Three is a Magic Number

Hey all, Sorry this one took so long to update. I lost the CD I put it on! Enjoy!
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“So, ve must find ze base off this ugess.” Casi said, in a heavy Freudian accent. “Eet iz r-rooted dip in your subcunscious.” They were in an abandoned classroom on the third floor.
“Come again?” Harry said, utterly bewildered.
“I’m not even breathing hard!”
“What did you say?”
“I’m not- oh, earlier. Translation: So, we must find the base of these urges. It is rooted deep in your subconscious.”
“Thank you.”
“Now, let’s see. . . you have the hots for a certain Slytherin, who up ‘til this point has been your blood enemy, correct?” Harry nodded assent. “Hm. Sounds like your typical turnabout relationship. Do we know if this is requited?”
“I think so. He looks at me, when his girlfriend isn’t-”
“He has a girlfriend? Ooh, Harry!” She put her head in her hand. “Give me a complicated situation, why don’t you? Wait. It was complicated before. Now it’s DAMN NEAR IMPOSSIBLE!” She yelled the last three words.
“I’m sorry, but it’s NOT MY FAULT!” Harry was getting very tired, he just wanted this over with, to have a plan.
“Oh!” She seethed frustratedly. “If it isn’t one thing it’s- The Yule Ball.”
“Huh?” ~That made NO sense.~
“The Yule Ball To celebrate Voldemort’s defeat. At Christmas.”
“What about it?”
“How did you like that story growing up?”
“What story?” Harry had a bad feeling about this.
“Cinderella.” There was a very impish smile on her face. Bad feeling confirmed.
“No. I will not be some twit with a coach.”
“It’s not like that. We give you one night to entrance him.”
“Hello! I’m Harry Potter! The Boy Who Lived! His blood enemy.”
“Who said Harry Potter would be going? Tell me, have you ever considered being a girl?”

~This is insane.~ Harry Potter thought for the umpteenth time that night. ~Fin-bloody-sane.~ “Okay, Harry. Let’s try it again.” She placed two pictures in front of him. “Which one is Leo?”
“They both have blonde hair, they both have nice eyes, why do I care which one is Leonardo ‘I’m-so-bloody-pretty’ DiCaprio?” He pointed to the one on the left.
“Perfect, Harry! Now who’s the other one?”
“Heath Ledger.”
“Precisely! Now, what goes on first?” She emptied out a bag onto the desk. Harry pointed to the foundation. Then the blush, then the lipstick, then the eyeshadow. “And last?” Harry pointed to the powder. “PMS is . . .”
“A royal pain. And the least a boy could do is be a little sympathetic, but no . . . all they can do is stay in their clueless little world-”
“Okay. Thongs are . . .”
“A necessary evil. I mean, I don’t have the figure to wear one like (Fill-in-the-blank) but, my boyfriend just loves it when I’m naughty.” He cut cut of by Casi collapsing from laughter. He shied a book at her. “I’m working on it!”
“No,” she said, still laughing, catching the book. “That was perfect! Right down to the way you let the word ‘naughty’ linger!”
“Really?”
“Yeah. We’ve got hope for you yet! Let’s call it a-” she glanced at her watch “-morning. It is three o’ clock!” Harry kissed her, then ran out. “I’m sick. That’s all there is to it.”She murmured, putting the makeup and various other acutrements. Harry came running back in. “Forget the invisibility cloak? I hate it when I do that.”
“I could have been absolute bitch and not come back for you.”
“Come on.” She stepped under the cloak with him and they went up to bed.

The next day was just more girl training, mostly in talking with girls. They decided to let Ginny and Hermione in on the ‘prank’, but not on the reason why they were pulling it.
“Well, I always thought Elijah Wood was hot, but in this movie,” Hermione let out a sound that was a cross between purr and growl.
“Well, he can’t hold a candle to Orlando Bloom.” Ginny contested. Harry let the talk wash over him, only taking mental notes if he needed to. Ron came over.
“Not being replaced, am I, ‘Mione?” He sat down next to her.
“No, of course not, but I can dream, can’t She She smiled.
“Harry, I can’t believe you’re actually enjoying this. Sure you won’t have a game of chess?”
“Typical boy. Doesn’t understand a thing girls are about. Like this one time, I heard Seamus saying the awfullest thing! He was carrying on and on about-”
“What, are you officially a member of the female sex now, mate?” Ron laughed at the ridiculousness of that idea.
“That’s another thing! Always interrupting! It’s infuriating, really!” Harry said huffily. Hermione laughed, but replied.
“Hear, hear! I tell you, we’ll have to go shopping one of these days Harry. Oh, sorry, should I call you Harriet?”
“Very funny, ‘Mione. I wouldn’t have that name if you paid me. I’d much prefer something like ‘Lily’.” Ron was looking very perturbed. “It was my mother’s name!” Harry looked at him pointedly.
“Harry, do you have something you want to tell us?” Ron’s tone was quite concerned.
“Not really.” Harry’s tone said something else entirely. It said ‘butt out.’
“Oh. I see.” He stood up and went out the portrait hole. He stopped before he closed the portrait. “You know, it’s not like we’re friends or anything. It’s not like I haven’t told you any secrets.”
“The guilt trip is a very feminine defense, Ronald Weasley.”
“Well, you would know, wouldn’t you?” He slammed the portrait shut.