Scarred Souls

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Title: Scarred Souls



Author: Misty Moonlight/Co-author: QueenBoadicea



Beta: QueenBoadicea



Pairings: Severus/Harry



Published: 12/10/2008



Summary: A widowed Harry must bond with Snape in order to save his daughter’s life. Sev gains a family, for better or worse, and the hearts of two scarred souls will be changed forever.



Warnings: Romance, Drama, Angst, Alternate Reality/Universe, Sexual Situations, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slash, Anal, Language, Humor, possible MPreg, Bonding, Original Characters, Family, non-canon, OOC, WIP



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Chapter 47: Blessed Be





“Daddy! Daddy! Wake up!” The words were accompanied by a loud pounding on the door.



Harry opened his eyes at once. Even years after the war, the habit of waking up at the first sign of trouble never quite left him.



“Daddy! Are you in there?”



“Don’t be stupid. Of course he’s in there, Al.”



The children were banging on his door. Why?



Oh right. It was Christmas. That meant it was a senselessly early hour of the day, no doubt. Squinting at the dial, he saw that it read barely 6 o’clock. He’d better get up before the noise woke his husband. Since he had been four months pregnant, Severus liked to sleep in.



He turned and looked at the pillow next to his. No Severus. “Severus?”



The man himself came out of the toilet, an odd look on his face. “Harry…”



Harry lethargy vanished and he sat up. “What is it, Severus?”



“I’m… My water just broke.” Severus seemed almost eerily calm. But Harry could see the hint of panic in the dark eyes.



For a terrible second, Harry’s mind went completely blank. Shit, this couldn’t be happening, not yet, not today, of all days!



He scrambled out of bed. Now was not the time to get hysterical. He took a deep breath to steady himself. “All right. We’ve prepared for this. Any contractions?”



“A few. Nothing very strong. There’s back pain but mild for the moment.” Severus stared longingly at the rumpled sheets.



“Fine. Try to rest. I’ll hold off the kids, tell them you’re really knackered.”



Severus didn’t answer. He only nodded and Harry lowered him carefully to the bed.



The battering on his door resumed. “DADDY! WAKE UP!”



“I’m up, James! Hold your horses; I’m getting dressed.”



There were faint whisperings behind the door. Harry cast Sonorous so he could hear them.



“Do we have to get dressed?” Albus whispered.



“No and don’t ask. We’ll be stuck.”



Harry raised his voice. “I want you two in your day clothes. No running around in your pyjamas. We’re going to be visiting the Weasleys later.”



“Is Mione going to be there?” Albus cried.



“Yep. She’s bringing Rose Weasley, too. So you boys be on your best behavior.”



The boys scampered off, talking excitedly about the day and the prospect of seeing their baby cousin. Harry sighed and turned back to Severus. The man lay on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He might have been alone in the room for all the attention he showed Harry.



Harry sat gingerly beside him and laid his hand on one of Severus’s. The flesh was icily cold but he wasn’t sure if that was abnormal or mere nerves. “I’ll be back as soon as possible.” He had a flash of inspiration. “I’ll call Mum. She’ll get here and take the children back to the Burrow with her.”



“Harry.”



“Yes?” Harry squeezed Severus’s hand.



His husband closed his eyes briefly. “Nothing. Call Mrs. Weasley.”



“Actually, I’ve just got a better idea.” Harry Summoned quill and parchment and wrote a short note. He cleared his throat and cried, “Winky! Winky!”



A little house-elf with enormous brown eyes popped into view. “Harry Potter is calling Winky? Oh, it is good to see Harry Potter again! Winky has not seen him in ages!”



“Another devoted fan of yours, Harry?” Severus asked dryly.



“Something like that.” He smiled at the happy house-elf. “Hello, Winky. Look, I need you to do me a favor.”



Winky straightened to her full height. It wasn’t very impressive since, like most house-elves, she only was about three feet tall. “Winky is happy to do anything for Harry Potter. Any house-elf would gladly die in Harry Potter’s service!”



Harry stared, taken aback by her passionate declaration. He had been acquainted with Winky briefly but he hadn’t had much contact with her since his time in Hogwarts. He knew her even less than he’d known Kreacher. Where did this fanatical devotion come from? “Um, that won’t be necessary, Winky. What I want is really simple.”



He held out the piece of parchment, folded over and sealed. “Take this to Molly Weasley in the Burrow at St. Ottery Catchpole. Let her read it and, if she has any message for me, bring it back.”



“Right away, Harry Potter, sir!” She bowed low and popped out.



“That was quite a display,” Severus drawled. Harry looked over to see him staring at the spot where Winky had stood, a familiar smirk on his lips. “What is the cause of such insane loyalty?”



Harry shrugged. “No clue.”



They were interrupted by Winky’s reappearance. “Well?” Harry asked.



Winky bowed again. “Molly Weasley says that she understands and she’ll be appearing here in about an hour.”



“Good.” Harry hoped he had calculated properly. He didn’t like to leave Severus alone for that long. But Poppy had been firm in stating that, once Severus’s waters broke, nothing much would happen for quite a while. There was no need to panic and call out the troops at the first sign of contractions.



“Is there anything else Winky can do?” The little house-elf hopped from one foot to the other. Then she grabbed Harry’s hand and kissed it passionately.



“Whoa!” Harry snatched his hand back. “There’s no need for that, Winky!”



Her long ears drooped. “Has Winky offended? Bad Winky! Bad Winky!” She grabbed her head and began bashing it on the floor.



“No! Stop!” Harry grabbed her head. “Winky, I don’t understand. Why are you acting like this?”



She staggered and rubbed the knot rapidly swelling on her head. “Winky and other house-elves is very grateful to Harry Potter. Winky is just showing her appreciation.”



“Grateful? For what?”



“Why, for burying Dobby and giving him a proper gravestone with his name on it! No wizard has ever done such a thing for a house-elf. We is all so very touched by Master Harry’s noble gesture.”



She pulled up a corner of her toga, which looked like an oversized cloth napkin, and blew her nose noisily on it. “What Winky wouldn’t give to live in such a household with such a generous, kind master—who might bury her properly when her time comes.” She peeked at him above the corner of her toga and then wiped her eyes again, overcome with emotion.



Merlin’s beard. This was the last thing he wanted to think about now. But it seemed he would have to have a talk with Minerva about freeing one of the school’s house-elves for his own personal employ.



“Thank you, Winky. You’ve been very helpful. I won’t forget this,” he promised.



She blinked watery brown eyes and smiled at him. “You won’t? Oh, that is so wonderful! Harry Potter is a good master, yes he is!”



It took Harry a few minutes to get rid of her and he heaved a sigh of relief when she was finally gone.



“Another precious follower of the Boy Who Lived.” Severus shook his head. “Harry, you have the oddest friends.”



“No more than Dumbledore did. Just following in his footsteps, I suppose.”



“If you get the crazy idea of hiring werewolves to help around the cottage, I will leave this house.”



Harry laughed at the dry statement, glad that Severus was able to make jokes at a time like this. It helped brightened his mood.



He gave his husband a quick peck on the lips and promised to be back soon.



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Harry and the children ate a quick breakfast. The twins were almost too excited to eat and Harry didn’t have the heart to prolong the suspense too much. Besides, the sooner he got them out of the cottage, the better. His earlier happy mood was fast disappearing. He was terrified of being away from Severus. Who knew what might happen in his absence?



“Where’s Papa?” Albus asked. It had been decided that it was too confusing for both Harry and Severus to be called “Daddy”. So they had settled on “Papa” for Severus. He hadn’t accepted the name but he hadn’t rejected it either. It was the closest he came to thanks.



“Papa’s very tired this morning. He’s sleeping.” Harry didn’t like lying to the boys. But there was nothing they could do to help and telling the truth would only worry them.



“But he won’t get our presents!” James protested.



“Yes, he will. He’ll be just as happy to get them later. In the meantime, let’s go unwrap our gifts, okay?”



They needed no further encouragement. The boys ran off pell-mell while Harry brought up the rear more slowly, holding Lily.



The living room held one of the loveliest trees Harry had ever seen. An ten-foot-high blue spruce stood in the corner, twinkling with enchanted lights, strings of Bertie Bott’s Many Flavor Beans floating around it, fairies dancing and darting between the branches and a star gleaming with wizard magic on top. The last thing Harry had wanted was a gnome tied to the upper peak; it would only scare the children.



The boys had no appreciation for the tree’s beauties. They dove under it, dragging out their presents. “There’s one for me…from Papa,” Albus said, the awe plain in his voice.



“Me too,” James added, already tearing into the black wrapper. Severus hadn’t been able to bring himself to enter completely into the holiday spirit; his gifts bore nothing other than black unadorned wrapping paper and name tags.



The tissues were ripped away, revealing a book of plants in bright colors with their names underneath for Albus and a book of animals and their various uses in potions for James. Frankly, Harry thought the books a little advanced for children. But his sons appeared very pleased, flipping open the covers and leaning over the pictures, calling out the names they read to each other. The hours they spent with Severus over his potions must be doing them some good.



But it was their gifts from Harry that had them yelling and cheering. “Look, James! I got a broom!” Albus cried.



“Me too!” They were small brooms, not capable of lifting them more than a few feet off the ground. But that didn’t matter to the twins. Both boys straddled their broomsticks and immediately began zipping along the room, barely avoiding their father and little sister.



Lily began to whine at seeing her brothers moving out of reach. Harry quickly distracted her with Severus’s present to her: a set of building blocks that magically made new words every ten seconds. Lily wasn’t old enough to read but the changing patterns and colors soon turned her attention from her brothers’ wild antics.



Harry had given her a stuffed phoenix, the red-and-gold colors shimmering as it hovered above her head. The moment he had seen it for sale, he’d known that’s what he wanted for her. As soon as she was old enough to understand, he’d tell her about the tall, bearded, weird old man who had shaped his past and his future and the special bird that had been the Headmaster’s familiar.



Suddenly the floo erupted and Molly appeared. She brushed the soot from her clothes, swept Harry with a swift, searching look and gave the children a warm smile.



Albus swooped on his broom. “Look, Grandmum! Look what Daddy gave us!”



“Oh my! Don’t you two look the picture! Well, are you ready to go? You’ll have to leave the brooms behind, I’m afraid. You can’t carry them with you through the floo.”



The twins protested. But, in the end, their eagerness to enjoy Molly’s homemade puddings, cakes and pies outweighed any desire to fly. Molly picked up Lily. She didn’t make a fuss about it and neither did Lily. But Albus noticed.



“Aren’t you coming, Daddy?” Albus asked, his green eyes wide.



“I’ll catch up with you in a little while.”



Albus frowned. “Are you and Papa coming?”



“Like I said, in a little bit. Molly probably has some of her special Christmas cake waiting. If you go in first, you get first slices.”



That definitely got their attention. “Yay! First slices!”



Molly smiled at them before flicking another glance at Harry’s. “Harry, do you need…?” she murmured.



“I need you to keep the children happy and busy. We’ll be fine here.” He patted Lily on the head.



Molly hesitated. “I’ll take care of them, Harry,” she offered, her voice soft so the twins wouldn’t hear. “You may count on me. Let me know—”



“I will.” He waved and watched them disappear in flashes of green fire.



Harry practically flew up the stairs. His husband lay exactly where he’d left him, flat on the pillows. But now his breathing was very deep as it hadn’t been an hour ago.



He had to hand it to Severus; the man was almost completely silent. But Harry could see the perspiration on his forehead, the worrisome paleness of his skin. “Severus, why didn’t you call or say something?”



“And spoil this lovely day?” Severus groaned and his head fell back on the pillows. He let out great shuddering breaths. “Harrrry…”



“It’s okay, Severus. I’m getting Poppy.” Harry pulled out the Galleon from his pocket and squeezed it.



Severus stared at the gold coin in his hand. “Harry, am I…having…hallucinations already? What on earth…oh fuck,” he hissed, his body tensing.



“This is one of the fake Galleons that Hermione created in fifth year to gather together members of Dumbledore’s Army. I asked that one be given to Poppy for this very emergency.”



“I…always…thought…that girl was…wasted in…Gryffindor.” Severus let out another groan. Harry sat next to him and wrapped his arm around the man’s shoulders. His husband reached out and grabbed his hand in a punishing grip.



“Where…the hell is that blasted…woman?” Severus gritted.



“I don’t understand it. She should have come right away. It’s the Christmas holidays. There shouldn’t be anyone at school,” Harry fretted.



The floo whooshed open and Harry jumped up in relief, still holding Severus’s hand. “Poppy! Thank good—”



Hermione stepped out from the floo, neatly Banishing the soot from her clothes. “Harry, I came as soon as I could.”



“Hermione? What are you doing here? We’re waiting for Poppy.”



“She’s not coming. There’s been an emergency with one of her family members.”



Family? He hadn’t even known that Poppy had family. The things you learned about people… Harry asked, “What happened?”



“Her older brother fell while negotiating an icy sidewalk and broke his leg. Poppy isn’t taking care of him but she rushed to the hospital to see him. He’s old and they think there might be complications.”



Severus hissed through his teeth. “So…what are you…doing here?”



She held up a fake Galleon. “When this kept going off, I realized something was wrong. So I came as quickly as I could.”



“AND?” Severus looked like he was on the verge of exploding.



She tilted her head and walked closer to the man panting on the bed. “I’m going to help, that’s what.”



“I’m…in the hands…of two…Gryffindors. Merlin…save me,” he panted.



Hermione lifted her chin. “I’ve been studying this with Poppy. I know I can help. First things first. Harry, get clean towels.”



If Harry had thought that Severus would bear childbirth with a stiff upper lip, he’d been totally wrong. The man sweated, groaned, cried and yelled just like any woman would have done during this trial. Harry’s hand had nearly been crushed several times as his husband struggled throughout his ordeal.



The next 13 hours were among the most agonizing of Harry’s life. It had been horrible with Ginny. But he hadn’t been responsible for her; her fate had been in the hands of the good people of St. Mungo’s. Over this lay the unspoken terror that if something went wrong, it would be his fault.



Images of his wife, Dumbledore, Remus, Sirius, Cedric and other people he’d been helpless to save flashed through his mind. Would he never be free from the anxiety of losing loved ones? He blinked when he realized he was putting Snape in that category and wondered when that had happened.



He didn’t know. He only knew that he couldn’t lose him now, not after everything they both had endured. Harry concentrated, reached out with all he had and…



Hermione started and then stared at him. “Harry, what are you doing?”



“What?”



“Your magic…I can feel it.”



“What do you mean?”



“Well, whatever you’re doing…” She stopped talking and looked down at Severus. The man stared up at Harry, a pleading look in his eyes. Then his eyelids fluttered shut and he went still.



“NOOO!” Harry wailed. He clutched Severus’s hands and poured all his feeling and magic into his husband.



The man’s body gave a massive shudder and the bottomless eyes snapped open again. Hermione looked between his legs. “Harry, the baby’s crowning!”



Harry couldn’t speak. All his will was focused on the man lying under his hands.



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“Severus, look at her. She’s beautiful.” Harry cradled the wrapped pink bundle in his arms and held her up to his husband’s face.



“She is, isn’t she? I was expecting a prune,” Severus murmured. He didn’t smile but there was wonder and pride in the weary black gaze.



“She really is quite lovely,” Hermione added.



Curly, short black hair lay tightly pressed against Theora Leontyne Potter’s head. It was too soon to tell if she would take after Harry’s bedraggled hair or Severus’ sleek locks. But the green-eyed gaze was undeniably that of her father. She yawned, curled tiny fists into her cheeks and closed her eyes.



“Now, Severus, don’t worry if your nipples are a little sensitive at first. They’ll toughen up as you continue to breastfeed,” Hermione stated with confidence, albeit hiding a grin.



Severus shuddered and turned a little gray. Doubtless, he wasn’t looking forward to that aspect of motherhood. But Hermione was secretly certain he would adore it the moment he held his newborn daughter up to nurse.



However, there was a mystery here and Hermione had never left a mystery unchallenged. “Harry, what happened to your magic?”



He glanced up from his sleeping daughter. “What do you mean?”



“I felt it while Severus was giving birth. It’s different—more powerful.” Her eyes widened. “Did you have sex with Severus during one of the solstices?”



Harry flushed. Their first time together had been May 2nd. He was unlikely to forget that.



“We did. It was shortly after Beltane,” Severus said solemnly. “I had been noting the increase in my magic as well. I believe this is why my seizures gradually ceased. The combination of our magic caused the final toxins to be purged from my system.”



“You’ve noticed I was getting stronger and you didn’t say anything?” Harry asked, hurt and accusation in his voice.



Severus rolled his eyes. “Harry, every proper wizard learns to monitor his own magic, much like an athlete monitors his body. This was something you should have picked up on your own, without my pointing it out to you,” he said waspishly.



“That and the fact that you probably didn’t want to let me know I was the stronger wizard,” Harry said, staring at his husband.



The Potions master didn’t answer. But Hermione sensed an explosion coming. She didn’t think they’d do each other too much damage—after all, Severus was drained from his pregnancy and Harry wouldn’t want to hurt the new mother. Still, it was best that they be left alone to sort out matters.



“Well, I’m off. Take care of her, you two.” On impulse, she kissed Severus on the temple. “Rest up, Severus.” She pointed a finger at Harry. “Don’t be too hard on him, Harry.”



He sighed. “Fine. I won’t. And Hermione?”



“Yes?”



“Thanks for everything. And Merry Christmas.”



She grinned. “You’re welcome, Harry. Merry Christmas to you both.”



The room was very quiet after she left. Neither man spoke for a long time.



Harry lowered Theora carefully into her crib and stared down at the sleeping infant. “I wonder if this would have worked when I was still a student,” he murmured.



“If what would have worked?” Severus asked cautiously.



“Bonding with you. Increasing my powers. If I’d been stronger back then, maybe I wouldn’t have lost so many people.”



“Harry, you were underage. No Ministry official would have condoned a bonding between you and anyone else, especially to a man almost twice your age.”



“But what about when I was 17? I’m pretty sure I was of age then.”



Severus gave him an incredulous look. “Are you mad? Do you remember the circumstances of your 17th year?”



“I do. And I’m just thinking that it didn’t have to be so terrible if we could have been together then,” Harry muttered.



“Neither of us was in a position to consider something so outlandish,” Severus began.



“Because we hated each other? Newsflash, Severus, we hated each other when you insisted I bond with you eight months ago. That didn’t stop you, did it?”



Severus didn’t answer; he merely closed his eyes.



Harry sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. What’s done is done. I guess there’s no point in going over the past. And you need your rest.”



Harry leaned over his new daughter, kissing her lightly on the head. She really was adorable. No matter how awful his marriage had been at the start, he couldn’t regret it now that something so miraculous had come of it.



A glance at the bed showed that Severus still hadn’t opened his eyes, but Harry didn’t fool himself into thinking the man was asleep. Yet his husband’s stillness gave him time to reflect on all that had passed between them.



The older wizard’s features were worn with the strain of delivery. Severus had gone through an immense struggle to bring Theora into this world, more harrowing than anything Harry had ever seen. He soberly considered everything they had endured to bring them to this moment. He thought of his feelings when he’d feared Severus wouldn’t make it.



He was taking a risk here. But was he a Gryffindor or not?



He stepped softly to the bed, mindful of the sleeping infant. Harry leaned down and pressed a kiss on Severus’s forehead. “I love you, Severus,” he whispered.



He drew back, unsurprised to see that the eyes were open. He was rarely certain of Severus’s feelings but it wasn’t hard to read the doubt, fear and hope that swirled in those shadowy depths.



Severus swallowed. “Harry…”



“Why don’t you rest? If you want to talk later…” Harry hesitated, not certain what he was asking for. In the end, he knew Severus would talk if and when he chose. “Good night, Severus.”



Before he could pull away, Severus reached out and grabbed his hand. His grip was amazingly strong for someone who had just gone through 13 hours of strenuous childbirth.



“Harry, I want you to know. As much as I know how, I do…reciprocate your feelings.”



Inwardly, Harry rolled his eyes at the convoluted phrase. But all he said was, “I know.”



Before Severus could reply, he was at the door. “I’ll send a message to Molly to bring over the children. We can introduce them to their little sister later. See you in a few.”



He closed the door, smiling to himself at Severus’s thoughtful expression.





TBC