Searching My Soul

Searching My Soul by snapesgirl1981 AN: The first not dream-like sexual contact between Snape and Harry. So be aware if that offends you, you have been warned. Just thought I should add that. Chapter 5 In the weeks after the events in the ministry Harry had been forced to stay at the Dursleys who of course didn't care about anything that had happened including his only godfather's murder. He had mostly kept to himself, had never used his wand but nevertheless carried it with him almost every second, he had slept less and less being haunted by horrible nightmares that when he fell asleep it was from sheer exhaustion. He had mostly sat in the little room on his uncomfortable bed and stared out of the window where the sun began to dawn slowly, had watched as the soft beams of the summer sun began to conquer more and more of his room and had strangely enough felt as if he wanted to stay in the shadows. He had studied most of his time, for potions mostly, since he was now very determined to become an auror and when he had been very lonely he had written to Ron or Hermione. But even so he told himself that Sirius would have wanted him to go on living and to care for himself he lost weight which he could ill afford to lose and he had aquired an haunted look on his features. It was unusal for him to wake in a warm comfortable bed under heavy covers snuggled into something and having slept peacefully the last night not being woken by nightmares once. He was reluctant to open his eyes, scared that it might ruin the cosy moment of feeling loved and cared for when in reality he had nobody who he could consider family. True, he had Lupin and his friends and to some extent the Weasleys could be counted as family but it wasn't the same. He had found himself longing for something more, something he could forget his pain in and it wasn't friendship he wanted. He became aware of a familiar scent in his nostrils, a scent that filled him with more yearning than ever, a scent of sandalwood and spices he had come to know as Snape's scent. He carefully opened his eyes and for a moment everything was blurry until he found his glasses and put them on. Instantly the picture cleared and he inhaled sharply. Obviously somewhere during the night his professor had decided to lay down himself and he currently was sleeping on his back, his hair fanned over the white pillow. Sometime during his sleep Harry had snuggled up to the potions Master which placed him presently curled up like a kitten next to the man and his head inside the crook of Snape's arm. Harry sighed softly and decided to worry about Snape's reaction later, when had enjoyed this warmth some more, closed his eyes and to his surprise in his sleep Snape tightened his arm around him. It was pure heavenly bliss and a soft smile played on the boy's face as he hid his face in the man's shirt. Without realizing it he fell asleep once again. He woke up some time later and to his disappointed Snape was gone. He sighed and in lack of the real thing snuggled up to the pillow closing his eyes once more. He heard a soft stream of water as if somebody was showering in the room nextdoors but ignored it for now. It was some later, after the water had stopped when a conjuring door opened and Snape stepped through. He was dressed in black pants and a shirt, currently undone, and his hair was obviously washed and still dripping droplets down his chest and back. He stepped to the window obviously unaware that Harry was awake. The boy watched him through half-lidded eyes trying not to groan. This sight was ten times as erotic as everything he had seen so far and his groin began to stir. Snape clipped his hair back into a low ponytail and turned around doing his buttons. "I know you are awake." His voice was soft this morning and he met Harry's reluctant gaze as the boy opened his eyes. "I take it you have slept well, Potter?" Harry nodded hoping that Snape wouldn't ask him to get up because his hard cock would be clearly visible through the thin pyjamas pants. His breathing was a bit laboured as he watched Snape do the last of his buttons and then to his surprise the man sat down on the bed once again. Harry was acutely aware that he wanted this man, wanted to be touched by him, even if it meant that Snape hated him and just abused him. He closed his eyes instantly praying to whomever might listen that Snape would leave. He didn't. Harry almost jumped out of his skin when he felt a soft finger tracing his jawline apllying ever so much pressure as to make him very aware of his own vulnerability. He held his eyes still tightly closed trying not to moan, not to show the way in which Snape affected him. He heard a soft chuckle, not really malicious but filled with deep amusement and the finger moved down his neck until it traced the edges of his collar which made Harry shudder with pleasure. "I saw you, you know?" Snape whispered softly and he chuckled again. "I had no idea that you were interested in boys, Potter." Harry opened his eyes with shock and began to shook his head vehemently. "I am not," he said before he could stop and Snape raised a brow his eyes still twinkeling with quiet amusement. "According to your cock you are, Potter," he said gently moving the cover aside and Harry followed his gaze down to his very much visible erection which seemed to swell as he was watching it. Harry gulped and decided to ignore the question whether he was gay or not and instead waited what Snape would do next. Snape leaned closer bringing his mouth mere inches to Harry's ear and when he whispered the next words his breath tickled the boy. "Many wizards are homosexual and it is much more accepted than in the muggle world, Potter. If you are, which I don't doubt for a second, it is nothing to be ashamed of." He moved his hand to the boy's chest and began to undo the first button instantly snatching his fingers under the soft material brushing it over Harry's nipple. Harry involuntarily groaned and once again Snape chuckled. He quickly opened the rest of the buttons and brushed his graceful fingers over Harry's ribs tracing the bones only covered by the milky white skin. "You should eat more Potter, never starve yourself when it is not necessary- you need your strength in this fight." He had reached the waistband of Harry's trousers and instead of moving under the thin material he began to rub the boy's cock through his pants. The friciton of the cotton against Harry's flesh felt wonderful and he closed his eyes letting his head roll back. It took mere seconds until Harry felt every muscle in his body twitch and a soft goran escaped his mouth as his cock began to tremble. Another rub and Harry came spuritng his semen against his pants another loud groan making it out of his mouth. He sank back and tried to get his breathing under control. He heard Snape get up and move to the door. "Get ready Potter, the headmaster wants to see you!" He chuckled softly once again and the door opened and closed shortly after. Harry opened his eyes and stared at the wooden ceiling wondering what had just happened. Once again short but I rather update several times a week with small chapters than to let you wait two weeks. Don't expect too much plot here in terms of the fight or Voldemort, it is mostly meant as a piece on how Harry discovers that he is gay, his reaction and fatal attraction to Snape. I am very glad that the creepy mood of the story seems to be shining through and it is wanted. Please review if you like, it is such a small price for my work.