What Shakes The Elephant

What Shakes The Elephant

Chapter 41 – Did I Say That I Loathe You?

Draco was lying flat on his back with his hands over his face, staring through his fingers at the canopy of trees above him. The breeze caressed his bare skin gently and caused goose pimples to rise on his flesh. He didn’t feel the breeze though. All he felt was the pounding in his head that mirrored the ticking of his heart and the pain that stemmed from both. He did not like any of this.

How was it possible that Harry and he were featured in a children’s story? Even more pressing, how had anyone (let alone the Beedle Bard) foreseen this specific event and what would happen? Why would anyone care to document the details of something so simple anyway? They were just looking for Phoenix tears.

Draco bit back a growl and grabbed at the skin on his face, pulling it oddly from the bone as he silently vented his frustration. Realizing that it might actually damage his features, he quickly ceased and dropped his hands at his sides.

“Look, I don’t like this either,” Harry huffed, curling himself around his bent knees to pluck at some of the grass around the blanket. There was a hardness in his voice that Draco had never heard before and his eyes were distant. “I’ve lived my entire life with the knowledge that my future was already outlined for me. Nineteen years ago I thought I’d finally escaped that, though clearly I was wrong.”

Draco glanced at him and wondered just how far the boundaries of what still remained a mystery to him stretched in relation to Harry Potter. It irked him to think that he would never know Harry as well as Weasley or Granger did… that he would never fully be privy to that mythical world that surrounded everything Potter.

But that’s what he had agreed to hadn’t he? He would push himself away from Harry to save them both the pain and misery. A Malfoy and a Potter could never be friends without dire consequences. The whole world was on the verse of collapse by the simple thought of it, Draco knew.

His heart pined a slow song that hit the lowest notes in the Phoenix’s melody and he sat up. They needed to get it over with, no matter how uncomfortable.

“And what are we to do precisely?” he sneered softly, using every fiber of his being to stop from looking at Harry. He knew that he would feel that insatiable impulse to hold him again and Draco simply could not have that.

Harry rocked back and forth for a moment, pushing his glasses back up his nose as he stared off into the distance of the grass, skillfully evading the sight of Draco. The wind picked up and caught Harry off-balance, tipping him sideways so that he brushed against Draco’s naked form and the both of them shivered from the encounter. Draco looked away as though nothing had happened but he could scarcely deny the thoughts and feelings rushing through him anymore.

Who was he trying to fool at this point?

“We need to reconcile,” Harry finally whispered, his words carrying on the wind and settling in Draco’s ear.

The blond shivered again and glanced around the little grove as though afraid he was being watched. There was something eerie about the region and he did not appreciate it.

“Reconcile what, precisely?” he asked, his voice edgy because of his paranoia. “You and I aren’t at each other’s throats anymore. We’ve forged some kind of friendship after years of rivalry. Isn’t that reconciliation enough?”

He asked the question but already knew the answer that was locked away inside his heart. He would not accept it. Accepting it would mean that he was opening himself up to the pain that was knocking on his door and he was not prepared to do that. He’d already made the mistake of letting it in once.

“Apparently not,” Harry sighed glancing over at him. He sucked on his lower lip and Draco found himself staring, though he couldn’t remember actually having turned to look at the other man. “I suppose there are still things we haven’t forgiven each other for.”

Draco snorted. He knew that. There were enough skeletons in their respective closets to fill a war memorial. Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy had more history between them than the whole of Europe could document in a museum.

“Right,” he agreed sarcastically. “For instance, I’ve never forgiven you for being a right prat back in school.”

Harry’s jaw dropped in feigned horror. Draco felt a spark of anger flash inside of him, though he couldn’t identify the cause. Their eyes met again and the spark grew.

“If I was a prat,” Harry began mildly strained in his speech. The air had changed and the atmosphere grew tense. Draco could sense the crackling on the air as the spark inside of him set his emotions alight. “It was only in response to your antics. You were a foul git back at school. Always on my bloody case and trying to get me into trouble. Arrogant little sod.”

Draco snarled and the figurative flames began to consume him.

“You think I was arrogant?” Draco snapped back, sitting up straighter. “You were Harry Potter, Boy Who Lived and Beloved Hero. You could do no wrong and you knew it. Even when everything was against you, you had support. The world would never forsake you for longer than it took to say Lord Voldemort before running back to kiss your feet.” Draco pulled a face and looked away. “Made my life a living hell, in any case.”

Harry snorted in disdain and shook his head. He looked about on the verge of laughter despite the angry look on his face. The air grew denser and everything was hot. The wind had stopped and the Phoenixes had ceased their song.

“Forgive me if saving your arse from Voldemort made life a little bit rougher for you, Malfoy,” Harry shot back venomously. “How many times have I saved that pampered backside of yours? Should I really count them?”

Draco turned to face Harry, his lip curled and his eyes like steel. He would NOT have something like that thrown in his face.

“My, my,” he said in false surprise. “Always the humble hero, aren’t we, Potter? I bet your fans love that image. Pure, honest and modest Harry Potter.” He sounded savage and unlike himself but Draco did not care. “Would they care to hear about the times you used Unforgivable curses just to satisfy your taste for revenge? Or that you dabbled in the Dark Arts?”

The tension between them at this point was tough as iron and not so easily broken. Draco’s heart beat faster and faster, pumping blood through his veins and causing him to surge with a pain he’d never felt before. Harry’s eyes were flat and piercing, his mouth down-turned in hurt.

“What about your use of the Imperius curse on an innocent bystander?” he retaliated with acid in his tone. “Or how you poisoned two innocent people in your attempted murder? What about the fact that you had a hand in the murder of the greatest wizard of all time? Or that you are nothing but a common Death Eater?”

Draco’s eyes widened and his pupils contracted. He felt as though a bucket of ice-water had been thrown on him while he was simultaneously injected with Basilisk venom. The poison of the words coursed through him so slowly that he felt himself dissolve under the power of them.

“I was never a Death Eater!” he cried back in anger. “I did the only thing I could do: obey. But you wouldn’t have a clue what that’s like would you, Potter? Harry Potter is always above the rules. You never got sent to trial for the crimes you committed. You never faced any kind of consequence for your actions. I DID. I faced my trial again and again and I came out acquitted.” Draco leaned forward and hissed the last bit at Harry. “My slate is clean, Potter. Can you say the same for yourself?”

Harry’s eyes were hard as stone and his mouth parted slightly. The dark brows knitted over his eyes and he pulled back, unable to respond. Whether it was out of hurt or out of embarrassment, Draco could not tell. The only thing he knew of was that his heart stung against his chest and he was blinded by rage.

“We need to stop this,” Harry said finally, his voice soft and ragged. “We aren’t accomplishing anything positive. We’re supposed to be reconciling, not fighting.”

Draco exhaled slowly, letting all the air that he had trapped in his lungs escape. It took much of his anger along with it and he began regretting the things he had said to Harry.

“Fine,” he said sternly. “But we need to identify what it is that has remained an unspoken plague between us if we are to forgive one another.”

Harry nodded absently and ran his hand through his hair. He turned back to Draco.

“I think I’ve said enough terrible things,” he answered, his tone much softer and his words full of regret. “I know that everything that happened during the war was a result of the madness. So many people that I loved did things that I would never have expected.” He paused and shut his eyes for a moment. “And I, myself, did many things that I am not proud of. But all those things were done for what I thought was right. You acted on the idea that your actions would save your family. I acted on the idea that I was saving more people than were dying. Neither is justification, but it makes it understandable.” He paused. “Do you have anything else to say to me?”

Draco deflated. That was the only expression that could aptly describe the sensation he felt as the anger subsided and concern filled him once more.

“I just want to know,” he said in a voice so small it did not suit him. “Why you rejected me in first year.” He looked up and saw Harry open his mouth to speak but cut him off. “I know the part about my having insulted your friend and then the incident with Weasley and all that,” he paused and looked up. “But you and I both know that you had decided against being my friend long before Ronald Weasley was involved. Even before Hagrid was mentioned. I want to know why.”

Draco had clearly caught Harry off-guard. He paused to shut his gaping mouth and consider the question more fully. The usual practiced response would simply not do. The longer he took to think about it, the more Draco realized that he didn’t really have a valid reason for it… at least not a conscious one.

“I…” Harry began lamely, unable to put more words together. He sighed and looked back up at Draco thoughtfully. “You are right… I did decide early that I did not want to befriend you.” He looked away. “I guess… it was because you made me feel stupid.”

Draco was not expecting that. He blinked and cocked his head to the side.

“I what?” he asked foolishly. Harry flushed a soft pink.

“You were the first wizard my own age that I met,” Harry explained quietly. “And you started immediately by talking about the Hogwarts houses and broomsticks and wands and all sorts of things that I hadn’t even dreamt of.” Harry looked back at Draco. “You were intimidating in the strangest sense. I didn’t like that you knew all these things and I did not. I felt stupid and inadequate.” Draco leaned back in muted shock. He didn’t know how to react to that. Harry’s eyes drew him in like magnets to his metal heart and he felt himself falter. “I’m sorry.”

The words hit him hard. They broke right through any façade or wall that Draco had ever conceived and soared straight at his soul, tearing him to shreds. He felt horrible and a storm that had been brewing for years inside of him finally broke. How was he to answer that?

“You’re sorry…” he repeated to try and anchor the words. No one apologized to Draco. Not for things like that. There were muttered apologies mentioned in passing and always empty of vow. There were words that were uttered under the regret of the moment but without the supporting intention. Hollow answers to questions that should never be asked… never true apologies for wrongs long since done.

“I’m sorry for judging you so quickly,” he elaborated quietly. “For treating you like a Death Eater, for never having given you a proper chance. I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you and for the ways I have wronged you. I’m sorry for casting Sectumsempra at you and giving you those scars, for nearly taking your life when you needed help the most. I’m sorry for always thinking the worst of you and for being so ungrateful. I’m sorry for all the things I’ve done that I should not have.”

Harry was so earnest in his speech that Draco could not hold his gaze. He looked away. Someone spoke from within him.

“I’m sorry too,” he whispered though he wasn’t sure he was moving his lips. “I’m sorry for causing you so much trouble, for insulting you and your friends. I’m sorry for betraying you. I’m sorry for having been weak, unable to resist Voldemort. I’m sorry for having almost killed Katie Bell and Ron Weasley. I’m sorry for the part I played in Dumbledore’s death, as well as the advancement of the war. I’m sorry for having deceived you, for having used Dark Magic. I’m sorry.”

Harry nodded solemnly and they both turned to look away into the distance. The silence was not a comfortable one as it fell around them and they considered the offerings they had each made to one another. Draco did not feel much better for his apology, but he did not feel worse. He felt vulnerable.

He felt as though he was an emotional wreck, dragged through every extreme feeling he could think of in such a short time, his body was suffering the consequences. He felt weathered and lifeless.

They both looked up at the trees, suddenly remembering the Phoenixes but they sat still on their perches and did not tempt to move. No tears were shed and no song was sung.

“I’m glad we did that,” Draco muttered sarcastically. “Now we both feel like shite and it hasn’t even accomplished anything.”

Harry gave a small chuckle and glanced at the blond. They shared a look and the pain in Draco’s heart returned. He looked away again. This was simply too much.

The silence fell again and Draco began to get the impression that the Phoenixes were leering at them from the trees. Watching, as they were, waiting for something to break between the two men and relishing in every moment of their anguish. Draco groaned inwardly and shifted his legs.

“There’s still the other parchment that Luna left us,” Harry offered quietly. He picked up a sheaf of parchment from the bag and began to flip through it. Draco longed to turn around and look with him but decided it best not to. His heart was aching in more ways than one and he needed to take the time to calm himself. “Oh…”

Draco perked up at the sudden sound that Harry made. It was not encouraging in nature and offered little explanation for its gloom. Draco reluctantly turned to see Harry peering unpleasantly at the piece of parchment that he held.

“Well out with it,” Draco urged him impatiently. “What does it say??”

Harry looked up at him with an incomprehensible expression before slowly gazing back down at the words. As far as Draco could tell, the other pieces of parchment were adorned with diagrams and details on Phoenix anatomy and typical behaviour.

“Phoenixes cry for only two reasons,” Harry began to read, the timbre in his voice foreboding. Draco pricked his ears and gave him his full attention. “In the true nature of pure legendary beasts, these birds are moved most powerfully by the two driving forces of existence: Death and Love.” Draco’s blood chilled and suddenly Harry’s voice became more of an echo than a present tone inside his ears. “Just as their song is designed to inspire courage into the hearts of the noble and fear into the hearts of the villainous; their tears serve a similar purpose.

“Phoenix tears have long been known for their incredible healing powers. They remain the only fixed antidote to Basilisk venom, Acromantula poison and many other deadly potions and poisons that our world has known. They can bring a soul back from the brink of death without the terrible side-effects of Unicorn blood.

“Phoenixes cry, then, for Death. They weep upon the broken bodies of noble and worthy soldiers, to stave off the insatiable god who would seek to take their souls. They will offer salvation to those of kind heart and charitable nature. But, this is not the only kind of deliverance they can give.

“Love is an incomprehensible thing, even now in the most advanced of wizarding societies. It is regarded as both a blessing and a curse upon the hearts of men that cannot bear the pain of it. Thus, Phoenixes cry for Love. They weep for the souls of mortals who cannot give themselves to Love for the fears that mar their pasts. They shed their tears as a means to assuage the fears and doubts of the past, to heal the wounds that are invisible to the eye. They cry to unburden lovers of their pasts and give them a new chance at happiness.

“Rarely have Phoenixes been observed crying for Love. Many wizards who have long since studied these creatures have mistaken their sobbing for the bird’s personal plight and dismissed the idea. Yet documented accounts have offered other evidence and this is the only conclusion that can be drawn.

“Phoenixes cry for salvation from Death and to offer an absolved soul new Love. However, just as the cry of the Phoenix can energize a warrior to march into battle and thus to his death, one must be weary of the repercussions that unknowingly follow a Phoenix’s offer of deliverance.”

Harry and Draco were both breathing heavily with ragged jets of air and uneven tones. Harry was staring resolutely at the parchment, his eyes staring straight through it in hopes of divulging a third secret that might save them from the obvious course they had to take.

Draco was not looking at him, mind. He was staring straight ahead and willing every muscle in his body to fight against the urge he had to collapse. The pain that trickled through his veins slowly became unbearable, the tension on the air only multiplying the feeling. He sought with all urgency to break that tension.

“Well,” he sighed as offhandedly as possible. He leaned back against the blanket once more and put up a bemused smirk. “I suppose we could try to kill each other.”

Harry relaxed and welcomed the jest, snorting softly and shaking his head. He turned to Draco and rolled his eyes.

“Yes, that would be a great move in favour of reconciliation,” he sneered back. “Me murdering you would definitely prove that we’ve moved on from our past rivalry.”

Draco flared his nostrils and grimaced, glaring at Harry as the other man avoided his gaze.

“Who said anything about me being the sacrifice?” he hissed back seductively. “I would be the one to kill you.” Draco sat up and gave Harry a malevolent grin. “No living creature could, in good conscience, let the great Harry Potter die, you see.”

Harry’s face fell and he looked away, wrapping his arms around his knees. Something had descended upon him and Draco felt his heart drop to his stomach as it did. The grove was too intensely magical for him. It amplified his emotions and sensations. It took the slightest rush of air and turned it into a hurricane. Draco swallowed hard.

“You don’t really believe that do you?” Harry asked him with spite in his tone. “Have you ever really believed that?” His eyes were distant and he looked out at the water with mingled anger and disappointment. “I thought you knew better… of everyone, you should know better. I was always treated better than I should have been and I know that. People treated me like some kind of messiah yet all the while they burdened me with tasks that were far too great for me alone.” As he spoke, his voice descended into sadness. “I’m not a flawless person and I never have been. You just said so yourself. Look at all the things I’ve done and never had to pay a price apart from my own conscience. Anytime I’ve come close to paying some kind of penance, the cause is stolen away from me.” He looked back up at the sky. Perhaps Harry needed to reconcile with himself. “I’m not even as loyal as I want or pretend to be. I’ve betrayed my wife and, what’s worse, I wanted to do it again.” He shut his eyes but then turned to Draco briefly, his green orbs wrought with his own madness. “I’m tainted with desire and maybe something even stronger… There’s nothing ‘great’ about me.”

Draco’s words were stolen from him. The pain of his heart beat into his ears and he unknowingly shifted closer as Harry looked away from him again. The drag that demanded he close the distance between himself and Harry was too strong. He could not fight it now, no matter how much a part of his screeched in protest.

The silence was almost deafening until he heard the soft and light melody penetrate his ears. The pink Phoenix had begun to sing a bright and careful song. Draco felt his heart calm slightly and the magnetic pull draw him nearer. Soon the orange bird joined in the song, followers by the red one and so on. Soon all seven Phoenixes had created a deep melody that filled Draco down to his core and urge him forward.

His eyes rested on the scar on Harry’s chest and, much like before, it demanded his attention. The walls around his heart finally crumbled and left him vulnerable and open. Something took hold of him and he leaned in to press his lips to the soft shape of the mark, his hands sliding up around Harry.

The dark-haired man gasped softly and jerked around to look Draco in the eyes. Their gazes met and Harry’s eyes were filled with worry and regret. He opened his mouth to tell Draco to stop but the blond did not give him the option. Draco pressed their lips together and ran his soft hands up Harry’s back to angle his head upward.

Their lips part and Harry allows Draco entrance into his mouth, their tongues laving over one another, blood coursing through Draco’s body like fire. He felt right and he felt so infinitely good.

Harry pulled away from him, however. They searched one another’s eyes in questioning and the fears that Harry had from the last time they had kissed overwhelmed both of them. Draco closed his eyes and leaned his forehead to Harry’s, holding the other man’s head in place and running his thumbs over his cheeks.

“Harry, I…” he began, his courage failing him. The Phoenix song amplified and rang in his ears. This was it. No matter what happened after this moment, this needed to be said. “I don’t know for sure… I can’t know… I’ve never felt this way before but… I love you… I’m sorry, but I love you.”

There was no help for it. Draco had finally consented to bearing his soul to another. He had never felt anything close to this before. He loved his family, he adored his son, but never this kind of love. Hydra had never taken from him more than mild interest and even then it was a stretch. Harry had always demanded all and the best of him. Each time they had ever met he had felt the pull and he would no longer ignore it.

Maybe it wasn’t love in the strictest sense of the word, but that’s all Draco knew. He didn’t speak the words of his own accord; the music that possessed him had brought the words forward and shaped his lips to make the words. He couldn’t fight that.

Harry’s face did not elate in the manner Draco would have wanted. His brows knit over his eyes and his mouth was down-turned. His eyes were glassy from unshed tears and Draco felt that, in that moment, he saw Harry at his lowest. His own heart sank and shrank away from the sight. This was going to be the end.

“Draco…” Harry whispered before succumbing to the emotions that raged within him. He was crying now and Draco felt he knew why. He was crying for his feelings, for his lost wife and for his family. He was crying for everything that Draco’s words had meant and now the blond regretted it more than he thought he would.

He turned away briefly and forgot about everything that surrounded them. He did not expect it to hurt this much. He had been expecting rejection and yet, somehow, the actual experience was ten times more painful.

There was, suddenly, a weight on the blanket next to them. Draco looked over and saw the pink Phoenix standing in between them. Its eyes were round like disks and held infinite depths. It bowed its head down to the both of them and thick pearly tears dripped slowly from its face. It cried over Harry and the little droplets dissolved on his skin.

Harry’s sobs slowed and stopped and the other birds joined their kin on the ground. They cried around the two of them and as their tears dropped onto the blanket, some kind of magic collected them and filled a vial off to the side with the liquid.

As they wept they cooed a soothing song that pulled all the fear and sadness from the men, leaving them liberated of their demons. Finally, once Harry’s eyes were dry and his breathing had calmed down, they ceased to weep. Draco looked up and into Harry’s eyes. They met for a moment of calm before the seven birds rose into the air and flew towards one another.

In a blinding flash of flame they disappeared and formed into a much larger golden Phoenix.

“Fawkes,” Harry whispered as he gazed upon the new Phoenix. Draco found no words at all. It was glorious in its appearance.

The bird cried out a happy note and nodded to the both of them before catching fire once more and dissolving into ash that was carried away on the wind. It was gone and gone for good.

“I’m sorry, Harry,” Draco found himself saying suddenly as his eyes lingered on that spot of the sky. He opened his mouth to say something more (though he did not have advance knowledge as to what that was) but was cut short.

Harry’s hand had come around his neck and pulled him into a deep and demanding kiss.

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A/N: Wow long chapter… well compared to the other ones lol. This chapter is very important to me. I feel like they needed to go through that emotional roller-coaster. They will both be better for it, though I don’t promise that the angst is gone forever. It can’t be really; this damn story is going to be endless haha.

Hope you’re up for it!

In any case, again, I took liberties with the Phoenixes and needed to get them both to come to terms with how they feel. They needed some added push so I gave it to them. Now, how many of you can guess what’s to come?

There are still things that need to be explained on Draco’s part, and other people as well. I will get to that. I hope you enjoyed this insane chapter! I will have more up tomorrow (as I have a late class tonight and it sucks, yes).

I also need to say that the founding idea for them being naked stems from my best friend and muse. She, in her insanity, suggested that they be naked for this scene though it might have been a joke. Somehow, that brought life to the rest of the madness that explained the Phoenixes and Beedle Bard story. Yeah. How did I manage to link that? I’ve no clue. Ah well.

Love to all who have reviewed and read! Thank you so much!