Funerals and Weddings

For disclaimer, summary, story codes and other information, please see the prologue.

**THIS IS A REPOST--CHAPTER WAS SOMEHOW DELETED!!**

Chapter the Forty-fourth: Hard Kept Secrets
9 January, continued


They lay wrapped together for a few minutes, sated. Eventually, though, Harry became aware of how hard the floor they were lying on was. Harry pulled himself away from Draco and glanced around for his wand; not seeing it anywhere, he finally “Accio’d” it out from under his discarded trousers.

He yanked his shirt—the only remaining item of clothing he had on—over his head before spelling them both clean. Then he stood and offered Draco his hand, to pull him up as well. “Let’s move this to something softer, shall we?” he asked.

“Definitely,” Draco replied, as Harry helped him up. Rubbing his hipbone, he added, “I was in too much of a hurry before to worry about it, but now that you mention it, this floor isn’t very comfortable.”

Keeping his hold on Draco’s hand, Harry led him over to the bed. Arranging themselves comfortably under the covers, Harry said, “I was rather impatient to have you as well. It’s been so hard these past few days not to grab you and snog you senseless.”

Draco laughed. “I’ll say it your way this time: ditto! I honestly didn’t think it would be so hard not being able to talk to you, to touch you—we haven’t even been together for a week, but it was still difficult.” As he spoke, he ran his hand absently up and down Harry’s arm.

“Yeah, for me too. I talked to Katie about it—she said something about when you’re in a new relationship, you always want to touch all the time. It’s true. I don’t think I want to go three days again without at least being able to kiss you,” Harry replied.

“Me neither,” Draco said. “But with our schedules…”

Harry smiled. “Actually, Katie came up with a couple of brilliant ideas about that. For one—we can do homework together. DADA we could actually do together in the library in public, since we’re partners, but we could get together privately to do other work. I mean, we’d have to actually work, but I reckon a few ‘study breaks’ wouldn’t hurt.”

“Study breaks. I like the sound of that,” Draco said, smiling. “And you know, working together in public for DADA wouldn’t be a bad idea—get people used to the idea of seeing us together, getting along with each other. And if any of the Slytherins question it, I can still tell them that I have to do it for class. Yeah, I definitely think studying together would work.”

Harry grinned. “The second idea’s even better: Occlumency! Remember that Dumbledore wanted you to tutor me? It’s another perfectly legitimate excuse for us to ‘have to’ spend time together.”

Draco smirked. “I don’t need Occlumency to know that you’re thinking we can spend part of that time together engaged in other activities as well.”

Harry leaned over to kiss Draco. “What, you mean this kind of activity?”

“Something like that,” Draco said, smiling. “And maybe even a little more intensive activity as well.”

“Maybe even something like…sex?” Harry asked, running his hand over Draco’s bare chest. He was curious as to how Draco would respond. Harry ached to have sex with Draco, but he didn’t want to push him.

Draco’s hand stilled Harry’s on his chest, but he didn’t push it away. “I…I do want to have sex with you, Harry. I want to know what it’s like. But I…I don’t know what to do. To be honest, I’m a little…nervous,” he confessed before blurting out his fear: “Doesn’t it hurt?”

Harry’s response was to kiss his nervous boyfriend. Stroking his hands up and down Draco’s sides, Harry continued kissing him until he felt Draco start to relax.

“It doesn’t hurt if you do it right,” he said softly, keeping his face close to Draco’s. “It might be a little uncomfortable at first, and I was sore afterwards, but a mild pain potion sorted me out. And it’s all right to be nervous—Merlin knows I was. I can wait until you’re ready. Besides, no one says you have to bottom, Draco, unless you want to. I’m perfectly happy bottoming.”

Draco smiled and pecked Harry on the lips. “Have you, uh, done both, then? Topped and bottomed?”

“Yeah,” Harry said. “Jason was more of a top, but he let me have a few turns so I could see what it was like.”

“Which are you then? I mean, which do you prefer?” Draco asked.

Harry tilted his head to study Draco for a moment. “Honestly, I like both. I guess it depends on the mood I’m in. They say most guys have a preference, but…” he lifted a shoulder. “Either I don’t, or I just haven’t had enough experience to know yet. So if you want to top, Draco, it’s fine with me. Actually, it’s more than fine. Just thinking about having you inside me is making me hard.” He brushed himself against Draco’s thigh as if to prove his point.

Draco tensed a little, then shuddered. He reached up to pull Harry into a kiss, but Harry frowned and resisted.

“Draco, what’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing,” Draco said, trying again to pull Harry’s face down to his. “I just want to kiss you.”

This time Harry pulled completely away from Draco. “Dammit, Draco, don’t lie to me. People have been lying to me all my life and I hate it. You tensed up when you felt my dick against your leg. I said we could wait to have sex until you were ready and I meant it—or is it that you just don’t want to have sex with me at all? Because if that’s the case, then I wish—”

Draco cut Harry off by grabbing his arm. “No! No, I do want to have sex with you. Gods, there are times when I want you so badly…”

Harry covered Draco’s hand where it gripped his arm and gently pried it free. He held it between both of his own hands and looked at Draco seriously.

“Then what is it, Draco? What is it you’re afraid of? Can’t you tell me?”

Draco sighed and looked down at the sheets pooled in his lap. “It’s not that I’m afraid, exactly. It’s that…I don’t know how to explain it. Every time I think of having sex with you for the first time, I…can’t help thinking of my other first time.”

Harry couldn’t keep the surprise completely off his face. “Was it that bad? I mean, I’ve heard that a girl’s first time can hurt, but…”

Draco shook his head and laughed a little. “No, no, it’s not that. It didn’t hurt. It was the…circumstances…I guess you’d say that’s bothering me.”

Harry was completely confused. “I’m sorry, Draco, but I just don’t understand. Were you…raped somehow?” Harry wasn’t sure how a bloke could be raped, but the way Draco was acting…

Again, Draco shook his head. “No, I wasn’t raped. But I guess you could say I was…forced into it.”

Harry closed his eyes briefly. “Let me guess…this has something to do with Lucius.”

“Right in one,” Draco said, unable to keep the bitterness from his voice.

Harry shifted position so that the pillows behind him propped him up. He pulled another pillow across his lap, then tugged at Draco’s hand. “Here, lie down. Tell me what happened.”

Draco curled up and rested his head on the pillow in Harry’s lap. He sighed when he felt Harry’s fingers begin to comb though his hair.

He was silent a moment, gathering his thoughts. Then he took a deep breath and started.

“I was home for the summer holidays. One day, Lucius told me he had a surprise for me and to meet him in one of the guest bedrooms on the second floor that evening. I couldn’t imagine what kind of surprise he’d have for me, but I was pretty excited. Lucius didn’t give gifts that often, outside of the usual occasions, so I thought this must be something special.

“I met him outside the bedroom as he’d requested. I was surprised to see him dressed in loungewear so early in the evening—silk pyjamas and a robe. But I didn’t ask. I didn’t want to piss him off by asking stupid questions. He told me my surprise was inside, but first he was going to show me how to use it properly before he let me have a go. Then he Transfigured the upper part of the door into a window so I could see inside the room.

“I was most definitely surprised. There was a woman—a Muggle woman, I found out later—lying on the bed, wearing nothing but what I’ve heard Blaise call a “teddy.” It looked a bit like a one-piece bathing costume, except it was all black lace and sexy and her breasts were practically bursting out of it. She was lying there, posed like one of those women in the girly mags.

“Have you seen a girly mag before?” Draco asked abruptly, turning his head to look up at Harry.

“Of course,” Harry said. “Ron’s got a ton of them—gets them from his older brothers, you know—and he passes them around in the dorm. Should have realised it was a sign when they never seemed to interest me the way they interested the others.”

Draco laughed a little, then turned his head back to lie on the pillow again. Harry went back to playing with his hair.

“So, anyway. There she was and Lucius was leering. So I smirked back at him and asked if she was for me. He said yes, it was time for me to learn about the joys of sex and how to do it right. He said there was a difference between fucking a wife and fucking a whore and I needed to learn it. The difference, according to Lucius, was that you had to be gentle and considerate with a wife but you could do what you wanted with a whore, which was much more pleasurable. So he’d gotten a whore to teach me everything I needed to know. And who, he said, was better to learn from than a master?

“Lucius told me to watch and learn as he fucked the whore, then I could take my turn. So through that window, I watched my father fuck a woman who wasn’t my mother.”

“Merlin,” Harry breathed.

Draco continued in a monotonous voice. “Lucius fucked the whore and fucked her good. He gave me quite the education in positions and techniques. He was…rather rough with her.

“When he was finished, he Obliviated her and then he joined me back outside the room. He reached down and grabbed me through my trousers, then smirked when he felt how wet they were and how hard I was. He laughed and said something about being pleased to see I was a true Malfoy, able to come and get it up again right away. To be honest, it had turned my stomach a bit to be watching my father have sex. So I pretended it was someone else and, well, I’m male, so I got off on it.

“Then he told me it was my turn. He removed the window from the door and opened it for me. I expected him to close it behind me, but instead he followed me in and sat down in an armchair.

“I didn’t know what to say, so I just looked at him. He smirked at me and asked me what I was waiting for. I finally asked him if he was going to sit there in the room with me and watch. Lucius laughed and said of course—he wanted to make sure my ‘performance was up to Malfoy standards.’

“I couldn’t let Lucius see it, but, gods, I was so nervous! I had totally lost my erection. I had never dreamed that Lucius would be there to watch! I was so stiff and nervous and embarrassed. I didn’t want to take off my clothes. I tried to bluff my way, but the whore could tell. She was actually really kind to me. She sort of tried to take over, which I was secretly grateful for, but Lucius wouldn’t have it. To make a long story short, he ridiculed me when he saw how awkward I was and that my dick was limp. I’ve never been more humiliated in my life. The whore tried to help—she asked Lucius how anyone was supposed to perform with their father there making fun of them. He slapped her for her trouble. But he did leave—after mocking me for my inability to get it up with a willing whore lying in front of me. He told me to meet me in his study downstairs when and if I finally fucked her.“

“Draco,” Harry interrupted. “How old were you?”

“Ah, thirteen,” Draco replied.

“You mean—you’d just finished second-year?” Harry asked, dumbfounded. Harry couldn’t help but think back to the end of his own second-year—he’d killed a Basilisk, yes, but he hadn’t been anywhere near ready to have sex! He brought his attention back to Draco as he heard him begin speaking again.

“Yes, well, Lucius felt it was time and therefore it was. So—after he left, she just looked at me. I guess I looked really pathetic, so she took pity on me and took over. She got me worked up and sucked me until I was just about to explode, then rolled over and told me to fuck her. So I did.

“I wish I could say I didn’t enjoy it, but I did. I mean, hell, it was sex. But I didn’t love it, the way I thought I should. After I came, she told me I could do whatever I wanted—so I did. I know I was probably pretty awkward, but I experimented a little and fucked her a few more times. The only thing I couldn’t do was go down on her. I tried, but…gods, it was disgusting. But I thought I’d done all right at the rest of it and the whore made all the right noises and said I was amazing, etc., etc. So I was feeling better about the whole thing when I went down to meet Lucius in his study.

“The second I saw Lucius, I knew he was still pissed off. He was sneering at me. He didn’t start in right away—he just asked me if I had enjoyed myself and I said I had. Then he asked me if I had ‘eaten her out’ and I said yes, although I was a bit taken aback by his crudeness. When he asked if I liked it, I lied and said yes—it was the answer I knew he expected. That’s when he slapped me.”

Draco heard Harry’s sudden intake of breath, but ploughed on, wanting to get the story over with.

“He caught me off guard, and it hurt, but I didn’t say a word. Lucius didn’t rage at me—he was always ice cold when he was furious. He called me a liar and said he’d watched me through the window in the door. He’d watched the entire time. It made me sick to think of him watching me that way, even though he knew I didn’t want an audience. He berated me for being a coward, for being hesitant, for letting the whore take charge. He said a Malfoy never let a woman take charge. A Malfoy was always in control. He was disappointed to have a son who was as soft as I was. He told me he’d make me into a real man if it was the last thing he ever did.”

Draco wasn’t sure if he wanted to tell Harry any more so he fell silent. Harry’s hand stilled in his hair. “What did he do, Draco?”

Draco was silent for a few moments longer before he sighed, giving in. “He beat the shit out of me.”

Harry’s hand clenched involuntarily in Draco’s hair. “That fucking bastard. Fucking monster! If he wasn’t already dead, I’d fucking kill him!”

“Um, Harry?” Draco ventured, interrupting Harry’s rant.

“What?” Harry snapped, not at Draco, but unable to answer any other way with the rage coursing through him.

“You’re hurting me. Do you mind letting go?” Draco spoke softly.

Harry realised his hand was fisted in Draco’s hair and immediately let go. “Sorry, luv, I didn’t realise. I’m just so angry—so disgusted…”

Draco swallowed. “That’s why I didn’t want to tell you. I knew you’d be disgusted. Are you…” he swallowed again. “Are you so disgusted that you…don’t want me anymore?” Draco whispered the last part and waited for Harry to reject him.

Harry was surprised into silence for a moment. Then he pulled on Draco’s shoulder until the blond lifted his head and reluctantly looked at him.

“What are you talking about? Of course I still want you. I’m not disgusted with you, Draco—I’m disgusted by what Lucius did! I don’t even understand why you would think I was disgusted with you.” Harry spoke as earnestly as he could and searched Draco’s face with his eyes.

Draco looked down to avoid Harry’s eyes and spoke bitterly. “How about because I fucked a whore? Because I fucked the same whore my father did? Or maybe because I enjoyed fucking a whore? Or how about because I’m soft and I’m weak and I let my father beat the hell out of me?”

Harry was shocked to see this side of Draco—he hadn’t known how deep his insecurities ran. He silently cursed Lucius for making Draco feel worthless. Wanting only to reassure Draco, he lifted Draco’s chin and kissed him softly.

Draco turned his face away with a jerk. “I don’t want your pity,” he said angrily.

Harry grabbed Draco’s chin and forced it back so he could see Draco’s face. “It’s not pity, dammit! And, no, I’m not disgusted with you, not for any of those reasons. I’d be hurt that you’d think I would be, but we don’t know each other well enough yet, so you’re off the hook on that one.

“What I’m disgusted by—what I’m infuriated by—is what Lucius did to you. Introducing you to sex with a whore is one thing—but intending to sit there and watch you—then mocking you—then beating you…there aren’t words for how wrong that is. He abused you, Draco—not just physically, but mentally. He was an evil, sick fuck and I wish I would have killed him more painfully, because he would have deserved every second of agony I would have given him because he fucking deserved it for what he did to you!”

By the time he was finished, Harry was practically shouting. Draco was staring at him, bemused partly by Harry’s reaction and partly by the torches shaking in their sconces on the walls.

“Harry, I…” Draco didn’t know what to say. He felt much the same way Harry had when Draco had been so angry about the Dursleys’ treatment of him. So he said the first thing that came to his mind: “Harry, are you doing that?”

“Doing what?” Harry asked, his fists clenching and unclenching as he tried to get his anger under control.

“Making the torches shake,” Draco said. “You are, aren’t you?”

Harry took a tight grip on his anger and a few deep breaths. He hadn’t lost control of his magic in a long time. “Yeah, sorry,” he said shortly.

Draco just blinked at him. “You didn’t even know you were doing it, did you? You really are powerful, Harry.”

Then Draco reached up to touch Harry’s face. “And you are amazingly good for me.”

At Draco’s touch, the rest of Harry’s anger seemed to melt away. Harry titled his head and regarded Draco curiously. “How do you mean?”

“You care,” Draco said simply. “You honestly care. We’re more alike than we know, I suspect. You told me the other day that you’d never had anyone get angry on your behalf before. You’re right…it is sort of nice. Nice to know that someone cares enough to be angry. I’ve never had that either.”

Draco leaned forward and brushed his lips softly against Harry’s. “Thank you,” he whispered. “I’ve never told anyone that before, and I never planned to, but I’m glad I told you. I actually feel…better now.”

Harry smiled. “Anytime,” he said, before returning the soft kiss Draco had given him. Draco’s hand tightened on his face and his tongue slid along Harry’s bottom lip. Harry opened his mouth and welcomed Draco’s tongue. The kiss started off languid, slow and soft. After a few minutes, Draco lay back on the bed and pulled Harry down on top of him. The kiss grew hotter, tongues warring as hands began to roam over warming flesh.

Harry used the barbell in his tongue to explore the inside of Draco’s mouth and felt Draco’s moan shudder through his body. He moved his mouth along Draco’s jaw, down his neck to his collarbone, nipping and sucking. He laid a path of wet, open-mouth kisses from Draco’s shoulder to the middle of his chest, stopping there to lick and suck the hard nubs of Draco’s nipples. Draco moaned and writhed beneath him when he bit down lightly on one.

Harry continued his way down Draco’s body, not stopping again until he reached the leaking cock that begged for his attention. Without preamble, he grasped the base, took as much of the hard length as he could into his mouth and began to work Draco mercilessly.

Draco’s hands flew to Harry’s head and he buried his fingers in the soft black hair. He moaned and tossed back his head, completely lost in the incredible feel of Harry’s hot mouth and agile tongue. Harry continued to suck Draco as he slid a wet finger under his balls and circled Draco’s hole. Draco’s orgasm crashed over him without warning; he shouted Harry’s name as he jetted hard down his throat.

Draco had no idea how long he lay there panting and recovering from one of the most intense orgasms of his life. The next thing he knew, Harry was kissing him, the passion he had shown while sucking Draco off no less now that he was sucking Draco’s tongue. Suddenly catching his second wind, Draco flipped Harry over and straightaway engulfed his lover’s engorged cock with his mouth. He anchored Harry’s hips with his hands to keep from choking when Harry began to thrust mindlessly up against him.

Working Harry as hard as Harry had worked him, Draco lightly squeezed Harry’s balls in time with the movements his mouth was making. He could hear Harry mumbling and gasping above his head and hummed in delight. Harry keened his pleasure in response. Wetting his forefinger, Draco reached under Harry and circled it against the puckered entrance he found. Emboldened by Harry’s moans, he pressed the tip of the finger inside the hole. Instantly, Harry stiffened, then cried out hoarsely as he emptied himself into Draco’s mouth.

Draco kissed and licked Harry clean before moving back up to rest his head on Harry’s chest. He sighed when he felt Harry’s arms come up to encircle him. He felt Harry kiss the top of his head just as he drifted off to sleep.

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A/N: Thanks to everyone who continues to read and to review!

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