Trading Places

TITLE: Trading Spaces 5

RATING: R (slash warning m/m)

PAIRING: HG/SS, HP/DM, HP/HG (friendship)

A/N: We will be updating every two weeks, possibly with more than one installment,
depending on fate and life. Any constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.

SUMMARY: What do you call a cross between a Gryffindor and a Slytherin? A prefect!
Don't worry, it's not "what would happen in he had been sorted into . . ." Dumbledore
works in mysterious ways as Voldemort grows in power and daring. Other than that?
Shippyness, Snogging, Shagging, Snippy and Snarky! Trust me, it'll all make sense in a
little while.

GRATUITIES: We would like to give thanks and chocolate frogs to all our reviewers.
But of course, the chocolate would melt on the computer, and that would get sticky . .
.so please accept our heartfelt thanks! Thank you's go to: Jesse Matsuda (we'll try to
send you some cough drops, lol), Neo-Animamate-SlrTitaniumTiger, biblioholic88, Jade
Dagger, Jessicat1982 (who cared enough about the snakes to review twice), Bejiin, star
bright25, writer chickie, Dark Wolf666, Kivessa, Ophelia, Big MamaG, zephiey,
Temporal, silver-chick, lily2000, The Destructive Duo (I've read some of your stuff, you
and Jordan *are* good), Anne-Marie, mym2000, bwaybaby79 (thanks for reviewing
more than once. A big ol' whooo and a hoo for you), xanthos, Eirete, Moira McDuff,
Aemos, moonchild, CanadianWeirdo, Jess (glad you changed your mind and decided to
review *twice*! We REALLY love that!), Ktie Eikinlng Snape, Quillusion (glad you're
fond of our favorite slytheri and and SnapeJuice (yes, he's a hippy, we've already met
the Ravenclaw eagle, her name's Rune, and thank you for liking Griff-gruff best! He's
Snarky's (half of the dynamic writing duo not the snake's favorite.). <deep breath>
Phew! Now, on with the story, boys and girls!

****************************************************************************************************

Griff-Gruff raised baleful eyes to Draco Malfoy's form. The ex-Slytherin had a
look of absolute disgust as he draped himself in red and gold. His new Gryffindor
uniforms had arrived and he was now required to wear them. The small griffin had a
sardonic grin as he said, "That outfit makes you look fat." He buried himself down
deeper in Draco's down pillow.

"What do you know about clothes? You walk ar nak naked!" He stalked to the
side of the bed.

The small cat stood up and growled low in his throat, it sounded impressive for
his size. "I'm not naked, boy! It's called fur. Look it up!" He hopped off the bed. "And
just for that, you're going to bring me cream tonight AND some smoked salmon." Griff-Gruff sailed out of the room.

"I should have fed you to the spiders."

Griff-Gruff poked his head back in. "I'm out of the room, Malfoy.-" His eyes
widened as if he were speaking to someone who was very stupid. "Not deaf." He
turned to leave but stopped. He got an especially crafty expression. "So, Malfoy, I was
readin yon your journal that you-"

"You read my journal!"

"You left it open on your bed." Griff-Gruff sounded offended. "As if I would go
rifling through your things! You seem to be especially dull today. You see, I am not a
snake. I'm not a lion or a bird but a griffin. Besides, God only knows what bizarre
accouterments I'd find in your bags. I'd be washing my paws for weeks."

He was horrified. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"The snakes talked, Malfoy. There are no secrets at Hogwarts." He rolled his
eyes. "I thought you wanted me to get a firmer grasp on your psyche. I know my
Gryffindor students very well. Granted, I'm not sure if I. . .grasp some of the more
graphic--"

"I'm touched." The blond-haired young man said sarcastically, wanting to head
him off. "You wanted to be closer to me."

"Not *that* close." He flung his head back in a regal way. "Anyway, the point of
this conversation is. . .it would be a shame if that journal fell into the wrong hands." He
gave a very pointed look. "And I think you know who's hands I'm referring to." Then,
Griff-Gruff shook his head. "However, I may be assuming too much. You're very
pretty but Mother Nature wasn't very kind when it comes to brains."

"That's quite enough!" Draco strode over to him. He towered over the small
griffin. "Are you threatening me?"

"Well, yes." He said impatiently as he strutted out of the room.

***********

Hermione bit her lips as she gingerly added the last piece of Orris Root to the
potion she was brewing. The hot liquid hissed and sputtered in the cauldron before
turning vermillion. She let out an undignified whoop of joy and bounced on her heels.

"Well done." Professor Snape said. She td tod to find him seated at another
table with his notes spread out in front of him. "I know many university students who
have had difficulty with that potion."

"Thank you, Professor." She beamed at him. This was extremely high praise
coming from Snape.

Severus took a sip of his tea and waived her over. "Since you've proven yourself
today, I'll give you a bit more responsibility." Intrigued, Hermione drifted to his side.
"Have you ever created a potion before?"

"No, I haven't." She breathed as she examined his notes. His script was concise
and clean as it outlined the various combinations he'd created and their results.

He seemed surprised. "Perhaps we'll further your education this year. I bet you
could create some fairly advanced potions with some guidance."

Hermione was overjoyed. Just think of how that would look on her transcripts!
"I'd like that."

Severus was absurdly pleased that she was pleased. He shook it off. What did he
care what students felt? "Yes, well, one thing at a time."

"What exactly are you making here, professor?" She asked, attention on the
notes once more.

"You tell me."

"Hmmm. . .cardom, rose petals, and amphyr. . ." She read them off, these were
the ingredients that were included in all drafts of the spell. "A protection spell?"

"Clever." Severus nodded. "Exactly. It will deflect any spell from the person
who drinks it."

"Who's it for?"

"Professor Dumbledore. He must be protected at all times."

"Of course." She knew they needed his help in the coming fight. Voldemort
feared the old wizard like no other.

"There is one ingredient missing. I've tried several herbs, some roots, and even
some of those ghastly rodent tails. Nothing has worked thus far."

"Hmmm." Hermione said, eyes on the paper. She bit her lip once more, a habit
she took comfort in when she was concentrating on something difficult.

"You don't have to work so hard, Miss Granger, I merely wanted a fresh pair of
eyes to see the formula."

Paying little attention to him, she slipped into what Harry and Ron called
'research mode'. First she dug out fresh parchment and a sharp quill. Then she moved
around the room, carefully removing bottles from shelves, and finally settled herself at
a clean desk. Diligently she began making notes of what had been tried, and what had
not. Snape observed her intensely, remembering a small black haired boy swallowed
up in his robes, behaving in just that sort of way in the classroom of another potions
master. He stepped closer to her chair, so that he could see her work over her shoulder.
Her writing was like small type, and he leaned close to read it.

Just then, there came a large crash and a boom from his private store room. It
startled him, but it scared Hermione spitless. She jumped two feet in the air, her
shoulder knocking into Professor Snape's chin, causing him to inadvertently bite his
tongue and say a few words that would have made her muggle parents blush. She
started to apologize, but he was already halfway across the room, headed towards the
origin of the crash. She trailed after him. "Is everything ok?"

Prof. Snape stared down at the two snakes now covered in black powder,
squirming about on the floor amongst bits of broken bottles and scattered herbs. "And
just what do you two think you're doing?"

They glared at him and hissed.

"What do you think they said?" Hermione questioned. The two snakes looked at
her, hissed a bit more, and then made a sound that was distinctly similar to laughter.
She glared suspiciously at him.

"I'm not sure, but I doubt it was polite." He glared at them. "Perhaps we could
work on a potion to help one understand parseltongue." Sighing, he scooped the
snakes up into his arms. They were now leaning away and appeared to be trying to
hiss without opening their mouths. "Miss Granger, please excuse me. If you would
like to continue working, please feel free to use anything in the lab. I need to pay a visit
to Mr. Potter."

She smiled so brightly it nearly blinded him. "Really? Anything?"

He fought a smile. "Yes. Anything." He swept out of the room, trying to look
grim, but feeling oddly uplifted by the afternoon spent in her company. It was a relief
to be around a student as bright as she, without the worry of Slytherin politics to offset
his reaction. He looked down at the snakes that were currently wrapped around his
wrist. Unfortunately, he had business to take care of now. He would return to check on
her in a few hours.

**********


"I'm sorry, sir. I don't feel comfortable saying those words in front of a
professor." Harry winced as he heard them start snickering again. Suddenly he gasped
in shock. Turning to them, he stated in parseltongue. "I'm not quite sure what that is,
but I don't think it's anatomically possible for anyone but a snake."

"I demand you tell me what they said, Mr. Potter!" Snape clenched his jaw.

"Do you promise you won't give me detention? Or deduct House points?"
Harry gave another sideways glance at the serpents, who now appeared to be rolling
over and over in uncontrolled mirth on his bedspread.

"Yes." Snape sighed. "I promise."

Suddenly Snarky stopped laughing. "You're not really going to tell him, are
you, Harry?"

"Yeah, we know where you sleep, you know." Snippy added with a menacing
shake of his tail.

"What's his problem anyway, the old miser! Like he doesn't have enough
potions and powders to spare." Huffed Snarky.

"Well, he's hardly spending his money on toothpaste, now is he?" Their eyes
both flicked to his mouth.

"That's just disgusting. He needs to invest in some mouthwash. Maybe a
toothbrush of his very own." Snippy's eyes lit up. He slithered down to the end of the
bed and jumped up and down to get Snape's attention. "Hey, Halitosis! Pay attention.
You need to brush your teeth!"

Snarky joined him. "At least once a week. C'mon, you must've seen other
people do it. Think back."

"Maybe he just doesn't know how." Snippy lifted his tail until it was parallel
with his mouth, he pretended to brush each fang. Then he pointed to Snape. "Now,
you try."

"PLEASE!!" Snarky begged.

"He looks like he's trying to induce vomiting. Tell me what that snake said."
Severus looked confused and slightly worried.

"Oh, like people vomiting around you is a big surprise." Snarky curled into a
coil, pouting. "It's no use, Snippy. Smelly is as smelly does."

"One day, you're eavesdropping on a sex god, the next you're up close and
personal with the dentally misfortunate. Yeah, life is like a box of Bertie Bott's Beans.
You never know what you're gonna get." Snippy sighed.

"I know what bean we're getting." Snarky ducked his head in despair. "Vomit."

Harry stared helplessly at the scene. How was he going to tell Snape this? "Um,
they want to know why you won't share your potions. They seem to think you have a
lot."

"Is that all they said?" Snape looked doubtful.

"No, sir. They, uh, want to know if you know about any-" He swallowed,
glancing back at the snakes who gave him encouraging looks. "Uh, tooth-cleaning, er,
potions?"

"They want to clean thteetteeth?" Snape hadn't thought snakes worried about
dental health.

The snakes touched their tails to their foreheads and sighed. "I ssssswear to you,
the man graduated with honors. How hard can it be to put a stick in your mouth and
swish it around?" Snarky looked forlornly at Harry.

Snippy bared his fangs at Snape. "Do these look like they've been neglected?"
He turned his head from side to side. "Pearly white teeth! Shiny, happy gums!" He
shouted loudly, "Nice MINTY, FRESH breath!"

"I think he's yelling at me." Snape was shocked. "I'm the Head of Slytherin
House!"

Snarky blinked. "And that means. . .what?"

"What did he say?" Snape demanded.

"He said he was sorry."

"Ssscaredy cat." Snippy hissed a laugh.

"Anyway, they wanted to borrow some stuff from you-"

"We specifically said ssssteal some stuff." Snarky pointed out.

"And thought since you were busy with Hermione, they'd just get it
themselves." Harry hurried the rest of the sentence before more comments came. "And
they didn't mean to break anything, they were just trying to get something on the top
shelf."

"It ssslipped." Snippy said in his own defense.

"And what did they want with these things? Something for their fangs?" Snape
asked satisfied, if still a bit confused.
arryarry scratched his head for a second, looking like a small boy. "They want to
make a poison."

"Ssss'right. Big, bad, deadly, take a sip and fall over stone cold kinda poison."
Snarky affirmed.

"And where did they learn how to make a poison?" He asked slowly.

"From me! Ha-ha!" A book jumped out from under Harry's bed. The Blackest
Magic Ever! "Told you I was evil. Hear that? Evil. Capital 'E' kinda evil!"

Harry made a lunge for the book and missed. "Quick, sir! Before it escapes
again!"

The warning was in vain, as the book slipped past Snape and ran cackling
through the dorm. "I hate that book."

"Me, too." Harry looked dejected. "At least if it's not in my room, it can't wake
me up and threaten to give me nightmares. That was getting old."

Snape turned back to the snakes. "For one, you shouldn't trust anything that
book tells you. For two, who are you trying to kill?"

"They said they want it to kill a few spiders." The snakes sniggered louder. "I
don't think they've recovered from the forest experience, sir. They've been squishing
spiders all over the castle. And I heard them try to bribe Hedwig into dropping the
little 'corpses' into the woods as fair warning."

Before Snape could comment on the ridiculousness of that entire statement, there
came a soft knock at the door. It swung open, and there stood Draco Malfoy. He
looked over the rooms that were meant to be his with a curious mixture of jealousy and
disdain. "Mr. Malfoy?"

"Sev- uh, sir? I thought we had a meeting to talk about- that extra potions
assignment you wanted me to start on." Draco said softly, giving Snape a meaningful
look.

"Ooooh, Sssssnape's got an appointment with the ssssex god." Snarky observed.

Harry's ears perked up. "You have to make appointments?" He asked in
parseltongue.

"What's a matter, Harry? Afraid the Professor might move in on your man?"
asked Snippy. "Don't worry, Death Breath doesn't have a chance."

"He's not my-" he started to answer then, but sensing the attention of the other
two men in the room, he cut himself off and decided to ignore the snakes for as long as
he could.

"Pardon me, Draco. I got caught up. Let's go to my personal quarters to discuss
this shall we?" And Snape glided out of the room, calling to Harry to keep an eye on
Snippy and Snarky.

"What were you saying to them?" Draco couldn't hold down his curiosity.
Parseltongue intrigued him.

"What are you doing here, Malfoy? Looking for an excuse to see my bedroom?"
Harry stood up, ignoring the snakes who slithered under the bed hoping to eavesdrop.
"All you had to do was ask."

"Stop trying to hit on me." Draco sneered and stalked slowly toward the green-eyed boy. "What I am doing here certainly has nothing to do with you, Hero." He
stopped inches from Harry. The sneer on his face changed slowly into a suggestive
smirk, and he looked Harry over lazily. "And if I wanted you in bed, I'd already have
you there." Draco's lips nearly grazed his for a second as Potter stood stiff with shock.
Draco pushed him abruptly, and he sprawled back across the bed. "And anywhere else
I wanted."

"What are you doing?" Harry asked, feeling confused and oddly trembly.

"Teasing." Malfoy turned and swept out of the room in a gesture rather like
Snape's.

"How disappointing." Snarky appeared on his left, curling over his elbow to
look into his face.

"Yeah, you didn't even get a sssnog." Snippy remarked sadly. "Just pushed
around. On your own bed."

"That ssssucks, Harry." He shrugged. "Some people like that sort of thing,
though." They both looked at him, eager for a confession but none was forthcoming.

"You guys make it sound like I *wanted* to snog him." Harry propped himself
up on his elbows.

"Don't you?" Snarky asked.

"What's wrong with you two? You haven't insulted me in nearly ten minutes."
Harry narrowed suspicious eyes on them. "What do you want?"

"We were wondering . . . " Snippy tried not to be embarrassed. "If you could
squish another spider for us . . ."

"He's friggin' huge! I'm sure he's been picking off house elves left and right!"
Snarky pointed out. "Next thing you know, he'll be grabbing passing first years. It's
really your duty as prefect to get him!"

"And he's in the hallway leading to the kitchen!" Snippy shuddered. "Right in
the path of our sssnackage route."

"You guys aren't afraid a castle spider is going to eat you, are you?" Harry
asked.

"Course not." Snarky pronounced. "But on the off-chance he starts getting
bigger and changes his mind, we'd prefer you sssssquish him now."

"Oh, all right." Harry reluctantly agreed. Who knows? Maybe he'd get some
tension release out of it.

"Bessssides, it's by Snape's door." Snippy reminded him. "We could. . .I don't
know. . .listen in. See what's going on."

"That would be wrong." Harry said halfheartedly.

"Abssssolutely." Snarky agreed, eyes alight.

"Something a prefect should never do."

Snippy nodded. "That's true."

"There are rules to follow."

Snarky slid up his arm. "I prefer to think of them as guidelines. Sssuggestions,
really."

"I only think it's wrong if you get caught." Snippy added helpfully.

Harry stood up. "Alright. Let's do it." The snakes gave their trademark 'thee,
thee thee' laugh in wicked anticipation as they took off behind their prefect.

***********


Hermione hesitated at the entrance to Snape's personal storage room.
Technically, it was part of the lab, and he had said to feel free to use anything in the lab.
Still, she wasn't certain if he had meant the main lab or anything included in the area.
She looked over her shoulder one more time and headed in. At first she just scanned
the shelves quickly, looking for the ingredient that was missing from the shelf. She
couldn't seem to find what she was looking for and was about to give up when a box,
half under a table in the back caught her eye.

Feeling incredibly self-conscious she crossed the room and pulled the box out
from under the table. Inside were what appeared to be old research journals and
papers. She shoved the box's contents to one side and began to go through them
systematically, starting at the back. To her amusement, she found old school projects of
Snape's, papers he'd written and experiments he'd conducted. She found a great many
extra credit assignments, mostly in potions. As she moved to the middle, she found
personal journals. Some were from early years at Hogwarts. They followed in
chronological order until shortly after he had graduated the university, then picked up
again, auspiciously skipping quite a few years. Towards the front of the box, she found
his letter of acceptance to teach here from Dumbledore, and then there were file folders
with what appeared to be various students' names, each marked with a set of years.
She was shocked to find one with her name, the year she had started Hogwarts and a
dash.

Opening it up she found almost every major project and paper she had done for
Potions, as well as many from her other classes. How had he gotten these things? He
must have taken the time to visit her other teachers and ask for them. Clutching her
folder in her lap, she thumbed through another one, not even bothering to note the
name. Frowning, she looked through several more. Every other folder contained only
Potions projects. Carefully, she put the box back in order. She was about to replace her
own folder when a slip of paper fell out. It was addressed to Dumbledore, and
appeared to be a copy of a letter. Reading it quickly, she found that it was a request for
to offer a scholarship for students gifted in potions to the university, indicating that she
was to be the first candidate. And it was signed, Severus Snape.

Hermione quickly shoved her folder back into place and pushed the box back
where it had been. Her ingredients forgotten, she rushed out of the store room, closing
it behind her. She seated herself back at the desk she had been working on. She had
always assumed that Snape hated her. So why would he offer to pay her way through
college?

Suddenly, something bumped into her leg. She let out a shriek.

"Aaghhhhhh!" It shrieked back at her. "Dudet. You need to re-laaaax."

"Oh, hello Haze. What are you doing in here?" She put her hand to her chest,
trying to slow her heartrate.

"I was looking for some herbs."

"Oh? What kind of herbs? Maybe I can help you find them."

"Noooo. I'm pretty sure you don't know about these ones." He tilted back to
look up at her. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm working on a project for Professor Snape." She explained with a sigh,
looking back at her notes.

"Protection spell for Dumbledore?" He waited for her to nod. "Figured he'd ask
you to help." He twitched his tail. "Have you seen Professor Sprout anywhere? I was
supposed to meet her . . ."

"Nope, haven't seen her."

"Ok, then." Haze stumbled to his feet. "Y'know, Hermione, you're real cool."

"Uh, thanks. I think."

"You ever feel stressed, need someone to talk to, or some *special* herbs to relax,
you let me know." He winked at her. "I'll hook you up."

"Thanks . . ." She stared bemused at the creature as he headed for the door. "I'll
tell Professor Sprout you're looking for her."

"Groo-oovy." He sauntered out the door.

***********


"The meeting's tomorrow evening." Draco said, his face was as white as his hair.

"I haven't forgotten." Snape said, not unkindly. He took the young man by his
shoulders. "You are going to go there, do what you must, and come home."

"What if they-"

"Don't speculate. You'll make yourself as mad as a hatter if you do. Merely
accept whatever happens and follow the lead of others."

*********


Two serpents poked their heads out from under the door, one blue and one
green. "What do I ssssssspy with my beady little eye." Snippy said, slithering over to a
shadowy corner.

"Oooh, they're touching." Snarky said as he came to rest beside his friend.

"I ssssee. They're on the verge of naughty touching."

"I'll say. Aren't they supposed to be six inches apart? It's in the rule book."

"Suggestions." Snippy reminded.

"Yessss, rules are for breaking. We established that." Snarky rolled his red eyes.
"What meeting are they talking about?"

"Hair Grease Anonymoussss?" Snippy suggested.

*********


Malfoy and Snape sat down in opposing chairs. "What about Potter?"

Snape waved an impatient hand. "What about him? This is no concern of his."

"He'll figure out that something's going on. I already think he's suspicious."
Draco grasped his professor's forearm. "You don't know him like I do. He won't stop
until he finds out."

"And what if he does?" Snape looked thoughtful. "Granted, it wouldn't be
according to plan, however, we-"

"This was supposed to be easier. I was supposed to be living down the hall from
you!"

**************


Snippy and Snarky nearly danced in delight. There was nothing more gratifying
than a secret. Especially one of this magnitude. "This is juiccccccy, isn't it?" Snippy
said.

"Yeah, the professor and the prefect." Snarky agreed. "How wicked!"

"Hmmm. . .I smell expulsion. . ." Snippy said gleefully.

"And susssssspension."

"And perhaps a firing."

"There's only one thing to decide." Snarky sighed.

"Blackmail? Or Blabbing?" They whispered as they raced under the door with
devilish excitement.

**********


Rune glared at Harry Potter from high atop her perch, the Ravenclaw flag post.
"And just what are *you* doing?"

Harry ground his foot into the hard stone of the castle floor. "Making a spider
corpse."

"Is it for a spell?" She asked hopefully.

"No, it's just for killing, I'm afraid."

Rune examined his scar from her viewpoint. "I thought it would be bigger."

"I thought it was awfully big, I have spider guts all over my instep." He tossed
the carcass into a nearby wastebasket.

"Not the blasted spider. Honestly!" She said. "Pay attention."

"We changed topic?"

"Yes!" She flew down to light on his shoulder. "Tell me about your scar."

"No." He continued on down the hall. "I've talked about it much more than I
care to."

"It isn't for my morbid curiosity! It's for science!" Rune explained.

"You sound like a friend of mine."

"Well, I hope it isn't that horrible Hermione chit. She doesn't have a brain in her
head."

"Hey! She's my best friend, well, one of two anyway."

"You obviously do not choose your friends on the basis of academic prowess."

"Who does?"

"I do!"

"Isn't that. . .fun?" Harry said, with a shake of his head. "Can I help you? Do
you need something?"

"Yes, I need protection from a book." Rune fluffed out her feathers. "Tries to tell
me how er,-"

"Evil it is?" She nodded. "Bloody hell. Maybe we should throw it in The Dark
Forest or something."

"It wouldn't stop me! Nothing can stop me!" The book cackled as it ran down
the hallway to stand by Harry. "Go ahead. I'm not afraid. Know why?"

"Because you're evil?" Harry said blandly.

"Exactly!"

Harry picked up the book before it could run away and tossed it into the trash
with the spider corpse. "Now, you're icky and evil."

"I have spider entrails on me!" The book screamed. "You blackguard! I
demand you pick me up and clean me off. I'm a first edition! I should be treated gently
and placed on a shelf!" It shrieked as something settled against the picture. "It. . .it's
sticky! And I have crunched up feelers on my chin! How could you do this to me!?!"

"Because," Harry smirked. "*I'm* evil."