Heart\'s Journal

************~*~************

************~*~************

************~*~************

Chapter 5: Taking Chances

************~*~************



As Lissa sat gasping from her bout of coughing she saw something out of the corner of her eye. Could it be? She looked at her mirror head on and saw only herself but again as she turned away she could swear she saw her love... Severus Snape!



************~*~************

Some time later the journal began to tingle in her arms.



************~*~************

October 7, 2003

Dearest Lissa,



There may be a way to get a potion of my own to you. I am working on it even now as I write to you. Please keep well until I can get it to you.



Severus

************~*~************

Lissa\'s heart gave a flip...pain though it was as she read his entry to her. *Had the man no sense? She would be fine!* Yet she was still touched he he cared enough to do this and just *knew* this side of him existed!



************~*~************

Oct 6, 2003



My Wonderful Potion\'s Master,



Did I not tell you not to worry? I thank you for all your efforts and will be glad to show my gratitude to you should the day ever come that we meet face to face. I have a question for you though and I think my boldness comes from the fever yet ask I must. Dare I think that there might be a chance for something more than friendship between you and I? I will understand if you say no. I suppose I shouldn\'t have asked either but this book will not let me erase anything once it is written.



Also fever induced no doubt but I could have sworn I saw... you are a handsome man Severus Snape. Friendship or whatever relationship you have in mind... believe that I see you in that light!





Hugs and Kisses,

Lissa

************~*~************

Severus barricaded himself in his lab. He had several hours of brewing before he could make his attempt. He read again the note he planned on sending to Lissa with the potions that would heal her.



Dearest Lissa,

I don\'t know what the future may hold for us but I do hope that in time that we will be more than friends. Please get well soon.



Take the green potion first then the red. I am sorry I couldn\'t do anything about the taste as they are both quite foul but in a day or so you should be as good as new.



With loving fondness,

Severus



A few hours later Severus wrapped two vials in the strip of parchment and cast a cushioning charm on the bundle. After locking his door and casting a silencing charm on his room he got the mirror Albus had given him. Thanking whatever god had given him photographic memory Severus murmured Lissa’s name and began the complete incantation he had read over Albus’s shoulder earlier that day.



Again the surface of the mirror shimmered swirling into view Lissa’s living room. She was still on the couch clutching the diary to her chest as she struggled to breathe. For a moment she looked into the mirror almost as if she could see him. Severus sighed wishing that it could be so.



Placing the vials on the mirror and channeling his energy he began to push. Slowly the surface of the mirror bowed under the pressure and his arm began to shake. Millimeter by millimeter the vials made their way through. Severus’s vision started to cloud as he was exhausting his power. He held on and giving one last burst of strength the vials popped through the mirror. Severus smiled slightly. He had done it! He thought triumphantly as he lost consciousness.



********~***~*~************



When Severus did not appear for dinner none were too concerned for he was apt to skip a meal or two in favor of finishing a project that required exacting precision. However, when he did not appear for either breakfast of lunch Albus went searching for him.



Albus floo’ed into his rooms and much to his shock found Severus on the floor unconscious. He called for Poppy and together they got him to the hospital ward.



*You foolish! Wh! What have you done now?*



\"What has he done to himself this time Albus?\" Poppy asked with some asperity as she busied herself examining him and checking to see what might be wrong.



\"Unless I am very much mistaken Poppy, he cast a very taxing spell and it took too much out of him.\"



Poppy sniffed and turned to her stores of potions. She shook her head knowing that the man was just the type to work himself to exhaustion. He didn\'t eat right and never slept enough. She wasn\'t really surprised to find him in her ward in this condition.



\"Please do what you can for him Poppy.\" Albus turned away and headed back toward his office. He had to get the rest of the spell correct and without such a drain on the user by Halloween! For Severus\'s sake as well as Lissa\'s.



‘I will but you know that I won\'t be able to keep him here for long. As soon as he wakes he is going to want to leave.’ Poppy thought as she watched the headmaster leave the infirmary.



Albus turned for a moment and smiled. \"I know Poppy but...remind him that he now has a reason to remain healthy. That might help you gain *some* leverage.\" Then the Headmaster was gone.



Poppy smiled as the door shut behind Albus. Severus has a reason to remain healthy now. Must be a woman she mused, happy that Severus might have finally found someone to tear down the walls he built around himself. Poppy turned back to her patient and began her work of getting the surly potions master back on his feet.



************~*~************



Lissa woke some hours later and looked in her precious journal for word from him. Nothing. Was it too soon for him to write her again? She thought again about his last few entries and what she thought she saw in the mirror. Had that truly been him?? How could she see him then? It didn\'t make sense! It *must* be the fever. Lord knew she was getting tired just thinking about it!



She rose and made herself some tea, resting in a chair as she waited for the water to boil and nearly fell asleep for this small task. She felt so drained! She was eager to go back to her fantasy of curling on the couch imagining her potion\'s master holding her... comforting her. She glanced at her living roirroirror to see if there were any visible improvements or if she still looked like hell. That was when she saw a curious little bundle. She placed her tea beside her little table and went to where it lay.



She picked it up and looked at it as she went to sit again on her couch which had become her sickbed over the past day or so. Painful coughing again as she curled bal ball to somehow protect her chest and lungs. After a few moments she opened her hands and unwrapped the vials. Vials? Potions?? How??? She quickly read through the note. *My Goddess! He *does* care for me! How could I get so lucky? How did he manage to get this through? Why didn\'t he write anything in the journal? Something\'s wrong. There has to be.*



She followed his instructions of first the green then the red and felt them starting to work. Made by his own hands she had no doubt and something to be treasured. She wrote another entry in her journal before settling down to get the rest she knew she would need.



************~*~************



Oct 7, 2003



My Beloved Severus,



Thank you so very much for the potions. I cannot help but wonder though at what cost to you to have sent them through. I know there is somet wro wrong, else I am sure you would have replied before now. Make no mistake Severus Snape! I love you fiercely and will not have you hurting yourself over me! I need you to take care of yourself and be healthy for me! Will you not do this? Perhaps it is too soon to declare myself but it is also too late now. I cannot unwrite the words and I would not. You need to know exactly how I feel for you. I will worry for you till I hear from you again.



Love,

Lissa

PS. If there is a way to get something here... can I get there?



************~*~************



Severus felt warm soft hands caress his cheek and he smiled and leaned into the touch. She smelled of jasmine and gardenia. Her hand trailed down his chest grazing his nipple and across the flat plane of his stomach and rested over the band of his black silk boxers…



Severus woke with a start. He sighed realizing that there was no one there. Looking around he saw that he was in the infirmary. He grimaced when he thought of the blistering lecture he would get from Albus come morning. Severus decided to get back to his rooms while the getting was good.



Severus swung his feet over the side of the bed and got his wand from the bedside table. Just as he was about to transfigure the bed sheet into a robe when Poppy’s door opened.



‘Damn,’ he thought, ‘almost got away.’



Poppy came bustling in immediately and moved to check his vitals.



\"Oh no you don\'t Severus Snape! You are staying right here where I can keep an eye on you at least till Monday!\"



“Poppy, relax. I am fine. If you let me go I promise not to show my face until Monday at breakfast. I won’t even work in my lab.” Severus promised.





Poppy raised an eyebrow and looked at him considering.



\"You have it bad. Don\'t you Severus?\"



Severus gave Poppy a dlooklook then sighed. \"She means more to me than many things have these last 20 years.\"



Poppy sat beside him and took his hand in hers speaking as friend to friend. \"Does she care for you as you do her? Does she know everything? I mean...*everything*?\"



Severus considered for a moment and told Poppy about the journal. After summoning boo book from his quarters and reading the newest entry he handed it over, deciding that it would be best for Poppy to see for herself what he saw in Lissa.



Poppy read over the diary entries and sure enough the girl sounded as though she cared. She didn\'t understand how she could claim to love someone she\'d never met before though. Perhaps these books she mentioned. She didn\'t see how but...stranger things had happened.



“Poppy now do you see? You know how alone I have felt. That I thought no one would forgive my past. She knows! She knows and doesn\'t care. Who else in our world can say that?\" Severus searched her eyes.



\"She sounds well suited for you Severus but I caution you to be careful. I just don\'t see how she can claim to love you when she has never met you despite these *books* she mentions. I don\'t want to see you hurt Severus. I want to see you happy and if she can do it for you then by all means... seek her out. How will you get her here though?\"





“Albus is working on a way to get through he said on Halloween the barrier is the thinnest. Hopefully I will be able to try then.”



\"Then perhaps you should tell her. You have people who care for you here Severus. Never forget that. I know you need more but you *are* among friends and we love you in our own unique ways.\" She kissed him on the cheek and sighed. \"I will take you at your word. Go to your rooms then and rest. All weekend! Do you understand me? I will be down to check you periodically and if you are not resting you\'ll be back in the infirmary faster than you can say \'Jack Sprat\'! Now go and behave yourself. If I have to bring you back up here it\'ll be without your lady friend’s journal!\"



\"Yes Ma\'am,\" Severus said. Catching Poppy around the middle he stood up and swung her around. Kissing her soundly on the lips he almost laughed out loud. \"Poppy you won\'t regret this. I promise.\"



Poppy was surprised at this side of Severus which she had only heard about once and discounted it as hogwash yet... here he was, happy and boyish. She smiled as he whisked himself off to his rooms clutching the journal as though his life lay within it and she supposed it did. She vowed to herself that this Lissa had better treat him right or Poppy, herself, would hex her pubes off!



Severus rushed out of the infirmary and back to his dungeons where he startled a couple of his Slytherins as he rushed past clad only in his boxers and a black dressing gown that was flapping open as he ran to his office to write back to Lissa.



Severus entered his quarters and locked the door behind him. Leaning against the locked door the exhaustion overtook him again. Grabbing a quill and some ink from his desk he went to his bedroom. Shrugging out of his dressing gown and getting between the green silk sheets he opened the journal and ran his fingers over her words. She loved him.



************~*~************

October 8, 2003

Lissa- my dearest,



Don’t worry for me. I am all right just a bit tired after sending you the potions. It took more of my energy than I had anticipated. I am even in my own rooms and Poppy wouldn’t have let me leave if I wasn’t going to be fine. I just need to rest, which I have promised to do. I even went so far as to give up my lab for the weekend. I am even in bed now wishing I wasn’t alone but I hope that by Halloween Albus will have found a solution and you will be here with me.



Please rest and become strong again. Believe me you will need all the strength you can muster to make the jump from your world from mine.



With love,

Severus



************~*~************