Crossing the Line

Chapter 5: Something to Live For


Raking his hand through his hair to brush it out of his face, Harry entered the Great Hall. It was early in the morning still, but a few students and most of the teachers were eating leisurely. Sitting in his customary seats by the Potions master, which was unfortunately empty, Harry gave himself some scrambled eggs, a bit of bacon and large glass of apple juice. No matter how long he\'d spent away from Hogwarts, or how good he got at cooking for himself, his meals could never compare to that of the house-elves here.

\"Mr. Potter, it\'s nice to see you,\" startled, Harry turned to face the new charms teacher on his left (Professor Flitwick having retired two years before Harry had arrived).

Harry nodded politely, not having the desire to lie and say it was nice to see the other man too. Professor Rose wasn\'t a bad man, per se. But he just... well, he rubbed Harry the wrong way.

Rose smiled and ran a hand through his thick and curly light brown hair. \"I haven\'t seen you in awhile, Mr. Potter. Why don\'t you show up for meals anymore?\" his bright hazel eyes looked up and down Harry\'s slim frame before meeting his eyes with a small grin. \"You\'re not afraid of gaining weight are you?\"

Harry shook his head. \"I\'ve been busy.\"

\"Ahh,\" Rose said with a wink. Harry resisted the urge to roll his eyes. The other man leaned in close, invading the man\'s personal space. \"I could help you to free up your schedule if you like. Maybe we could even go out for lunch at Hogsmeade?\" Frowning slightly at the rather forward question, Harry bit his lip, wondering what he should say. It wasn\'t like Rose was a bad person, but there was something about him that Harry didn\'t like. At the moment, he was really wishing he had just stayed in his chambers and fixed himself something from the limited supply of food he had there.

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\"Rose, there\'s a messenger waiting for you at the entrance of the Forbidden Forest. He says it\'s urgent and won\'t come a step nearer the castle. I think you\'d better go look into it.\"

Looking up over Harry\'s shoulder, Rose met the gaze of a not-too-pleased-looking Potions master. \"I have to go then. Sorry, Mr. Potter. Maybe we can finish this up some other time?\" Severus coughed impatiently. \"Alright, alright I\'m going. Honestly,\" Rose muttered to himself as his moved from his seat and made his way out of the main hall. Severus watched him go and waited until he was out of the Great Hall before taking his seat beside Harry and pleasantly summoned himself up a bowl of assorted berries and apple cider.

\"Is it my fault if he\'s that gullible?\" Severus murmured, turning to look at Harry, who\'d been looking at him with a raised eyebrow and something akin to relief.

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Harry snickered and shook his head. \"At least, it\'ll keep him busy for an hour.\" Severus smirked and returned to his meal. Flipping his hair behind him, Harry dug into his meal, eating like he hadn\'t eaten for several days, which indeed he hadn\'t. He\'d only had a few snacks here and there, he\'d been way too busy to even eat, but now that he had followed Severus\' advice, he found himself with a lot more free time on his hands. He left his apple juice until last and enjoyed sipping from it, savoring the taste as his plate vanished when it sensed he was finished.

He still had dark circles under his eyes and, probably from lack of sun more than anything else, was somewhat paler than normal. While pretty skinny from lack of food and sleep, he did feel better. The nightmares hadn\'t been as bad. Though he\'d awakened around midnight close to hyper-ventilating with the usual flashbacks and cold sweats, the rest of the night had been dreamless.

Taking another sip of apple juice, he leaned back in his chair, pulling his cream coloured turtleneck over his stomach where it had ridden up past his dark blue jeans.

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\"Yes,\" Severus drawled, \"with any luck he\'ll meet up with that randy waiter and they\'ll fight over you in the Forbidden Forest. We\'ll be rid of both of them in one full swoop.\" Harry, naturally, shot Severus an incredulous look, but Severus used the sudden arrival of the post to ignore him.

Today was the 15th, which meant the Order sent out a general update: the letters were magically bound only to open to the specific magical signature of the recipient. They rarely met more than once a month unless they thought there was something they could do to pin-point and stop Voldemort, or at least his plans. Sadly, most of the time the reports were just of new killings. Both Harry and he got the same notice: Voldemort was moving and fast. Whole towns were disappearing now, three since the beginning of the school year and more to come, no doubt.

This was Voldemort\'s first significant move since Harry\'s last battle with him the previous June. It was an endless cycle with him wasn\'t it? A near defeat in June followed by a tense Order meeting the next late fall. The meetings built in intensity and they came so close to killing him off, only to have him slip away again. This meeting, to be held at Grimmauld Place on November 20th looked like the first of many frenzied meetings to come; hopefully, this would be the last needed meeting for both of them.

They shared a twin glance of weariness about the whole issue before moving onto the second letter that they had also both received. This one was a great deal more cheerfully wrapped up and was an invitation for them to go to some benefit in Dumbledore\'s name--of course, it was this afternoon. How very much like their headmaster not to give them much notice. Severus huffed and glared at the invitation. He hated these formal affairs with a passion; way too crowded with drunkards. He glanced over at Harry; if the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor were going as well, things would not be entirely horrifying.

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Harry sighed, looking down at the invitation. He really hated going to these parties. Too many people in one place for his comfort, he always got jumpy in a room full of people. Then again, Harry looked over at the other man; he probably wasn\'t the only one that hated going to these things.

Looking at his watch, he sighed again. 11 am. That would give him enough time to shower and change into more formal wear. Drinking the last of his apple juice, with a small bit of regret at not being able to savor it, Harry brushed a hand against Severus\' back in silent parting and headed off to his chambers. He could always wear those dark green robes with the high collar and silver wolf hooks: they were comfortable compared to old-fashioned wizarding robes.

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He didn\'t smile, but Severus\' eyes did soften a little as he watched Harry go. Having Harry there would help keep Severus from hexing everyone. He lingered a little longer before also making his way down to his rooms to shower and change, oblivious to the amused pair of eyes that watched both him and Harry leave behind a notorious pair of moon-shaped glasses.

The shower and change routine didn\'t take very long and soon Severus was striding down the dungeon halls in sleek, form fitting dress robes trimmed in silver with silver wolf hooks. The hooks weren\'t common to the brand of robe, but he\'d needed the robes taken in after the first fitting and the woman\'s dogs had swallowed his buttons. As a way of making amends she\'d offered the wolf clasps; something left over from a custom job or something. That combined with his shoulder length hair, which was always too long to look very neat when worn down and too short to be tied back, made him look rather roguish.

Pausing in front of Harry\'s door, he knocked sharply and stepped back to wait for a response. No sense in leaving separately and brooding the whole way there if he could enjoy good company even if they only had to walk out of Hogwarts and Apparate.

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Stopping in surprise, Harry frowned and crossed the room, opening the door he grinned, \"Just a sec,\" before leaving the door open and turning back inside to grab his boots. Lacing up his usual military style boots, Harry walked out, quickly warded his door and headed down the hall, Severus easily matching his pace. Pulling his hair out of the high necked collar of the dark green robe he\'d decided to wear, Harry charmed it to weave into a neat braid, securing the end with a silver dyed leather tie.

Turning to glance at Severus, he raised his eyebrows in surprise when he found himself on the end of an intense look. \"What?\"

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\"Nothing,\" Severus said quietly, looking forward again as they cleared the walls of the castle. \"You just look very good in green. It brings out your eyes.\" Severus smirked and pretended not to notice the faint blush that crept over Harry\'s cheeks at his compliment.

Once they\'d cleared the gates, Severus nodded once to Harry before Apparating with wandless magic. Gold was the first thing he was aware of when his vision focused. The invitation had given the exact location of an underground wizarding ballroom in London and Dumbledore hadn\'t been joking when he said it was extravagant. The entire hall was decorated in glittering ornate gold and cream-coloured walls with thick, red tapestries, a carpet to match, and large dance floor. Gryffindor colours. Severus proceeded to glare harshly for another thirty seconds or so before soft laughter over his shoulder alerted him that Harry had arrived.

\"And what, may I ask, is so funny?\" Severus drawled, praying the dance-committee-looking woman heading in their direction wasn\'t, in fact, looking for them. He was dressed and he was here. He was not performing whatever stunt Dumbledore might have agreed to.

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Harry broke off in a snicker and walked up to stand beside the other man. \"You wouldn\'t believe how out of place you look here.\" He smiled when Severus looked over at him with a raise brow. \"Hey, at least you\'ll be easy to find.\" He grinned back and looked ahead of them, his grin quickly fading into a frown. \"What the hell do they want?\" the professor next to him snorted.

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The woman approaching was short with blue eyes and black hair. She somewhat resembled a weasel in Severus\' opinion. \"Severus Snape and Harry Potter? Excellent! I\'ve been looking all over for you! We can\'t start the event without the opening dance. How nice of you two to volunteer to lead this thing off instead of Headmaster Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall.\"

\"What are you talking about?\" Severus snapped, as the surprisingly strong women unceremoniously dragged them both through the crowd and towards the dance floor.

\"The opening dance, silly! You and Harry are going to start the evening with the traditional waltz; didn\'t Dumbledore explained this to you?\"

The annoying woman barely gave Severus enough time to mutter, \"Oh for the love of Merlin!\" before shoving him and Harry on the floor and then clearing the way so they had the entire dance floor to themselves.

To one side, Severus had a crowd of expectant faces, to the other a band ready to strike up the music when he was ready to dance. \"Well, it doesn\'t appear as though we have much choice in the matter does it, Harry?\" he asked, swearing under his breath that teacups would be the least of Dumbledore\'s worries when they got back to Hogwarts. \"Shall we then?\" he asked, extending his hand to Harry\'s. Noting the man\'s somewhat frightened expression, Severus smirked and dropped his voice so only Harry could hear. \"Relax--I know the dance. Just follow me and try not to maul me too badly by stepping on my toes.\"

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Glaring slightly, Harry put his left hand in the Severus\' hand and lightly placed a hand on the man\'s shoulder. \"I know how to dance, I just hate all these people here,\" he mumbled, glancing around at the people surrounding them, all dressed up in bright and flashy clothes. Severus and he stood out with their darker choice of colours.

He relaxed somewhat when the older man rested his hand in the small of the shorter man\'s back. Harry sighed and stared straight ahead to avoid looking at the other people, instead, letting his vision be filled by a very broad, black clad chest and silver buttons that looked oddly familiar. \"Hey, where did you get those buttons?\" he grinned slightly when Severus missed a small step in their movements at the sudden question. \"Can\'t talk and walk at the same time, professor? And here I thought you were the master of multi-tasking.\" He grinned cheekily when Severus glared down at him as he quickly went back to the steps of the waltz. Harry easily followed along, having learned how to dance while he was an Auror so he could fit in at dinner parties and mingle enough before he was able to deftly spill a few drops of poison in someone\'s drink.

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\"I had the suit taken in and the woman\'s dog ate my buttons. These are replacements. Left over from a custom job, which,\" he paused to spin Harry, just to see if he could keep up and though he did, the look of mild surprise on his face was worth it, \"I\'m assuming was yours?\" he finished, glancing down at Harry\'s own buttons. At Harry\'s nod, Severus shook his head. \"I\'m nice to you for less than a week and we\'re already dressing alike.\"

Harry\'s chuckle was brought to an abrupt halt as Severus, ever unconventional, dipped him near to the floor as the song ended. Severus smirked down at Harry\'s wide-eyed expression, as he held the dip. \"What\'s the matter, Harry?\" he asked before slowly pulling him up. \"Afraid I\'ll drop you?\"

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Harry grinned and looked up at the other man, who seemed to tower over him from the close proximity. \"I don\'t know, you might just take it into your fancy that it would be funny to drop me in the middle of a crowded room while you\'re trying to dip me.\" He smiled when Severus snorted and shook his head.

The Potions master looked down to comment, but suddenly stopped, looking strangely into Harry\'s eyes. Shifting nervously, Harry glanced down under the intense stare. \"Now my hair probably has dust on it from the floor,\" he spoke up, breaking the tense silence. He backed up to fix said braid, pulling it down in front of him so he could dust off the faint glitter from the woman\'s clothes that had fallen to the floor (they always seemed to put too much sparkle on their bodies). Before Severus could reply, Dumbledore broke in.

\"Excellent dance, professors.\" He looked over at the light flush on Harry\'s cheeks, before reaching over and patting his head as though he were a child. \"Looking embarrassed as ever I see.\" He chuckled when the blush deepened. \"Well, I\'m off to start my speech.\" Dumbledore smiled at the two men, the damn twinkle in his eyes making Harry remember that his embarrassment was the old man\'s fault, probably playing matchmaker again. He tipped his head to them and quickly walked to the front of the room to deliver whatever speech he was going to give before Severus had a chance to snipe at him.

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Lack of a target didn\'t stop Severus from being snarky, however. \"I see he did get here after all. Honestly, why did he not just arrive late? Most wizards bend over backwards to please him.\" He paused, glancing over at Harry, before continuing. \"Personally I don\'t think I own enough tea cups to deal with him more than is absolutely necessary.\"

At this point the crowd started to make it\'s way onto the dance floor and Severus took that as his cue to make a bee-line for the nearest shadowy corner to hide in, Harry hot on his heels. \"You don\'t suppose Dumbledore would notice if we left early?\" Severus asked once they were a safe distance from the mass of people.

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While Harry stood out a bit more in the corner, with his Auror training, he was able to make himself less noticeable. Severus almost melted into the shadows, probably the whole vampire magic thing. Looking over at the other man, Harry replied, \"If he does, what does it matter? We\'re only here for appearances.\" His gaze drifted over the crowds. God, how he hated large rooms like these. They always appeared smaller with this many people in it and it reminded him of the dinner parties where he\'d had to get close enough to his targets to slip the poison into their drinks.

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\"Let\'s go then,\" Severus said, smoothly pressing a hand to Harry\'s shoulder and Apparating them away. Unfortunately, when they appeared at their destination just outside of Hogwarts, Harry collapsed against Severus from lack of balance that comes from not being prepared for a sudden surge of magic. Severus himself hadn\'t recovered from the Apparation and when Harry stumbled into him, they were sent tumbling back onto the thin layer of snow on the ground. \"Sorry,\" Severus murmured once he\'d gotten his bearings back. \"I suppose you weren\'t expecting that?\"

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The wind knocked out of him from the harsh landing, Harry caught his breath before opening his eyes. \"No, I totally expected to be standing one minute and flat on my face the next,\" he snapped, though it lacked some conviction with the way his cheek was laying against the man\'s chest and his body was resting in between Severus\' bent legs.

With the faintest blush on his cheeks, Harry leaned up slightly, looking down at the other man. \"This was definitely not one of your more graceful moments,\" he said gravely, nodding his head and raising a brow at the man beneath him.

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\"Oh, sod off, Harry,\" Severus said, shifting out from under him and then helping him up. \"I\'m precise, but I never claimed to be graceful.\"

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Harry grinned and accepted the hand up, clasping it longer then he needed to, before letting go. Looking over at the large castle, Harry sighed and started walking, Severus close beside him. He muttered a spell, and shivered at the feeling of his hair unraveling and finally flowing free in the wind.

Tucking the silver tie into his pocket, Harry looked down at the snow-covered ground distractingly, thinking about the waltz they had shared. It had been odd, since he had been trained to dance with women, but he\'d found it easy to allow Severus to take the lead and he had to admit that he liked the closeness. He hadn\'t felt the least bit nervous with the other man being a head taller than him and his nervousness of the crowd had faded while they\'d danced.

Harry sighed and looked up at the softly falling snow, blinking away the flakes that landed on his thick lashes.

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Severus glanced over at Harry as they walked, smiling slightly at the image of him blinking snow from his lashes. It had been so long since he\'d felt safe enough to smile, however slight it was, around someone else. He had to admit he liked it.

He had originally planned on finishing up some paperwork in his chamber that afternoon, but suddenly that didn\'t seem like such an appealing option anymore. Not to mention it was only snowing softly and reliable sources had recently and repeatedly told him he needed to get out more.

\"Harry,\" he said, gaining the other man\'s attention, \"would you like to go flying with me this afternoon? I\'ve started to feel a little restless staying down in the dungeons all day; naturally I blame you for it.\"

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Harry grinned and nodded, \"I\'d like that. I don\'t think I feel up to another competition, though,\" he added, smiling slightly. He just wanted to relax, maybe let off some excess energy by flying around the pitch; he had planned on doing that anyway. Since he was caught up on all his work, Severus\' company wouldn\'t be too bad. Hell, if he was honest with himself, he was looking forward to it more, simply because Severus would be there. Now that was a strange thought indeed.

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\"That\'s what I had in mind, actually,\" Severus replied innocently. \"After dragging you back and forth across the dance floor, that rematch will have to wait for another day.\" Harry, naturally, swatted at him because of this, but Severus just laughed.

At length they came to Harry\'s chambers and paused to say good-bye. Touching Harry on the shoulder for a moment Severus said, \"I\'ll see you in a bit then,\" before turning and walking back to his own rooms, smiling slightly.

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Smiling softly at the strange tingling sensation surrounding his shoulder, Harry stepped into his rooms and got into something a bit more comfortable, going for his Gryffindor red winter robe and black trousers. Not bothering to tie up his hair, since they weren\'t competing or anything, Harry reset his wards and pausing for a second to contemplate it, he finally let down the glamour spell enough that only the people he wanted to see his scars could see them, meaning only Severus would be able to see them, in case they ran into anyone else on their way out. While he felt a bit more vulnerable with his scars showing like this, he did feel somewhat comforted in the knowledge that it was only Severus, and it wasn\'t like everyone could see them.

Heading to the man\'s chambers, he leant against the opposite wall, crossing his arms in front of him, his Firebolt tucked into the crook of one arm as he waited for Severus.

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\"Ah, there you are. Good, now I don\'t need to go looking for you.\" Severus, with a small smile, stepped into the hallway in his predictable black robes and a cloak to match so the winter chill wouldn\'t get to him as he flew. \"Come on, then.\" Severus led the way down the narrow dungeon hallway to the castle exit, his broom in one hand. As they crossed the threshold the sun peaked through the clouds for a moment, reflecting of the snow sharply and electing a decidedly non-human hiss from Severus. \"I\'m glad you find this amusing, Harry,\" he muttered as he tried to see through a squinted gaze before the sun disappeared behind a thick layer of clouds again.

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Harry grinned, not even bothering to hide his snickering. \"I thought sunlight didn\'t affect you?\" his grin widened. \"Maybe you should get sunglasses.\" Severus looked over at him as though he were insane, making Harry laugh and shake his head. \"Never mind, it\'s a Muggle thing. You\'d still look good in them, though. Like my old glasses, only they\'re opaque, and usually a different colour.\"

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\"It doesn\'t really affect me.\" Severus glared up at the sky. \"It\'s just difficult for me to see when it gets very bright out. The downside of having unusually large pupils. Some people have noticed it before, when a cloud passes over the sun on a bright day my eyes open more fully. I think that\'s how \'the Potions master is a vampire\' thing got started.\" Severus chuckled. \"It\'s light coloured irises like blue and green that are more sensitive to light in humans, so I have to hand them credit for knowing something about how to recognize a vampire,\" he drawled as they approached the pitch.

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Harry gave a small grin in amusement, shaking his head as he murmured, \"Like I said, sunglasses would do wonders.\" Really, he couldn\'t get the image of Severus in one of those black, reflective glasses--slightly dangerous, and very sexy.

Shaking his head to rid himself of those thoughts, Harry straddled his broom and kicked off, followed quickly by Severus. They circled leisurely around the field, before Harry broke off with a small grin, to which Severus just shook his head and waved his hand for him to go, and Harry was off. Speeding around the pitch at breakneck speed, occasionally dipping down and going high up before repeating the process all over again. He could hear the faint sounds of Severus murmuring about \'idiotic Gryffindors,\' but he didn\'t pay him any mind, and instead, enjoyed the wind in his hair, like a lover\'s caress riding its way through the thick strands.

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Severus watched with mild amusement and much mumbling at Harry\'s antics, until Harry saw fit to stop looping about and circle the field by Severus\' side again. Severus looked over at him, laughing a little at his foolish grin and windblown hair. \"Just mind you don\'t take out any of the stands again,\" he murmured reminiscing about Harry\'s last game as Gryffindor seeker. He and Draco had gotten into a horrible battle over the Snitch until it was an all out war and managed to take down two unoccupied bleacher stands in the process.

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Harry frowned, remembering how tense he\'d been that day. Knowing he would soon go into Auror training, and yet not wanting to leave Hogwarts. His only home. Of course, when Draco had pushed him into a stand his control had snapped, and he\'d quickly retaliated until they\'d been fighting over the Snitch like a couple of dogs.

His frown deepened, remembering his first day of training and how it was nothing like he\'d expected, but he\'d stuck with it and although he\'d regretted the things he had to do, at least he was more powerful because of it.

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Severus saw Harry\'s mood dampening and quickly endeavored to change the subject. No doubt he had a lot of pressures on him at the time of that last game. That year and the one to follow as an Auror couldn\'t have been the most pleasant of times for him.

\"Have the suggestions I offered about taking care of the paperwork while teaching helped at all? It looks as though you\'ve been getting more sleep; you have more colour in your cheeks.\" Severus paused before joking, \"I was worried you were after another one of my jobs. Being the palest creature in the castle next to the ghosts. Honestly, with the pessimism and the refusing to go out, all you\'d need is my attitude and you could replace me entirely.\" Severus eyed him warily, but too over-dramatically for it to be considered real suspicion, he was more discreet then that.

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Harry laughed and shook his head. \"Nah, I\'m not sexy enough to replace you.\" Severus mock growled and moved to swipe at his head, but Harry quickly ducked out of the way and moved to his other side. Grinning softly, he continued, \"You never could take a compliment.\"

Pausing to really think about the situation--flying around the pitch leisurely, laughing (well, on Severus\' part it was more like a quiet chuckle) and goofing around--he\'d never have thought things would turn out so well. Sure, he\'d thought about the professor, plenty of times while out of Hogwarts, but he\'d never really imagined it would be possible to get on the man\'s good side.

Smile totally gone to be replaced by a thoughtful frown, Harry looked over at Severus. \"Why did you hate me anyway? Surely it just wasn\'t because I reminded you of my father? I disliked you because you reminded me of my uncle and the way he treated me. You were a bit more wordy, I\'ll give you that, but then again, it wasn\'t like my uncle was the smartest apple in the barrel.\" Seeing Severus confused expression, he said off hand, \"Muggle expression.\"

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Severus sighed deeply before beginning his explanation. \"I never really hated you, Harry; I just took out all my hate on you.\" At Harry\'s mildly confused expression, Severus continued, \"I was very bitter. I don\'t make a habit of opening up to anyone really and I had many unresolved issues that I had great difficulty working through. I was angry at my parents for not helping me when I needed it. I was angry at myself for allowing Voldemort to sway me originally. I was angry that I had to deal with murmurs of distrust from the students I was risking my life to protect. And I was angry that I couldn\'t spy for Dumbledore at the beginning of this second war.\"

Severus paused for a moment, trying to wrap his head around why it was so easy to talk to Harry. He didn\'t judge people; that was one quality Severus admired above all others, though he\'d never really admit it. \"In conclusion,\" he looked back at Harry, \"I was, and still am, angry and bitter and I took it all out on you. I\'m sorry for that. The last thing you needed then was another headache. I must be improving, though, since I\'m getting along well enough with you now.\" There was no excess emotion in Severus\' voice, but it still wasn\'t an easy thing for him to trust people and he trusted Harry. He could only assume the Gryffindor had cast a cheering charm on him, or something like that, but he really couldn\'t be bothered to care.

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Harry grinned and jokingly bumped into the other man with his shoulder, making him scowl at him. \"Nope, you haven\'t changed a bit. I\'m just more tolerant of your bastardliness.\" Severus snorted and stuck his big nose up into the air, making Harry snicker.

Wrinkling his nose when a large, cold snowflake landed on the tip, Harry looked up and finally noticed that it was snowing fairly hard, but they\'d been too lost in their own minds and each other to really notice. Looking over at Severus, he motioned towards the sky, to which the man replied by flying down. Harry smiled softly and followed.

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\"It\'s a little early in the year for snow like this,\" Severus commented as they scrambled back into Hogwarts and shut the door against the wind. Just as they were heading downstairs and making their way towards Harry\'s quarters, they stumbled upon an interesting little house-elf.

\"Oh, Mr. Harry Potter!\" he chirped. \"Dobby had noticed that you was out, sir, and Dobby is knowing it\'s very cold out there. So Dobby has left hot chocolate in your room, sir.\"

Severus tipped his head to one side and studied the elf before glancing over at Harry. \"Friend of yours?\"

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Harry smiled gently and looked down at the large brown eyes of the house-elf. \"Thanks, Dobby. I appreciate it. Can you make one for the professor?\" he turned to face the other man. \"That\'s if you\'d like to come in?\" he asked, running a hand through his hair to untangle it, and quickly wiped his hand on his robes when he realized that his hair was soaking wet now, same as Severus\'. \'Damn, but that man looked hot with wet hair--imagine what he would look like with water dripping down his--enough Harry!\' he blinked sharply, trying to dislodge the image of a naked Sev--damn.

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\"I wouldn\'t be adverse to the idea,\" Severus replied as Dobby nodded his head vigorously and ran off to get more hot chocolate. Harry smiled fondly after the tiny retreating creature before they resumed walking down the hallway.

It wasn\'t long before they were both seated in front of Harry\'s fireplace and sipping hot chocolate. Setting his cup down for a moment, Severus stretched and sighed. It was really nice to be able to relax a little bit for once. It had been so long since he\'d really been able to do it. Glancing over at Harry, Severus had to admit that he was perhaps the most stubborn person he\'d ever known. \'It would take no less for you to be dragged out of the dungeons three times in as many days,\' he thought to himself.

It was at that point that Harry noticed he was being watched and turned his head to smile at Severus. \'He really puts too much emphasis on those scars,\' Severus mused, returning the smile slightly. \'They don\'t detract from his looks at all and as far as I\'m concerned, nothing could with those deep eyes.\' Severus immediately stopped his train of thought and returned to staring into the fire again. They had a lot of work to do between them and it wouldn\'t do either of them any good if either one of them was distracted.

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He couldn\'t help but tense when he sensed the other man looking at him. Returning the stare, he was put at ease when Severus met his eyes, instead of staring at his cheek where the most obvious scar was, as his past lovers had done when they\'d seen it. Then again, Severus was the only one that hadn\'t run away from him when he\'d shown it and no one else had ever touched it, either. He returned the smile before going back to gazing into the fire, flicking his hair away from his face again for the fifth time in a span of two minutes. Now that it was wet, the usual waves in his hair were curling even more, becoming a nuisance to the sensitive skin on his neck.

Sighing, as he once again, tossed his hair away from his face, Harry set his half empty cup on the table, left the room to go to the bathroom and got two towels. Drying his hair thoroughly, he brushed it out so it was its usual wavy self, only a bit damp, and took the other towel into the sitting room after depositing the used towel in the laundry basket. Going up behind the professor, who was still staring intently into the flames, Harry leant down and asked, \"You mind?\" the black eyes snapped back to meet his, he\'d obviously just been disturbed out of his thoughts. He looked at Harry for a few moments, before giving a brisk nod and going back to staring at the fireplace. The young man shook his head in amusement and gently began drying Severus\' hair, making sure not to go too much in front of his face so he could continue to watch whatever he was watching.

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Severus smiled softly into the fireplace as Harry dried his hair. He was unused to people doing things for him, but he had to admit it was nice. He didn\'t let people touch him often, thus whenever he happened to agree to it, it took up the majority of his attention. From what he knew of human psychology, humans, being social creatures, needed a certain amount of touch, or they, metaphorically, starved for it. Victims of this \'skin starvation\', as the Muggle doctor had put it in her book, didn\'t often agree to be touched but when they did, it was intoxicating. He wasn\'t sure if he absolutely agreed with her, but it was an interesting theory. He wouldn\'t be surprised if Harry was the same way, being robbed of almost all of his friends and family and having to face death like he did.

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Finished drying Severus\' hair, Harry took a brief second to pass his hand through it, using it as an excuse to feel if the hair was dry, when really, he just wanted to feel how thick and soft the other man\'s hair was. Not being able to stall any longer, Harry grabbed the towel and headed into the bathroom again, tossing it into the laundry, he went back out with his dark blue and round brush.

Leaning over the back of the chair slightly, Harry gently bent the dark head forward, ran the brush through the shoulder length tresses and smiled when the man gave an involuntary shiver. He\'d never had his own hair brushed, washed, or dried by anyone else, but he could imagine it felt good, at least, if Severus\' reaction to it was anything to go by.

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Severus let Harry turn his head while he brushed it, enjoying how nice it felt, which was a surprise. When he felt a hand run through it again, he knew Harry was done and tilted his head back to meet emerald green eyes with a smile. \"Thank you,\" he said quietly. He probably should bring up Harry\'s magical training, or the Order meeting right about then, but he couldn\'t really bring himself to. It was so rare when anyone got a moments peace these days and he decided instead to enjoy Harry\'s company. Voldemort and his war could wait until tomorrow.

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\"My pleasure,\" he replied, even quieter, twirling his fingers in the strands near the nape of Severus\' neck, causing him to shiver again. Finally making himself break away, Harry went to the sofa and plopped himself down on the ivory coloured cushions. Laying his head back against the armrest so he could look out over the coffee table and into the flames. Casting a warming spell on his cup, Harry started sipping the hot chocolate again enjoying the silence and company of the other man.

After he finished drinking, Harry set the cup gently on the glass counter top of his coffee table and settled back against the corner of the couch, facing Severus\' armchair that was close enough to his feet that if he reached out he could just touch the side of the chair.

\"Can I ask you a personal question?\" black eyes glanced at him, before returning back to the fire, grunting something along the lines of, \'I might not answer,\' or something like that. \"Have you ever had any boyfriends or girlfriends?\" he felt a small twinge of something, in the pit of his gut, jealousy? He didn\'t have a right to be jealous, considering he wasn\'t even in a relationship with the man although he wanted to be. Severus would never go for it anyway, but he was curious if the professor had been with anyone else.

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Severus glanced back at Harry in surprise and then back to the fire. He should have minded, but he didn\'t. Damn Gryffindor. \"I\'ve never had a girlfriend, no. I rather prefer my own sex, like you. I was friends with your mother though and took her to a Yule ball once, as a friend, when your father was away. That was probably what motivated the shrieking shack incident.\"

Severus paused, not sure if he was inclined to continue and then glanced in Harry\'s direction again. He saw nothing but an intent listener. Damn him. \"I\'ve had \'relations\' with other men--being a spy has had its less than pleasant moments--but nothing I would consider a romantic attachment. One came close, but I allowed myself to trust someone dangerous implicitly and was betrayed. So, as you might guess, I\'ve never been truly encouraged to take a lover.\"

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Harry sighed and stared up at the dark blue ceiling, snow falling down about half way until it vanished. \"I used to have a lot of \'relations\', to use your word, with men when I was a bit younger, and in the start of my Auror career, but after I got more scars, I found that it was hard to take anyone to bed because of them because as soon as they saw them--\" he sighed and closed his eyes, remembering the look of disgust on all their faces, until he finally gave up and stopped getting close to people and started using a glamour charm. \"--They\'d make up some bullshit excuse and leave. It took awhile before I finally figured out that I wouldn\'t ever find a lover who wouldn\'t judge me on my scars, or my Boy-Who-Lived status.\"

He opened his eyes and looked over at Severus, blushing lightly when he found the other man\'s gaze fixed on his face. \"I didn\'t have it as bad as you, since luckily, none of them ever betrayed me. If they had, my scars would have been public knowledge a long time ago. But at least you learned the first time. I just kept making the same mistake over and over again before I finally clued in,\" he said scornfully. He didn\'t really know why he was telling Severus all this; it wasn\'t like he\'d asked, or cared for that matter, but it did feel nice to finally talk to someone else.

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\"Anyone who judges you for your scars, Harry, doesn\'t deserve your attention. However ill I may have thought of you over the years, I\'ve always known you were better than people like that. You showed that by turning away from Draco.\" Severus was tempted to look back into the fire, but Harry was looking up at him now and he held his gaze.

\"On the contrary, I don\'t think avoiding getting close to people at all is a good idea. I\'m not any fonder of crowds than you are, but I know enough of human nature to know that everyone needs someone. A weakness exploited far too often, but it\'s still true.\" Severus paused for a moment before adding, \"Besides, I highly doubt you\'ll give up on men forever. You have too much optimism in you for that. Not to mention you\'ve managed to make friends with the evil Potions master, thus clarifying the extent to which you can and will be stubborn.\"

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Harry smiled slightly. \"Optimism? Wasn\'t it you saying that I had enough pessimism in me to take over your job? And it isn\'t like you\'re an evil bastard.\" He grinned cheekily.

His expression sobered when he thought about what Severus had said. \"There are very few men out there that don\'t base their opinions on looks. Who would want a long-term lover if they bore scars and a lot of emotional baggage? Unless I keep my glamour spell on at all times, I highly doubt I\'ll find anyone and as I\'ve already said before, people don\'t like going out with someone who has next to no self esteem, or is on the top one through three of Voldemort\'s top ten hit list.\"

He sighed and looked away from that intense stare. \"Sorry, I\'m getting all self-pitying again. Feel free to leave at any time, I won\'t be offended,\" he continued, sweeping a hand vaguely towards the door.

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\"You\'ve had real friends before, Harry. Didn\'t they ever teach you that you don\'t leave someone you care about when they need comfort? Because it doesn\'t appear to be a lesson any of those men who left you knew.\" Harry was smiling sadly, but he still hadn\'t looked up so Severus stood, crossed to him, and put a hand gently on his shoulder. This, slowly, gained him eye contact. \"Besides, I\'d rather see you happy and arrogant,\" he paused briefly and added with a small smile, \"that way I can know my job is safe for good.\" He finished, squeezing Harry on the shoulder supportively.

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Harry smiled softly and pulled up his legs, where Severus quickly sat, pulling the younger man\'s legs over his lap before Harry could even turn to sit up properly. His smile grew at Severus\' down-turned face. \"I don\'t think you\'ll ever see me arrogant, but I think I can come pretty close to being happy. What about you, professor? You\'re already arrogant, and at least you have something to back up those words, but are you happy? I just might have to turn around this little project of yours of trying to make me happy and have something to fight for, and give you something to be happy about.\" He grinned at Severus\' surprised look. \"Did you really think I didn\'t get what you were doing?\" he snorted, \"I\'m not that stupid.\"

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Grumbling something about Gryffindors under his breath, Severus replied, \"That doesn\'t make my efforts any less sincere.\" He sighed then, before addressing Harry\'s question. \"I know what I want at least. Right now, that\'s enough for me.\"

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Harry frowned, sitting up slightly, his heels digging into the couch close to Severus\' right thigh. \"And what do you want? Books and potions? It doesn\'t sound like something that can make you happy in the long run, and not just a few minutes, or hours.\" He said, somewhat sadly, thinking of a future Severus, sitting at home alone and reading by himself. It was an image that made his heart ache; he wanted to take care of the other man\'s obvious loneliness, help him become happy and find him something that he wanted that would last a lifetime. Harry wanted Severus to be happy and that was enough for now...

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Severus snorted humourlessly about Harry\'s statement on books and potions. \"My hobbies and my job are enough for now, but even snarky old Potions masters can want more than that.\" He glanced over at Harry who was looking at him questioningly. Damn him. He must have slipped something in his drink... no. Harry was too bloody noble to do that to someone who, regardless of being a bastard, was on the same side. \"I want a husband and children eventually,\" he said bluntly, without too much emotion in his words. \"After all, someone will need to take my place as a snarky Potions master when I\'m gone, assuming you don\'t beat them to it,\" he added as a sad attempt at humour.

He wasn\'t an idiot; he knew the chances of that happening were slim. He knew he was a bastard and damn near impossible to put up with and he had issues with trusting people, but he still believed the universe bloody owed him for everything he\'d gone through and he deserved at least the dream of happiness.

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Harry sighed sadly, wishing that dreams really did come true. Just so Severus would be happy. \"Maybe, when the war is over, you\'ll be able to take the time to look for that.\" Harry thought to himself cynically, \'I probably won\'t have any time after the war since I\'ll be six feet under.\'

\"What about soul mates?\" he asked, thinking that maybe Severus had someone out there that was suited to him magically, physically and emotionally. The older man looked at him weirdly at the sudden question. \"Muggles have this belief that somewhere out in the world, is your soul mate, perfectly suited for you. I don\'t know if wizards have the same belief, but maybe it\'s nice to just dream that there really is someone out there for everyone.\" He looked over at Severus, seeing the raised brow, he blushed. \"Or maybe that\'s just me.\"

It wasn\'t that he really believed in soul mates or anything, but it was a nice dream. To find someone that you\'re compatible with, they make your life seem complete. It was a nice dream, even if he knew it would never happen to him. He may have a bit of luck when it came to not dying and getting out of sticky situations, but when it came to emotional things, he was anything but lucky.

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Looking back to the fireplace, Severus replied, \"It\'s a nice dream Harry, but that\'s all it is. A dream. I don\'t profess to expect anything more from life than my potions and my books and, undoubtedly, life has never been inclined to give me much more. To have the luxury to dream though, that\'s enough for me to fight for.\"

A small chiming from the mantle grabbed his attention. \"I believe that is my cue to go, Harry. I have a meeting with Dumbledore, disguised as afternoon tea, where he will undoubtedly probe me on your progress thus far with Nosferatu magic.\" As he removed Harry\'s legs from his lap and disentangled himself from the couch he did glance back at Harry to say, \"Do you think you can come and see me sometime tomorrow to practice that meditation again and to discuss the approaching Order meeting?\"

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\"Sure. After breakfast?\" Severus nodded and quickly left. Harry sighed, leaning back against the couch again and staring at the star speckled ceiling, he thought about what the other man had said. Soul mates were a nice dream and maybe Severus was right, that was reason enough to fight, to have the luxury to dream, but that was more of Severus\' dreams than his.

Maybe... his will to fight could be to see the end of the war, or more precisely, to end everything, and be able to have the time, patience, and energy he would need to try to get into a relationship with Severus. Yes, that was what he was fighting for - Severus.