How They Fell

Chapter Forty Two


Draco felt a certain peace fall around him as he woke up the next morning. Last night he had still been worried and anxious, caught up in the break up, but this morning he felt better. He had done what was right, what was needed. It had been dreadful and he had hated seeing Harry hurt, but it was necessary. He was no longer a disgrace to his name but some one who had done his duty to his family.

As he dressed he looked at himself in the mirror as though searching to find some sort of physical proof of the decision he had made. There was no change, he was simply himself. He had known that he would never actually look like his grandfather because of the lightness of his complexion, his grandfather had been very dark. Nevertheless he thought that there was a similarity in their bearing and demeanour and he could not help feeling proud that he had succeeded in what had been, seemingly a farfetched aim. There had been a dignity to his Grandfather which had remained despite all of the slander thrown at him and Draco felt finally that he might be able to achieve that.

His happiness and contentment lasted for a day, despite the death of Ollivander. If such a thing had to happen then he was glad that it had happened now, he felt that it would help Harry – Potter to understand.

He started the next day contentedly as well; amazed at the tranquillity his decision had brought him. Breakfast passed quickly and it was only in potions that he first saw Harry. He nodded to him across the classroom a couple of minutes into the lesson expecting a nod in return, or even a smile of understanding. But he didn’t get a smile, instead he watched as Harry’s eyes narrowed into a glare, the glare that he had not seen for a year.

Cold drenched him as the dreadful certainty filled him that Harry hadn’t understood, that he hated him again and that he had caused this and that it had been so easy to do. But he kept on walking, went to his bench and methodically started to set up his station as his mind whirled with confusion. He made his potion mechanically, his eyes too often straying to watch Harry. Harry’s anger was blindly evident as he hacked and flung things into his cauldron. But why? Draco wanted to ask. Why was he angry? He had explained and Harry had seemed to understand!

Snape simply raised one eyebrow in question as Draco handed in his potion. It was wrong Draco knew, but Snape didn’t comment, instead he used Harry’s sample to distract any of the class from noticing Draco’s. He stood by helpless watching Snape bait Harry, he watched resignedly as Harry stormed out of the classroom. Slowly he made his way up to his room, sitting down quietly in front of the window looking out on the beautiful surroundings and trying to understand what had happened.

He felt deeply shocked somehow and the cold inside him hadn’t shifted. He had not seen that glare for almost a year and all of a sudden there it was again, and for a reason that he did not understand. Did Harry hate him now? Was it so easy to do? To make Harry hate him once more, and it pissed him off that the thought made sadness well up inside him. Couldn’t any part of him understand why he had to do it? Why it was necessary for him not to be attracted to men? Surely from that he could understand why Draco needed his space? Apparently not.

He was sorry that Harry was angry, he knew, and couldn’t hide from himself the fact that it was his actions which had caused this situation. But he should have expected this to happen, and in a way it would make it easier. As Blaise had said perhaps he just needed to get it out of his system, he would forget all about it as his duties to his family increase and as he grew up. Yes, that was it. He would just get on with his life from now on. He had NEWTS coming up in a couple of months and after that he would have to take his place in society as the Malfoy heir as well as fight in the war. His life would go back to normal once he was away from Har – Potter.

And that was pretty much what his life did with that dry, boring feeling of inevitability. He worked harder than ever in his classes, he was determined that he would come second only to Hermione in his NEWTS. He started to organise his notes and began his revision. He was relieved to find that his head’s duties were almost non-existent due to the coming exams which left him with more time in which he could work. It also helped that his visits to his father were now monthly instead of weekly.

The final Quidditch match of his Hogwarts career was played, and in spite of their massive loss to Gryffindor in the first term the Slytherin side came a respectable second. They beat Hufflepuff by two hundred and ten points and a massive party was held in the teams’ honour in the common room where the general feeling was of thanks that Draco had been able to turn the team around.

His succession to the title of Lord Malfoy had in no terms harmed his reputation in Slytherin house. Clever Slytherins instantly began to deduce what a strong position in both the political and the business world he would have and were therefore being as nice as possible, all except some of the girls who were big headed enough to think that they could entice him into marrying them. With his influence so strong and his arguments so emphatically made he knew for a certainty that it would be extremely difficult for the Dark Lord to convert the majority of his housemates.

However, along with the title he had also inherited an awful lot of work. The Malfoy finances had been left to themselves for almost a year and Draco’s lawyers were begging him to give them time to go over them. There was also the ceremony of tying the estate and the title to him as well as the process of going through the vaults and records for all the information which it was considered essential that Lord Malfoy should know. Draco was very interested in this information; it was a common practice for Lord Malfoy to keep a diary in which he recorded all sorts of information about his life and the lives of those around him. Draco knew that frequently when his father had been in need of blackmailing material he had turned to these sources. It was therefore essential that he should spend some of the Easter holidays in the manor, visiting his lawyers and Gringots. However, he also had to do some revision, which meant staying in Hogwarts for at least the first week or so of the holiday. He was quite looking forward to it, but to his consternation he found that the regularity of the first week of his holiday only served to get on his nerves. For some reason he found his revision unsatisfying and the relief afforded by his transformations and frequent flying short-lived. He was aware that on some level he wasn’t happy and so he responded by throwing himself into his revision more fully, yet it was, ironically, somewhat of a relief when it was time for him to go to the manor.

* * *

It stood as it always had. The rooms were no dustier and there were no more weeds in the gardens than when he had left. He duly noted that he must congratulate the house elves.

He went through the rooms methodically, a house elf following him and writing down changes that were to be made. Most of the main rooms were fine, or at least they had a certain quality of permanence that was not to be tampered with, but some of the lesser-used rooms would have to be altered. His father’s study, for example would have to be completely re-done. The room was too dark for Draco who wanted one of the sitting rooms on the south side of the house for his study. However he would keep the desk and some of the books. The rest would go, to be replaced with the furniture from the sitting room which he didn’t want. He also asked that his parents things be removed from the master bedroom, seen to as was deemed fit, and for his belongings to replace them. He wanted none of their things, though the jewellery would of course be sent off to Gringots to be gone through later. His mother’s private drawing room was the only room in the house allowed to remain as it was.

All in all he spent a day at the manor before deciding that all the commotion would be too much to allow him any peace at all, let alone enough silence to revise and go through legal documents. With a huff of annoyance he therefore floo’d to the Leaky Cauldron and booked a room for the week.

* * *

The next morning he made his way resignedly to his lawyers’ office.

“Ah! Lord Malfoy!” Gushed a young lawyer as soon as he entered the reception. Draco had to hold back his sigh of annoyance. He had learned to hate sycophants.

“So glad to meet you finally. My name is Justin Gibbs.”

“A pleasure.” Draco answered with a brief smile, shaking his hand.

“Can I get you anything? Coffee? Tea?”

“No its fine thank you.”

“Shall I take your coat? Your bag?” Wheedled the man.

Draco sighed. “No thank you, I’d just like to get this all out of the way as soon as possible.” He looked pointedly around the marble foyer.

“Yes, yes of course! Well if you will just follow me I’ll take you up to Mr Hughes office.”

“And Mr Hughes is?”

“One of the senior partners sir!” Justin answered with a note of distinct surprise that there was anybody on this earth that did not know the famed name of Mr Hughes. “It is he who was in charge of your case, and now your inheritance.”

“Of course.” Draco replied blandly, following the little man up the stairs towards the large doors of Mr Hughes’ office.

Justin knocked once before opening the door.

“Lord Malfoy to see you sir.”

Draco walked into a large, well-proportioned room with a greying man sitting behind a large desk.

“Thank you. That will be all Gibbs. Lord Malfoy, please take a seat.”

* * *

The business was boring and protracted. Firstly his inheritance was gone over in the utmost detail. As well as the main Malfoy estate he had inherited land in France, Italy, and many properties in London which were to be let out. After all that was made clear he then had to sign for everything and then had to apparate back to manor to perform the linking spells that would bind the manor to him for his life and the business of the day was finished.

The following three days were spent going over the Malfoy stock portfolio in mind numbing detail. Every single stock was presented to him along with the history of every single company and the question of whether he wanted to change it. Most he left to their discretion, only adding that they should buy stock in Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes and the Daily Prophet. They then moved onto the companies which he owned or sat on the bored of directors.

It was only once all this was explained that he was taken to the Malfoy offices in Mayfair where they dealt with the day to day running of his affairs.

By the end of the week his head was spinning and he wasn’t entirely sure that his feet were touching the ground. He had known that his family were old and powerful, but never before had he really experienced how much influence and power they really had. It made his head hurt as he walked down a disturbingly empty Diagon Alley to recall which shops he owned, which he had shares in and how much influence he had.

He was quite relieved when the week began drawing to a close, it had all seemed to make the end of Hogwarts that much more real and bring it much closer. It was bizarre to think that he had just hired his personal secretary who would look after everything in his absence, book his appointments, and sent him anything important. She was a capable woman and Draco knew that she would do her job well, but it was so weird to hire someone older than himself.

However the process had shown him something very important. A part inside him winced as he thought how his old self would have reacted to this much wealth and power. He was sure that he would have been greedy, arrogant and bigheaded in the most disgusting of ways and the realisation made him almost glad that things had happened that had forced him to change.

On the second last day before term began he headed down to Gringots with Susan his secretary in toe. There were a series of vaults that belonged to his family which he had to go through. Over the years hundreds of bits of stuff had been placed down there by various Malfoy’s and the Goblins were complaining that it was overflowing.

Accordingly Draco clambered into the cart, Susan behind him. Although he did not show it he had always loved the wild cart rides under the streets of London. When he was younger it had been part of the special treat of being able to go out with his mother and his younger self had always imagined that it must be like flying but just the opposite way up. He grinned childishly and gripped the edges of the cart promising himself that this time he would keep his eyes open to spot the legendary dragons.

Ten minutes later a very windswept Draco got out of the cart and made his way over to the first of a series of five doors.

The Goblins were not exaggerating. They couldn’t even get into the first two rooms to sort them out, but had to enter through the third and work their way through it all. It was a complete maze of things. There was everything from an old set of dining chairs, to portraits, books on the dark arts, chess pieces, torture implements, a perfectly preserved wedding dress and many collections of various different things by various different, obviously bored, ancestors.

At first Draco saw the challenge as very interesting, allowing him to go through generations worth of personal belongings and giving him odd insights into his family. But as he waded through the cabinets, robes, carpets, hot water bottles and chamber pots of passed generations his interest began to flag. He was certain that there were things here which wound astound and amaze him but he just had to get to them. There were many beautiful objects down here, some of which Draco ordered to be taken to the manor for him to go over later. The majority were antiques, the ugly ones of which he ordered to be sold, but there was also a lot of junk. Things evidently kept by his predecessors for sentimental value, battered cribs, hairbrushes and dried flowers. There were also boxes and boxes of correspondence belonging to various relatives which should be gone through.

At the end of the first day they had only managed to get halfway through the first room and Draco was wondering why he had ever looked forward to it.

The second day went quicker. Susan had brought two more people down from the office and Draco had ordered a small possy of house elves to come from the manor to help them sort through everything.

They made much better progress. Draco was pleased when some genuinely beautiful objects were discovered, among which was a collection of beautifully ornate floo boxes some of which still contained traces of dusty powder and a wonderful chess set. That day they managed to get into the second room to one end and the opening of the fifth, although they had not yet cleared out the forth room. It was the second room that Draco had been most interested in seeing as he knew that in it there was the safe, in which the family jewels were held.

The sight that met his eyes when he opened the door was astonishing. Gold, silver and glittering gemstones gleamed at him temptingly. There was everything anyone could desire from ridiculous necklaces which covered the majority of the wearers chest in diamonds to large pendants used for magic, wedding rings, engagement rings, everything. With a satisfied humph Draco fastened the safe door wondering if he would ever use even half of it.

Part of him was annoyed that he wouldn’t be there to help sort everything out and that he wouldn’t be allowed to go through the things in the fifth room. The first four rooms had belonged to the Malfoy’s, but in the fifth room was all of the Black bits and bobs which his mother had brought with her when she married Lucius. At the moment they couldn’t even get beyond the door, but Sam had promised that they would get it all sorted out within the week and that she would send him anything interesting.

Accordingly Draco left and made his way back through Diagon Alley (with only a minimal bit of shopping) to the Leaky Cauldron where he packed up his chest and fell asleep.

* * *

Hogwarts started again with even more panic in the air than there was before. The exams and the rebellion of Knockturn Alley were the only things that people were capable of talking about. Unwittingly Draco mentioned that he had spent a week in and around Diagon Alley and that he had seen nothing untoward. This announcement was greeted with an awed silence and followed up with many whispers of his bravery. It really was quite funny how sycophantic the other students could be.

Draco found himself slipping back into the routine of school very easily. He buried himself under his revision, determined that, in some way, he would prove to the wizarding community his right to be Lord Malfoy. The teachers had reached a fever pitch and the library was filled with students cramming as much information into their heads as they could hold.

He spent almost all day revising and when he was relaxing he was either flying or reading through the masses of diaries and letters written by his relatives. Most of it was completely mundane and he soon learned to distinguish the interesting relatives from the deadly dull ones. However, there were occasional snippets of information about either other members of his family or the people around them which Draco found to be most intriguing. For example the fact that the Parkinson’s had earned their position in society by seducing the Minister for Magic and blackmailing him for almost all his money before completely ruining him. Or that there was some question of his uncles true parentage as he was an alarmingly early, yet perfectly healthy baby. Draco therefore found himself thoroughly looking forward to his evenings so that he could find out more about his family, although he did miss going out in his animagus form. In fact he so surrounded himself with things to do that he hardly had time to think of what was going on around him.

The exam period gradually drew closer and everyone was revising with an unhealthy frenzy. Then all of a sudden the last lessons were being held, there was a spectacular occurrence in potions, and then the NEWTS started and people were filing up, one by one to enter the great hall.

Looking back on it, Draco saw it as a complete flurry of activity, most of which was just a blur of work edged in panic. However, there were moments which he remembered clearly, finishing early in potions and at once feeling terrified that he had missed something and euphoric that that seemed to be it. Almost being late to his transfiguration practical because at the last minute he had thought he had forgotten the spell to change chalk into cheese. And suddenly they were out onto the other side. He put his pen down after the bell went for Arithmancy and felt the most wonderful sense of freedom and relief. The whole of the exam room collectively pored themselves out onto the sun spilled grounds, sat down with their friends and revelled.

That day could never have been forgotten by it was to glorious. During the next two days the rest of the year went through the same process and he watched them languidly from the grass as they did exactly as he had. When every one was finished the whole year was given permission to go into Hogsmede where they sat outside the three broomsticks drinking until much later than the curfew, but for once no one wanted to punish them for it.

But the days that followed didn’t feel the same to Draco. He began to feel that he was missing something and he became morose. He told himself that it was simply sadness that he would be leaving Hogwarts, but that was two weeks off yet. He played keeper in an inter-house friendly Quidditch game between the seventh years and laughed with everyone else when Finnigan dropped the quaffle on Finch-fletchly’s head. But the match only served to sharpen the sense that he had lost something. His world felt mechanical and rehearsed; there was no freshness, no excitement. He had watched Potter dive and swoop birdlike after the snitch and he couldn’t help remember when they had flown together, just the two of them, and how exhilarating it had been. More and more often he found himself withdrawing from his friends in order to spend time reading over his family’s histories, but he didn’t want to let himself think about it. He had to keep busy, that was the key. If he was busy enough he wouldn’t notice his discontent, it had worked for the last couple of months and it should continue to work.

A couple of days later the thing that Draco had secretly been hoping for happened. A large package arrived for him while he was eating his breakfast on a Friday morning. Draco had got used to such packages over the months as they were always from Susan and contained some new box of memories found in a chest or something in one of the rooms. This one was no different except that the small wooden chest it came in was rather beautiful. But as he opened the first of the small set of diaries he felt a burst of jubilation and excitement within him.

They were his grandfather’s diaries.

There in large embossed letters on the fly leaf was the name Haden Oswald Black.

He paid no more heed to his half eaten breakfast but grabbed the box and made his way quickly to his rooms. Once there he flung himself on the bed and hurriedly picked up the first of the small books.

* * *

By midday on Saturday he had finished every single one and he couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed. His grandfather’s life had been so mundane! He only talked about his business transactions, the people he met and what was going on in society. There were quite a few interesting stories about people but there was nothing of what Draco was hoping for, although what that was he didn’t know.

He flung the last book down, strangely disappointed. The diary did tell him lots about his grandfather’s life and certain bits of it, especially those detailing his business transactions were fascinating. And yes, from the diaries he seemed to be quite like Draco remembered. But he felt as though there was something missing, this simply wasn’t the man that he had fashioned himself on! Yes he was powerful, yes he was controlled but apart from the odd interesting bit the diaries were so humdrum. He seemed to lack passion for his day-to-day life, but his memories of his grandfather had always been filled with the feeling of masses of power being restrained and held back by that slender form. This was simply a series of books about a man who communicated none of his deeper feelings.

He couldn’t help but feel betrayed by him. How could he not have been everything that Draco remembered! Impassioned for no reason he could put his finger on he flung the beautiful chest off the bed and watched it crash to the floor spitting out the small, insignificant diaries. But as he watched them spread themselves over the floor he saw several sheets of parchment float free as well.

Surprised, he picked up the small chest and brought it, and the papers back to his bed. The fake bottom had been shifted by the fall, allowing some of the parchment bellow it to escape.

With renewed interest Draco sorted them into order by the dates in the top right hand corners. There were not many of them and on the front page were the words:

The Alternate Diaries of Haden Oswald Black

And below:

I realise that it would be inappropriate to place certain things in my normal diary, after all that one is simply a collection of my life as I would like others to see it so that the biographers don’t have to go hunting for material. Instead they will be thankful that I made it easy for them by writing everything down and they will not go ferreting around in my business. This I keep for myself.

With trembling fingers and a great deal of interest Draco began to read.

16th June 1950
The night before my wedding
I couldn’t sleep so I decided to write instead. I don’t know why I’m dreading it so much, Prewitt is married and he keeps on telling me how wonderful it is. It might just be that I didn’t expect it to happen so soon. I am only twenty one and she is seventeen! But I knew it would happen eventually so I don’t know why it’s bothering me so much. Granted I wish I knew her better, or indeed at all, but we can’t all be lucky. I can see it’s a good match, and she is very beautiful – I know that some of my friends are jealous. But...I’m not looking forward to it and I don’t know why. It bothers me.
Enough! I am being silly. I should get some sleep and prepare for tomorrow. Besides marriage isn’t final, if I don’t like her I just get a mistress and we stay at opposite ends of the house, its simple.

*
25th November1950
I have just been voted onto the Wizardgamot. Everyone is very happy, Sophie can barely control her excitement and her constant questions are annoying me. It is a prestigious position and it will allow me certain insights into the working of the ministry. My younger brother Edmund is horribly envious of it, as it will give me even greater political persuasion which he lacks.

*
30th March 1952
Father died suddenly last night. We suspect that he was poisoned, but no one really minds much except his mistress. Of course there will be a public ceremony, but no one will really miss him. It is interesting to see how quickly people are beginning to pay more heed to me. I have hired various people to look into his death and if I discover that the Perkis’s were behind this then they will regret it.
I had an enormous argument with my wife about nothing in particular and she said something very strange, she said that I did not care for her at all, that I never had and that I pay her no attention. I answered coolly that I did all that I cared to do. But nevertheless it has left me shaken.

*
25th April 1952
Oh! How ironic it is to read what I wrote barely a month ago! Now of course I understand why she said what she did, and I realise that she was right. I don’t care for her, I can’t. I know that others would kill to be in my position, I’m frequently told how lucky I am and I don’t care! Damn it! I should have realised before!
But there is nothing to do now. It is simple, I was married off too early, before I really knew myself.

*
10th September 1958
I am a father. Sophie delivered a beautiful healthy girl today. Of course there is great disappointment that it is not a male heir and it means that neither she nor I are off the hook yet, but I cannot help but be delighted with little Bella.

*
10th September 1960
It is Bella’s second birthday today. I had not realised how much she had grown, I have been away much over the passed year visiting various countries both inside and outside Europe. The party was very elegant, I really cannot fault my wife for her social skills, even when she is heavily pregnant she still manages to play the part of perfect hostess. I am not enjoying being home at present and I will be going off to South Africa soon. I have yet to tell Sophie.

*
15th December 1960
Another girl. Andromeda this time, very different looking from Bella but sweet in her own way. I am interrupted, I must put down my quill to be congratulated – and my wife wonders why I don’t enjoy being a father more!

*
16th May 1961
I hardly know what to think, or even if I should write this down. But I have to get it out somehow or I shall feel as though I shall burst! The biggest thing in my life has begun!
I have been repressing it for so many years now that I hardly notice anymore, but on Wednesday the best thing of my life happened. I was taken to the Ballet and I watched captivated, the show was really not that brilliant, but the lead…How can I describe him? It is impossible! I only need to remember that I watched enthralled and was no longer able to deny myself.
I have never been a shy person, but as I waited backstage for him to emerge my hands were shaking and there was sweat dripping down the back of my neck. Then suddenly he was there, still as beautiful as before, and I was congratulating him, feeling every one of his pleased smiles warm me. I took him to dinner, fed him fine food and wine, the best indeed. But I didn’t know what do to, how to make my feelings clear, or if I was safe to do so, so we parted and I went home in a fog of disappointment.
I watched the show for the following two nights, following every graceful shift and movement he made. At one point his eyes fell directly on me and I will never forget that feeling that he was dancing, that he was so graceful, for me. I met him backstage and took him out to dinner as before. On Thursday nothing happened and we parted again, but last night! Last night! His hand slid across the table to land over mine and my pulse pounded. ‘Are we going to continue to do this?’ he asked, ‘you meeting me after every performance to congratulate me? Because people are going to start to notice.’ ‘What else would we do,’ I asked and he laughed. His knee brushed against mine under the table. ‘Walk me home and find out,’ he whispered. I paid the bill and found myself in his small flat in south London.
I could not have denied myself him even had I wanted to. Last night was perfect and I am in a euphoria because of it, because of him. I am to meet him there tonight and I tremble with excitement. It is like nothing I have ever known.

*
30th October 1961
Life continues on but differently from before. My time is now divided between my family and Antoine. My life at home is dull and boring, I read a lot and try to avoid the children and Sophie as much as possible, especially as she is pregnant again and has entered that grumpy phase. I don’t really see them that much to be honest, its probably better this way as it means that Sophie and I remain on good terms. I spend as many nights as possible with Antoine and on several occasions I have taken him on weeklong business trips. Those are the times I live for, the rest of my life feels like a denial. I know I risk everything for, but I could not dream of going on otherwise, we are careful.

*
14th February 1962
I have yet another daughter Narcissa. She is quite the most beautiful baby I have seen. Again I am going through the whirl of congratulations when all I really want to do is escape it. I also have to apologies to Antoine as the birth rather ruined our plans for Valentines Day.

*
February 1966
Antoine and I have had an argument. I don’t think that it can be undone and I am desolate. The girls are growing up and Sophie has mercifully declared that she will have no more children.

*
21st August 1966
My Mother died yesterday. Of course we’ve been expecting it for some time but it doesn’t make it any pleasanter. Sophie is distraught and the girls don’t really understand why they have to wear black. Edmund is as uncaring as ever, he always was fonder of father but his lack of emotion has served to increase the wedge between us.
I hate the whole process, going through the condolences with my toast every morning just wishing I had someone to lean on. There was a brief note of sympathy from Antoine but that made everything worse.

*
3rd October 1968
I have begun again, properly this time. No more of those casual flings for me. His name is Joseph and he works as a clerk in the ministry. It is not so impassioned as it was with Antoine, but it fills me with a warmth which I seem to carry with me everywhere.

*
1st August 1969
Bella got her Hogwarts letter today. Sophie is beside herself with pride of course. She shouted at me a good deal when I said that it was no less than I expected. I must confess that I do not care for Bella. She is Sophie’s favourite and in my opinion it has spoiled her, she is not a pleasant child. She gets on with Sissa well enough, but then everyone does – she is cruel to Andromeda.

*
3rd October 1969
It is our first year anniversary today and Joseph and I celebrated accordingly. I am really beginning to feel that he means more to me than Antoine ever did. He is quiet and sweet, but then he will say something utterly surprising which will keep me laughing for days.

*
1st September 1971
Andromeda is off to Hogwarts, I really think I am going to miss her. Sissa is now left at home with no siblings. I think it will be good for her and I intend to spend some time with her, she really is a most engaging child.

*
2nd September 1971
Quite out of the blue Andromeda has been sorted into Ravenclaw. Most extraordinary! Unfortunately it means that the whole family is now whispering about it behind our backs. To be honest I don’t mind. Joseph was a Ravenclaw and it is infinitely better than Sirius who was sorted into Gryffindor. Edmund was furious with the boy, a fact that has greatly increased my respect for Sirius.

*

1st September 1973
We dropped Sissa off at Kings Cross this morning, I’m really going to miss her.

*
20th July 1974
Sirius, my nephew seems to have run away from his family. It is very shocking and my brother is beside himself with anger but I am quite glad, it takes the focus of Andromeda and her oddities.
*
1st January 1975
It is strange, I can begin to feel myself getting old. Sophie has started dying her hair and Joseph is beginning to get laughter lines forming around his mouth. I try to convince him that they are a good thing and only serve to make him more handsom while refusing to comment on how deeply my own are entrenched.

*
13th March 1975
Sophie has started making plans for Bella’s marriage, I have told her that I consider it to be too early for her, that young people should be older when they marry. She answered that it worked fine for us and that it would do for our children. Some days I wonder if she is blind.

*
5th July 1975
Sirius seems to have started a trend. Andromeda disappeared this morning. I found a polite note on my desk explaining the fact that she couldn’t stand Sophie and Bella for a second longer, she’s marrying a muggle born and she wished she and I could have spent more time together. She is probably right but how are you meant to love your children when their existence is the fruit of a life that you hate? Still it is my fault. I should have handled everything better. Of course when I tell this to Joseph he tells me that it is unfortunate, but it is the way it is and I can’t change it. For some reason that makes me smile.
*
17th June 1976
Bella is married. The Lestranges are a good enough family and everyone seems happy. I just wish it hadn’t been so early. Joseph helped me to write my speech which I found very ironic.
*
3rd October 1978
It is mine and Joseph’s tenth year anniversary today. I can hardly believe it has been ten years! I am surprising him with a holiday to Vienna, of course he has already guessed but it doesn’t matter.
Sophie is terribly excited due to a rumour that Lucius Malfoy has started courting Sissa. If he has it is a very good match and highly to be desired, but I wouldn’t want Sissa to rush, she is by far the dearest to me of my children.

*
29th of March 1979
It is all decided, Sissa and Lucius are to Marry once she has finished Hogwarts. She and Sophie are already enthusing over wedding dresses. But we can’t seem to get hold of Bella to tell her the news.
I don’t like the political climate at the moment. As I’ve got older I’ve stopped paying such attention to what’s going on but there’s something happening at the moment which I distrust, everyone seems to be whispering about Lord Voldemort. I find his name inauspicious, flight of death, it doesn’t bode well.

*
15th August 1979
Sissa’s married.

*
June 1980
It is official, I am old. Sissa delivered a healthy baby boy this morning. Joseph sent his condolences.

*

He-who-must-not-be-named has fallen! Although among the rest of my family there are dark rumblings I am relieved. I like our system of government, it is corrupt and can therefore be controlled by those that have the skill and knowledge. With the ‘dark lord’ this would not have been possible.
As it is I am afraid my family’s position is suffering. It was stupid and selfish of Bella to get caught up in it! Lucius of course has managed to get himself off the hook, but we are viewed with suspicion. Of course my wife is devastated, we are effectively thrown out of society, but I don’t really mind. I get to renounce the political game decidedly, live peacefully and spend more time with Joseph. When my wife in a fit of hysterics demanded what she was to do with herself now, I replied that I’m sure she could find something and if not she could always have an affair, as that was what I intended to do. The look on her face was comic and when I relayed it to Joseph he laughed so hard he fell off the bed.

*
28th August 1984
It appears my wife took my advice, she seems a lot happier now. Looking back over this I realise that I have been very lax about dating the entries, there was too much going on at the time and now, thankfully, I have forgotten.
Joseph and I spend as much time as possible with each other now. It is his birthday in a month and I can’t decide what to get him.

*
15th November 1985
I have been diagnosed with some sort of illness or other. To be honest I stopped listening as soon as the Mediwitch started warbling on about what I should and shouldn’t do. I don’t know how to break it to Joseph.

*
20th May 1989
I have been getting iller and iller over the passed year. I ache when I move, I groan when I sit down and I seem to sleep for large portions of the day. Joseph is as supporting and as enthusiastic as he can be. The good thing is that we have moved down to the house in France so that I can be in a warmer climate. It means we have our peace, but we don’t know how long it is going to last for.
I have written my will and given Joseph all that I could. There simply remain a few things to be said in this. I do not regret any of my choices. Joseph has become a part of who I am and I cannot imagine my life without him. If these are ever found I would like the reader to see them with a more forgiving nature than is used at the moment.
I have removed some of these entries, as when I looked back on them they no longer seemed at all important. I have left these as they leave an imprint of me, I suppose it is just vanity, but Joseph seems to support it so it has been done.

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Author’s note: Yay! I’m glad I’ve finally got around to posting that one – sorry about the delay, I needed to check over the dates (if anyone can spot any inconsistencies with canon then please tell me!). I hope you like and enjoy…couple more chapters to go. As ever, thanks so much to everyone who keeps reading and reviewing this story! Special thanks goes out to: Jesse (I’m terribly sorry I distract you from your life…and I might take you up on that offer :D), as ever Draven Wolfe (tehehehe – good luck taking over the world), Christina, Ayla Rouge, Krystle, Stef and Potter’s wifey. Thank you everyone! (Christ! I feel like I’ve won an Oscar!)and I'd *sob* like to thank god and *sob* my parents and *sob* all you wonderful people out there!