Scarred Souls

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Title: Scarred Souls



Author: Misty Moonlight/Co-author: QueenBoadicea



Beta: QueenBoadicea



Pairings: Severus/Harry



Published: 12/10/2008



Summary: A widowed Harry must bond with Snape in order to save his daughter’s life. Sev gains a family, for better or worse, and the hearts of two scarred souls will be changed forever.



Warnings: Romance, Drama, Angst, Alternate Reality/Universe, Sexual Situations, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slash, Anal, Language, Humor, possible MPreg, Bonding, Original Characters, Family, non-canon, OOC, WIP



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Chapter 46: Changes





Harry knocked at the door. “Severus?”



No answer.



“Severus, please. Let me in.”



Still no answer. But Harry thought he could feel the man glaring at him through the door.



“Severus, don’t hide. I told you I don’t care. Besides, Madam Pomfrey told us it would be temporary, remember?”



When he was still met by stony silence, Harry’s patience evaporated. “Severus Tobias Snape, if you don’t open this door right now, I’m going to break down the wards and come in after you!”



That got a reaction. The door flew open and the scowling face of Severus Snape met him. “Harry, if you don’t get away from my door—”



“I know, I know. You’re going to hex me. Save it for the children. I’m not impressed.” He pushed his way past Severus and sat on one of the fancy chairs. He raised his eyebrows and waited for his husband to leave the door and join him.



Severus visibly fumed for a moment before slamming the door. “Am I to have no privacy in my own room?” he growled.



“Nope. Not when you’re seven and a half months gone,” Harry said cheerfully. When Severus crossed his arms and stared down his nose at him, Harry sighed. He stood up and crossed to his husband, grasping his shoulders.



“Severus, you’re pregnant now. Miraculous things are happening to your body. This isn’t something you should be ashamed of. You should embrace it.”



“EMBRACE IT?!” The man’s voice rose, outrage causing his eyes to bulge. “Potter, you sound like that dithering idiot, Sybill Trelawney. Next you’ll be telling me to open my inner eye and accept my internal femininity.” His voice wobbled alarmingly and he broke out of Harry’s arms and raced to the balcony window.



Severus leaned his palms and forehead against the unyielding panes. He looked like he wanted to escape into the snow-covered garden that lay beneath the balcony, but the cold prohibited him from opening the doors. Harry thought he heard a stifled sob but he wasn’t sure.



Harry hesitated. Everything about Severus’s posture screamed a desire for distance. But Severus had been hiding away in his room for three days now and Harry figured it was time to put a stop to this nonsense before he got any worse.



He edged closer to the man and wrapped his arms around his body. Severus stiffened but didn’t push him away. That was a good sign. It seemed only a short time ago that Severus had rejected physical contact, declaring that Harry was never to touch him without his permission.



“Severus, I don’t care that you’ve got a vagina. And no one else knows about it, not even the children. So what’s got you so upset?”



For several minutes, Severus didn’t answer. This position was awkward for Harry, half bent over as he was, and his back soon started to ache. But he was prepared to stay there forever until his husband voiced what had him so miserable.



“I can’t stand this, Harry.” The voice was so low that he had to strain to hear it.



“Can’t stand what?” Harry reached down and stroked the protruding belly in steady, soothing circles.



“My body, my moods…everything is lurching out of control. Yesterday, when I patented my Hair Restorer Salve—”



“Yes?” Harry encouraged.



“I started thinking how I would have loved my mother to have seen this. How proud she would have been to know that her son contributed something useful to society! Then, when I realized that she never would, I started…weeping like a homesick first year!” Severus’s hands balled up like he wanted to punch his fists through the glass.



Harry said nothing for a long while. Severus knew these were female hormones at work. They had gone over this and one of the things that annoyed the Slytherin no end was repeating conversations when matters were already settled. Whatever he said next, he couldn’t go over old ground.



“I’m sorry you felt that way. I wish you had come to talk to me.”



“What good would that have done?” Severus snarled and he whirled around in Harry’s grip. The startled Harry suddenly found himself face to face with his furious husband, a suspicious wetness gleaming in the older man’s eyes.



“Because I know what it’s like to wish someone I loved could see all the happy moments in my life,” Harry said quietly. He forced himself not to shy away from the probing black gaze. What he had to say next would be really difficult; he had told this to no one, not even Ron or Hermione.



“Can we sit down, Severus?” he asked. “There’s something I want to tell you.”



Something like fear seemed to leap into the obsidian eyes. Then Severus’s face went blank again. Harry wondered what was bothering him but knew Severus wouldn’t speak about it now.



They sat together on the bed. The furniture in Severus’s room was comfortable enough. But every chair in it was built for one; it was like the man subconsciously discouraged anyone from getting too close to him.



Harry leaned his head against Severus’ shoulder. “When Ginny was…after she had given birth to Lily, she told me to take care of our children and to seek out love with another person. I promised her I’d take care of James, Albus and Lily and keep anything bad from happening to them. I couldn’t promise her…the other thing. I thought she’d be the only one I’d ever love that way, that no one could replace her.”



Severus had gotten stiffer with each word. He was so still now, he might have been made of granite.



“She said she’d be watching over me and the children. There were times when I felt such despair; I couldn’t believe that it was true. I felt that my precious Ginny was gone from me forever. So often I felt like crying—and I didn’t have pregnancy as an excuse,” he finished with a feeble attempt at a joke.



“What has all this got to do with my out-of-control emotions?” Severus asked, his voice flat.



“I think—no, I know that when I look at my children, something of Ginny survives in them. As time goes by, I feel that she is watching over me, looking at me and the children and you, and seeing my sorrows, my joys. If your mother cared about you, the way Ginny cared about me, then she’s proud of you, Severus Snape.”



“Thank you. That is so comforting,” he snapped back.



Harry grinned, perversely glad now that the man was his usual waspish self. “I’m proud of you, too.”



The slim eyebrows lifted. “You are?”



“You may think that I treated you badly by leaving you in the Shrieking Shack and maybe I did. But look at all you’ve accomplished on your own! You got better, set up a life and reputation for yourself making potions and medicines for St. Mungo’s. And I know that hair restorer you invented is going to make you pots of money.”



He placed a hand on the scarred cheek. “After I thought you were dead, I said this to the reporters and the Ministry and everyone who would listen: You’re one of the bravest men I’ve ever known. No one could have done what you did for the Order of the Phoenix if you weren’t.”



Severus didn’t speak but the tension in his shoulders relaxed a little.



Too much more of this and it was going to get embarrassing. Harry gave his husband’s hand a squeeze and stood up. “Can you come down now for some lunch? The children are afraid that we’re fighting again. Seeing you will cheer them up.”



“I doubt if seeing me has ever cheered up anyone, Harry,” Severus said dryly.



“Don’t say that to Lily,” Harry teased. “She adores you.”



Severus sniffed but Harry could tell he was pleased. He wound his arm around Severus, helping the man stand up. Now, more than seven months pregnant, he had trouble getting to his feet on his own.



Stroking his hand over the rounded belly, Harry thought of the growing child inside, the miraculous life that would make its appearance in two short months. The thought, as usual, made him almost giddy and at the same time deathly afraid.



Poppy had said there was a reason wizards gave birth so seldom in the Wizarding world. Magic could do only so much and the births rarely made it past the first trimester. They caused complications for both carrier and child. Many fetuses were spontaneously aborted. Other pregnancies put too much stress on the wizard, causing the deaths of both parent and child.



He’d meant what he said in August. He couldn’t bear to lose two people this way. There was something horrible about that, the way there hadn’t been about deaths during the war. Those had been tragedies. But in war you expected casualties. Childbirth should be a joyous occasion, not one that held danger with both lives hanging in the balance.



Harry said nothing of this to Severus. He’d just coaxed the man out of his bad mood and his room. He wasn’t risking sending Severus back into the dumps again.



Severus paused when he saw the twins and Lily waiting at the bottom of the stairs. All three of them were looking up at their fathers with nearly identical expressions of worry.



“Dada?” Lily mumbled, her tiny fist jammed into her mouth. She had a tendency to do that when she was nervous, Harry had realized.



Severus straightened and managed to make it to the bottom of the staircase unaided, Harry trailing behind him. He leaned down to pat Lily on the head. With the unborn baby placing so much weight on his back, he could no longer pick up the youngest Potter without severe strain.



“I’m all right, children. Your father just worries needlessly. He’s like a fussy old woman sometimes.”



“Oi! You were the one hiding—”



Severus rolled his eyes. “Fuss, fuss, fuss. You’re turning into Molly Weasley, you know that?”



The twins giggled. “That’s what we always say, Daddy Sevvie.”



Harry couldn’t let this slide. “Glad to see you’re recovering, Mother.” He laughed and threw up a Shield as Severus let fly with a hex.



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In the following days, Severus felt more like his old self. However, he found it increasingly more difficult to keep from unleashing his temper as the days progressed. Being cooped up at the cottage was making him stir-crazy.



Harry feared to have him lumbering about in public, lest he be taken unaware by an enemy or disgruntled Potter fan. Harry was leery about him taking Polyjuice in his condition and a glamour wouldn’t change the fact that he was four stones overweight. Due to his large size, Severus couldn’t negotiate the streets as easily as he once did; he’d be a sitting duck if it came to a wandfight.



But Harry did his best to make it up to him. Now that Severus’s room was no longer off limits, they made love there, if not as often as they had in earlier months. Severus was more and more reluctant to engage in touching when his clothes were off. Today would be the first time they’d touched in days, since before his latest…change.



He stripped and practically flew under the duvet, pulling it up to his chin. “Nox,” he growled. The room was swept instantly with darkness.



“Lumos. Look, Severus, I want to see you.” Harry crouched on the bed, naked as the day he was born. Severus admired that trim form even as he envied its fitness.



“I don’t want you to see me,” Severus hissed savagely. “Nox.”



“Lumos.” Harry sighed with frustration. “Severus, I told you. I like the way you look.”



Severus whipped down the cover so his huge belly was exposed. “You like this? Potter, I look like a beached whale!”



“You’re beautiful.” When Severus scoffed in disbelief, Harry rested his hand on the distended belly. “Every part of you is beautiful to me.” He grinned. “Especially your new parts.”



Severus closed his eyes, hoping Harry couldn’t see the worry that suddenly stabbed him. Upon seeing his new vaginal opening three days previous, he had been so shocked that he had fainted. It was one thing for Poppy to warn him of the event. It was another to find a new opening on his body that hadn’t been there the previous night.



Harry had been terrified at finding him unconscious in the bathtub. Upon recovery, Severus had flown into hysterics, as bad as any woman. It had taken almost 15 minutes for him to calm down enough to tell Harry what had ailed him.



To his credit, Harry hadn’t laughed. He’d been worried, surprised—and then undeniably curious. He had demanded to see the new space between Severus’s legs. That’s when Severus had thrown him off and vanished into the sanctuary of his room.



Now Harry was saying that he liked his recent bodily alterations. Did his husband like the fact that Severus had acquired a female part because he cared about Severus as a whole—or because it made Severus more like a woman?



“Severus?” There was a warm hand running over his face and neck. Harry had no trouble touching his scars. Indeed, he never shied away from them now. When he didn’t open his eyes, soft lips began kissing him all over his face.



“Mmm, my husband is so dear to me.” The hand was easing down his neck, rubbing his shoulders and easing down his chest.



“Harry, I’m not sure…”



“Sshhehheetttteeeeaallll.”



Oh god. In spite of being over seven months up the spout, Severus suddenly found his body quivering with arousal. He opened his eyes and tried to glare. “Harry, you’re not being fair.”



Green eyes sparkled mischievously. “Hhsssshlliiillll?”



“Speak English and stop this at….oh.”



Harry’s tongue was flickering over his body, trailing down over his throat and chest. Parseltongue was spitting from him as he hovered over Severus. That tongue seemed determined to miss no part of him as it swirled over his shoulder, down his arm and over to his nipples.



Harry didn’t spend too much time lingering over his nubs. Severus was too sensitive there these days, claiming the slightest breeze made his nipples ache. He squirmed away from that tongue—and then squirmed back, eager to feel that wicked licking. His nubs were flicked until they were throbbing points of need.



“SSSSSshhhhssssiiiiimmmmuuuuussssshhh.”



Now Harry was rubbing his cheeks and mouth over Severus’ swollen bump. There was no pausing at all as Harry eased down the hill bulging in Severus’s middle and made his way past the limp cock.



In spite of the fact that Severus could feel arousal, it didn’t translate to erections any more. Yet he shivered as Harry pressed his thumbs on either side of the wet labia that lay between his penis and anus.



“Harrrryyyy…”



A wet firmness swept around the folds and Severus moaned, clutching the bed sheets. When the tongue tickled his new-made clitoris, he let out a yell that must have rattled Harry’s tonsils.



“Sssshhhhh.” Was Harry telling him to shush? Severus didn’t think so. Then again, thinking was hard to do when Harry was putting his tongue to such good use.



Well, this was one benefit of being with a man who’d been with a woman. While Harry had learned the fine art of fellatio from his husband, this knowledge was something he could only have gained at the hands of his departed wife. Severus offered up a silent thanks to the woman’s memory, even as his whole body shook from Harry’s attentions.



This was wholly different from anything he’d ever experienced in his life. The sensations centered in one part of his body but radiated until it was like he could feel Harry’s tongue everywhere.



Severus squeezed his eyes shut as the tongue plunged deeper. His hips were thrusting without conscious thought, striving to bring himself closer to Harry’s talented mouth.



Dimly he was aware that wild, whispering pleas were coming from him. But the loss of dignity didn’t matter. Once more he was a willing captive to the magic that was Harry Potter.



When the orgasm came, it took him completely by surprise. It was more of a gradually building wave than the seismic disturbance he was used to in the past. But the force of it was powerful and he found himself shrieking as it lashed through his body.



Harry lifted his head. Severus blinked at the sight of him, rising from behind his stomach like the moon. His face was shiny and something fluttered in Severus when he saw Harry licking at the juice covering his lips.



He was even more astonished when Harry shuffled close to him. The hard length was probing at his outer lips before he understood what was happening. “Harry?”



There was that Cheshire cat grin. “More great things about girly parts…natural lubrication.” He slid into him and Severus’s eyelids fluttered. “And multiple orgasms.”



Multiple WHAT?!



Harry began to rock against him and, in the next hour, proceeded to show Severus exactly what he meant.



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There was a warm weight under his arm, next to his heart. That was his first sensation. The second was a feeling of utter contentment, something he couldn’t recall experiencing for months, possibly years.



As Severus opened his eyes, the room swam back into view. Had he slept or merely dozed? Late afternoon winter sunshine drifted wanly through the drawn curtains. It couldn’t have been too much later than when they had come to his bed.



Harry had worn him out but this lassitude went beyond physical satiation. There was a lightness that hadn’t been there before, an easing of the fear that had plagued him for the last three days.



The emotion rippling through his body was so foreign Severus had a hard time understanding what it was. With his usual analytical attention to detail, he tried to process it and formulate a logical conclusion.



Happiness.



That’s what it was and the very thought caused a slow stretching of his lips. Soon there was undoubtedly a sappy grin on his face, one that he allowed only because he was sure no one could see it, not even his husband.



Severus turned his head to look at the scruffy black hair tucked under his arm. Harry breathed with barely audible snores, interrupted by soft snuffles and smackings of his lips. A hint of a smile curved his mouth, filling Severus with the almost irresistible urge to kiss him.



He ran his fingertips through the tuft of rumpled hair on top. Harry stirred a little but didn’t awake.



Oh sod it. Severus shifted carefully downwards and kissed Harry softly on his lips. Daringly, he let his tongue come out and lap at the closed mouth like a cat lapping cream. The lips parted sweetly under his but remained slack.



“Umm, that feels nice, Severus,” Harry slurred, opening those startlingly green eyes of his.



Severus jerked back. “You’re awake,” he muttered.



“Don’t stop because of that.” Harry wound his arms around Severus and beamed at him. The expression made him seem no older than the little boy he’d once been. But Severus couldn’t recall ever seeing the young Harry smile like this.



That smile, that radiance he had seen given to so many others, was at last his. His eyes began to burn and before he could stop himself Severus found himself crying.



Harry’s smile instantly disappeared. “Severus? What is it? What’s wrong? I didn’t hurt you, did it?” He drew up alongside his husband, peering into his face with touching concern.



“No, you didn’t hurt me. I-It’s nothing,” Severus gritted, grinding his palms into his eyes, determined to scrub out the tears.



Smaller hands grasped his. “It’s okay. I understand. I’m happy, too.”



When he could trust himself again, Severus pulled his hands away and stared into that searching grass-green gaze. “You are?”



“Yeah.” Harry tilted his head. “Isn’t that strange?”



“Very. But stranger things have happened.”



“You coming back from the dead, for instance.” It was said lightly, but Harry searched his eyes, clearly worried that he might have stepped over the line.



The thought of his near-death experience might have once roused Severus to anger. No longer, and he marveled at how much had changed in less than a year.



“I’d gladly suffer Nagini’s bite again if it brought me such happiness as this,” he murmured quietly.



At that, Harry kissed him, a swift peck on the lips. “And on that note, I’d better get up and get supper ready.” He jumped to his feet and quickly dressed while Severus ogled the lean legs and plump buttocks.



Harry turned back towards him. “Do you want to come down to the table or should I bring supper up to you?”



Severus stretched out in the bed, feeling quite decadent. “I’d prefer it if you brought my meal here. Supper in bed sounds quite…delicious.”



Understanding sparked in the emerald eyes. “I’ll try to hurry then.



In spite of that, he didn’t leave without a few quick and not-so-quick kisses. Severus lay back on the pillows, already anticipating his husband’s return with sustenance in hand.





TBC