Memoirs of a Serpent's Son

Memoirs of a Serpent’s Son

--Age 17—part 13

October 15

It’s been… a rather hectic last few weeks. I suppose that’s the best way to explain the time that’s passed… hectic.

More and more Order members have been swooping in and out of this place, bringing a whirlwind of papers and news with them as they did and often leaving everyone who lives here in an even deeper state of shock and concern than before they had arrived.

I’ve met a few of the members… well, formally introduced anyway. I knew Lupin to begin with, though he seems to have become more comfortable around me. Perhaps he isn’t quite as mistrustful of me as he had been before.

I’ve also met several Aurors. I was introduced to the real Mad-Eye Moody just the other day. I was grateful for the fresh start and proper warning so that I could prepare myself for my first conversation with him. I had NO intention of EVER seeing the world through the eyes of a ferret EVER AGAIN. Let alone seeing the world coming crashing towards me…

All this is not to say that the whole meeting wasn’t still absolutely terrifying, because it was. It was worse than that. I’ve never felt so closely scrutinized or so absolutely stripped of everything, all my secrets, all my thoughts and facades, hell… all my CLOTHES except in front of Alastor Moody. Honestly, if I had EVER considered becoming a Death-Eater and betraying the Order’s information or whereabouts (which I still am not privy to) just seeing Moody’s blue eye in the back of my mind is enough to make me rather throw myself into a horde of stampeding hippogriffs than run the risk of facing his wrath.

I quite like my soul where it resides thank you very much.

I’ve also been introduced to Auror Shacklebolt. He’s an interesting fellow. I suppose. Sure. Why not? It’s not him that I feel uncomfortable with at all it’s…. it’s the other Auror I met.

Well… I met her quite a while ago, I just didn’t know she was an Auror or…well WHO she was.

The other day, just after I met Moody personally, Lupin took me into the sitting room –the one with the Black Family Tapestry –and had me sit down. It was very awkward… I was sitting on the sofa, on my own, while Potter, Lupin, Weasel, Granger and the purple-haired witch from before stood in front of me, each with a very similar look of nervous admission on their faces.

“Draco… we know you’ve been through quite a lot lately,” Lupin began slowly, his voice kind and soothing. I nodded carefully, knowing that some terrible news was about to be presented to me.

“And well, I know that losing what seems to be the only family you have, all in one day,” Potter added quietly. He still wouldn’t look directly at me. Not in the eyes. Just at my face. Or my chest. “Is…one of the hardest things you can possibly endure… even if you don’t remember… even if you didn’t know them well or see them often… when you are alone, it doesn’t matter. You are even more alone.”

I gave them all skeptical looks at this point. What was this? Were they going to all rush in a give me group hug at this point? Were they going to present me with even further bad news? Was this the kind of meeting one held to inform a friend that they have a terminal illness?

“We just thought it might help you to know that you aren’t alone,” Lupin continued, smiling. “We wanted to introduce you to another Auror.” At this point the purple-haired witch stepped forwards. “This is Tonks, Draco. Nymphadora Tonks.”

I stared, blinking, my face blank and lost. I stared at this witch and thought to myself. Where had I heard that name before? Tonks… I know it was familiar. I know I’ve heard it somewhere. And as I stared at her suddenly, she began to change appearance.

Her nose changed and became slightly more pointed. Her eyes turned a soft shade of blue and her hair… turned blonde. Pale blonde.

She looked remarkably like my mother.

Mother…

My jaw dropped and my head whipped around to the Black Tapestry to check and see if I wasn’t hallucinating… I wasn’t.

Right next to my mother’s name was the name Andromeda Black…and just below that was the name Nymphadora Tonks.

She was my cousin… IS… IS my cousin.

My attention drifted quickly back to her and I breathed deeply and heavily, trying to understand how this was possible. Was the wizarding world really that small? Was my cousin really standing right in front of me? An Auror for the Ministry and a member of the Order of the Phoenix… my mother’s niece, traitor to the family was… just standing there. She had been here all along.

I still have family…. I still have someone…but…

But I don’t know her at all.

My parents raised me my entire life to believe that anyone who betrayed the purity of the bloodline was a traitor. Anyone on either side of the family who had chosen a Muggle partner and borne half-blood children was an outcast of the family and were worse than normal half-bloods or mudbloods because they knowingly chose to give up the purity.

But here I am… alone and worthless at the mercy of the Order of the Phoenix and under the care of the greatest blood traitor ever –Harry Potter –in the company of my outcast half-blood cousin.

An Auror.

“I…how…”I stuttered, unable to find words to put to my feelings. I simply shook my head and whimpered once or twice as my eyes jumped from one person to the next.

And as I turned my attention back to Nymphadora, her hair changed back to the purple and her previous appearance came into view. I frowned and shook my head more violently.

“What?? How are you doing that?? This is a trick!” I exclaimed, shifting backwards on the couch.

“No, Draco,” Nymphadora (presumably) tried to reassure me. “I’m a metamorphmagus. I can shift my appearance at will.”

“Surely you’ve read of those,” Granger interjected with likely more spite than she had intented. I shot her an angry look and she shied away, standing closer to Weasel.

“I read of dark things that would make your hair curl, Granger… not about metamorphmagi or alchemical ways to shrink your teeth,” I shot back. I felt very uncomfortable with the whole situation. I couldn’t understand it and I couldn’t begin to wrestle with the idea of ever being very close to someone like Nymphadora… even though she was my cousin. I didn’t know how to react or how to feel… I still don’t.

“I really am your cousin,” she said, trying to ignore the comments made between Granger and I. “I know this must be strange for you… Narcissa never got along very well with my mother… but, well… I just wanted you to know that if you ever need to talk about anything… you know, to do with family, that I’m here. I’ll understand… no matter what it’s about. Just call for me… and call me Tonks, by the way.”

I kept my mouth shut, an almost angry look on my face, and nodded to her. She smiled a bit and Lupin led her out of the room.

I didn’t move. Granger and Weasel left the room quickly as well, clearly in hopes of avoiding any kind of row. Potter stayed, mind you.

He stayed and sat down next to me.

I didn’t look at him. I didn’t want to. My eyes just kept flitting back over to the tapestry… to my mother’s name, to Nympha-….Tonks…and then to Bellatrix. Every time my attention would land on Bellatrix and I felt even more angry.

And then I felt Potter’s hand brush my leg and my head snapped back to looking at the floor under my feet. I was frustrated. Frustrated about it all… Frustrated about how my mother had died… who had killed her and why… about not having known it and about having been forced to go through all of that alone when there was someone RIGHT IN THE HOUSE that could have understood… could have done something… COULD HAVE TOLD ME EARLIER.

I was frustrated with Potter.

“Why didn’t you tell me she is my cousin??” I asked, biting back the anger that threatened to engulf us both once again. He shifted.

“Lupin told me to wait…” he whispered… as though that was enough of a reason.

“Oh well, if Lupin said it,” I snapped sarcastically. “When have you ever been one to follow any kind of rules??”

“Look, I… I wanted to tell you but,” he trailed off, and looked away. “He told me you weren’t ready… that you needed time to come to terms with the whole thing on your own… to figure out how much like your parents you really are before we could tell you Tonks is your cousin.”

“What is that supposed to mean??” I snarled, turning to him. He still wasn’t looking at me.

“Tonks is a half-blood,” he explained. “Her mother married a muggle. You yourself said that she was already outcast in the Black family because the “purity was lost”. She never got along with Narcissa anyway, and so likely, you’ve been raised to think that she is some kind of traitor or something. That’s how pureblooded families work, isn’t it? If you marry outside of the purity, you are a traitor? If you were going to treat her terribly or pose any kind of threat to her, we needed to know ahead of time…”

I realized that as he spoke I wasn’t breathing. It was caught in my chest and did not want to escape. I couldn’t breathe for a moment. I couldn’t speak. I don’t think my brain even functioned at that point. I just couldn’t believe it.

He had been treating me like some kind of PROJECT. Observing me like an animal in a pen! I….

I’m still just some kind of criminal to them. I’m nothing more than that and I never will be…

My face contorted into something likely very unattractive and I tried very hard to fight back against the urge to scream.

“You… A THREAT?” I screamed. It was a losing battle anyway. “So that’s it… I’m still just a bloody criminal to you. STILL a DEATH-EATER despite the lack of mark and allegiance and everything… Just like my parents, aren’t I? Just like every other bloody Slytherin!”

Potter rolled his eyes and shook his head. He finally turned to me.

“No, you bloody prat!” he yelled back. “Why do you think we actually told you?? Because you’ve proven to us that you aren’t a Death-Eater or a criminal! You’ve proven that you aren’t a thing like your parents! Well… not much like them anyway. You idiot, this is to show you that we are trying to help you!”

He pushed me back against the sofa and frowned. I grimaced and said nothing for a while. Nothing as long as he was looking at me… I couldn’t anyway. I couldn’t understand this all…

“How was it helping me to tell me about my only living cousin once I’ve already gotten over my grief?!” I shot at him. “Once I’ve finished mourning their deaths? Once I’ve gotten over it all??”

He didn’t yell back and he didn’t get angry. Instead, there was a sad and knowing look in his eyes as he said what he did.

“Believe me,” he whispered. “No matter how much time passes, no matter how little you actually cared about them or how little you knew them, you will never get over the deaths of your parents. Not fully… not ever.”

I didn’t want to admit it, but right then was the wisest I’ve ever seen him. His eyes were distant but he was looking right at me and I knew he could see me…He could see the truth about me and how I felt, if only for that one moment. I felt closer to him. Like we had something between us that was only ours to share… no one else could know just what it was like…

“You can likely help me more than she can…” I whispered, looking away. I knew he was right about what he said…

“Only for some things,” he answered and I might be mistaken but there was the slightest hint of coyness in his tone.

Though I think I could be mad.

I have been under quite a lot of stress recently and Potter is the master of mixed signals.

He and I sat together for a while. Simply sitting, not doing anything else. I thought a lot about my parents. I tried very hard to sift through all my memories to find one happy one… one that might alter the way I think of my parents… at least in death.

I could think of none… no memories where I was really, truly happy. The happiest times of my life were when I was at Hogwarts, to be honest. At home I was always under a strict kind of regiment. I was always forced to study and teach myself. To train for Quidditch… to suffer my father’s discipline or else to attend formal meetings with gests of high stature. People I would never see again who likely did not even notice my presence…

These were not happy things.

I couldn’t identify positive things with either of my parents… the closest thing to love that either has ever shown me was my mother’s last act of giving me the horcrux… And even that was only to show how little faith she had in me… And then my father…

Killing himself…

Even with the knowledge that it must have been to serve Voldemort’s purpose, I can’t fully accept the idea… there must be more to it. There must be…

“You’ll never know everything for sure,” Potter suddenly told me, as though he was reading my thoughts. “You can never know, now that their gone, what their true intentions were in dying… Whether it was for every reason you’ve ever been given… or whether they had other motivations. You will never know. I’ve questioned it quite a bit… never vocally, but I wondered sometimes…”

“Why they didn’t try harder to survive?” I finished, cautiously. He turned his attention back to me and gave a small chuckle.

“Something like that.”

********

October 23

WELL…. TODAY was an EXCITING DAY.

Oh yes, exciting is DEFINITELY the word to describe this.

We –a term I use in the lightest way because there is nothing to say that I have ever been included in a group with the Golden Trio or will ever be –received a response from Hogwarts today… regarding the possible disappearance of one of Ravenclaw’s books from the Hogwarts library.

It was NOT, however, a letter from McGonagall detailing whatever information that Madam Pince might have offered. No no. It was a letter from Madam Pince herself.

It was a howler.

Let’s see if I can aptly remember the details of her so… careful… wording of the situation.

“HARRY POTTER! HOW DARE YOU!!!! WHY I NEVER IN ALL MY DAYS AS A LIBRARIAN! NO STUDENT HAS EVER DARED INSULT ME IN SUCH A DIRECT AND UNPRECEDENTED MANNER! THE NERVE OF YOU TO EVEN THINK SOMETHING SO FOUL!!! AND WORSE! TO SUGGEST SOMETHING OF THAT NATURE TO THE HEADMISTRESS AND TARNISH MY REPUTATION!!! I HAVE CARED FOR AND LOVINGLY DOCUMENTED THE COLLECTION OF BOOKS IN THIS LIBRARY SINCE BEFORE YOU WERE BORN! I HAVE NEVER EVER HAD A BOOK LOST ON MY WATCH!! NEVER STOLEN OR EVEN DEFACED!!! AND I PROMISE YOU THAT THE KINDERED WHO SHARED MY ROLE IN THE PAST, EVER SINCE THE TIME OF ROWENA RAVENCLAW HERSELF, HAVE NEVER ALLOWED SUCH A HORRENDOUS THING TO OCCUR!! OF COURSE ALL OF RAVENCLAW’S PRICELESS AND DEEPLY CHERISHED BOOKS ARE STILL ALL ACCOUNTED FOR IN THE LIBRARY! AND THEY ALWAYS WILL BE SO DON’T YOU DARE CONSIDER EVER TAKING ONE OF THEM FROM ME OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL PUNISH YOU TO THE FURTHEST EXTENT OF MY POWERS! IF YOU EVER, EVER DARE TO INSULT ME IN SUCH A MANNER EVER AGAIN, YOU WILL FACE THE CONSEQUENCES!!!”

I think that was the gist of it.

I may have been forced to alter some of the wording to make it more suitable for… well anyone. There were some things in there that I would never have dreamed any kind of Hogwarts staff might incorporate into their vocabulary. Not ever. Not even Peeves.

Needless to say that after that we decided that Ravenclaw’s book could NOT be the missing horcrux because I doubt that even Voldemort himself would have dared mess with such a barmy old bat.

Book lover.

Perhaps Granger should take over her job once she gives herself a heart attack.

In any case, after that exciting little display with our morning toast, Potter cleverly decided that today would be a good day to reevaluate “our next plan of action”.

At this point I decided that the words “we” and “our” had been used enough in my presence to suppose that I am, in fact, incorporated into the equation. Thus I piped in.

“Well, I have an idea that hopefully won’t damage our hearing any further.”

--------IIIIIII-------

A/N: Ok so this was kind of a random chapter. I thought the howler was an amusing touch, personally. I figured that even the idea of suggesting that Madam Pince had allowed one of her books to be taken from right under her nose would be cause enough for her to have some kind of madwoman explosion and send Harry a rant. Since the letter was in his name. Yes. I quite enjoyed that. Teehee. Also I think that the idea that Harry and Draco share the whole ‘being orphans’ thing when no one else really faces that kind of loneliness is important. Also, I do not recall ever seeing Tonks’ real appearance in the books (if she has one) so I kind of went with my gut there and suggested that she look kind of like Narcissa (assuming Andromeda looked like Narcissa too..and not Bellatrix). If I’m wrong, please forgive me and just ignore it, but it served my purpose :)

Little bits of character evolution in each of these entries… and certainly more to come! Remember all, this is Draco’s month! I’m trying to decide what I can do “special” on his birthday… if anything really lol X_X Hopefully I’ll find something.

Thanks for all the lovely reviews and responses to my question! Seems quite a few would be in Slytherin! Hahaha whoda thunk? I think the Sorting Hat would have some issues with me, trying to decide if I belong better in Slytherin or Gryffindor… I can be cunning and manipulative and I am very ambitious and sarcastic, but I would also do anything to protect my family and friends… and I’m noble too I suppose so maybe I would just have to clone myself and be in both X_X

Also, to berkie88: I cannot reveal yet anything about how Draco’s blood being changed affects other things, but I will eventually explain :) And as for the Fawkes healing Harry thing, I was quite sure that Harry stabbed the diary as his “last act” knowing he would die, and Fawkes healed him after the fact, but as I have no way or time to go back through the book, it is very possible that I'm wrong, in which case, no I didn’t change it to fit the story, though I have made minor mistakes before ^^; Let’s just pretend, shall we? Eheheh *hangs head* Although I've also reworked the idea so that it would make sense anyway if that is the case. I may have to go into that later. *shakes fist at movies* HOW DARE YOU CONFUSE ME!

Ah well… Cookies and love and I hope I haven’t missed anyone’s questions!