How They Fell

Chapter Forty


The news of Ollivander’s death was sincerely felt by almost everyone in Wizarding Britain. At Hogwarts a two-minute silence was held for him at dinner and there was a general feeling of doom and bereavement among the students and staff. However, that could not put a stop to the rumours running rife all over the castle.

The public outing of someone who had been seen as a respectable wizard was viewed as more socking than his murder. Harry was genuinely stunned to hear students of all ages declare it as disgusting and unnatural. By the end of the day he was struggling to keep hold of his temper and openly fuming. He finally flipped after dinner when he over heard Lavender Brown gossiping with Pravati.

“I mean I just can’t believe it! He seemed so normal, you know? He was actually nice to me when I bought my wand! But all the while he was secretly doing something so – so…ewww!” she shuddered, and Harry could feel his hands start to shake. “And to think how long they’d been living like that! Together, doing…I swear I really don’t think we should have had that two minute silence for such a disgrace!”

“I know!”

“I can’t believe that they relaxed the laws all those years ago! I mean the ministry was just encouraging it!”

Harry snapped, the mixture of everything too much.

“Shut UP!”

The common room went silent instantly and all eyes turned to Harry. Lavender quailed.

“Harry…I!”

“SHUT UP!” he roared, clenching his fists to stop the sparks which were shooting out of his fingers from becoming noticeable.

“The man was just MURDERED! For Fucks sake! And all you can talk about is that he might be gay! What kind of perversion is this?!”

“Jesus, Harry!” Seamus muttered quietly. “There’s no reason to snap Lavender’s head off! He was gay! This is what happens.”

“No reason?!” Harry roared. “It’s disgusting to talk like that! Don’t you even realise how foul it sounds?! Let him be gay for fucks sake! It was his life! And if that was what made him happy then its fine by me!”

Harry was about to open his mouth when Hermione jumped forward.

“Harry’s right! It’s revolting to hear people talk like that!”

“Hermione, he was gay!” Lavender said, brave enough to stand up to Hermione but not Harry. “He deserves it!”

Harry spluttered as anger surged through him, he took a step towards Lavender raising his wand, but Hermione moved in front of him.

“I’ll do it Harry! Now go to your room and calm down!” The rage and fear in her eyes communicated itself to Harry more than anything she could have said. She was angry for him, he knew that, and he also knew that she was afraid he would expose himself. Realising how close he was to doing just that, Harry glared at Lavender and stomped up stairs.

He slammed his dormitory door with all his strength but didn’t feel at all satisfied by its resounding crash. He stormed over to his bed, strode back to the door, then back to the bed. With a growl he punched his bedpost furious with everything about his life. He felt his fist grow hot as he swung his arm round, but when he slammed it into the wooden post it didn’t hurt – instead the bed burst into flames.

He stepped back, astonished as the black flames spread quickly. Realising that his magic must have gotten away from him he sighed and with a flick of his wand doused the fire and repaired the bed.

He felt better, quite a bit of the tension had gone, but was still angry. Purposefully he flung open the window, in a blink of an eye he had transformed into the kestrel and with a shriek he was in the air. Once on the ground he flicked to become a wolf and was instantly running full pelt across the darkening grounds.

He ran for hours that night just trying to calm down. But there were so many things pressing around him on all sides of his mind that it was only partially successful. The fact that he only had a term left at Hogwarts, his only home and that shortly he would have to find somewhere else to go filled him with a prickly fear. He also had his NEWTS in three months and he needed to start revising. On top of that he had no real idea of what he wanted to do, he had thought that he wanted to be an Auror, but was now changing his mind after the defence course. He was also very aware that at the start of summer his friends would be starting their new lives but he wouldn’t be able to, he would be kept safe in Grimmauld place until it was finally time for him to kill or be killed. It was not an appealing future. However it didn’t promise to be unending, the quickening pace of the attacks indicated that the war would start soon.

There was also the Homophobia of the wizarding world to worry Harry. Somehow he had never thought that anyone would really care that he was gay and if they did then it would be such a small group of people that he could easily ignore it. The publicity surrounding Ollivander’s death had brutally proved him wrong. If it were ever to become public that he was gay then he would be hated and ostracised from the community, but at the same time he hated the thought of having to hide it for the whole of his life as Ollivander had done. Even sneaking around with Draco had been bad enough when he really just wanted to be honest and open. Harry found it immeasurably sad to think that Ollivander and his partner had never been able to walk around holding hands and he knew that he didn’t want that life for himself. He was genuinely shocked that the wizarding community could be so closed minded about homosexuality, but it did help Harry to understand, just a little, some of the reasons behind Draco’s behaviour.

And that was the thing that topped it all off – Draco. Last night he had been hurt and angry but after the events of that day…he still was, but sadness was now beginning to edge out most of his anger. It was cruel to suddenly realise that Draco was right, that Harry couldn’t fault his reasoning, the article had proved that. He had a duty to his family and his parents which wasn’t compatible with being with Harry. And it was dreadful but Harry understood all too well that certain duties came before everything else.

But was it really the same? Harry wondered. Could Draco’s need to promote the family name and produce a pureblood heir really be comparable to what he would do for his parents? With sudden clarity Harry realised that it didn’t matter if it wasn’t, it was the same in Draco’s head and that was the deciding factor.

With that thought Harry felt a first flash of resentment. It was that way in Draco’s head and he had to abide by it, no matter what his feelings were. His opinion didn’t matter; it was Draco’s decision. Abruptly Harry pushed those thoughts back. He didn’t want to be angry with Draco. He wanted to continue to be friends with him, to work things through. Eventually they could go back to how things were at Christmas, laughing warmly together in random corridors. He would miss being in a relationship with Draco, but as long as they were friends Harry was sure he could deal with it.

Really, he thought, it was just horrible that what Draco was doing meant that he was disregarding a part of himself. Harry had guessed that Draco was by as opposed to gay, so the measures he was taking were not as drastic as might be thought, but he was still denying a part of himself.

But what didn’t make sense was why Draco had gone out with him in the first place. What had happened to make him change his mind? And in that case why had he disregarded all of this stuff before? It didn’t add up!

Shaking his head bemusedly Harry lolloped gently back to Hogwarts.

As he entered the common room he was surprised to hear voices, it was easily after one in the morning the common room should be empty. As he peaked round the corner he was relieved to see that it was only Ron and Hermione.

“Harry is that you?” Hermione asked.

“Yeah,” he said as he plonked down on a sofa.

Both Ron and Hermione looked nervously at him.

“Are you ok?”

Harry sighed at Hermione’s question. “To be honest I’m not sure.”

They both looked sympathetic.

“I never really thought that it would be so bad. That people would be so -.”

“I know! It’s disgusting! I honestly cannot believe some of the things that Lavender said!”

Harry felt himself bristle, but took a deep breath to control it – he really didn’t need to blow up anything else today.

“Um, Ron, I’ve been wondering?”

“Yep?”

“Um, why was it that you were ok with it? I mean if most wizarding families are so homophobic?”

Harry was surprised to see Ron blush.

“Oh, well…one of my uncles is, well gay, and mum wouldn’t allow us to think like that.”

Harry nodded. “That makes sense.”

There was a pause which Hermione interrupted.

“Do you mind Harry? About everyone else?”

Harry sighed again. “Yes. I was so angry earlier at Lavender and just the whole thing! We don’t even know if they were lovers, the prophet didn’t have any proof! And even if they were, what does it matter? What did they do to hurt anyone? For Christ’s sake! They couldn’t even acknowledge each other in public! It’s just so unfair!”

“I’m sorry, Harry.” Hermione said hugging him; Ron sat in an armchair looking uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry too, Harry.”

“Yeah, I know. And thanks you guys for waiting up for me.”

To Harry’s surprise both Hermione and Ron looked uncomfortable.

“Well we had to really.” Hermione affirmed.

“Why?”

Ron rolled his eyes. “Because you blew up you’re bloody bed you moron! Honestly you leave and five minuets later McGonagall comes rushing in here yelling about ‘dangerously high fluxes of magic!’”

“Oh! I didn’t mean…”

Hermione smiled. “We know Harry, now go to bed; we have a potions lesson tomorrow morning.”

* * *

Harry saw Draco in potions the next day. He hadn’t slept properly, scenario’s of how they would behave and what would happen constantly flitted through his mind. Before he entered the classroom he had been really excited. He wanted to create a possibility to talk to Draco, tell him that it was all ok and that he understood. Then they could go back to being friends, perhaps he should suggest that they play a game of Quidditch as they had both really enjoyed it last time and it had seemed somehow to cement their friendship.

Nervously he brushed his hand through his hair trying to flatten it. He didn’t know why he should be worrying, they would talk and it would all be fine. With a hidden smile Harry walked into the classroom and sat down.

It was about ten minuets into the lesson when Snape had ordered them to start their potions that he first caught Draco’s eye. He needn’t have worried so much; Draco dismissed him simply with a polite nod across the classroom.

A wash of realisation hit him, feeling like it was physically punching his chest. The nod was utterly dismissive. Nothing more that a polite, distant acknowledgement of an acquaintance and Harry was furious! Draco was even going to deny their friendship now! And he didn’t get a say in it! He didn’t even get to talk! It was Draco’s decision, Draco’s insecurities, and because of them he was denied one of the few things that he really enjoyed. Yes, Harry had expected it to be awkward at first, but they would do what all good friends did and stick with it, gradually working through the difficulties. Instead, he realised suddenly, they would go back to pretending to be nothing to each other. It felt like Draco had slapped him. His cheeks were glowing red and his eyes stung. His fists clenched and his eyes narrowed into a glare as he turned his back on him.

He seethed darkly for the rest of the lesson, throwing things into his cauldron violently as the only way to express his anger. It was no wonder that his potion was appalling and Snape sneered at him when he handed the sample in.

“Mr. Potter,” he drawled. “Might I ask what exactly this is?”

Harry looked as the charcoal grey gloup that he had made and felt like punching someone.

“The potion, sir,” he answered, knowing that he was handing Snape ways to mock him but not caring.

“No Potter, this is not potion, it is gloup. It has all the magical ability of a rock.”

Harry opened his mouth.

“And, no Potter, what you have produced is not even comparable to a Bezoa,” Snape peered into the murky potion again. “And you think this will get you a NEWT in potions?” Snape asked raising an eyebrow.

“No, sir.”

“At least you’re correct on one thing Mr. Potter. You will come back in lunch and make this potion properly.”

Harry managed to stifle his groan before hastily leaving the classroom.

“I hate, Snape.” he growled when he was far enough away so there was no chance of being over heard.

“Yeah, he’s an utter bastard,” Ron agreed sympathetically.

“I mean he’s so unfair! Pansy got her potion just as wrong as I did and she doesn’t have to go back.”

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake!” Hermione interrupted. “It’s the penultimate term of our final year and you’re still repeating things that you discovered in the first week! We know Snape’s unpleasant, shut up!”

Hermione was pleased to note that Ron and Harry looked slightly embarrassed.

* * *

For the rest of that week Harry’s anger with Draco did not diminish. He missed Draco’s friendship, just being able to talk to him about little things, to escape from the world for a little bit. And it rankled with Harry that he hadn’t had a choice in the decision. He was furious with the selfish prat.

Subsequent sights of Draco didn’t help Harry to control his temper any better. Although part of him knew that Draco always kept up an act and had to in order to maintain his position, the sight of Draco laughing with his friends, apparently without a care in the world, really and truly pissed him off! Were Draco’s feelings for him so small that they were that easy to hide? Didn’t he at least deserve some sort of recognition beyond a nod? Apparently not.

Harry exploded three more things that week, made his potions textbook burst into flames and on one occasion succeeded in making all the furniture around him shake violently. It was not a good week.

By the Sunday evening Harry was forced to accept that regular transformations and a lot of Quidditch practice wasn’t doing him any good at all, especially as it only made Ginny comment loudly on how ‘fit’ he was looking recently. And he was very much looking forward to the Easter Holidays in a week’s time so that he could get away from Hogwarts and didn’t have to keep bumping into that wanker constantly. It felt bizarre to think that he was actually looking forward to spending a holiday at Grimmauld place, but the house had been made to look more homely over the summer and Harry was looking forward to improving it further. He was also desperate for a quiet place to revise. The teachers had started emphasising the fact that NEWTS were only six weeks away and Hermione hadn’t helped a bit when she’d casually let drop that she’d been revising since January. Harry knew that there were more important things than his NEWTS which he needed to concentrate on, but it was so much nicer to panic about such a relatively small thing than the possibility of him being dead by Christmas. Because of the growing tensions Dumbledore had insisted that he received weekly sessions with Moody to practice his cursing and blocking, but he had assured Harry that these would be taken alone.

The last week of term slid by in a fit of last minut essays and practical lessons and before Harry knew it the majority of the school had travelled back to London on the Hogwarts Express. He would be travelling directly by floo on Monday morning for a reason which Dumbledore had failed to explain. His eyes had twinkled merrily and he had talked a lot without really saying anything until Harry was forced to give up and accept his fate.

He followed Hermione’s advice and spent the weekend using the library to reference important things for revision. However he was left with nothing to do in the evenings, so, tentatively he picked up ‘How to be a Happy Homosexual’ and began to read, knowing that if Ron ever found out he would be mocked for the rest of his life.

To his surprise it was actually really good. Although there were quite a few sections on sexual activities which made Harry blush horribly, it also had a lot of advice. It described all the problems of recognising homosexuality and the fear of coming out really well. It even discussed the issues posed by a repressive society, although it did say that in this case there wasn’t a clear course of action it could prescribe. However, it stressed the fact that honesty about homosexuality often really helped, and that if it was a repressive society someone would have to change it. Harry couldn’t help but think bitterly that that person was not going to be Draco.

He woke on Sunday with the intensions of doing much the same as he had done the day before and he did, but he his mind kept meandering off to other things and gradually the lengths of time between reading got longer and longer. By late afternoon Harry gave up altogether and went up stairs to pack.

It felt really odd to pack in advance; generally Harry just flung everything in sight into the trunk at the last moment. Bored again Harry shifted through the various loose pieces of parchment he had collected over the term. Most were notes between him and Ron, others were Quidditch timetables or moves and there were some random scraps of subject notes. However, at the very bottom he found the familiar battered piece of parchment of the Marauders Map. Turning it over he realised with a shock that it was still activated, he must not have turned it off the last time he used it. Absentmindedly his eyes started to scan the various lines and dots of Hogwarts. His eyes stopped suddenly as he noticed one particular dot. Draco Malfoy was leaving the heads rooms.

Without giving it thought Harry grabbed the cloak, swirling it deftly around him and left the room.

His speculation was proved to be correct as Draco made for the corridor that Harry had watched him disappear in before. Harry sped up to get there first, pausing as he reached the statue and the painting. Before he had been able to catch his breath Draco came striding along the corridor.

There was a moment when Harry battled with himself. He knew he should not be following Draco, he knew it was sneaky and underhand, but this had been bothering him since the beginning of the year. He had been driven mad by it for a whole month and he finally was getting the change to find out some answers. And perhaps, Harry thought, it might explain Draco’s recent behaviour, why he decided to go out with Harry in the first place if all he was going to do was dump him two weeks later. If that was the case he fucking deserved to know why Draco had decided to toy with him again!

He watched as Draco flattened his hair, and patted down his clothes in an oddly nervous gesture. His curiosity was peaked, he had never seen Draco show nervousness before. He was forced to hold his breath as Draco slipped the crested ring off his finger.

When Draco revealed the door behind the vase he couldn’t help feel darkly excited. Finally he knew how Draco had managed to disappear; there must be a passage here that wasn’t on the map! And even if what was behind it had nothing to do with him he would still gain in knowing something Draco didn’t want him to.

Without a second thought he followed Draco silently over the threshold.

His gasp of utter surprise was masked by Draco’s greeting to the one inhabitant of the room. At a complete loss Harry looked into the cold eyes of Lucius Malfoy.

“Good afternoon father.”

“You didn’t knock! Stupid boy, I might have been busy.”

Harry watched oddly numb as Draco nodded his head. Lucius was dead. Lucius was dead. Lucius was dead. He repeated to himself. He was betrayed and murdered by Voldemort, Draco had told him that. Everyone knew that. Lucius was dead.

His thoughts were interrupted by Draco’s apologetic tone.

“I’m sorry father but I did not want to alert the ministry to your presence.”

Harry stood pressed to the wall as shock and horror engulfed him. His mouth hung open and his body seemed to hang suspended, untouchable by everything around him as he watched. A damp, rotting hand seemed to clench suddenly against his insides. But it couldn’t be possible…Draco couldn’t! He wanted to jump forward and yell it out, but he couldn’t get his body to do it.

“So they are still bumbling around trying to discover me?”

“Yes father.”

“Good. They will not find me.”

“No Father, and.” Draco paused. “We’re going to be moving you soon.”

“Why?” Lucius drawled.

“This place is no longer…fitting.”

Harry blinked and slid down the wall. Lucius was in Hogwarts. Draco knew this. Visited him, everything. Lucius was in Hogwarts.

Harry blinked again.

“None of that will be necessary.” Lucius commanded.

“Sir?”

“I am feeling quite healthy, it is time for me to rejoin our Lord.”

“Yes father, I have heard he much desires your presence.”

Lucius smirked. “Good. You may take a seat.”

And now Draco was obeying his father. He had flattered him, sucking up to him. And suddenly Harry felt sick. How could people not know! How did Dumbledore not know? How could Draco have fooled everyone?

“How are your studies progressing?”

Harry wanted nothing more than to turn and run, but he couldn’t get out of the room! Helpless he pressed himself to the wall, eyes glued to the betrayal in front of him.

“Severus has taken over my tuition in that respect, sir. He say’s I am an able pupil. We have covered all of the basic curses and are now beginning to move onto the more complex hexes. I find him a hard task master-.”

“Good, your laziness needs no encouraging.”

Draco didn’t even bat an eyelid. But he works so hard! Harry wanted to yell. But then he didn’t really know that did he?

“And your other studies?” Lucius enquired.

“In Potions we’re studying the Wolfsbane potion, a very complex one to make, but I passed first time. In Transfiguration we’ve started learning the theory behind self-transfiguration, most of the class struggle appallingly to even grasp the basics. In Charms, Flitwick is attempting to teach us about some of the strongest wards…”

Harry’s head jerked back and up, hitting against the wall. These were all topics that they had covered at the beginning of the year! In all their classes they had moved onto revision, they weren’t leaning anything new at all! What was Draco doing?!

“How easy!” Lucius sneered. “You could teach seven year olds this tosh! And I suppose you’re struggling with it as ever!”

Draco opened his mouth.

“And I don’t want to here any excuses! You will do better at your studies or you will not be fit for the Malfoy name!”

Harry watched Draco’s hands surreptitiously brush over one another at the place were he usually wore the Malfoy ring. His eyes shot to Lucius’s hands. There was no ring on any of his fingers.

Harry heard the clasp of the door behind him and leapt to his feet.

He watched amazed, as Draco casually flicked his wand at Lucius, sending him calmly off to sleep, before he turned to face the door.

“Hello, Madam Pomfrey.”

“Good afternoon Draco. How are you?”

His mouth was open and his breathing laboured as his brain tried to cope. He watched dumbly at she began to fuss at Draco.

“I’m fine, honestly!”

“You look pale, is there something bothering you?”

Harry noticed that Draco flushed slightly before answering.

“No everything’s fine.”

Madam Pomfrey didn’t look convinced, but she answered anyway. “Good. How was it going?”

“Same as usual. He is getting angrier though.”

Pomfrey sighed. “Yes, you’ve spoken to the headmaster?”

Draco nodded and Harry felt his chest compress as air whooshed out of him. He seamed to sink and loosen with relief. It was all ok. Dumbledore knew. Draco wasn’t a traitor, it was all fine! It was all fine! But why was it fine?

“We’ll move him in the evening on Monday, you don’t have to be present.”

“And the conditions he’ll be living in?”

Madam Pomfrey sighed again.

“I’m afraid they won’t be nearly as nice as this. This was just an experiment. We had hoped that no part of him would be able to realise his enclosure, it’s a shame.”

“It worked for seven months, and there were very few days when he actually realised where he was. You did a good job.”

Madam Pomfrey smiled at him fondly.

“Thank you.”

“What’ll happen to him now?”

“I’m afraid we will have to resort to doing much the same as St Mungo’s. We will keep him strapped to the bed and under heavy calming drugs. We are unfortunate in that unlike the Longbottom’s he did not simply go mad, he thinks he knows what reality should be, so it will be harder to deal with him from now on. And…” The nurse paused, “there is another thing which you should know. The amount of drugs we will be forced to give him may result in a few side effects.”

Harry watched as Draco blanched.

“It is not by any means certain and they probably won’t be serious,” Poppy rushed. “But it’s a possibility and you have to be aware of it.”

Draco nodded mutely.

“And it has to be done?”

“I’m afraid so. Even at the moment his blood pressure is too high, his heart won’t be able to keep up with the constant pressure if he stays in this room.”

Draco nodded again. “I understand. And besides it’s not as though he doesn’t deserve it.” He said attempting a laugh.

“He might not, but you definitely don’t!” The small nurse asserted stoutly.

“Don’t I?” Draco asked, one eyebrow rising.

Harry felt stifled and breathless. He wanted nothing more than to go over and hold Draco to him. To tell him he understood. That he was so brave and so strong. But he couldn’t, Draco didn’t want him like that and he had to respect it. He shouldn’t have done this. He shouldn’t have followed him. It was a horrible thing to do!

Pomfrey opened her mouth to retort but Draco cut her off. “Never mind, I will be here on Monday to over see things and help when I can. In the mean time I had better go down to dinner.”

Madam Pomfrey looked unconvinced, but let Draco go finally after making him promise that he would take care of himself.

Like a ghost Harry followed Draco out of that dreadful room. Watching as Draco leant back against the wall taking calming breaths. Harry could see him change before his eyes, from uptight perfect Malfoy heir to something much more human and much more troubled. He watched as Draco put the ring back on his finger and walked off down the corridor but didn’t have the heart to follow him.

* * *

Harry met Lupin in Dumbledore’s office the next morning. He hadn’t seen him since the summer and he couldn’t help but notice that his hair was now fully grey.

Remus greeted him with a quiet smile and an unassuming, “hello Harry,” but that couldn’t disguise the twinkle in his eyes. Turning his head Harry saw a similar twinkle in Dumbledore’s eyes. He instantly became very suspicious as to why he was delayed in going to Grimmauld Place. He was floo-ing, it wasn’t like he needed Remus to go with him.

“Well Harry,” Dumbledore began. “You’ve had a very successful term, time for a bit of a break, don’t you think?”

Harry had a hard time not snorting.

“Hardly, sir.”

He heard Remus coughing behind him, probably trying to cover a laugh.

“I understand that the defence lessons and revision will take up some time Harry, but I’m sure you will still find space for a bit of free time.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Yes. Well, off you go then. And Harry, it’s probably best if you and Remus portkey to Grimmauld place, the floo network is not necessarily to be trusted at the moment.”

Harry nodded as he took hold of yesterday’s copy of the Prophet. Remus held onto the other end and Harry felt the familiar jerk as the portkey was activated.

He landed somewhere that looked like the hallway of Grimmauld place, but wasn’t. The curtains were open and there was light streaming in, onto the warm, cream coloured walls. It was friendly and inviting, it also had no portrait of Mrs. Black hanging on the wall.

Harry turned to Remus confusedly, only to be met with a wide smile.

“Welcome to your new home Harry. It took us a bit of time, but Molly, Arthur and myself decided that this place really did need sorting out.”

Harry felt his jaw drop.

This was Grimmauld place? This light, airy, pleasant hallway?

“H – how?”

“Well we had managed to remove most things last summer like the house elf heads and the umbrella stand, so it was only a matter of removing the rest…”

“But the portrait!?”

“Ah yes, well that was removed by Bill and Charley in, I believe, much the same way that Ron removed the heads, but only when Molly was safely downstairs making dinner.” Remus said with one of his quiet smiles. Harry couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of what Molly Weasley would have said if she had found her two eldest sons flying full pelt inside the building.

The difference was amazing; the old, dingy carpets had been removed to leave beautiful polished wood floors. All of the odd, ugly furniture had been thrown out and replaced by a coat stand and a kind of desk with a shoe rail and draws for useful bits and pieces.

“Come on, I’ll show you around.” said Remus, walking ahead of him still wearing a happy smile. Harry followed amazedly.

The tour took the best part of forty five minuets. Harry was amazed at the amount of work his friends must have put in. Even the kitchen, by far the pleasantest room in the house, had been redecorated. The main sitting room and the library were unrecognisable. They were fitted with comfortable looking leather sofas, soft rugs to cover the wooden floors and even had a few pieces which were evidently expensive antiques.

“We found lots of them when we cleaned out the attics.” Remus explained. “Bill was in seventh heaven. Much of this stuff is easily three hundred years old and beautifully maintained. We didn’t put it all out, only the things we felt would go well.”

The two other sitting rooms had been decorated as well. They had previously been unused and Harry was amazed to find that they even existed. The bathrooms had been refitted and updated with large showers added. All the halls were decorated in the same style as the entrance hall, making the house feel open and light. The bedrooms had all been tidied and painted, often with new beds and tables and each room had a different feeling. The attics were now clear and painted light colours, some had been turned into bedrooms, other rooms for storage. Lupin even had a set of rooms up there with his own sitting room and bathroom.

However the best bit was the master bedroom which Remus showed to Harry last.

All of Sirius’s things had been removed along with some of the furniture, the rest had just been moved around. It was sparse and masculine, decorated in shades of grey and blue. His trunk was already in place against one of the walls and in the large bathroom towels and toiletries had been laid out.

He felt his throat close up as he looked around at the care and thought that had been put into the room.

“We have kept most of Sirius’s things, you needn’t worry, they are in a large box up stairs. And if you don’t like any of the decorations tell us and we can change it.”

Harry turned to Remus purposely. “I love it, don’t change a thing!”

He watched satisfied as Remus’s smile transfused over his face.

“And thank you! –This means a lot.”

“It’s a pleasure Harry. We just hope that you aren’t angry that the order is based in your home.”

“Not really.” Harry replied shrugging.

Remus smiled.

“Good! I’ll leave you to get unpacked and acquainted. Lunch will be ready in an hour or so.”

Harry looked around him happily for a few moments before laughing and flinging himself onto the bed.

* * *

The holiday was surprisingly good. Harry really enjoyed Remus’s company and the changes to Grimmauld place created an atmosphere of light and calm.

Harry knew that the redecoration was only a confirmation of the fact that he would be expected to move into Grimmauld place at the end of Hogwarts but it showed that people cared for him and wanted to make everything as good as possible. He realised not for the first time how lucky he was in his friends.

The majority of his holiday passed in three ways, he was either training with Moody, revising for his NEWTS or talking to Remus.

The revising was a boring but useful process. Harry was amazed at how many spells they had covered in seven years and how many of them he had forgotten. He found that even potions, when it didn’t involve Snape, could be interesting. If fact Harry really didn’t mind any of his subjects as long as he was actually practicing them, it was the theory that he found boring, the only exception being Defence Against the Dark Arts.

Between practicing spells and his lessons with Moody, Harry found that a lot of the tension he had been feeling at the end of the last term dissipated. Not once throughout the holiday did his magic get away from him; it was quite a bit of a relief. He gave himself a mental note to remember to let off some of his magic occasionally; it seemed to calm him down as well as stopping any accidental magic.

The training was not very different from what he had been doing over Christmas. Moody started off with a review of all the curses he had been taught and Harry was really surprised to find that he remembered every single one of them. They then went over his blocking, which was only slightly weakened by Harry’s distracted thoughts. Rather grumpily Moody pronounced himself satisfied with Harry’s ability to attack and defend (Harry imagined Tonks’s impassioned response which would follow) but insisted that that was not all he needed to know. He then proceeded to check Harry’s Apparating ability, which was admittedly a bit rusty. Moody taught him how to create portkeys, how to disillusion himself and the basics of disguise. His powers of Occulmency and Leligimency were checked. The next week he was given some of the simpler antidote potions and healing spells and taught when and how to apply them. Harry rather felt that he was being given a crash Auror cause. He found it interesting, but it wasn’t as satisfying as it had been over Christmas and Harry often felt the need to seek out Remus after the sessions with Moody.

It was these talks with Remus which Harry found to be the most rewarding part of his holiday. Somehow over the years he had never had quite enough time to really get to know his unofficial adopted uncle. He understood and appreciated his quiet humour and gentle knowledge, but he had never known where they came from. Harry found it both soothing and educational just to listen to Remus talk. It was funny that he had never realised just how much Remus could see and understand in the world. He discovered how much Remus watched people and situations, and how much he got out of it. Harry wondered how he had never noticed it before and realised that his fifteen-year-old self had been too enraptured with the romance and force of Sirius to look beyond Remus’s quiet exterior.

Now he tried to appreciate it fully while he had the chance. In the day Harry revised and Remus worked on various things for the order but they ate lunch and dinner together most days and spent the evenings together. They covered many topics of conversation, from information about Harry’s parents to strategies in wizard’s chess. They would sit down in Remus’s small sitting room and chat over a glass of wine.

The only exception to this was at the full moon which came towards the end of Harry’s stay. The animagus potion had never been mentioned between them face to face before, but as the moon ripened Harry felt determined to bring up the subject.

“Did you get my thank-you letter?”

Remus’s head rose up almost instantly.

“From Christmas?”

“Yes.”

“I did. And I wondered about some of it.”

Harry nodded for him to continue.

“You said that the transformation hadn’t gone quite right, yet at the same time it must have been successful for you to write to me. What happened?”

“Well I was lucky really. It turns out that when Voldemort attacked me he quite literally grafted a part of himself onto me.” Remus looked both alarmed and confused so Harry found himself drawing his essence.

“So you see I have three different colours, well two really, the third is just a mixture of them.”

“I understand, that is the very reason why it is impossible for werewolves to become Animagi.”

“I know, but it didn’t work quite that way for me. Instead it allowed me to have a form for each colour or personality trait.” Harry watched Remus carefully, he was obviously thinking hard.

“That’s fantastic, but highly unusual.”

“I know. I was in a coma for a week, and I flashed -.”

Remus started. “Pardon?”

“Flashed different colours, green, dark green, black and brown.”

“Oh,” Remus looked relieved. “Ok. So what are your forms then?”

“Snake, kestrel and wolf.”

“Wolf?”

Harry smiled. “Yes.”

“May I see?”

Harry nodded, and concentrating he transformed.

It always amazed him how large he was when he transformed inside because there were objects that he could judge himself against.

When he changed back Remus was wearing a half smile and his eyes were thoughtful.

“Very impressive, Harry.”

Harry waited for Remus to say more, when he didn’t Harry realised that he would have to be the one who asked.

“So, I was thinking, the full moon is in a couple of days and I -.”

“I’m not sure if that’s a good idea, Harry.” Remus interrupted. “We don’t know how the werewolf would respond to another wolf.”

“I know, but you said that with the wolfsbane potion you’re pretty much in control of the wolf, and I’m pretty big, it wouldn’t hurt to give it a try would it?”

Harry was rewarded by Remus’s bright smile.

* * *

It was very like being out with Hermione and Ron, Harry decided. He found the fact that his companion was with a werewolf disconcerting at first as Moony was both like and unlike him. But throughout the night he got more and more used to it. It was great to play with someone his own size for once. With Ron and especially Hermione he always had to be careful in case he hurt them, but with Remus he could forget that and just have fun. The two of them chased each other round and round the attics, hunting out small corners and poking their noses into interesting smells.

The next morning when they changed back Remus greeted him with a smile.

“Moony hasn’t had that much fun in years.”

Harry stretched lazily. “It was good wasn’t it?”

“I suppose you do it often? Go out with Ron and Hermione?”

Harry sighed. “Not really. They have kind of stopped coming.”

“Why?” Remus asked interested.

“Don’t know, I suppose they don’t really need to get away from anything. For them it’s just fun.”

“But not for you?” asked Remus pouring Harry a cup of tea.

“No. Well it is, but it’s also an escape.”

“Which you need.”

“Yeah, especially lately.”

“Because of the war?”

“Yeah, that and some other stuff.” He realised that he really should be honest with some of the things which were worrying him. “I mean, I’m leaving Hogwarts forever in two months. It’s been my home for the past seven years, the only home that I have ever had. And I really appreciate what you guys have done here, it means a lot, but when I live here it will be to fight in the war and I don’t feel ready for that yet.”

“On the contrary Harry, Alistair is ecstatic with your progress. Between your ability to block even unknown hexes and the strength of your offensive curses I should think that you were a great deal stronger than many young Aurors.”

That cheered Harry, but it didn’t solve his problem. “That’s not really what bothers me. You see,” he said searching for words to explain how he felt. “I’ve been fighting Voldemort since I was eleven. Seven years of him looming over my life and I never really realised just how present he was until the last term. For the last couple of weeks I kind of forgot about him – it was accidental, I didn’t try to, but I did and I realised what my life should be like. And now I’m afraid that I’ll never have that again, that the war will start and he’ll be there constantly until…you see, maybe, I’ll never have a life free from Voldemort.”

Remus nodded slowly. “It is entirely to be expected that you would have these doubts and problems, the only amazing thing is that you never had them before. But Harry, these are very dark thoughts, they assume the worst, a worst which I don’t believe will happen.”

“Why won’t it? What’s to stop it?” He asked bitterly.

“The wizarding community. Harry, everyone is sitting on the edges of there seats waiting for the next article in the prophet. When war does break out, when the first atrocities are committed their not just going to sit still, they are going to get involved. No one will let the death eaters win Harry, least of all you. Have faith, people will club together.”

Harry looked into Remus’s earnest eyes and felt soothed, he had his doubts about it but for the moment he chose to push them to the side. He smiled at Remus.

“Thanks.”

But Remus clearly hadn’t finished. “So, forgive me for asking, but what was it that made you forget about all this in the first place?”

Remus was amazed to see Harry blush profusely.

There was a pause while Harry seemed to be struggling with himself. Eventually his eyes met with Remus’s again and he was aware of being relieved that Harry was going to be honest with him.

“There was a – a person that I was seeing.”

Remus nodded, he had expected that much.

“And I guess we really got on and I really liked…”

He watched as Harry broke off as though hurt.

“It ended quite quickly, but we’d kind of been building up to it since Christmas, and while it was going on we were happy and I didn’t really think about much else.”

“She sounds really good for you Harry.” Remus said wanting to sooth his adopted godson, he was therefore amazed when Harry turned beat red and started to stammer.

“Well – I – I guess I should have told you before. I meant to, I did, but I guess I never quite…” Harry took a deep breath. “I like boys. Have done since the summer, didn’t know how you would take it.” And then something that sounded like ‘homophobia.’

Harry watched closely as Remus leaned back in his chair thoughtfully.

“I – I’m sorry…”

“You don’t have to apologise, Harry.” Remus interrupted and Harry amazedly watched as Remus smiled. “I must confess it had never crossed my mind, but you must never apologise for it!”

“Y – you’re not disgusted?”

Remus fidgeted angrily. “No, and what was it that taught you to be so nervous about who you are? The article about Ollivander?” Harry nodded. “I thought so, don’t think about it Harry! At your age you should just be enjoying yourself, not worrying about the consequences! That’s what I did.”

Harry started.

“Yes, Harry.” Remus continued before he could open his mouth. “Or did you think that I never married because I was picky?”

“Thought it was something to do with being a werewolf,” Harry mumbled.

Remus snorted in amusement. “No.”

Harry paused to think about it. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Remus fixed him with a thoughtful look. “I would assume for the same reasons you didn’t tell me. When you’re hated and despised by your community for two aspects of your personality that you can’t help, it does tend to make you slightly tentative when confiding in people. In short I wasn’t sure how you would take it and I didn’t want to alienate you.”

“I understand.”

Remus huffed and with a sad smile said: “I wish you didn’t. At your age I was still so shielded that I just assumed that it was the werewolf in me that would be hated and distrusted, not my sexuality. No it’s not a good thing that you understand Harry, I’m sorry for it.” He stood and boiled the kettle, indicating that there was no need to continue the subject. “Cup of tea Harry?”


**************

Author’s note: Thank you to EVERYONE who has reviewed, its always such an encouragement. Especially to Draven Wolfe as your reviews always make me laugh. Afraid to say that part one is coming to a close…part two though will be following soon and will probably be updated under the same title…please continue to read, review and enjoy!!! Thank you!