It\'s All Done With Mirrors

Chapter Five
Home...and Away.

Hogsmeade, July 1998

Without his wand, he could not cast a locating charm. He stood outside The Three Broomsticks, looking in all directions. There was no sign of her anywhere. Tears of frustration pricked at his eyelids, as he closed his eyes and tried to think.

And was almost knocked off his feet. His eyes snapped open, and took in the Gryffindor colours. Typical.

\"Oh, it\'s you, Potter,\" he muttered. He turned, and walked off towards into Hogsmeade, lost in thought, so he didn\'t notice the expression of complete astonishment on Harry\'s face.

Where could she be? Even at that hour, Honeydukes was still open. He wandered in, completely ignorant of the looks exchanged behind his back. She wasn\'t here, that much was certain. An thorough exploration of Zonko\'s, Gladrags Wizardwear, Dervish and Banges and Scrivenshaft\'s Quill Shop led him to the unhappy realisation that Hermione was not in Hogsmeade any more.

Merlin\'s balls! She\'s gone.

He pulled out of his robes the folded parchment he had wrenched from his assailant\'s hands. She had obviously tried to owl to him that morning, but somehow the letter had beeterctercepted. He\'d already read it twice - once just after he\'d discovered it, and once again as he was running along Hogwarts\' drive.

\"Dearest,

\"I am sorry to break our agreed silence, but I must see you. It is vitally important. Because of our long separation, I am no longer sure how you will receive this news. But something has happened to me which requires a decision, and it is a decision I can only make with you present. I cannot say more right now, there isn\'t time before class.

\"But if you ever loved me at all, you must be at The Three Broomsticks tonight before 8 o\'clock. I promise I will keep away from you after that until you tell me it\'s OK again.

\"All my love, forever, no matter how long this disconnection must last,

\"Hermione.\"


He hadn\'t been able to see her for weeks, apart from in classes and the practical NEWT exam. His heart lurched as he realised what she must have deduced from his absence.

That he didn\'t love her. Had never loved her.

His eyes darkened in pain, and with a heavy heart, he trudged back to Hogwarts to deal with the bastard who\'d attacked him in his own room.

And was astounded when he raised the unconscious wizard\'s hood and saw who it was.


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Harry\'s Home, Hogwarts, August 2010

\"It\'s a girl!\"

Ginny opened her eyes to smile upon her new daughter, and then immediately closed them again as she nearly doubled up with fresh pain. Minutes later, an incredulous Poppy added:

\"And...a boy!\"

\"Oh, Ginny! Well done!\"

Amidst all the confusion and anguish of the past day, I stood in awe before my tired, smiling friends, and spoke with them the traditional Wizarding Words of Welcome to the two newest Potters.

\"Welcome, little ones,
Welcome to these lives that you have chosen.
May you grow in beauty and strength, joy and wisdom, Love and compassion.
May the Gods and Goddesses, who know all paths and to whom all paths lead, bless, protect, and prepare you through these years of your childhood,
So that when at last you are truly grown you shall know without doubt or fear which path is yours and tread it gladly.\"

Harry and Ginny spoke the closing words alone.

\"Welcome, our children and blessed be,
As we do say, so mote it be.\"

Tears rolled down my cheeks, unnoticed, as I felt a tug in the region of my heart chakra. The sealed box within me was unlocking itself.


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Stanton Mill Farm, Wiltshire, December 1998

\"Mrs. Pewsey! Emily!\" Carol\'s voice was urgent as she clutched her abdomen. Emily came running, knowing that the girl was nearing her time.

\'And by the looks of her,\' she thought briskly, \'it is time now.\'

Gently taking her by the arm, Emily Pewsey led Carol inhe whe warm kitchen. The Aga was roaring, and Carol leaned against the towel rail, hoping the heat would dispel her tremendous backache. She watched as her friend calmly spread towels upon the floor, and then proceeded to fill a kettle full of water and place it on the range.

\"All right, dearie,\" Emily\'s unruffled actions and voice cut through the wall of pain. \"You\'re going to come with me into the bathroom, and use the loo.\"

For the next eight hours, every scrap of dignity Carol had thought she\'d possessed was firmly shoved aside. She was lying naked upon the towel-strewn floor of someone\'s kitchen, being peered at and probed every few minutes.

And later still, in the warm kitchen, a ray of yellow sunlight peeped through the chink in the curtains, and slid warmly over a mother and her newborn son.


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Bathroom in Harry\'s Home, Hogwarts, August 2010

Alone in Harry and Ginny\'s bathroom, I could escape from the squeals and chatter for a while, to wash my wearied body clean of the sweat of exhaustion. The water was still hot, even after the proud parents had cleaned themselves up. That is the nice thing about Hogwarts\' plumbing. The water is always hot, always has good pressure, and is always scented with something pleasant. I inhaled the aroma of rose petals, feeling the steam opening my every pore.

And I tried not to think about giving birth, eleven years ago. I tried to...

Frustrated with myself, I splashed water at the steamy mirror in front of me.

~ Not go there? ~ The voice within my head suggested.

\"Exactly,\" was my sharp response.

~ Hmmm... ~ soothed the voice. I sensed a familiar warmth behind me. ~ Anyway, welcome home. ~

Home?


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The Scene of the Crime, Hogwarts, July 1998

\"I\'m probably going to regret this, you little shit, but I don\'t want to set eyes on you for one moment longer,\" he hissed, and the young man in the cloak shrank back, all his bravado gone along with the element of surprise.

\"You will leave...but first, a little word to the wise\" the angry man continued. \"You upset me again, and I will personally see to it that your life becomes a living hell. Just try me if you don\'t believe me. Now...Get. Out. Of. My. Sight.\"

The younger man backed slowly away, towards the open door.

\"NOW!\"

He turned and ran as if demons were pursuing him with red-hot pokers.


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Bathroom in Harry\'s Home, Hogwarts, August 2010

There was no point in denying it. I\'d been had. I hadn\'t had time to look back on this before now, but there was something distinctly fishy going on here.

1. There are voices in my head. Or a voice, I should say.
2. My faithful satchel broke at an entirely inopportune moment, causing me to wake my husband.
3. I lost my job. This was my own fault. Or Ron\'s, rather. But it led me to...
4. Diagon Alley. Looking for a reasonably paid job I could fit in between keeping house and studying in secret.
5. Saw Hagrid, who tells me I am always welcome at Hogwarts and then got all shifty on me.
6. Two House Elves seemed to conspire to stop me reading about any other job than the position at Hogwarts.
7. Since when did Hogwarts advertise for positions in a shop window, anyway?
8. Someone planted an anonymous and very creepy note on my person.
9. I discovered that my husband is cheating on me with the Queen of Darkness.
10. I left the house just in time to escape being blown to smithereens.
11. Ron is dead.
12. I get an owl from Harry, and find myself in Hogwarts.

Ron. Pansy. Hagrid. Honky and Noggy. Draco. Hedwig. Harry.

It was too confusing. There had to be another person in this, someone who could bring all these scattered threads together.

Grabbing a towel, I decided to talk to Harry about this. I left the warm steam of the bathroom and marched into the living room.

Not great. He was asleep. Of course he was. They were all exhausted.

I borrowed a set of clean robes, wrapped them around my body, and was outside the door to their rooms before I could talk myself out of it.


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A Bedchamber in Hogwarts, July 1998

Sitting on his bed, the sting of the Healing Potion assaulting his senses, he lifted his head and stared blearily into the glass. Thanking the gods he had dispensed with that ridiculous talking Mirror, and had got himself an antique muggle one, he sneered at himself.

Filled with remorse and pain, he rose, pulling down one of the green velvet bed curtains, and threw it over the looking glass in one angry movement.


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Gryffindor Tower Corridors, Hogwarts, August 2010

\'Gods, how weird to be here again,\' I thought, as I crept along the familiar passages in Gryffindor Tower. Occasionally, a portrait had recognised me. Sir Cadogan\'s eyes had lit up, and we\'d exchanged happy salutations for a while, before I waved cheerily, continuing on my way. As I turned the corner I saw him disappearing into the portrait on his left.

I heard the fruity chime of a grandfather clock as it struck ten times. My bare feet padded along the corridors, I wandered aimlessly and it felt good. It felt like -

~ Home? ~

\"Go away!\" I snapped aloud. The voice chuckled richly, like a river of chocolate sauce melting over scoops of vanilla ice cream. The sound made me shiver with confusion. I stumbled, and automatically reached my hand out to touch the glossily-polished panelling, to steady myself.


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Stanton far farm, Wiltshire, April 1999


\"I can\'t take this anymore!\"

\"Carol! How can you say these things? He\'s your son!\"

\"Mrs. Pewsey, please help me do this. I need to give him up. Every time I look at him, I see reminders of loving someone who never loved me back. I can\'t do that again. Offer up my heart and my soul, to love a person who will only throw it back in my face? I did that once, and I cannot do it again. It will kill me.\"

\"I will not help you give away your child. He is only four months old!\"

\"Then I will do it alone. You\'re right...you\'ve done enough for me for too long.\"

Carol put the baby in a sling and headed for the door.

Emily Pewsey knew the danger of letting Carol walk out of the house in the state she was in. She ran after her, pleading.

\"Carol, Carol, please wait. I will help you. But please, first will you sit down and have something to eat?\"

*

It took several cups of tea and a good many rounds of sandwiches before she finished talking. Carol told the older woman pretty much everything, apart from a few obvious omissions - her true name, and the fact she had been a Witch. From experience, Muggles did not take such information very well.

When Emily replied, her voice was harsh with tears.

\"I can\'t say I blame you for your feelings, my dear. Your child was not conceived from love, and you it must make you feel completely depressed...demented...well, words are not adequate. Am I right?\"

Carol merely nodded, miserably. The dreams had been right. She could not have been able to risk loving the child, who would hate her for letting him be born.

\"I have no husband, or children of my own, but I own this farm, and live comfortably enough to share my good fortune. I am not all that many years older than you. It is just plausible that I could have had a child myself. In this case, I will take your son, and raise him as my own. You must, however, agree to think it over for one night. If you are still sure that you wish to give him up in the morning, you may leave without him. Do we have a deal?\"

Carol didn\'t say a word, but soundlessly walked toward Emily, and embraced her.

*

The first few rays of spring sunshine stroked across Carol\'s bed. She dressed quickly and silently padded across to her bag, in which she had packed her meagre possessions the previous night. Nothing could possibly convince her to keep the child who not only would be a memory of a love which had been cruelly thrown in her face, who would grow up to hate and despise her. But she could not leave without saying goodbye, so she tiptoed into the adjoining room.

Carol stood by the cot, where the boy lay sleeping. She reached out and stroked the coal-black hair, ran her hand down the length of his slender body. Her breasts ached, and without a second thought she pressed both her palms firmly against them, as if to force back her love, as well as her milk.

\"Goodbye, my darling,\" she whispered. \"Better that I leave you now, before I fall in love with you completely.\"

Choking back a sob, she left the room, and the house, closing the door with a faint click before putting on her shoes and walking away, not looking back.

A minute later, the door opened and closed once more, seemingly of its own accord.

*

Emily woke late, which was unusual for her. She pulled on her dressing gown, and went into the kitchen to put the kettle on. Tapping lightly on Carol\'s door, she entered.

The bed had been stripped, and her belongings had gone.

Oh, God, thought Emily. She\'s gone!

She almost ran out of the room and into the next.

And Emily Pewsey smiled. The gamble had paid off. She\'d been right to suggest she, Emily, took the child into her care. She\'d known that it would stir maternal feelings within Carol when faced with the possibility of living her life without her only child. A mother\'s love for her baby was a strong bond that could not be broken. She\'d known the girl wouldn\'t leave without taking her son with her.

It didn\'t occur to her until much later that it would have been an amazing feat for the slender woman to carry a solid pine crib along with her luggage, and a four-month-old child.