.
In the morning, she had found that she had gotten at least four hours of dreamless sleep, and three hours of nightmares or no sleep at all. She got out of her bed, feeling a little less restless, and walked into her private Head Girl bathroom to take a shower. The warm water eased the tension in her shoulders and back a bit as she stood under the head. Cleaning herself to the point of rawness again, an almost ritual with her, she watched the blood trickle down from her dark red thighs into the swirling whirlpool at her feet.
Hermione got out and dried herself gently, not wanting to make her sore thighs even more chaffed. She dressed quickly, and for the first time in many meals, she walked into the Great Hall for breakfast. Granted, she was late, so when the large doors leading into the Great Hall opened, almost every attending eye turned to watch her go to the Gryffindor table.
At the Head Table, most of the teachers had stopped to watch the very thin Hermione take a seat beside her surprised friends. Snape watched from his seat between Professor McGonagall and Professor Flitwick. His eyes darted over to the Slytherin table where a pompous Draco Malfoy pointed and laughed with his two best ‘friends’, Goyle and Crabbe.
When the chatter picked up again and breakfast was almost over, Snape exited early as always. He went to his classroom to prepare for his first class - the seventh-year Slytherin and Gryffindor class that was surely to piss him off as always.
He took out the ingredients that were going to be needed and wrote the procedures on the side board. He purposefully putting them up on the Gryffindor side, so that Hermione would have to look towards Draco. Today’s lab would be easy for the advanced students, giving them more chances to talk to each other. Snape had planned on staying out of the way and simply observing the actions between Draco and Hermione.
Giving that his plan was almost perfect for what he needed to find out, Snape quietly left the classroom and went to his private quarters where he downed a few shots of firewhiskey for strength.
Entering the classroom a half-second late as usually, with his robes billowing out like smoke behind him, Snape snapped at the class.
“In your seats, now Instructions are on the board. Try and keep your wandering minds on your potion today, as I have work of my own to complete. As usual, samples of your potions are to be bottled and stopped and brought up to me at the end of class. You may start now, and Mr. Longbottom, try not to melt any cauldrons today. How you made it here in the first place is beyond me.”
He sneered down at him and took a seat behind his desk, grabbing his quill and a spare piece of parchment. His eyes darted to Hermione, with whom he was ‘glad’ had decided to attend class that day. Then he looked over at Draco Malfoy, who was sneering over at the only Gryffindor female to make it to advanced potions.
Hermione walked up to the front of the classroom and got the materials she needed to properly brew the potion. She felt a robe swish behind her and then a hand firmly squeeze her buttocks. She jumped forward, causing a few vials on the edge to go crashing down to the ground, and then turned quickly to see who the culprit was.
Draco Malfoy, of course, stood behind her grinning, looking every-so-often back at his fellow Slytherins who were egging him on.
Hermione’s eyes narrowed and then widened and she ran back to her desk with her arms full of the stuff.
Snape watched the interaction, but did not say anything. He grabbed his wand and repaired the three vials, moving them back on to the table with magic. Nobody besides the other Slytherins had noticed what had happened. The Gryffindor gits were too busy talking amongst themselves to actually notice anything.
Hermione sat at her lab station and closed her eyes, trying to even out her breath and not cry. The rims of her eyes reddened as she set up the cauldron and added the first few ingredients with shaky hands. Snape looked between the two distinct groups and noticed that none of them were even acknowledging his existence.
Picking up his wand from the table, he quietly cast ‘legilimens’ on Hermione and was greeted once again with a picture-slide of memories. Hermione was being splashed by Moaning Myrtle in the deserted lavatory. She was fifteen and running away from the Deatheaters in the Ministry of Magic. Draco was pushing her to the ground and ripping off her shirt.
He focused on the one memory, and was flooded with several images at once. Snape watched as Hermione’s memory of Draco taking off her shirt expanded into Draco taking off her pants and the her undergarments. Hermione fought him, trying to get him away, but Draco was too strong for resistence.
He could feel Hermione’s courage slip as she gave way to Draco violating her. He watched, silently from the solitude of his desk as Draco raped her, leaving her in the hall naked and bleeding. Another image of Hermione in the shower, steam everywhere, washing herself of Draco’s seed.
He watched another memory of her vomiting into the loo the next morning. Her going to Madam Pompfrey and asking for a special potion.
He pulled out then, and watched as Hermione’s trance ended and she looked around, confused. Her large brown eyes darted around the classroom and landed on Draco, hate evident as they narrowed to slits.
Snape felt his teeth clench together, fighting the urge to get up and rip the boy’s head off of his shoulders. He had never really respected Hermione Granger as he had now. She was trying to show strength by not saying or confessing anything. She was smarter than he had ever imagined– he knew she was keeping quiet for her own good.
His eyes softened at the sight of her, in a respectful way, almost caring. When the class was minutes from being over, he gave the time alert and the students bottled their potions and brought them to the front.
Hermione appeared in front of him last and he took the potion from her.
“Well, it’s nice to see that you still know how to brew a potion, Miss Granger.” His voice bit at her temper, but she refused to retort. Snape remembered her begging Dumbledore to send him away in the infirmary, and his eyes narrowed a bit.
Why the hell should I help this little, ungrateful child? He asked himself as he watched her pack her things away.
The answer was simple: He already knew too much
Later that evening, before having to serve detention with Snape, Hermione found herself sitting in front of the fire. In front of her was the CD collection she had asked her mother to send to her, and her CD player, which she had charmed to work on the grounds of Hogwarts.
The music was loud in her ears, and there were thick tears of agony running down her cheeks.
Why, bleeding is breathing
You\'re hiding underneath the smoke in the room
Try, bleeding is believing
I saw you crawling on the floor
Why, bleeding is breathing
You\'re hiding underneath the smoke in the room
Try, bleeding is believing
With each word, a new tear formed in her hollow eyes, and she found herself running the edge of razor lightly across the top of her forearm, and wondering if things would ever get better.
End of Chapter Four / To Be Continued
A/N: Lyrics are credited to Natalie Imbruglia --“Smoke”. I tried to find a singer/song from the late 90\'s that could correspond to this time of the story, and I found her. :) (Thanks, Sarah123 for clearing up the whole British/Aus. thing. I\'m America, and I could have sworn that I read British. LOL)
Yes, I know... a lot of angst, but you must try to understand that it is really necessary with what Hermione’s been through.
Also, thanks for the reviews As always, your imput on the story always gives me ideas and motivation. :) Keep the reviews coming - I really appreciate the constructive criticism.