More Than You Think You Are

\" Soul \"

Hang out my window and over your head
Stare at your feelings to see where they end
You\'re waiting here for someone else to break you from the inside
You\'ve been so composed

We all know there\'s always something tearing you apart
It\'s always so much longer than you counted on
And it hits you so much harder then you thought
But you don\'t worry, you don\'t worry
Cause you\'ve got soul
~Lyrics by Matchbox Twenty


They tumbled out of the floo and into a large living room. Severus’ home appeared as if it hadn’t ever been lived in. Everything looked as if it had been in the same exact spot for years. Hermione was still clinging to his robes, and he didn’t mind. Her crying had finally stopped and she started to calm. He supposed the reality of Harry’s death had finally sunk in.

They exited the floo and she took a more examining look around. Severus noticed her curiosity. “I survive with the barest nectiesties. I have nothing of great importance here or anything that is incriminating. Truth be known, there’s hardly anything that would prove I am the owner.”

Her heart nearly broke at the bitterness in his voice. She could only imagine living a double life for so many years. He was much stronger than anyone knew.

“It’s lovely.” She winced as she heard the word escape her mouth.

Severus snorted. “It’s hardly lovely, Hermione.” He led her into a small kitchen and began brewing some tea. They talked for a few moments then decided it was time for bed. Severus was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to crawl into the inviting comfort of his sheets. He had a lot to deal with when the sun rose, and just for tonight, he wanted to pretend the outside world didn’t exist. However, he forgot about the lack of a spare bed. He hated company so when he built this house he didn’t plan on ever having any. It seemed he’d be sleeping on the sofa rather than his sheets.

He led her down a short hallway and turned right. “Hermione, this is my room. You may sleep in here tonight.” She was determined that he wouldn’t be giving up his bed after the night he had.

“No, Severus. You sleep in here. The sofa appears very comfortable.”

“It’s anything but. You can sleep in here and I’ll be fine. Most nights I hardly even sleep.”

“You are not giving up your bed. That’s final.” Severus noticed she was determined so he finally gave in.

“If ynsisnsist, but still it would be…”

Hermione interrupted him. “No. The sofa will be fine. Honestly. The only thing I need is something to wear.” Severus went into his room and pulled out a soft flannel nightshirt. He told her where the bathroom was, and then she went to clean up.

Hermione shuddered at the reflection peering back at her. The night’s activities were clearly worn on her face. Her eyes were puffy and swollen, her cheeks flushed. As she stared at herself, the reality finally hit her. She was alone now. No Ron to bug her about Quidditch. No Harry to protect her. No Harry to make her feel alive. It was just a world with no Harry. Those thoughts brought back her tears and she cried silently for a few minutes in the bathroom. Once she regained some composure, she wanted to thank Severus for allowing her to come with him.

She left the bathroom and made her way back to the living room. She saw a faint light coming from his bedroom doorway and peered inside. Severus sat in a side chair, naked from the waist up. His boots and socks had been removed and all he wore were a pair of black trousers. He dabbed a cotton ball into the liquid in the bowl, and pressed it firmly to his bruised ribs, then to his swollen eye. He winced at the pain. Green ooze seeped out from beneath the skin, and she swore she heard him mutter “bastard” beneath his breath.

He cleaned each wound thoroughly. Hermione was mesmerized by the sight of him. He was so unguarded, so human. For the first time in her life, Severus Snape appeared tired and defeated. She admired his lean frame with just a touch of muscle beneath the surface. On his right pectoral muscle, he had a tattoo of what appeared to be the Slytherin crest, but she couldn’t be sure from this distance. His chest was covered in a very light dusting of hair, a dark trail made its way down to his navel and into his trousers. She wished he wasn’t wearing trousers. There was a long scar across the right side of his ribcage. She wondered where he had gotten it.

As she watched him tend to his wounds, she realized she was checking him out. And that she was also invading his privacy. Yet, she couldn’t turn away. She had to watch him. He stood, and as he unbuttoned the snap on his trousers, Hermione cleared her throat so that he would notice her.

“Oh, umm… I wanted to…” She couldn’t even speak. “I wanted to thank you. I am sorry to intrude.” Severus saw her blushed cheeks and realized that she had been caught watching him. He was surprised that she didn’t recoil in horror.

“It is okay, Hermione. I should have shut the door.” He motioned for her to come in and set down on the bed. “I apologize for giving you such a large shirt.” It hung down to her ankles and was a bit baggy. Severus couldn’t help notice the way it clung to her breasts, and he caught just a glimpse of cleavage through the v-neck. He chastised himself for looking, but the more masculine side of him justified it as male lust.

“I am thankful that I didn’t have to stay at Grimmauld Place. I don’t think I could bear the sympathy and pity from everyone, at least right now. It just seems so unreal. Like this is all a horrible dream and that I’ll wake up, back in the safety of Villa de Isabel.”

“Hermione, unfortunately it isn’t a horrible dream. It is reality. Until now, you haven’t had to deal with the death of loved ones. But alas the war is over and everyone begibegin a new life without the threat of Voldemort.” He walked over to the wardrobe and took out a pair of flannel pajama pants. Hermione realized that he had left the button of his pants undone.

“I understand. I just can’t imagine how I’ll get through the services.” Severus regarded her with the dreaded sympathy that she had just spoke so ill of.

“You shall, you are a Gryffindor, remember?” She realized he was teasing her.

“Yes, and you are a Slytherin, so why are you showing me such hospitality?”

“Not every member is Slytherin to the core. I have a few admirable qualities.”

“You have more than a few, Severus. I daresay you have many traits of a Gryffindor.”

“Such as?” He couldn’t understand why she was comparing the two.

“You are braver and far more courageous than any Gryffindor I know.” She stood up and kissed him softly on the cheek.

He snorted in response, if anything else than just to break the awkward silence.

“Don’t you deny it.” He just nodded at her and made his way into the adjoining bathroom.

“I must shower. I’ll only be a moment, then I’ll get you a blanket and a pillow for the sofa.”

“That is fine Severus.” Hermione sat back down onto the bed, and propped her head upon a pillow. Her body felt it was finally time to sleep, so she curled up into a ball and let her dreams overcome her.

Severus returned from showering to find her gently snoring. He laughed at the sight. It was endearing to his heart. She had suffered so much tonight. Of course, he had suffered more physical damage, but no one suffered as much internally as she had. The two best friends of her life had died. And she hadn’t been able to do anything to stop it. Fate was a fickle friend. He realized that a long time ago. But he also realized that which doesn’t kill makes you stronger. And he feared for anyone that crossed Hermione Granger’s path.

Severus watched her for a few moments while he towel dried his hair. She looked so innocent, so at peace. He cringed to think of what the following day would be like for her. He could only be there for her and tend to her every need. He pulled the other side of the cover up to her chin, and resisted the urge to kiss her forehead gently. She was asleep and he wasn’t going to risk waking her up.

He took the other pillow and grabbed a blanket from the cupboard. He flicked out the lamp, and quietly made his way to the sofa. Sometime during the night, Hermione had awoken him, crying out for him. Severus rushed to her side, and she clung to him. He gave her a bit of dreamless sleep, and she pulled him into the warm bed with her. He didn’t object, just held her close to him. His steady heartbeat lulled her back to sleep, and her gentle breathing carried him off into dreamland. It may be the only time he would ever get to sleep within her warm embrace and he wasn’t going to let the chance pass him by.

~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~

Albus contacted them during breakfast and informed them of the arrangements. With Severus’ permission, Hermione used his owl and sent word to Villa de Isabel to retrieve her formal dress robes, as well as her plain black dress. Hermione dreaded entering the Great Hall.

Harry had been placed upon a great altar, honoring him. Albus had only invited the members of the Order, and their close families. The press had no clue that Harry Potter had even died. Albus would make sure his memorial service and his entombment were taken care of before the press heard a word about his death. Molly and Arthur had decided on a private burial for Ron at their family cemetery. His small service would take place the next evening.

They entered the castle, and soft soothing music rang throughout the halls. The doors to the Great Hall had been warded closed by Albus. He wanted to be sure everyone arrived and there weren’t any uninvited guests before he unlocked them.

Severus and Hermione made their way over to Remus and Tonks. Hermione thought she looked very pretty with her black curls and her piercing blue eyes. She was herself today just the way Harry liked her. He was very fond of Tonks and she was fond of him. After Sirius died, she was the only one that could really get through to him. They spent the most part of that summer together.

Remus noticed them approaching, and hugged Hermione tightly to his chest. He was so happy to see her so well composed. She was very strong, there wasn’t ever any doubt about that. But everyone breaks, and he was thankful that today hadn’t been her undoing.

“I see you’re healed now.” Hermione was thankful to see that the burns on his wrist and the cuts were healed.

“Yes, Tonks is a terrific healer. And thanks for the potions Severus.”

“You’re welcome.” Before Severus and Hermione had left Grimmauld Place, Severus told Remus where he could find a hidden store of potions prepared for dire occasions. He kept them well hid at Grimmauld Place, and he had to tell Remus how to remove the wards as well as the location of the small room.

“Is everyone okay?” Hermione motioned to the Weasley’s.

“Molly is having a rough go. But Arthur has given her a calming potion and she is much better now. Charlie is pretty much healed, just has his arm in a sling. He should be okay.”

“That’s good. I want to apologize to everyone for the way I acted last night. It was very wrong of me to scream in your faces. I had no right.” Hermione blushed in embarrassment.

“Hermione, you had every right. You had been deceived. I am sure everyone will understand.” Remus smiled at her, and it relieved some of the tension.

Severus looked up and noticed Albus coming. Albus made his way down the staircase and to the small gathering of mourners. Severus had never seen him look so distraught in all the years he had known him. He wore pale grey robes, with no color or fancy design. He wore a tight plait of silver hair down his back. He looked almost dead himself, with no color to him at all, except just the slightest hint of pink beneath his eyes.

“I want to thank you all for coming. It is with a very heavy heart that I have brought you all here today. Harry has requested that no words be spoken about him. He has prepared a short piece for me to read to you all. I also request that several of you remain here after the service. Harry has left something that I have been instructed to share with some of you.”

Albus didn’t wait for anyone to reply, he just turned toward the doors and removed the wards. He opened them, and Hermione’s heart began to race. She didn’t know if she was ready to see him. She didn’t know if she wanted to see him. She couldn’t imagine looking at his precious face and not see those piercing green eyes full of life and love. She felt her eyes fill with tears, and Tonks pulled her close to her.

“Shh.. It’s alright love.” Hermione just cried into her arms, completely unaware of the world around her. One by one the mourners made their way to the altar and paid their respects for Harry. Everyone had left the Great Hall, except for Albus and the four of them. Severus gently tapped Hermione on the shoulder and she turned to him.

“Hermione, you need to say goodbye.” She didn’t want to say goodbye.

“I don’t want to.” She wiped away her tears and peered up at the altar. Harry had been dressed in his favorite pair of blue jeans, trainers, and t-shirt. His glasses lay beside him along with his wand and Firebolt. A solid gold, Gryffindor crest was placed behind him. His body was surrounded by a makeshift bed of silken pillows.

“Hermione, we’re not asking you to say goodbye forever, just today. He will always be within your heart and soul. You are merely paying respect to his physical self. The spirit is much harder to kill.” Albus wrapped her hand within his, and led her to the altar.

She looked down at his lifeless form. There was no indication that he died of anything but natural causes. He looked so innocent, so young. She silently cried and said a few tender words to him. She bent over and placed a soft kiss to the very spot his scar used to be. She whispered “I love you” softly into his ear and turned from him. She realized that for the first time in his life, he finally looked at peace. She’d never seen his face so calm, so relaxed. Albus escorted her back to the doors as Severus, Tonks, and Remus finished saying goodbye. Once everyone had exited the Hall, Albus warded the door again, and turned to everyone.

“It has been requested that several of you remain here to witness the reading of Harry’s last will and testament. Nymphadora, Remus, Molly and Arthur, Ginny, Severus and Hermione. Please follow me to the Muggle Studies room.” No one could understand why they were going into the Muggle Studies room, but they followed.

Once everyone was inside and seated in the arrangement Albus had put them into, he went to the television and VCR. He spoke not a word, just put the tape into the VCR and pressed the play button. The tape began and it seemed like an eternity before Harry’s face appeared. Everyone recognized the background as Ron’s room, and Molly began to sob very loudly once again. Arthur tried to quiet her, but wasn’t very successful.

Molly may have been the only one to fall to pieces with the sight of Harry, but when he began to speak, there wasn’t a dry eye in the room.

“Well, I won’t make this any er oer on all of you than it already has been. If you all are watching this, then my assumption was correct and I am finally with my mum and dad and Sirius. I want to thank everyone of you for making my life worth living. Some of my fondest memories are of the times spent at the Burrow and at Grimmauld Place. And although I’ll only admit it now, Potions class wasn’t so bad either. But, it couldn’t hold a candle to Defense Against the Dark Arts with Remus as our teacher. I swear I learned more in that one year than I did the entire other six years combined. I may have had a rough start into this world, but I would never trade it for anything. The Dursley’s, as horrible as they were, made me appreciate life more, made me understand how to treat people with compassion and kindness. If I learned anything from them, it was that.

I want to take a few minutes, now, to disperse of my belongings, and to thank each one of you as I give you your gift. I’ll start with you Ginny.” Ginny watched with anticipation. She couldn’t imagine what Harry would be leaving her.

“Ginny, you have grown into a beautiful young woman. You’re intelligent and you are famous for that Weasley temper. I’ll never forget the first time I saw you, standing on Platform 9 and ¾. loo looked so young, so innocent. Then, you’re first year to Hogwarts you were possessed by none other than Lord Voldemort. You changed after that year. You were more careful, stronger, and more determined. No matter what happened, you never let it get you down. And now, you’re almost an Auror. I want to leave you 1000 galleons, and all of the weapons I own. Everything now belongs to you even the knife Sirius gave me. Please, take good care of everything. You were always like the sister I never had, and I love you.”

“I love you too, Harry,” Ginny cried.

“Next, Nymphadora.” Harry stuck out his tongue, knowing that she would protest him calling her by her given name. “I know, I know, Tonks.” She smiled fondly at him. “I don’t know where to begin with you.” Everyone chuckled a bit. “The first time I met you, I was marveling at your violet hair. I had never met a Metamorphmagi before I met you, and even now, I don’t know anyone quite like you. You never let anyone get you down. You were always there when I needed you, like in my fifth year. You helped me through the roughest time in my life. And the night I learned I was going to be taking Occlumency from Snape, you sure made me feel a whole lot better.” Harry began to blush on the screen, and Tonks did as well.

Remus just looked at her. He couldn’t believe that she had taken Harry’s virginity. “After that night, I was never insecure around girlsin. in. Thank you. You saw me for Harry, and not for the scar I was cursed with. I am leaving you 1000 galleons as well, and my beloved Firebolt. Take good care of her.” Tonks started sniffling, and Remus pulled her close to him. “You always were fond of her. I know she’s in ghandhands now. And, one last request, eh?”

Tonks nodded. “Anything Harry.”

“Take care of Remus. He’s all that’s left now of the Marauder’s and he’ll need someone to take care of him. I’m sure you won’t mind. Bye Tonks.” No one but Remus heard her quiet reply.

“See ya’ Harry.”

“Now, Molly and Arthur. You have treated me as well as you ever did any of your own children. I am very thankful for all that you have done for me throughout the years. I felt like the Weasley’s were my family. Thank you for that. I am leaving you 25,000 galleons, my share in the 3W’s, and all my muggle belongings. I am sure Arthur will have fun tinkering around on them. Please take care of everyone the way you have been. I will miss you very much.”

Molly couldn’t believe her ears. “25,000 galleons? Is he out of his mind?”

“Molly, I believe he is trying to repay you for all that you’ve donr hir him.” Albus pressed the fast forward button on the tape. “That part was for Ron. I was instructed to pass through it if he wasn’t present. I am sorry Molly.”

When the tape stopped, Harry began speaking to Severus. “Professor Snape, or shall I finally call you Severus? You have always been there, watching over me like a hawk. Whenever I was causing mischief, usually you were there to catch me right in the middle of it. You have taken good care of me, and havehave more patience than anyone I know. I am glad we worked through our problems and were able to help each other. You have repaid your wizard’s debt to my father many, many times. Please take care of yourself. And finally live your life for you. You’ve spent far too many years hiding behind the safety of those castle walls. Travel, see the world, get pissed. Get laid.”

The entire room erupted into laughter, except for Severus. He just scowled at Harry’s crude remark. “I am leaving you 25,000 galleons under one condition. You are to take a year hiatus, and return to your family home. Then, after you’ve lived there for six months, you may have your money. Albus will give it to you. There is one other thing. You are now in possession of something, or shall I say someone, that meant more to me than life, obviously. Never let harm befall her. Take good care of her, if she lets you. I am also leaving you my invisibility cloak and the Marauder’s Map. I know how you love them both so much.”

Severus just nodded. He didn’t want any of those things. He never wanted anything of Harry’s. He would never get the galleons. Severus could never leave Hogwarts.

“Now, Remus. I am not sure how to say this eloquently, so I’ll just say it in my own terms. When I met you in my third year, and after I learned of your relationship with my parents, I felt closer to them just by knowing you. When you saved me from thesleysley’s in my fifth year, I can’t describe the happiness I felt in my heart knowing you were there to help guide me to safety. You taught me a lot about prejudices and how to fight injustice. Thank you. After Sirius died, you took over the responsibilities of me and did a terrific job. Thank you again. I am leaving you 50,000 galleons, the properties I own, and all of the furnishings within. Now you can start that family you’ve always dreamed of. And you can buy all the books you ever wished for. Take care. I love you so much.” Harry was crying on the screen, and it nearly broke everyone’s heart.

Remus sat there, dumbfounded. For the first time in his life, he wouldn’t have to want for anything. And it was all thanks to Harry. Lily and James would have been so proud of him. “Thank you, Harry. I’ll miss you.”

Hermione found it hard to breathe when she realized that it was her turn. She turned her head away from the screen, afraid she’d break down once more if she looked at his face. “Hermione, look at me.” She wasn’t surprised at all that he knew she’d not be looking at him. He knew her better than she knew herself sometimes. She turned her head and peered into his green eyes.

“Hermione, I guess you’re wondering what I have left you. Well, as easy as it was to decide on what to leave everyone else, it was just as hard to decide what I wanted you to have. I never considered marriage or a family, except when I was in your arms. You made me feel so alive, so happy. Even though we both knew our little arrangement was something more than a casual fling, we kept telling ourselves over and over that it wasn’t. It was easier to deal with our lives that way. I hope you have been happy in France. You deserve the world. I purchased something in Diagon Alley today. It was an engagement ring.” Hermione’s breath hitched in her throat.

“I know, I know. It was silly, considering that I knew I would never get to you you, or place it on your finger. But still, it made me feel like I did something to prove to you how much you really meant to me. I want you to take it, not as a symbol of your undying love for me, but as a symbol of my undying love for you. Even in death I will still love you. So, I am leaving you my heart. You have had it since our first time together, and you always will.” Hermione was sobbing loudly, and Severus could barely contain her.

“Why did you do this Harry? Why?”

“I love you, Mione.”

“Oh, Harry.” Her mind was racing with a million things. She couldn’t believe he had bought her an engagement ring.

“Now, there are a few more things I have left you. All the money that is left in my Gringott’s vault, I’m not sure exactly how much it is, and my wand. Now, last but not least, I am leaving you a little something to remember me by. I am sure you will take great care of it. I love you Hermione, never forget that. But please, live your life to its fullest. Get married, have a gaggle of kids, and die a very old, very happy witch. I’ll see you again. Take care love.”

The videotape went black, and they all realized it was over. No one could figure out what other gift Harry had left her. Albus interrupted the calm silence.

“Thank you all for staying. I shall be entombing his remains this evening. Harry has requested that no one be present other than myself. Let us try to honor his wishes. Each of your gifts were delivered to you by owl. However, I have your things Hermione; the key to Harry’s vault, his wand, and the ring. The other item is not in my possession. I shall send them with Dobby to Severus’ private rooms. Now, if you all will excuse me.” Albus ushered them out of the room, and everyone adjourned to Severus’ chambers.

Everyone stayed for a few moments, drank a toast to Harry and then left. Hermione was the only one remaining with Severus when Albus sent her things. She hesitated, but pulled the ring out of the box. It was a stunning square cut Emerald. It wasn’t adorned with fancy engravings or dazzling diamonds. It was just a plain Emerald. The stone was captivating.

“May I?” Severus asked her if he could examine it.

“Of course Severus.” She let him take the ring, and he admired the high quality of the stone. He knew that it had to cost Harry a small fortune. He wouldn’t have expected anything less. Hermione held out her finger for Severus to place the ring on. It was the right ring finger. She could never wear it on her left, but the right one would be perfect. Severus slid the ring onto her finger, and she began to cry once again.

“It’s hard to believe I have any tears left.” He handed her a tissue, and poured himself another glass of Scotch.

“It will get easier, I promise.” Severus sat down beside her on the sofa, and she placed her head in his lap. He gently ran his fingers through her hair. She was asleep in a few minutes. He carefully slid out from beneath her, and gently picked her up. He carried her into his room and placed her down upon his bed. She needed a brief nap.

While Hermione slept, Severus sat in the drawing room, contemplating Harry’s gift to him. Harry knew damn well what he was doing by stating that he had to return to his family home. He was still meddling in Severus’ private affairs. The boy had never learned to mind his own business.

Severus really could use the money for research, but he couldn’t return home. Someone was living there now, and Harry knew that. How could Severus break the news to Hermione that he would have to become her roommate in order to collect on his inheritance?”
~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~

A/N: Sorry for the delay. Was it worth it? I h’t h’t had too much free time lately. Been really busy with school. Hopefully the next chapter will be out by Friday. I apologize to anyone that hates me for killing off Harry. It had to happen this way. And, by the way; the Harry/Tonks smutlet is in the works. I accidentally deleted it after I had it written, so… Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Was the saddest thing I’ve ever written. Didn’t know I had it in me…