Once in a Blue Moon (COMPLETE)

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Way Too Fast
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Sirius hurried upstairs and put the kettle on the stove. He rummaged through the cupboards, knowing from experience that Remus would be especially hungry when he appeared.

Sirius wondered how much Remus remembered of the events that had happened the night before. He knew that Remus said he didn’t remember much more than sensations and feelings, but in that case, why wasn’t he coming upstairs?

Was he hiding out downstairs because he remembered?

Or was he too injured to make his way up the stairs? There had been quite a bit of blood on the floor, although he didn’t think there was that much more than usual. He wondered if maybe the transformation had caused a more serious injury and it was that thought more than anything else that galvanised Sirius into action and he took the stairs back down to the basement two at a time.

“Remus?” he called out as he turned the corner. The scent of blood was still quite strong and in the semi-darkness Sirius could make out the glowing silvery figure of Romulus, who had apparently taken the quick way back to the basement.

“Why’s the barrier still up?” Sirius asked impatiently.

“It’s not quite dawn yet,” Romulus whispered as he looked into the cage. “It’ll be a few more minutes before the cage unlocks itself.”

“I thought it was later than that,” Sirius replied as he looked into the cage, too. He felt the tingling sensation that came with being too close to the boundary and stepped back a pace.

“Time does seem to stretch on when our thoughts are troubled,” Romulus commented quietly. “I think you might worry about him even more than I do.”

Sirius nodded in silent agreement; he didn’t need to ask what was troubling the lingering ghost. He couldn’t form any words as he looked at the silent and eerily still form of Remus.

“She didn’t have permission to be here,” Romulus commented. “I asked Professor McGonagall.”

“Is she in a lot of trouble?” Sirius asked.

Romulus shook his head. “McGonagall could see how scared she was; I think she thinks that’s punishment enough for her.”

Sirius nodded. Even though he hadn’t wanted her to come to the basement, he couldn’t really blame her for sneaking out, not when he had done the same thing so many times himself.

The minutes passed slowly, and with the coming of the dawn the magical bars of the cage flashed red and evaporated into a fine mist.

Sirius ran into the cage and immediately slipped on the bloody floor. He fell with a hard crash that he knew was going to result in bruises. He didn’t bother trying to get up again and instead crawled to Remus’s side.

He placed a hand on Remus’s shoulder and was immediately rewarded with a soft groan. “Hey, there,” he said when Remus opened his eyes and looked at him blearily.

“Rough night,” Remus replied with a grimace.

Sirius smiled at him as he pulled Remus into a sitting position. “How’s your head?” he asked.

“Pounding like a herd of centaurs have charged through it. What happened?”

“You decided to head butt the barrier a time or ten.”

Remus clutched his head and groaned again. “Any idea why?”

Sirius stalled and looked at Romulus for support.

“I’ll think I’ll leave him in your capable hands,” Romulus said, before he vanished to wherever it was he disappeared to.

“Chicken,” Sirius muttered. Remus raised an eyebrow at the comment, but Sirius ignored his questioning look in favour of rooting through his Healer kit.

“Damn you, Moony,” Sirius swore as he carefully helped Remus to his feet.

“I’m okay,” Remus said as he stumbled towards the cupboard, in search of his clothes. He pulled on his underwear and trousers, though opted in favour of leaving off the shirt, knowing that there were several scratches that would stain it with blood.

“Come on,” Sirius said. “Your breakfast is waiting. I’ll fix you up while you’re eating.”

Remus smiled and let Sirius help him up the stairs. “It’s been a while since it was this bad,” he said. “What happened last night?”

“Later,” Sirius insisted.

Remus didn’t look like he was up to arguing, so he sat down at the kitchen table and let Sirius fuss over him and feed him.

“Feeling better?” Sirius asked after he had sorted out all his cuts and scrapes, and Remus had finished off his second plate of food.

Remus nodded as he smiled around a mouthful of food. “Are you going to tell me what happened now?”

“How much do you remember?” Sirius asked instead.

“Someone was here last night,” Remus replied with a frown. “Someone who shouldn’t have been. I could sense… her.”

“Charlie,” Sirius confirmed. “She followed me… us. She thinks there’s something going on between you and me, and came to have it out with us.” Sirius shook his head bitterly at the thought of how wrong Charlene was.

“So, now she knows what the wolf is like, she’s seen it for herself,” Remus stated in a deadened voice. “I guess that’s that then.”

“She was scared, but I think she’ll understand if you speak with her. It’s not like she didn’t know what you were before last night.”

“I’d have thought you’d be happier if she simply dumped me,” Remus commented with a rueful, almost accusing smile.

“Not if she’s the one who makes you happy,” Sirius replied seriously. “But you know as well as I do that she doesn’t.”

“She does make me happy,” Remus argued. “We have fun together, we enjoy ourselves, we’ve got a lot in common.”

“Have you had sex with her, yet?” Sirius asked, dreading the answer even as he gave voice to the question that had been plaguing him ever since the day he had walked in on the two of them in the boys’ dorm.

For several minutes Sirius thought that Remus wasn’t going to reply. Then finally he shook his head. “No, we haven’t done it.”

“It’s because she’s not the right one for you.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Well, for one thing, you’re hard as a rock right now and the only one here is me.” Sirius looked pointedly at the bulge in Remus’s trousers before raising his head to look him in the eye. “You respond to my touch, when you’re not too busy worrying about what everyone else will think. There’s something between us, you can’t keep denying it!”

Remus looked down to where Sirius’s gaze had been just a moment before and Sirius watched with barely concealed pleasure as an embarrassed flush crept over his face. “I can’t help it,” he muttered.

“I know that,” Sirius replied. “You said it to me yourself, before you found out it was you I liked. No bloke can help how his body reacts to others.”

“Yeah, I can’t help it,” Remus interrupted. “It doesn’t mean I fancy you.”

Sirius opened his mouth to argue, but Remus had already pushed back from the table and was escaping to his bedroom.

“I’m going to get some sleep,” Remus called through to him. “I’ll see you at school this afternoon.”

Sirius ignored the pointed hints for him to leave, instead choosing to follow Remus into his room.

He froze in the doorway, drawing in a deep breath of awe when he saw that Remus had already undressed.

“Stop staring,” Remus said, and he picked up his discarded clothes to try to cover himself up.

He wasn’t quite quick enough though, and when Sirius risked another fleeting glance at Remus’s groin he couldn’t quite suppress the smile that appeared on his face as he observed Remus’s body’s reaction to his presence and his gaze.

“You can’t deny that you want me,” Sirius whispered. “If you try, I can see it for the lie it is.”

“It’s because of the full moon,” Remus replied with a grimace. “It isn’t me, it’s Moony.”

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked, curious as to the meaning of the unexpected words.

“The wolf part of me wants you,” Remus elaborated, and he sat down on the bed with a sigh.

“It wasn’t a full moon on your birthday,” Sirius reminded him. “Or mine.” He didn’t need to clarify which birthdays he was referring to, they both knew.

“You kissed me,” Remus snapped.

“And you kissed me back, more than once,” Sirius insisted, knowing it was true. “It wasn’t just me, you kissed me back. You can deny it all you like, but we both know the truth. Both of us got off on my birthday. And what about that time in the dorm, when you crawled into my bed to tell me about you and Charlie? The full moon was a week away. I know you’ve been watching me, when you think no one is looking at you.”

“I don’t.”

“Yes, Remus, you do. Charlie told me last night, and after she pointed it out to me I realised that I had seen it, too. I just hadn’t realised what it was I was seeing. I’d spent so much time being jealous of Charlie, I hadn’t even noticed that you were checking me out.”

Remus scowled, but didn’t respond. Sirius ducked his head to hide his small smile of triumph when he realised that Remus wasn’t going to deny the accusation again.

He walked over to the bed and sat down beside Remus. He was tempted to reach out and grasp one of his hands, but Remus was busy wringing the material of his shirt in nervous agitation, and he didn’t think that he would appreciate the gesture right now.

“Is it really only the wolf that wants me?” Sirius asked in a whisper.

“Yes,” Remus replied, but he’d hesitated a fraction too long, and Sirius was quick to pick up on it.

“You’re lying,” Sirius accused as he turned to Remus and took his face in his hands. There was a new scratch on his left cheekbone and Sirius was careful not to let his fingers brush against it as he moved forward to gently capture Remus’s lips with his own.

He felt Remus’s hesitation for only a second before he began to kiss him back, softly and gently. Sirius ran his tongue along Remus’s lips, cautiously coaxing his mouth open and pushing his tongue between Remus’s teeth, drawing the other’s inquisitive tongue back into his own mouth. He moaned into Remus’s mouth and reached tentatively downwards.

He heard the sound of Remus’s shirt dropping to the floor, the sound almost deafened by the pounding of his heart.

He could feel the smoothness of Remus’s chest as his hand drifted over the Quidditch toned muscles. He was barely touching the other boy, but he could still feel Remus’s heart pounding as swiftly as his own.

Remus moaned as Sirius ran a finger across one of his nipples, and he whimpered slightly as he closed his eyes, savouring the sensations.

Then Remus’s arms were wrapped around his back and pulling him closer and closer. Sirius put one arm around Remus as they continued to kiss. His other hand continued to explore the contours of the other boy’s chest, slowly inching their way towards his stomach and abdomen.

“You’re not the werewolf right now,” Sirius whispered as he pulled out of the kiss. “You’re Remus, and you want me as much as I want you.”

Remus’s mouth was open slightly, as though he was going to deny it, but the only sound that escaped his lips was a whimper as Sirius’s hand drifted even lower. Remus buried his face in Sirius’s shoulder and gasped as his fingers lightly brushed his erection. Sirius could feel the tension in the other boy and he increased the pressure ever so slightly, delighting in the strangled cry that Remus gave when he finally wrapped his fingers around his cock.

“You do want me,” Sirius repeated as he pulled back just enough to shift his position on the bed so that he was straddling the other young man.

He arched his hips slightly, so that he was brushing intimately against the other boy’s erection. He could see in Remus’s eyes that the movement hadn’t gone unnoticed, that he could feel his own arousal, even through the material of his trousers.

“The wolf’s near the surface around the full moon,” Remus ground out, even as he moaned and mirrored Sirius’s movement in silent encouragement, raising his hips instinctively. “Moony’s the one that wants you.”

“You want me,” Sirius stated. “Your kisses are gentle and sweet. They’re not the kisses of a wolf.” His own on the other hand were far from gentle as he crashed his lips into Remus’s once more, urging and beckoning Remus to respond with equal enthusiasm.

Sirius only drew back when he needed air; he looked into Remus’s passion-dazed eyes. “Do you want me to stop?” he whispered, and Remus’s quick shake of the head was all the permission and encouragement he needed.

Sirius planted tender kisses along Remus’s jaw line, his neck, and then moved down to his chest. He flicked his tongue over one of Remus’s nipples and smiled when he heard the sharp intake of breath. He took the nub between his teeth and tugged softly.

“Ow,” Remus grumbled and Sirius pulled back, blushing and apologising.

“Can I try that again?” he asked.

After a moment, Remus nodded and Sirius bent his head again. This time he sucked gently, and felt a thrill of pleasure when Remus moaned. Then he felt the touch of a hand in his hair.

For a second or two Sirius thought that Remus was going to push him away, but then he realised that he was merely impatient, and eager to guide Sirius in the direction he was already heading. When he reached his destination he darted out his tongue to lick the tip of Remus’s arousal.

“S-Sirius…” Remus gasped as Sirius took him into his mouth, caressing him with his tongue, and teasing him until he was writhing and shuddering beneath him. Remus’s hands were in his hair, tugging almost harshly, urging him onwards as he arched his back and began to thrust upwards into Sirius’s mouth.

It felt strange to Sirius, having the most intimate part of his best friend’s body inside his mouth. He nearly pulled back several times when Remus’s thrusts became deeper, threatening to choke him. But the hands on his head held him in place and Sirius forced his gag reflex under control. He told himself that it was just something that would take a bit of getting used to. It certainly wasn’t that he wasn’t enjoying it; the sounds Remus was making were making him unbearably hard.

He heard Remus cry out and felt him give one final violent shudder as he reached his climax and his orgasm crashed over him. A moment later he felt the seed spurting into his mouth, and down his throat. He pulled back and coughed, swallowing awkwardly. It was like nothing he’d ever tasted, and he wasn’t sure he liked it that much. But again, he told himself it was something he’d get used to. He hadn’t really liked pumpkin juice back in first year, but now he drank some every morning with his breakfast. It was an acquired taste, and surely he’d grow to love this taste, too?

He sat up and looked at the still shuddering Remus, lying back on the mattress. He felt a sense of awe at he looked at the other young man, then he leaned over him and sought out his lips again.

“You do want me,” he whispered. “I can taste how much you want me. So can you.” He kissed Remus again and again, pulling back only briefly to help Remus whose shaking hands were fumbling with the buttons of his shirt.

“I want you,” Remus demanded in a choked voice, nodding his agreement and encouragement. “Now, Sirius! I want you now!”

It was all that Sirius had ever wanted to hear, and he grinned widely as Remus pushed back the collar of his shirt and planted kisses down his neck.

Sirius tore the last of the buttons from his shirt as he yanked it off and threw it to the floor behind him. Remus’s shaking hands had already undone his belt, along with the button and zipper of his trousers, and he let loose a moan of desire as he anticipated what was to come. When a hesitantly searching hand gripped him through the thin material of his underpants he almost lost control entirely.

“Now, Sirius,” Remus pleaded again. Sirius could only nod as he clumsily struggled out of his remaining clothes.

Sirius felt as though his body were on fire everywhere that Remus touched him. Small, questing hands were tenderly caressing his arms, his back, his neck, as he was drawn down for one long lingering kiss after another.

Sirius wondered how Remus could possibly believe that it was the wolf that was in charge right now. The wolf would have ripped Sirius’s clothes from his body rather than fumble with the buttons and zipper. The wolf would have been brutal and violent in its demands; Remus on the other hand was tentative and hesitant in his touches, whilst still being an eager and willing participant. The wolf would want to be dominant in any situation, never submissive. The wolf wouldn’t let Sirius take the lead, or lay back passively as Remus was currently doing.

“It’s not too late to stop,” Sirius whispered, and he pulled back briefly, wondering even as he did whether Remus would change his mind now that he’d given him another chance to call things off. “We don’t have to do this.”

Remus stared back up at him in silence and Sirius watched the indecision flicker across Remus’s face.

“Do you want me to leave?” Sirius whispered.

Remus shook his head slowly, and Sirius couldn’t stop the sigh of relief that escaped his barely parted lips.

When Remus reached up and brushed a finger across those same lips Sirius captured the hand with his own, planting small kisses on each finger and in the palm.

“You really want this?” he asked, forcing his eyes to stay open and focused on Remus as he waited for the answer. “This isn’t going too fast for you, is it? I’ve wanted you for so long. I’ve loved you for so long. But, if you want to take things slow I won’t mind. Are you really sure about this?”

Remus nodded his consent. Sirius planted a quick kiss on his lips and then reached down between the other young man’s legs. A small sound of discomfort escaped Remus’s lips as Sirius’s finger found his entrance and began to probe him. “We can stop, we don’t have to do this,” Sirius repeated as he withdrew and planted a tender kiss on Remus’s cheek, lapping up the single tear that had escaped.

“I need you, Sirius,” pleaded Remus. He took Sirius’s hand and copying his gesture from a moment before, he planted a kiss in the palm. Sirius tried to take his hand back to continue what he’d started, but Remus wouldn’t release it. Instead he shifted underneath him and tilted his hips upward in silent invitation. “Now, Sirius, please.”

“Are you sure?” Sirius asked quietly as Remus drew him closer. He moved himself into position but was still hesitant. “It’s going to hurt,” he whispered apologetically into Remus’s ear, giving him one last chance to call things off. As aroused as he was, Sirius knew that the slightest hesitation or fear from Remus would be enough to make him stop.

Sirius silently cursed that the lubricant he’d purchased during the previous summer was uselessly hidden away at the bottom of his trunk, and he swore silently under his breath for not bringing it with him. Not that he could have known that he and Remus would end up doing this on this particular morning. Somehow, Sirius had always imagined that there would have been a lot more planning involved when he and Remus finally had sex. He’d also imagined that they would have been dating for a while first. He’d had it all planned out in his mind. First, Remus would confess that he really did like him that way. Then they would spend even more time together than they already did, though there would be a lot less pranking and a lot more kissing involved. They would go on dates on Hogsmeade weekends and during the holidays, and there would be even more kissing involved, along with some touching and maybe some more rubbing up against each other. They would take things slow and steady and their first time would be well planned, unhurried and essential things like lubricant wouldn’t be stashed in the bottom of his magic proof trunk in the dormitory, instead of being close to hand or accessible with a simple accio spell.

“Now, Sirius,” Remus repeated impatiently, and it was all the encouragement Sirius needed. Not that Remus was giving him any opportunity to back out; he twisted beneath him impatiently and rolled them over so that Sirius was lying on his back and Remus was hovering above him. Sirius was so surprised he barely realised that Remus was about to take things into his own hands. Then he felt Remus’s fingers around his cock, guiding him to his entrance.

Sirius tried to protest; he’d read enough and experimented enough to know that Remus was far from ready. But all he could make was a small gurgling sound as Remus’s long fingers squeezed him. He closed his eyes and tried to control himself, afraid that if Remus applied even a little more pressure he would come right then and there. Though at least that would solve the other problem. Thankfully for his dignity, Sirius managed to hold back long enough for Remus to guide him to his entrance. Unfortunately that seemed to be as far as he could make it.

“This isn’t going to work,” Sirius croaked. “You’re too tight, you’re not ready.”

He looked up into Remus’s eyes and saw a determination within them that was very familiar. This was the Remus who wanted to go to Hogwarts more than anything else in the world. This was the Remus who stated he was going to make the Gryffindor Quidditch Team, pass his O.W.L.s, and be damned to anyone who said that werewolves couldn’t do that.

Sirius held himself as still as he could whilst Remus slowly pushed himself down on his erection. He could see a small bead of sweat on Remus’s forehead, and he was focusing on that when Remus suddenly decided that slowly wasn’t going to do it.

“Fuck! This isn’t working,” he groaned.

“Let me up,” Sirius asked as he struggled into a sitting position.

“It’s okay, just give me a minute,” Remus whispered, pushing him back down onto the mattress.

“You don’t need a minute; we need to stop.”

Remus sat back on his heels, cringing slightly at the discomfort he was obviously feeling.

“Maybe, if we do it the other way around,” Sirius suggested. “You know? You in me instead.”

Remus shook his head firmly.

“I could go back to the castle and get some lube?” He tried to sit up again.

“You don’t have to do that,” Remus replied. “The transformation hurts more.”

“You’re only saying that because we couldn’t… we didn’t…”

Sirius was still stumbling over his words when Remus pushed him back down onto the mattress again. “Remus?”

He was about to ask what Remus was doing, but there was suddenly no need because Remus was making it very clear what he was doing.

“Remus, no. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Don’t make me beg,” Remus pleaded, despite the fact that it was already far too late for that. “Sirius, please. You said this is what you wanted. I’m offering you what you want, why won’t you take it?”

Sirius shook his head and struggled to sit up. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“And I don’t want to wait any more,” Remus countered breathlessly as he quickly pushed himself down onto Sirius’s cock.

Sirius cringed as Remus cried out in pain. “I’m sorry,” he repeated over and over again.

“It’s okay,” Remus hissed back. “It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry,” Sirius repeated, trying to remain as still as possible whilst Remus’s body became accustomed to the unfamiliar intrusion. He would have pulled out immediately, but he was trapped underneath Remus who was tearfully begging him not to move.

For endless minutes he watched as Remus levelled out his breathing. He reached out to take one of Remus’s hands in his own and gave it a small squeeze. Remus opened his eyes and smiled weakly back at him. Then he reached for his other hand and guided them both to his hips. Sirius held on, rubbing gently in small circular motions, hoping to distract Remus from his obvious pain.

“Damn it, Remus,” Sirius muttered. “Why can’t I ever say no to you?”

Remus was still for so long, Sirius almost missed his movement when it came. At first it was nothing more than a slight tightening around his cock as Remus clenched around him.

“Are you sure?” Sirius whispered. He was about to repeat that he didn’t want to hurt him, but he knew it was already too late for that.

Remus nodded, rising ever so slightly before pressing down again. “I can take it. Just… just hurry up and finish.”

Sirius nodded and closed his eyes. He was too nervous to do more than very slowly raise his hips and realised almost immediately that Remus was rising along with him. “This isn’t working,” he pointed out with a groan.

“We’re no good at this at all, are we?” Remus said with a weak chuckle.

Sirius shook his head in reply. “I think maybe you should be the one moving.”

Remus looked nervous, but rose very slightly before pushing back down again.

Sirius shuddered as Remus moaned loudly. “You okay?” he asked.

Remus nodded and rose and pushed down again, this time a little further and a little faster. “Oh.”

Sirius looked at the expression on Remus’s face and smiled as he repeated the movement several times, wriggling around each time to try a different angle. He was pretty sure he knew what Remus was trying to do, and felt a glimmer of amusement that Remus, the perfect heterosexual young man, knew enough about gay sex to know what he was searching for.

Unfortunately, Sirius knew he wasn’t going to last long enough for Remus to find the perfect angle to give him the ultimate pleasure. His own release was too near and he cried out as his orgasm swept over him. “Love… you… Remus,” he gasped as soon as he was able to draw breath.

Remus didn’t reply; he merely pulled himself off of him and collapsed across his chest.

For a long time afterwards, the only thought going through Sirius’s mind was that he wondered if he’d ever be able to breathe properly again.

“I love you, Remus,” he whispered as they lay together, and he tried not to feel too disheartened when Remus didn’t respond in kind.

They slept a while, in a tangle of limbs, and when Sirius woke he turned to lie on his back, pulling Remus on top of him. He could see the now dry tear tracks on Remus’s cheeks and brushed his fingers gently over his lover’s face, following the path with his lips and whispering apologies for the unintentional pain he’d caused.

“It’s okay,” Remus whispered as he returned the soft kisses in kind. “It’s okay, Sirius.”

Finally they drifted off to sleep once more.

Sirius was still half asleep when he felt Remus shifting against him. He opened his eyes ever so slightly to see Remus sitting up beside him, his hand hovering over his groin. For a brief moment he considered letting Remus know that he was awake, but then he grew curious as to what the other boy was going to do. He didn’t have to wait for long to find out. With his index finger Remus traced along the length of his cock. Sirius tried to stay still, but his body was reacting to the touch of its own accord.

“Even unconscious,” Remus whispered to himself, a small degree of wonder in his tone.

Sirius closed his eyes again as Remus continued to explore the most intimate part of his body, stroking and caressing it gently. He gripped the sheets tightly as he felt Remus’s warm breath and the brief soft touch of a tongue lapping at the very head of his cock, hesitantly tasting him.

Sirius’s eyes were still closed when he felt Remus’s lips on his own. He opened his eyes and kissed Remus back passionately, wrapping his arms around the other young man’s slighter form. They barely broke lip contact as they struggled into a sitting position, Remus curled up in Sirius’s lap as their tongues tangled together; it was as though they were determined to explore every last inch of the other’s mouth before coming up for air.

“You’re mine,” Sirius repeated over and over. “I’m yours, and you’re mine. This is how it’s meant to be. I love you so much Remus. Tell me you love me, too.”

Remus didn’t respond with words, but Sirius could feel his love in every kiss and every touch, and took as much pleasure from those as he would have if Remus had replied with what he most wanted to hear.

Sirius held Remus to him as they snuggled together on the bed and sleep claimed them once more.

“What are we going to do now?” Sirius asked some time later as he stared up at the cracked ceiling while he idly toyed with a stray lock of Remus’s hair.

“I don’t think I have the energy to do anything more than lie here,” Remus replied with what might have been a snort of laughter as he propped his chin up on Sirius’s chest and looked back at him with an expression that he just couldn’t read.

“I meant about telling people,” Sirius replied with a roll of his eyes as he looked down at his lover.

“We don’t need to tell people,” Remus said as he sat up, a frown creasing his brow.

“I don’t mean everyone, but James and maybe Peter, and your brother. We could tell them. And there’s Charlie to consider, too. Even though you’ve broken up with her-”

“We’ve not really broken up,” Remus interrupted. “She ran off, but she might come around.”

“But what about us?” Sirius asked, a feeling of dread settling over him.

“This can’t happen again,” Remus whispered. “I can’t give in to the wolf like this… not again.”

Sirius shot up from his languid position on the bed and glared down at Remus. “The wolf?” he yelled. “That wasn’t… you were…”

“Moony’s always nearer the surface around the time of the full moon,” Remus stated in a calm, almost cold tone of voice. “I told you that before we started this.”

“You think the wolf would let me do to you what I just did?” Sirius snapped.

“Moony… he’s always had a soft spot for you,” Remus replied with a small smile. “You remember the time you saw him out in the forest, he didn’t attack you.”

“If the wolf is the one in control today, why are you the one saying all this?”

“Your passion roused Moony, now he’s… sated.”

“Really?” Sirius asked as he grabbed Remus’s arm and pulled him up from the bed to kiss him. He poured every ounce of frustrated passion he felt into the kiss, and felt the brief thrill of elation when he realised Remus was kissing him back.

“Sated, is he?” he asked in a ragged voice after he pulled away. “What if I kiss you tomorrow, or the day after, or next week? Will you use the wolf as an excuse when you kiss me back then?”

“I’m not gay,” Remus replied, wiping his hand across his mouth as though he’d been contaminated by Sirius’s last touch. “I, Remus Lupin, like girls. I’m not gay.”

“But Moony is?” Sirius laughed humourlessly. “Talk about swinging both ways. Hell, Remus, you take it to a whole new level!”

“I’m sorry I can’t be what you want me to be,” Remus offered. “You’re my best friend, but I can’t… I just can’t.”

“The only thing you can’t do is admit it to yourself that you actually have feelings and sexual desires for another bloke,” Sirius shouted. “All these years I’ve wondered if I’d been sorted into the wrong house, because you were so much braver than I was and I didn’t know how you did it. But you’re a coward. You’re afraid of what people might say about you if you admit that you’re different from the rest of them.”

“I am different!” Remus yelled back. “I’m a bloody werewolf for crying out loud! You can’t get much more different than that!”

“But you can stop everyone from seeing the wolf! You know if you admit this, then one day you’ll have to admit it to the rest of the world. Maybe not today or even this year, but at some point in the future you’ll have to announce to the world that you, Remus bloody Lupin, like to fuck men!”

“I seem to recall it was you fucking me!” Remus screamed back at him.

“Oh, of course,” Sirius responded in a loud voice heavily laced with sarcasm. “You didn’t fuck me, did you? You just let me suck your cock and came in my mouth. You begged me to fuck you! But you didn’t fuck me, did you? You were happy enough licking my cock, but since you didn’t actually fuck me, and that makes all the bloody difference!”

“It was Moony!”

“Why don’t you just admit that you liked it?” pleaded Sirius in a much quieter voice than he’d previously used, although it was still a far cry from his normal tone.

“I can’t…” Remus began. “I don’t… I’m not…”

“Not what?” Sirius snapped. “Aroused by me?” He reached out and grabbed Remus, pulling him towards him. He rubbed himself against him and Remus let out a moan of desire. “Turned on by another bloke?” He pulled back slightly in order to look down pointedly and he reached between Remus’s legs to take hold of his cock, not surprised to feel it hardening in his hand as Remus responded to his touch once more. Remus pulled out of his arms sharply, but he couldn’t hide his involuntary moan of pleasure.

“You do have feelings for me, I know you do,” Sirius insisted. “For Merlin’s sake Remus, it’s the middle of the afternoon now and we’ve spent most of the day in bed together. You can’t tell me that it meant nothing to you.”

“Sirius, please, just stop it,” begged Remus as he sank back down onto the bed. He tried, without success, to cover up his state of arousal.

“No, I won’t bloody well stop it,” Sirius cried. “I can still taste you. I can still remember how it felt when you came in my mouth. Why don’t you just admit that you liked it?”

“Because I didn’t!” Remus cried. “It wasn’t me!”

“You loved it,” Sirius argued. “They could probably hear you on the other side of Hogsmeade, screaming in pleasure when I made you come.”

“It was Moony!”

“It was you!” Sirius sank down on the bed beside Remus, exhausted from all the shouting. “I love you, Remus. I’ve loved you for so long.”

“I’m sorry, Sirius,” Remus whispered, his gaze firmly on the floor. “This… this morning… it wasn’t me. It was Moony.”

“Sure Remus, you keep telling yourself that!”

With that bitter parting shot Sirius grabbed his discarded clothes and wand and ran from the room, before Remus could see the tears that were already beginning to fall.

Remus cringed, as the door slammed shut behind Sirius. A few moments later he heard the outside door banging shut in a similar manner.

He leaned forward, his head aching slightly, and ran his fingers through his hair. “Shit!” he swore.

He looked at the bed linen he was sitting on; the sticky evidence of what he and Sirius had done was clearly visible. He sighed and shifted slightly, cringing at the pain the movement caused.

His wand was in the bedside drawer, where it almost always was during the full moon nights. He pulled it out and cast a few quick cleaning charms on the sheets. He tried not to think of it as removing the evidence.

He gingerly leaned down and picked up his clothes from the floor. He thought he had a spare set of evening robes in the wardrobe and gingerly made his way across the room in search of the same. He ignored his trousers and shirt and pulled on the robes, thankful for their loose fittings, which he knew would hide any number of sins, including the fact that he was still painfully hard following Sirius’s last touch.

He made his way back into the kitchen and, like Sirius had earlier that morning, rummaged through the cupboards in search of food. There was just enough left there for him to put together a plate of sandwiches.

Remus soon found that sitting down on the wooden kitchen chairs was a mistake, so he walked through to the living room and its softer couch.

“You okay?” Romulus asked from his seat in one of the chairs.

“Fine, just getting something to eat.”

“You’re a rubbish liar,” Romulus told him with a short humourless laugh.

Remus ignored his comment and sat down as carefully as he could. He took a bite of his sandwich, keeping his eyes on the plate, rather than facing the gaze of his brother.

“You used to talk to me,” Romulus reminded him.

“I can’t talk to you about this.”

“Why not?”

“Because…”

Romulus moved from his seat across the room and sat down next to Remus. “Okay, here’s what you’re going to do. Firstly, finish your sandwiches, then go run a bath and clean yourself up. Then you have to go sort out this mess with Sirius and Charlie.”

“They hate me.”

“Nonsense.”

“Charlie’s seen the wolf now; how can she still like me after that?”

“Sirius has seen the wolf, it doesn’t stop him.”

“Sirius hates me, too.”

“I don’t think Sirius could ever hate you,” Romulus said quietly. “You’ve treated him badly again and again, and he still loves you.”

“Don’t say that!” Remus snapped.

“You can deny it all you want, but you’ve not treated him very well at all.”

“I didn’t mean that part,” Remus muttered.

“Oh. You meant the part about him loving you?” Remus nodded. “He does love you, even I can see that.”

“I don’t want him to love me.”

“Why not?”

“Because…”

“Remus, you can’t stop him loving you. I think he’s had feelings for you for even longer than he’s been admitting them.”

“You do?”

Romulus rolled his eyes and shook his head. “What? Did you think that Sirius suddenly woke up one day and decided he was gay, in love with you, and just went to tell you right away?”

Remus shrugged. He hadn’t really given much thought as to what Sirius might have been going through before that day he had admitted having feelings for him. Remus knew he had said he’d liked him for a long time, but he hadn’t really made the connection that Sirius might have struggled with telling him how he felt for that same length of time.

“You need to think about what you’re going to do,” Romulus continued. “You know what happens when you and Sirius fight… and it’s not like the full moons have been all that easy since Sirius came out anyway.”

“That’s not my fault.”

“I never said it was,” Romulus told him. “But, you know that if the two of you are arguing it will only make it worse.”

“I know. Moony likes him too much. The wolf gets angry when we’re fighting.”

“Remus, the wolf is a part of you. It’s your anger that Moony feeds off of. You have to sort things out with Sirius.”

“You think I should just keep letting him… you know… so that Moony doesn’t get too violent next month?”

“No, I bloody well don’t,” Romulus snapped. “I thought we went through all that last year when you and Sirius had your first big fight. You can’t use him like that. It’s wrong, and you know it.”

Remus nodded. “I know. I’m just scared of what’s going to happen next month.”

Romulus sighed as Remus put the remainder of his half-eaten sandwich on the table. “Can I ask you something, Rem?”

“I guess.”

“Did you like what you and Sirius did today? Did you enjoy it?”

Remus felt his face flushing red. “You watched us?”

“Of course not! But bloody hell, you boys are noisy when you fight. I’ll bet the whole of Hogsmeade heard you yelling at each other.”

“Oh.”

“Well, did you?”

“I… erm… some of it was okay.”

“Just okay?”

“It was good. Apart from…”

“Apart from the parts that hurt, right?” Romulus guessed.

Remus nodded in response. “I don’t know how I’m going to sit down in class for the rest of the week.”

Romulus tried, rather unsuccessfully, to stifle a chuckle.

“It’s not funny,” Remus muttered.

“I know; I’m sorry.” Romulus schooled his face into a more sombre expression. “I can teach you the cushioning charm they use on brooms, if you like?”

Remus, thankful for the offer, nodded his agreement.

Romulus looked hesitant, but he clearly had something else he wanted to say. Remus urged him on with a nod. “Can I ask… did you two use anything?”

Remus frowned in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Did you use anything as a lubricant?” Romulus asked.

Remus shook his head.

“I think you might find that things will be easier if you do,” Romulus told him. “To tell you the truth, I’m kind of surprised that Sirius would have gone all the way with you without using something.”

Remus felt his face burning even more than before. “We got a bit carried away. He offered to stop, but I…”

“But you wanted it as much as he did.”

“Moony wanted it.” Remus gave his brother a hard look, almost daring him to say differently.

Romulus shook his head. “I’m not going to argue with you, Rem. I heard what you and Sirius said to each other, and I’m not going to get into that fight with you.”

“You sound like you agree with Sirius.”

“I’m not going to get into a fight over it,” Romulus repeated.

“So, you do agree with him?”

“Do you really want me to answer that?”

“Yes.”

“Then yes, I agree with Sirius. But Remus, I know how stubborn you are, and I’m not going to argue it out with you. This isn’t about the wolf, it’s about you, and what you want… who you want.”

Remus sighed again as he stood up. “I’m going to take that bath now.”

“You can’t avoid dealing with your feelings forever,” Romulus warned him.

“I don’t have those sort of feelings for Sirius,” Remus insisted. “I’m not like that. I like Charlie.”

“I’m sure you do.”

“But you think I like Sirius, too.”

“For the sake of all that’s magic!” Romulus shot Remus a very frustrated look. “Remus, you had sex with him this morning! I think you more than like him.”

“It was Moony.”

Romulus shook his head and gave Remus a look that could only be described as disappointed. Remus was about to repeat his declaration, but Romulus vanished before he could say another word.

-

A/N: Just to clarify - my beta is for my ff.net version - which means that she worked her magic on the edited version of this chapter (and later ones), so apologies for any errors that crept into the story in the more graphic parts.