All\'s Fair In Love And War

I should have said no.

I\'m not sure which thing I should have said it to is the problem - joining the ranks of the Death Eaters, or coming back to Hogwarts.

Just looking at Harry makes my heart ache.

Something strange happened over the break. Something I never would have seen coming in a million years. Harry, my Harry, is acting friendly towards Draco Malfoy. Not just acting friendly either, he seems to genuinely like him.

I\'d be lying if I said it didn\'t bother me. I\'d be lying if I said I wasn\'t jealous. I\'m a lot of things, but I\'m no liar.

I see the way Malfoy looks at Harry. The way his eyes follow his every move, how he smiles at him from across the room - how Harry smiles back, his cheeks tinting a slight pink that I recognize all too well. I\'m not alone in my jealousy though, Weasley is positively seething.

It\'s no secret that Malfoy was suppose to take the mark, and if his father hadn\'t ended up in Azkaban, he\'d already be initiated. The question was, what had happened to change his mind? Everyone was whispering about Malfoy and Potter. That Malfoy must have switched sides if Potter was befriending him. As far as I knew, he was only waiting to graduate before taking his father\'s place in the inner circle. So what happened to make him change sides?

Or did he change sides?

That’s the thing that bothers me the most; I gave up Harry rather than betray him, I can\'t let Draco do it to him. But first I need proof that he is still on my side of the war - Voldemort\'s side.

If he is it will be easy enough to put a stop to his plans, but if he isn\'t, if he is genuine in his loyalty to Harry, I don\'t know what I\'ll do. My allegiance to the Dark Lord demands I fight against Harry in the upcoming battle, but my heart tells me different. It hurts every time I see him.

I still love Harry, that didn\'t change when I was branded and I don\'t think it will ever change to tell you the truth. I will always love him but we would ever have worked. His mother was a muggleborn, he\'s a Gryffindor, and mostly he\'s a boy. All things that do not fit in with my future. I\'m a pureblood Slytherin and unknown to most, I\'m betrothed. To a pureblood Slytherin girl. Pansy Parkinson. So you see, it would never have worked out with Harry.

Too bad those facts do nothing to comfort me when my heart is breaking all over again in the dead of night. Nor does the sound of Pansy\'s soft breathing in my ear.

She’s been in my bed every night since I went home for break. I can’t count the number of times I’ve lost myself in the feel of her skin against mine, as I plundered the depths of her body, all the time wishing it was my Harry I was making love to. But it will never be Harry again.

I miss him.

I\'ve followed Malfoy around the last few days to see what he does with Harry. So far, all they\'ve done is sit out by the lake and talk.

But right now as I watch, I see Harry lean his head on Malfoy\'s shoulder and I want to scream. I watch as Malfoy puts his arm around Harry and pulls him close. I can see Harry’s shoulders begin to shake. Malfoy gently lifts Harry‘s chin and places a soft gentle kiss on each of Harry‘s eyelids.

I am stunned.

I’ve known Draco Malfoy most of my life, he’s a bastard of the highest decree, but he’s a terrible actor. No one could fake the kind of sincerity that I see on his face, certainly not him. He has truly chosen Harry over his family and the Dark Lord.

At least someone did.

I realize now what it is that I see. Harry is upset and Draco is offering him comfort. That can only mean that Malfoy knows about me and Harry. It could spell trouble for me in a big way if my father ever found out.

Or worse yet, Voldemort.

I can\'t let that happen. I value my life, and have no desire what-so-ever to find myself on the business end of the Dark Lord\'s wand. Malfoy wants Harry? He can have him; no interference from me. So long as he keeps his silence, I live. Sounds cowardly, I know.

It is.

There\'s a reason I was sorted into Slytherin after all.