In My Mind

Disclaimer: Same as previous chapters.

A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews guys. As always, feeding the author with reviews means feeding the muse who pushes said author to write. =D

Jessica: Now we get to see what happens when everyone else sees him!! *squees happily* And we get to see just how Slytherin Duncan is!!

antipyro: Cripes no that\'s not the end!! After this chap, it\'s going to get all fluffy and very OOC. =D Hermione and Remus will not have anything going on in this story...that\'s in To Teach...oops...and we will see some hot male preggers sex *blinks* *ewwwww!*, Dumbledore will offer and eat more lemon drops, and our little viper will be born. =D Yes, Zak and Ivan RULE!! Zak found my story, Like Muggles Do...Sort of, and insisted that he and Ivan were like my silly gay sidekicks from that story. Answering reviews is really my way of thanking my readers. If you guys didn\'t review, then how would I know if you guys like my stories?

Blackrose: Moldie Voldie is gone for good, so he shan\'t be annoying our hero\'s again. lol duncan will be born, eventually and with all of his finger and toes. =)

Shaddow: Duncan has taken residence back up in his body and we will see more interaction with he and our dearest potions in the chapter after this. This chapter is a bit angsty, but the rest of the story is going to be complete, total fluff. LOL!

CC: I did mean for it to be that fast. I actually mulled over dragging it out a bit more, but my muse got bored and decided that the story needed to move on. (Read that as: My muse was having problems with creativity and she didn\'t know where to go next.) I re-read your review and I see where you\'re coming from. =) I wasn\'t much older when I read 1984, so I understand where you are coming from. My email is lightgoddess@gmail.com. Just put something in reference to AFF or this story in the subject.

Memdrake: Nope, this isn\'t the end....it\'s going to end in one big ball of fluff...


In less than ten minutes, all of the Weasley’s, Dumbledore, Hermione, and Remus were standing around Harry’s bed clapping him on the shoulder, hugging him, congratulating him, and talking at the same time. He sat there, at first happy that everyone was there to welcome him back, but that quickly melted away into irritation at the idle chatter and that dissolved into pure unadulterated fear. Tears welled up in his eyes and he began to shake uncontrollably. No one noticed his agitation until he screamed, “Enough!”

Harry threw the blanket on the bed over his head and hunkered down, drawing the pillow over his ears before quietly saying, “Please leave.”

Everyone, including Madame Pomfrey was bewildered at his reaction. She shooed everyone out of the infirmary and went back to check up on her distressed patient. “Harry?” She asked softly. “It’s alright, I’ve sent them all away. Will you come out for me?”

The lump under the blanket was still shaking violently, but he pushed the pillow from his face and peeked out of under the blanket. Harry’s face was stained with tears as the medi-witch gently coaxed him back up on the bed. Helplessness was written all over his face when he next looked at her. “Why?” He croaked out.

She smiled and took his hand. “I’m afraid that you’ve just been overwhelmed. It could be your hormones, or it could be the fact that you’ve spent the last two months in almost total isolation in your coma. Would you still like to see them? Maybe if we allow them in one at a time it would be easier for you.”

He shook his head in agreement. “Will you send in Herm and Mrs. Weasley first?”

The matronly witch smiled and patted his trembling hand. When she returned, she had both witches with her. Mrs. Weasley sat on the bed and hugged the young man. She smiled down at him and tears spilled over her cheeks. “I’m so glad you’re back, Harry.” She hugged him again and kissed the top of his head.

Hermione stepped up to the other side of the bed and took his frail looking hand. Tears had been freely running down her cheeks from the moment that she stepped into the infirmary, seeing her best friend was indeed awake. He smiled brilliantly at her and pulled her onto the bed. He pulled from Molly’s grasp and wrapped his best friend in a tight hug. Tears welled up in his eyes. “My savior,” he said into her hair.

She looked up into his watery green eyes and kissed his cheek. “Not me, Harry. I just stumbled onto a piece of the puzzle. You did it, yet again. I’m so glad you’re back.”

He sat there for several minutes with both women, holding them and being held. There was little in the way of conversation, and what was said was whispered. Before long, Madame Pomfrey led the two women from the room with Harry asking to see Remus. The werewolf stepped in and looked at the young man who’d become like a son to him. “Harry?” He asked cautiously.

He smiled warmly at Remus and patted the side of the bed. “It’s me,” he said, voice still a bit gravelly.

Remus leaned over and hugged Harry close. The young man sobbed into his chest and began to mumble apologies for the way he reacted. Shushing him, Remus whispered, “It’s okay. After so long in the solitude of your mind, I can’t imagine you acting in any other way. Besides, you’re pregnant. It’s perfectly acceptable for you to break down after such a trauma.”

Harry looked up into Remus’ kind brown eyes and wiped his own face. “I know you’re right, Remus. I just…I don’t know what I thought.”

“Don’t worry, little one. It’s going to take some time to adjust.”

Sitting back on his bed, the green-eyed man took his surrogate father’s hand in a gesture of comfort. “So, will you tell me a little about Duncan?” The werewolf asked.

Harry’s eyes glassed over and he smiled as he stared out into space. “I can’t wait for him to be born, Remus. When he showed up in my sanctuary, I was a bit bewildered. Then I practically cried when I figured out why he was there. I’m going to finally have a family, Remus.”

“What about Severus?” The older man asked cautiously.

“It’s purely his decision. I’ve told him about Duncan. He got to meet him, several times. I mean, it’s obvious that he feels the same about me that I do him, but in true Snape style, he ignores it. So, I’m going to try to get to know Sev a bit more through the next few months and if he just won’t cooperate, then I’ll leave and take Duncan with me. He can come find us.” Remus raised an eyebrow at his young charge. The young man squeezed his hand. “I won’t beg him to be a part of our son’s life. It has to be something he wants to do, Remus. Besides, we’ll only either be a Grimmauld seeing Uncle Remus or at my cottage in Hogsmeade. It’s not like I’m going disappear and make him look for us. I couldn’t do that to Duncan or Sev.”

“What if he wants you to stay at the castle?” Remus asked, curiosity evident.

“My decision will depend on a lot of things if he asks that,” was the matter-of-fact reply.

“Harry, you’re being very mature about this whole ordeal. I wouldn’t expect it from a nineteen year old.”

“I’ve had a lot of time to think, Remus. I mean yes, I love Severus Snape and obviously he feels the same way, but for whatever reason he’s not come to terms with it yet. It’s not like Duncan will ever have to want for anything just because we don’t get together or whatever. It’s always been my dream to have a family. Under no circumstances will Duncan feel unloved or unwanted, even if his father doesn’t want anything to do with us.” At this point, Harry began to tear up.

Remus held him knowing that what he’d said was untrue. It would kill Harry if Severus wanted nothing to do with his child because Duncan was also Harry’s.

Soon Madame Pomfrey was shooing Remus from the infirmary and telling the other Weasley’s and Dumbledore that they’d have to wait to see Harry. The young man had fallen into a troubled sleep in Remus’ strong arms.

Somewhere near midnight, a dark figure slinked into the shadows of the infirmary. When the large group of well wishers had arrived earlier, Severus Snape retreated back into his dungeons. He’d puzzled over Harry’s joy at seeing him upon waking and decided that the boy had been delirious.

He stood there looking at the sleeping form of the man who’d saved them all. For years, he’d masked what he’d been feeling for the young man with vicious sneers and austere comments for which he’d received as good as he’d given. Now, there was no doubt that what he’d denied for so long was not only real, but also returned.

“You don’t have to stand in the shadows,” said the sleep-roughened voice from the bed Severus had been staring at for several minutes.

The older wizard stepped through the curtain opening. “Potter.” Severus said in way of greeting.

Harry rolled over onto his side, facing the man and gestured to the nearby chair. The dark man gracefully stepped up and sat in the chair. Harry just smiled at him, thoroughly enjoying his scowl. Neither man tried to begin a conversation, as both were lost in their own thoughts, not really seeing the need for inane chatter.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, Snape spoke quietly, “When will Poppy let you out?”

Harry shrugged. “She said I have to gain my strength and a lot of weight. It could be three days; it could be three months.”

All the green-eyed man heard was a non-committal grunt in reply. He drifted off into a much more peaceful sleep before Severus left and did not wake until well after dawn.

Harry spent most of the next day visiting with his friends, in groups of two or three. It still didn’t take much for him to be overwhelmed, but he coped with it as well as he could.

Poppy tried to feed him a small breakfast on his first day back to judge how his stomach was going to react to receiving foods again, and it reacted just as she thought it might, which as badly. The young Gryffindor could only have several cups of broth during the day along with his potions. He even threw applesauce back up.

By the end of the week, he was a bit more acclimated to the noise of his friends, but Harry was still having trouble keeping anything solid down. Madame Pomfrey was almost sure that it was because of morning sickness, though, and not because his body was refusing anything solid.

Harry was concerned about his morning sickness appearing so early in the pregnancy, but the medi-witch assured him that it was not uncommon during male pregnancy for the ‘mother’ to be sick from the second month almost until birth. That was, indeed, how most men discovered their pregnancy.

By the end of the third week, and the end of the first trimester of Harry’s pregnancy, he was finally keeping more solid foods down, but he was eating several small meals a day consisting mostly of fresh fruits, vegetables, and peanut butter. Duncan was determined that his dad would be a vegan by the time he was born. Any meat caused Harry to be violently ill, even when taking the special anti-nausea potions Severus gave him, and eggs and milk gave him serious indigestion that nothing could calm.

Harry’s appetite improved daily and the young man found himself gaining weight quickly due to the sheer amount of peanut butter sandwiches he ate. Hermione and Ron would sit and watch him eat a peanut butter and fresh strawberry sandwich followed by several slices of an orange with their noses scrunched up in disgust. He’d just grin cheekily and remind Hermione that one day she’d have kids and be susceptible to the same cravings.

Severus battled with himself daily as he watched his young love begin to gain weight and absolutely glow. This pregnancy was doing wonders for Harry, except for his morning sickness. He’d tweaked the standard anti-nausea potion with a bit Essence of Peppermint and raspberry. It not only gave it a pleasant mint raspberry flavor but was also more forgiving on the delicate system of the pregnant man. Harry still couldn’t eat whatever he wanted, but he was keeping enough food down that he was picking up weight.

The Potions Master still, after a month, could not bring himself to visit Harry at any time other than the dead of night. He watched the Gryffindor sleep, silently amazed at the resiliency of the young man. Other nights, he and Harry sat in companionable silence, neither feeling the need to ruin the quiet they’d found with each other and the night.

Neither man spoke about Duncan and what Harry would be doing once he was given leave of the infirmary. The green-eyed man was almost sure that Severus didn’t care, and Severus was ready to give his left arm to find out Harry’s plans.

After another six weeks of being confined to the infirmary gathering his strength, Harry was released. “Mr. Potter,” Madame Pomfrey said, “I do believe that you are recovered sufficiently to return to your life. I do not want to hear about you doing anything strenuous. I want you to come back in two weeks for a check-up, and if you have any pain, and I mean any at all, or excessive nausea, do come and see me before then.”

Harry smiled at the woman. “I will Madame Pomfrey. I’ll be at my cottage in Hogsmeade and I’m sure that Mrs. Weasley will be checking in on me daily.” He hugged the witch. “If I need anything, I’ll floo you. I promise.”

Instead of walking down the path from the school grounds and into Hogsmeade, Harry walked down to the dungeons. He found Snape in his personal lab just off of the Potions classroom. He watched the dark haired wizard flit between three simmering cauldrons. Watching the other’s gracefulness as he was certainly in his element, Harry knew exactly why he loved this man. When Severus began cleaning his workspace, the younger wizard approached. “Severus,” he said quietly.

The Potions Master didn’t even look up from his cleaning, “What, Potter?”

“Madame Pomfrey released me today. I want you to know that I will be at my cottage Hogsmeade.”

“And you think I care why?” The tall wizard turned around and asked with a sneer.

Harry sighed and ran his hand over his quickly distending belly. He was now almost five months pregnant and beginning to worry that Severus really didn’t want anything to do with Duncan. “Do I really need to answer that question, Severus? We’ll be in Hogsmeade if you want to get away from here for a few hours or whatever.”

As the pregnant man turned to leave, Snape stopped him. “Potter, Harry. What do you want from me?”

The younger man’s shoulders were slumped as he turned back. “That’s just it, I don’t want anything from you except maybe a little of your time, when you decide to give it. You are going to have a son in about four month’s time and I need to know if you want anything to do with him. It’s not like I’m trying to force you into bonding or telling you that you’ll be part of his life.

“Too many times have we, both of us, not been given a choice. I am not going to take that away from you. That’s the only reason I told you. I wasn’t going to take that choice away either. If you don’t want us, then I’m okay with that,” Harry said, though tears welled up in his eyes. “I refuse to force you into something that you do not want. I…I’m sorry.”

The tears spilled over onto Harry’s cheeks and he ran from the dungeons as fast as his condition would let him. His hormones were playing havoc with his reasonable thinking and every time he thought about the dark wizard that had captured his heart not wanting him, he got all teary-eyed.

In the safety of his cottage, Harry broke down. He let all of his feelings of despondency and fear out through his tears. He’d almost collected himself when the floo flared and Remus’ disembodied head appeared. “Congratu…Harry, what’s wrong?”

The young man just shook his head and pulled the throw pillow he was holding up to hide his face. “I’m coming through,” Remus said in a tone that brooked no argument.

When the werewolf stepped though, immediately he had an armful of pregnant Harry, whose cries had begun again. Remus steered them back to the couch and sat with Harry practically in his lap. He finally turned to the side and reclined a bit so that his best friend’s son would be a bit more comfortable. Through the tears, snot, and incoherent babble, he finally decided that Harry was insecure about whether Severus would want the baby once he arrived.

Remus tipped the young man’s chin up and wiped his tears away. “Harry, listen to yourself. Do you know how rare a wizard pregnancy is? Even Sirius and I didn’t have the level of love and trust that you and Severus obviously have. Just give him time to come around. Love, his life has been every bit as difficult as yours, probably even more so because he didn’t have wonderful friends like you do. He’s just got to adjust. Remember that he’s been a spy for over twenty years. If he didn’t love you, then you wouldn’t be carrying Duncan right now. He’s got to work these things out for himself. Until he does, all you can do is welcome him into your life, and that of your son’s.”

Harry smiled ruefully. “I know, Remus. It…it must be my hormones.”

The werewolf held Harry in a fatherly manner, carding his fingers through his hair in a soothing gesture. “It’ll get better Harry. I’ve never told you about your mother’s pregnancy, have I?”

The green-eyed man shook his head, and listened to Remus’ tales of his mother’s cravings and how the Marauders often went on adventures trying to placate the woman. He laughingly recounted the one and only time that they didn’t succeed and how terrified of Lily they were when they got back. “You should have seen Sirius, and James and me! We were trembling in fear as we walked back into the house empty handed. Those two cowards pushed me ahead of them and made me explain to Lily why we couldn’t find the fudge brownie ice cream she wanted.” Remus smiled at Harry. “It was brilliant. She just took my hand and burst into tears. She decided after we left that she really wanted the rest of the tub of strawberry ice cream in the freezer. James was sure that he’d never father another child if we went back empty handed and she started missing us, yes, all three of us, after we left. It took us almost two hours to calm her down after that.

“So you can see, Harry, I have a little experience with hormone driven cravings and tearful outbursts,” the werewolf said with a grin.

A knock at the door interrupted Harry’s reply. Sitting the pregnant man up, Remus answered the door and was almost as surprised by Severus on the other side as the tall wizard was of him answering it. The werewolf just smiled and waved him toward the couch. Severus ignored him and strode in looking for Harry. The young man lay awkwardly across the couch clutching a soft throw pillow. Astonishment flickered in the dark wizard’s eyes as he looked at rounded belly of his love. Harry grabbed the lower left side of his stomach and grunted, closing his eyes and smiling. In two strides, Snape was in front of the couch, kneeling with his hand over Harry’s. “Are you in pain?”

The rumbling baritone was not the voice Harry expected and his eyes flew open. The look of concern on the usually stoic man’s face melted his heart. “Duncan just kicked.”

He took Severus’ hand and moved it a fraction. In a moment, the dark haired man looked up with awe in his eyes. “He moves like this just about every evening. Some nights, it feels like he’s doing flips from one side to the other.”

Remus closed the front door and watched the exchange between the two men. He smiled warmly at Harry as he pointed to the fireplace. The werewolf knew that Severus\' extremely cunning little serpent of a son had just made his decision for him.

A/N2: Just to give fair warning, in the next chapter (and probably for the rest of the fic), things are going to get rather sweet and fluffy. I mean they are liable to get so sweet it\'ll make you want to vomit. You have been warned. LOL!!!