Saving your life

The dreams had returned that night, but this time they were different. She was in the woods, following someone who wouldn’t stop and wait for her when she tripped. She was annoyed by that, but didn’t say anything. They suddenly stopped, and she looked up at what looked like a run down old house, just about to fall to pieces.

Everything around her changed after a few moments, and she found herself inside what looked like a manor. Somehow, she knew it was the same house.

She was looking for someone, for a man. She hadn’t seen him in days, and was worried. She had searched the entire place, before she heard something break upstairs. She ran to where she thought the sound had come from, and found him, the man she had been looking for, lying on the floor, covered in blood.

She moved closer to him, but the image was still a bit blurry. She took another step and kneeled down by his side, narrowing her eyes; as if that would help her see, help her recognize him.

“Hermione,” a voice said, far away. The room went darker, and she grasped the man’s shoulder with both hands. She just needed another second, just one more second and she would know, she would remember him.

“Hermione,” the voice repeated, more insistently, and she felt the man vanish into thin air. She groaned loudly as the rest of the room went black, and then her eyes fluttered open.

“Hermione, wake up,” Ginny insisted. The sun was up, but she had no idea what time it was. “Lunch is ready.”

“Lunch?” she asked, sitting up.

“Yes. Mum wanted you to get some more rest, but says you need to eat too, so you’ll get your strength back.”

“I’m not hungry,” she muttered, upset they had chosen that precise moment to wake her up.

“She’ll drag you downstairs herself if you stay here, you know it,” she warned her, as she walked back out of the room.

She quickly got dressed and went to the kitchen, but was back out in less than half an hour, having barely eaten and claiming she wasn’t feeling well. She knew that excuse would stop working soon, but until then, she would make full use of it.

She spent the rest of the day in her bedroom, not even leaving for dinner, just trying to remember what he looked like, and trying to see him again. It was no use, she realized, as night fell. She would have to do something different, more drastic.

Once more, she waited until everyone had gone to bed before sneaking out. She had taken Harry’s Invisibility Cloak that afternoon, while he had been in the garden with Ron, and used it to cover herself as she crept down the stairs and out of headquarters.

That image, above all others, had been haunting her all day; the old house in the woods. Many things had happened in there, and she wanted to know, to remember. She had that image so engraved in her mind, and was so focus on what she wanted; it only took her two attempts to Apparate there.

She opened her eyes and sighed in relief when she found herself standing in front of the old house. Her knees felt weak, a mixture of fear and expectation, and she had to force her legs to move, slowly stepping closer to the building that looked so familiar. It was only a few steps away, but it felt like miles to her.

Her fingers shook slightly as she reached for the doorknob, half expecting to set some kind of wards off, but deep inside she knew she would be able to walk inside without a problem, like she had so many times before.

On the inside, the house was exactly like she had seen it that night, only now it seemed even bigger. Deciding she should start like she had in the dream, she slowly made her way up the stairs, wand at the ready as she walked down hallway after hallway until she found the room she had been looking for, the room where she had found him once, on the brink of death.

She stepped inside and knelt by the place where she had seen him. There wasn’t any blood on it, in fact, the entire place looked clean and tidy, but she knew that was where she had found him, where she had run to his side, her heart almost beating out of her chest at the thought of losing him. And still, she couldn’t remember who he was.

She wasn’t sure how long she had been kneeling there, but she guessed it had been a long time, by the way her knees hurt. She groaned as she slowly got up, the cloak falling off her shoulders, but she didn’t care; she knew she was safe there.

She searched the room for some kind of clue, something that would let her know who lived there, but there was nothing, not a picture, not even clothes. She walked to the next room she found, and stopped by the door. She had slept there, she was sure. There was nothing in there either.

She was quickly losing all hope, and slowly walked back down the stairs, Harry’s cloak now in her hand. The entrance hall, the kitchen, it all seemed familiar, but nothing helped her remember.

The last place she entered was the library, and she shivered as her eyes searched the room. Like Draco’s library, this one was packed with books, the shelves going all the way up to the roof; but there were books missing here, it was easy to tell. She walked around the room, her eyes stopping on each cover for a few seconds. There were all kinds of texts there, both old and new, and covered just about every subject she could think of, potions, charms, history, herbology, and many were on Dark Magic. But there seemed to be books missing on every subject, as if the owner had taken the most important ones before leaving the house.

Tired and frustrated, she decided it would be best if she headed back to headquarters; maybe now she had seen the house, her dreams would be more specific, more helpful.

But as she turned around, her eyes fell on the desk, on one side of the room. She took a deep breath, her heart hammering as she hesitantly stepped closer to it. She closed her eyes as her fingers touched the cold wood.

“But I’m leaving with Ron and Harry; I won’t even be around the Order.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“You can’t, please; you can’t do this to me. There has to be another way.”

She felt tears well up in her eyes as she opened them again, feeling all the anger, the sadness, the confusion she had felt back then. So that was where it had really happened, that was where her memories had been taken away.

A part of her wanted to sit by the door, and just wait for the owner of the house to come back. Surely he would return, and she didn’t care how long it took. But she knew that was not an option; she had to go back. She would talk to Draco; find out if it had been him that had made her forget. If not, she would go to Snape again. He had to know something; he had been the one to find her that night, after all, or at least that was what they had told her.

She covered herself with the cloak again, and walked out of the house. There was nothing else she could do in there, it was time to go.

It had been a day since then, and not much had happened. She had still been avoiding everyone, or trying to, really. They wouldn’t leave her alone for long. They were always around her, wanting to know if she was all right, asking her what was going on, why she was behaving that way. They were getting on her nerves.

Using headaches as an excuse yet again, she had managed to get away from them for a few hours, but Kingsley standing by her door broke the afternoon’s peace. She tried to get him to leave, but he refused to go until she heard what he had to say.

“I’m sorry about what happened, about thinking you could betray us,” he said, stepping inside the bedroom and closing the door behind him, “but you have to understand, the kind of information you were providing.”

“I know,” she interrupted. “And you had every right to think that; I overreacted, it’s just that…” she trailed off.

“What?”

“This memory flashes, they are just confusing; they just come and go, and I’m never sure what I see; they are actually more like feelings, mostly.”

“It started happening after the spell, right?” he asked, and she nodded. “What spell did you use?”

“I don’t remember, really,” she lied. The last thing she needed was to get in trouble for using Dark Magic. “It was an old book I had found not long ago, but I think I must have lost it when Harry and Ron brought me here the other night.”

“Maybe if you could remember what book it was, we could find a way to stop the flashes.”

“Stop them? Why would she want them to stop? What she wanted was for all of her memories to come back, once and for all.

“Sure,” she said, with a smile. “I’ll try to remember which one it was. I think I have a list written somewhere, maybe I can find the name there.”

“Just let me know if you remember anything important.”

“I will, but I have a favour to ask,” she said, and he nodded, waiting for her to continue. “Don’t tell anyone else about this, about the memories coming back. I don’t want them to worry for no reason.”

“Okay,” he answered after a few moments, and she sighed in relief. “Well, I have to head downstairs now, wouldn’t want to be late for the meeting,” he said, opening the door again. “Friends?” he asked, uncertainly.

“Of course,” she answered with a smile.

“Next time I take you out for a drink, I hope you won’t threaten to curse me and then run away,” he said, as he left the room, leaving a bewildered Hermione behind.

Surprisingly, it hadn’t been the only strange visit she received that day. Just a few hours later, after the meeting was over and most members had left, a loud knock on her bedroom door startled her. She had been lying in bed, trying to sleep, and just as she was dozing off, the noise startled her.

She considered the possibility of ignoring whoever was at the door, but after only a few more seconds the knocking became more insistent, and with a groan, she got up and opened the door.

“What?” she asked, exasperated, thinking it was probably Harry or Ron, but gasped in surprise when she found Snape standing in front of her. “Sorry,” she muttered, slightly embarrassed. “I thought you were…”

“As much as I would enjoy staying to chat, there are other, more pressing matters, that require my attention,” he interrupted curtly, “so let’s get straight to the point.”
“All right then, what are you doing here?” she asked briskly. She didn’t have to put up with his manners.

“I have been told you have spent most of the last two days in here.”

“So?”

“So, I was told, repeatedly, that you were suffering from strong headaches, and Molly will not stop harassing me until I make sure you will not drop dead when least expected.”

“Well, there’s no need to worry, I am perfectly all right.”

“Is that so?”

“It is,” she said, trying to sound convincing.

“Then why have you spent so much time in here?”

“I just wasn’t in the mood for company,” she said, dismissively.

“Why don’t you let make sure, so we can get this over with,” he said then, and walked past her and into the room, without waiting for an answer.

“Where are you going?” she asked, turning around and following him.

“You didn’t expect me to do it in the hallway, did you?”

She looked at him for a moment, ignoring the shiver his words had caused, and trying to decide what to do. With a sigh, she finally nodded and asked, “What do you need?”

“Come here,” he said, and she moved closer to where he was standing. Without saying a word, she watched him reach for his wand and then mutter a few words as he mover it over her head.

“Everything seems normal,” he said, after a few moments. “It could be just a side effect, after the memory charm you cast. Have you been feeling anything else, other than the headaches?”

“No,” she answered, a little too fast, and he narrowed his eyes.

“I can’t help you if you lie to me,” he said, calmly.

“I’m not lying,” she answered, more firmly.

“Yes you are, but I don’t care. Take these,” he said, reaching inside his pocket and retrieving three small vials. “They should help with the headaches.”

“Thanks,” she said, as she took them, but gasped when her fingers touched his. “What was that?” she muttered, confused. It wasn’t the first time she had felt the tingle, but it had only ever happened with him.

“What?” he asked, and held her hand when she tried to let go.

“That,” she said, looking down at their hands. “Didn’t you feel it?”

“What did you feel?” he asked, more serious than before.

“I don’t know, it was like… like electricity,” she said, and felt him tense.

“Has that happened before?” he asked, and only then did she realize what she had said.

“What? Oh, no, it was nothing really. Probably just imagined it,” she said, trying to free her hand again, but he held on tight.

“Stop lying.”

“What do you care?” she snapped, and finally managed to yank her hand free. The way he was looking at her was making her nervous. It felt as if he knew her, really knew her.

“You are right, I don’t care,” he said, after a few moments. “Drink that; you will feel better. If anything happens, let me know; just tell someone from the Order, they know how to contact me.”

“Wait,” she said, as he was about to leave the room, and he slowly turned to face her again. “Please, tell me what you know,” she pleaded, in a whisper. She was tired of all the confusion, the frustration of not knowing. “What happened during those months?” she asked, stepping closer to him, barely a foot away, and looking up into his eyes.

“Why do you want to know?” he said, his voice almost as low as hers.

“Because I know it was something important,” she answered. She wasn’t sure why, but she suddenly felt she could be honest with him, that she could trust him, tell him what she really felt. It was a confusing feeling.

“It wasn’t,” he answered, his eyes locked on hers.

“Please, tell me,” she repeated, inching closer to him without even noticing.

“Trust me; there was nothing important, nothing worth the risk you took with the memory charm.”

“No, that’s not true,” she said, shaking her head. “I know there was something, something I didn’t want to forget.”

“Why can’t you just move on and live the life you deserve?” he asked, so low she barely heard him. She was surprised to see the honesty in his eyes, and even more so when she felt his hand on her chin, gently tilting her head closer, and then his lips descending on hers, slowly, hesitantly.

It only lasted a few seconds, and it wasn’t a passionate kiss, nor was it exactly chaste either. It was full of emotion, of longing, and she felt her body relax as she closed her eyes, everything else forgotten as she felt his body move closer to her; but the second she parted her lips he stiffened, and then pulled back, a shocked expression on his face, as if he had only just realized what he had done.

And before she knew what was happening he was gone, leaving her behind, trembling fingers slowly tracing her lips as she wondered what had happened, and why it had felt so right.