Dearest Harry - Eileen's Story

Thank you to my darling Claudia for betaing.

A/N Again sorry about the long time between posts! RL matters have been pressing, not leaving a lot of time for writing. The next chapter will be up later. It took sometime to get the next chapter right as Draco insisted he wanted it be from his point of view! Thanks for all the reviews I apologise for not having time to answer them individually right now *winks at Stella Dubh for knowing that lions don't purr* ~ Lucie



The entire room hummed with tension. Everyone had been arguing for what seemed like hours and Severus’ head was throbbing with pain. The afternoon’s revelations had shaken them all. Eileen was white and trembling and Draco looked as if he might be sick. Everyone, except Severus, had argued with Harry at some point or another and he was currently pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace in Minerva’s office, looking pale and tense.

“Don’t you see?” Harry was saying, “This could be my only chance!”

“Your only chance to do what Harry? To die?” Eileen said quietly. “I don’t want you to die, none of us does. There has to be another way.

She looked at her grandson, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.“Someone else could fight him, it doesn’t have to be you.”

“Who else would you choose Gran?” Harry asked softly. “Severus? Draco? Ron?

“If I don’t come back from behind the veil, then someone else will have to kill him, but I’ll have done my best to stop him. I’ll have given whoever tries to finish him off a fighting chance. He won’t be immortal anymore.

Harry looked around the room, meeting everyone’s eyes, “Nobody else can do this bit, it has to be me. Can’t you see that?”

“But it doesn’t have to be now, we could wait a while. Someone else could kill him and then we could get rid of the Horcrux later on, there would be plenty of time then.”

She was saying just the same things that Severus had said; the same arguments were being trotted out and Severus knew it was hopeless. Harry wasn’t going to give in, and the worst of it was, that deep down Severus knew he was right. This was Harry’s battle and he did have to fight it. There really was no-one else.

“But Harry, you are still a child!” Eileen wailed

The look that Harry gave her was infinitely sad.

“I’ve never been a child, Gran,” he said, “I’ve never had a childhood, and these few short months have been great, having you and Severus in my life. But they haven’t been real!” He walked over to his Gran and gently cupped her cheek; he used his thumb to tenderly wipe away the tears that had begun to fall.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered.

He turned away, back to the fireplace. He could not stand still it seemed to Severus, he had too many emotions churning inside him, too many emotions that he did not know how to handle.

“I wish Severus could have found out about us earlier, that we could have had more time. That would have been really great!” Severus’ heart lurched; a wave of guilt hit him, stronger than he had felt for years. Over the last few months he had come to see Harry Potter in a whole new light. Fleetingly, in his mind’s eye he saw a much smaller Harry, smaller even than he had been when he started Hogwarts, wearing clothes and bruises that were far too big for his thin frame, and he wished that he had a time turner in his possession, that they hadn’t all been destroyed.

He saw himself rescuing Harry, taking him from that dark little cupboard to the light warm welcome of Eileen’s home, it could all have been so different if only he had known.

He had known for years that Albus had had a plan for Harry. Had watched resentfully as Albus had seemed to adore and over indulge his ‘Gryffindor Golden Boy’. But that had been the old Severus. Looking back now he could see that Albus had treated Harry the way that children who have a terminal illness are treated – not that there were many of those in the Wizarding World. Magic kept them safe from childhood illnesses that were common amongst Muggles, Harry’s talent for healing was just an exaggerated version of the natural abilities that all magical children displayed. But Albus had known hadn’t he? He had known that Harry was a Horcrux and, assumed that Harry would have to die, in order for Voldemort to be defeated, he must have he must have had his suspicions at least. He had treated Harry the way he had out of guilt.

Guilt for the way he had been abandoned to abuse at the hands of those wretched muggles, guilt that he had to keep sending Harry back there year after year to keep him safe from Death Eaters. Guilt because he thought Harry would never see adulthood. He had been trying to make things up to Harry hadn’t he?


In Severus’ opinion Albus had got it all wrong. Even if none of them had known about Harry’s connection to Severus and Eileen, Harry should not have had the childhood that he did; something surely could have been done for him, to make his life easier. No wonder Albus had still to awake in his portrait, he was too ashamed to face them all.

“You are wrong old man!” Severus muttered, under his breath. “We are not going to lose him. We are not going to let him die.”

No-one heard him, they all still had their full attention focussed on Harry, Harry who seemed so distressed. Not because he thought that he was going to die apparently, but because everyone else was so upset. A development that Harry had seemingly not expected.

“I wish that things hadn’t been the way that they were,” Harry said, not able to look at his grandmother as he spoke. “I wish that you and Severus had talked earlier, cause you would have come and got me wouldn’t you?” When Harry spoke so hesitantly he sounded like the abandoned child that he was. If they had known, if Severus had known, he would have moved Heaven and Earth to take Harry away from the Dursleys.

Eileen just nodded. She couldn’t speak, her mouth, like Severus’ stoppered with the bitter taste of regret.

“That didn’t happen though, Gran,” Harry continued, “and now I have to destroy the final Horcrux and then I have to go and kill Voldemort. I have to, it is what I am for.”

Eileen stood up and grabbed Harry’s hand. Anger dominated once more and freed her tongue. Her eyes were flashing, they were not the vibrant green that her grandson’s were, they were a deep, dark black, but when she was angry they were almost as bright with emotion as Harry’s

“No! No Harry it is NOT what you are for. I’ll not allow it!”

If anything Harry looked even sadder.

“I am so sorry Gran,” he said. “Thanks for caring, but you know as well as anyone about the prophecy, you know what it says.”

Earlier in the summer Harry had shared Trelawney’s words with them all, they all knew the prophecy now.

“It doesn’t have to mean what you think it means, Harry.” Eileen said urgently, it just means that you cannot live properly whilst he is still alive, that’s all. It doesn’t mean that you have to die.”

“I know that, Gran.” Harry replied, he had stopped pacing now and was looking straight at Eileen. But I do have to face him, and before that, for there to be any point to it, I have to destroy the last Horcrux.”

“But we could wait, Harry.” Eileen argued, once again, just as Severus himself had. “There has to be a way of destroying it. We can’t risk on this crazy adventure, not because of a dream!”

She turned on Severus now. “How can you encourage this Severus? How can you even allow him to attempt to try something like this? I trusted you to look after him and you have let me down! You should have said no. He would listen to you! I am ashamed of you Severus! Harry is too precious! I need him!” The last sentence was plaintive, right from the heart. Severus felt his mother’s words twist inside him like a knife.

“I have to let him, Mother. There is no other option save one; this is so much better than the alternative.”

“What alternative Severus? What could possibly be worse than this?”

Severus could not speak. He closed his eyes and a few bitter tears leaked out, burning against the tender skin beneath his lashes.

“Gran!” Harry exclaimed. “That was not fair!” Severus could not believe that Harry was defending him, standing up to Eileen for him “Tell her Severus,” Harry said, “tell her what I forced you to promise me

But Severus shook his head tightly; he could not say the words.

“Tell her!” Harry hissed

Severus turned to look at Harry. Their eyes met. Harry were flashing, blazing at the unfairness of Eileen’s accusations. He looked at his nephew as he spoke. Knew that both of them had reached an understanding so deep that it could hardly be explained.

They were closer than uncle and nephew Harry and he, almost closer than father and son for that matter. They were comrades too, brothers in arms. They had been fighting side by side in battle for seven years against the same deadly foe. They may not have always liked each other, or trusted each other come to that, but when it mattered, when it truly mattered, they had never let each other down.

“He made me promise that I would kill him.” Severus whispered, still looking at Harry, still holding his gaze. “After Voldemort was dead, I was to take Harry’s life, destroy the final Horcrux,”

“No!” The word echoed from a dozen throats simultaneously

“At least this way there is a chance. A chance that it will be all right. A chance that he will survive. I have never liked his mutt of a godfather, I have hated him since I was eleven years old, but I know he would not hurt Harry. If he has communicated with Harry somehow, told him to go beyond the veil, then he wants to help us; he is offering a way out.

“But you said yourself that it could have been a dream!” Hermione spoke this time. “Harry was fooled before, fooled into going to the Ministry, when Sirius died. This could be another trick.”

“Yes, Miss Granger it could, but you forget who else suffered by that trick, Sirius Black himself. If Harry says it was a vision then that is good enough for me. He is the one with the experience after all. And the mirror, there should be two, the other has never been found.”

“Sirius always carried it.” It was Remus speaking this time, “after he gave its twin to Harry, he was never without it.”

“You knew about it, Remus?” Harry said.

He sounded broken. His voice was cracked.

“Of course I knew Harry. Sirius told me that he was going to give you the mirror that had belonged to James.” He didn’t finish his sentence, Harry had gone completely white.

“He didn’t tell you what it was for did he Harry?” Severus asked.

“He did,” Harry whispered, “he wrote me a note, but I forgot about it.”

He saw Remus’ face become nearly as pale as Harry’s.

Remus was staring in horror at Harry, he realised as Severus had, that Harry must have forgotten about the mirror until after it was too late and so he still blamed himself for Black’s death, that much was evident.

“It was not your fault, Harry.” Severus said. He wanted to tell the boy that he carried around far too much needless guilt, that he could be expected to have remembered everything but Eileen interrupted him

“So Harry’s godfather could still have it, on the other side of the veil?” she asked

It had obviously not been lost on her that there was more going on right now. That something had happened that she knew nothing about. But maybe she also realised that Harry was getting very wobbly, that she thought, as Severus did, that the boy could not take much more tonight.

“I think that Black does have the mirror,” Severus said. “I presume that he is not fully able to communicate with this world even though both mirrors are now working, but he managed to reach Harry when he was asleep. He could somehow contact him when his mind was resting, when he was dreaming, wandering on the edge of consciousness.”

“So you are sure that there is no possibility that it could be Voldemort?” Hermione spoke again.

Severus’ eyes met Harry’s again, their silent communication continuing. Harry straightened his shoulders and he seemed to gather himself. They hadn’t said anything about the burning pain Harry had suffered right after having the dream. Severus truly believed that Harry’s dream or vision was true. Harry had often had visions in the past hadn’t he? He had to believe that what Harry had told him was true. He felt another huge pang of guilt, this time it was because he was allowing Harry to go ahead with this crazy scheme. But at least it was a chance. A chance that Harry wouldn’t die and that if he did…….if he did, it wouldn’t have to be Severus that killed him.

The last week had been like a waking nightmare for Severus. He had barely slept; no if he were honest he had not slept at all. He had searched frantically for something, anything that would get him out of the task that Harry had set him. He had torn the library apart seeking an answer. Sneered and snapped at everyone and desperately tried to finish the Lycanthropy potion while Harry had still been alive. By this evening he had been desperate, frantic and Harry’s appearance in his lab had been like the answer to a prayer.

He knew that what Harry was planning to do was a mad, typically Gryffindor escapade. It might not work, hell it probably wouldn’t work! But at least it was a chance. Harry seemed to have an uncanny knack of surviving against all odds after all, he had done it time and time again.

He knew that he was like a drowning man, grasping at any help that he could. But Harry’s instincts were good and Severus was going to do his bit by ensuring that Harry was as safe as Severus could possibly make him and at least it had given them a day or two longer as he had managed to convince Harry not to act rashly. To wait until they had found some way of getting him back from behind the veil.

Severus spoke again; voicing what he had been thinking

“These arguments are completely futile. I do not want Harry to do this, any more than you do. But there is no other option. I do not like this idea of Harry’s.” He allowed himself to sneer, “it is too reminiscent of any number of foolhardy Gryffindor schemes that he has been a part of in the past. I cannot prevent him from going on this quest. But I can do my utmost to keep him safe, to bring him back! And that is what we need to be working on, planning. Not berating him.

“To fight the war is not Harry’s choice, but it is his responsibility, however much we might wish it was not the case. It is what it is. He must do what he believes to be the right thing. And we must support him, and find a way to bring him home.”

Severus allowed himself a wry smile. “After all despite my dire predictions about his fate in the past, he is still here. He is not dead yet. I think that our Harry has very sound instincts.”

Severus’ eyes met the boy’s eyes once more. This time they were wide with shock. He had not expected such support from Severus it seemed. Severus nodded, almost imperceptibly, but Harry saw the gesture and a ghost of a smile crossed his lips.

“Aye Sevvy, you’ll have your way in this, you both will.” Eileen’s accent thickened along with her evident sorrow. “I don’t like it. It makes me right angry in fact. But I’ll not fight you anymore. I’ll do whatever we need to keep him safe. What do we need to do any road?”

They had sat down around the table then and held what Eileen had called a “council of war.” Everyone trying to come up with ways of getting Harry beyond the veil and back again. They got nowhere. Not for hours. Not until Hermione mentioned the Muggle activity of “potholing”

“What the fuck is “potholing?” Draco had been the one to ask the question. He had been getting more and more agitated as the evening had worn on. It was obvious that he did not want to be here whilst everyone discussed aiding Harry to embark on one of the most dangerous stunts that he had yet undertaken. But as he had placed himself beside Harry and held his hand in a deathlike grip it was also obvious to Severus that he wasn’t going to go anywhere without Harry.

“My cousin Chris does it.” Hermione said in a matter of fact way. “It is also known as vertical caving. On a very steep descent potholers wear a harness which is attached to a rope and secured at the other end. Harry could wear something like that.”

“Oh don’t be ridiculous!” Draco sneered, determined it seemed to be belligerent. “A rope would never work. Going beyond the veil would almost certainly destroy it!”

Ron Weasley seemed to be getting agitated too now, Severus supposed it was because of the harshness of tone that Draco was using towards his girlfriend. He opened his mouth to try and forestall the animosity from rising, because the last thing that they needed right now was for another argument to develop. But in the end he didn’t need to speak at all.

Luna was sitting opposite Harry and Draco. She seemed to spend all her time with the refugees from Grimmauld Place right now, her beloved father was off hunting yet another of his bizarre imaginary animals.

“I think we could make a rope and harness out of something that couldn’t be destroyed.” Luna said.

Draco whirled on her – he really did seem to be in a mood right now! “What do you suggest Loony?” He sneered, “Fairy floss, spider’s webs?”

Harry opened his mouth, he seemed to be about to say something, but Luna was completely unperturbed by Draco’s rudeness.

“Oh no, Draco!” She answered, “Fairy Floss is nowhere near strong enough and even Acromantula web would probably dissolve. I think that you should use something that cannot be tarnished, not even by death.” She looked directly at Severus as she spoke and her face broke into a wide smile as Severus breathed the words,

“The Basilisk!”

It had not taken long for the cured basilisk hide to be taken from Severus’ lab, where he had stored it after they had removed it from the Chamber of Secrets. They laid it out in the Great Hall as it was the only place, even in Hogwarts, that was big enough to unroll it properly.

There was more than enough to make miles of rope should they so wish, but they would need to cut it into strips. Eileen had suggested they plait it as well, to further strengthen it. She had procured a number of diamond edged knives to help with the cutting and shortly afterwards several house-elves had appeared, seemingly determined to do their bit too.

Harry had seemed surprised to see them and had wandered over to talk to them. But Eileen had headed him off.

“You need to get to bed lad.” She said, “you have a very busy day tomorrow.” Her expression was very grim as she spoke, no one could have any doubt how Eileen felt about the next day. She was certain that the rope would not take that long to make, and Harry was determined to make the journey as soon as he possibly could. She understood that and she was no-longer fighting Harry, but that didn’t mean that she had to like the fact that her grandson would once again face incredible danger.

Harry looked to be about to protest, but Eileen forestalled him, “I think Draco needs some sleep too, Harry,” she said, gesturing at the blond boy with her head.

They both walked over to Draco, who was standing in a corner, away from the activity with his head down and a look of misery on his face. She handed Draco something, a potion Severus guessed and he watched as Eileen spoke briefly to them both for a moment or two. Both boys nodded and then she embraced them before Draco grasped Harry’s hand and led him unresisting from the room.

She made her way over to Severus then. “I hope you know what you are doing, Son.” She stared into Severus’ eyes with an unnerving intensity and then handed him his diamond bladed potions knife. “Come on, we best get to it!”

Severus followed her across the room, to where a team of people and elves were already cutting away at the skin, which had been spread out on the stone floor of the Great Hall. Most of the teenagers had gone to bed already, but Luna was still awake, she was sitting with one of the elves, apparently teaching it to plait. It was the elf that had once belonged to Barty Crouch and it was gazing at her in adoration.

Severus sighed.

It was going to be a very long night.