All I Ever Wanted

DISCLAIMER: Warning! I make no claim to any property of J.K. Rowling's, and am in no way profiting by this. I do offer her my sincerest thanks for allowing us this garden of the mind in which we play. Further Warning! This story...and likely any I ever write...are dominated by gay themes and characters. That's how it is, if this in any way makes you uncomfortable...do not read further.


"All I Ever Wanted"....Chap. 40 'Lucius' Boon'


Draco rose with a new confidence on Monday. The Occlumency and Legilimency they had practiced the night before had tired him, but he felt well rested and calm for the first time in days. His normal morning rituals brought a sense of order to the day and, for the first time in days, he dragged Harry back into their room for a quick snog before they split for breakfast and classes.

The daft smile on Harry's face was priceless. Gods, but he loved seeing Harry smile because of him. It was addictive in an insidious way that crept under his guard, and left Draco feeling downright cheery again, after almost a week of severe depression.

Draco poured himself into his studies, only pausing to visit with his Slytherin classmates and impart suggestions for the new programs. He squeezed in time during lunch to compare notes with Blaise and Pansy, and even committed to starting the tutoring in a week.

Blaise had little to report aside from a general sense of well being among the first-years. Pansy confirmed the dates set for four inter-house parties aimed at the younger years. These were the students with the least ingrained bias against other houses, and this was where they concentrated their efforts. Their own class might leave Hogwarts still scarred by the way Slytherin had been, but just maybe the classes to come would leave with only fond memories.

Last, Crabbe and Goyle reported almost no significant misbehavior, although several students had made complaints about Theodore Nott. Apparently they were growing a bit weary of hearing about the stunning near absence of a penis,of which Nott boasted at every opportunity.

Draco smiled a smile of pure viciousness, and left Crabbe and Goyle chuckling when he answered, "Well, such a pity. Somehow I'm just not feeling the urge to resolve that little conflict. You'd be surprised how well I can put up with Theo's misery, but then again, maybe you wouldn't."

Harry agreed to help Draco coach some remedial students in DADA, even though it meant committing an hour or so a week from his already taxed schedule. The notion of a Gryffindor tutoring Slytherins was weird enough, but Draco liked the shock value as much as the practical benefits. Besides, at least this was an hour they'd spend together, and that made it very tolerable indeed.

When lunch was over, Draco put in his request to visit his father on Tuesday, while Harry turned in his first exercises from the grimoire to McGonagall. She approved both their requests before their next class was out, and forwarded a copy to Snape, who would be coaching Harry on the hardest technical terms later. This doubled Harry's Occlumency lesson time for Tuesdays and Thursdays. Adding in the rising tide of homework that came as the year's end crawled closer, it was shaping up to be an exhausting month for both Harry and Draco!

After classes, Harry made use of his remaining time before supper and took a stroll to the edge of the lake. Draco was busy with Slytherin House's new plans, but Ron and Hermione had posted themselves as guards, in the event that anything went wrong with the planned exercises.

Harry seated himself and tried to rid his mind of worries to reach a trance state. Occlumency and Divination had been good groundwork for this, but Harry still had trouble reaching the appropriate state of mind. He'd been outdoors nearly an hour before he felt the calm of a decent trance state come over him.

In this state, he gently probed the world around him, eyes still closed, reaching out only with his mind, trying to grasp the ebb and flow of the magic that saturated the world around him. It wasn't hard...mostly because Hogwarts and its surrounding environs were utterly awash in raw magic.

From there he extended a hand calmly, and tried to manipulate just a little of the stuff that comprised magical energy. He wasn't really attempting to use it, just draw it into him and then slowly let it go. This was the second half of his exercise; one he would be repeating for days if the grimoire was any indication of the discipline it required.

It wasn't as hard as Harry had imagined, although at this early stage he knew right away that only long practice would make him able to do this in combat. He 'felt' energy flowing to him and into him...albeit quite slowly. It left him tingling, with a certain atavistic chill down his spine. Gooseflesh rose on his limbs while he held in the raw magic for a full minute, then let it slowly flow out of him and back into Hogwarts' grounds. After repeating the exercise almost a dozen times, he finally slipped out of his trance and stood up. He walked back to Hermione and Ron with a sense of accomplishment, however small, because at least he was doing SOMETHING that would bear fruit in the war to come. That made any amount of effort well worth while.

Ron and Hermione had been assigned as combatants for Harry's team, with Draco as their group's healer and site keeper. The two of them had already visited their Portkey site and checked the supplies. It turned out that, if an attack was signaled for Hogsmeade, they would wind up Portkeying into a small shop's storeroom adjacent to a quiet alley.

From there, Ron and Hermione would flank Harry as soon as they checked the streets and determined Voldemort's location. On the way to supper, they chatted over spell lists and effective tactics, but Harry drifted out of the conversation as soon as they made it to the Great Hall.

As soon as they were through the doors, Harry thanked his friends for their help and made a beeline for the table where Draco waited for him. No one begrudged him his time with Draco or his state of distraction whenever his boyfriend was near. That was just the way it was.

Draco was smiling as soon as he saw Harry walking his way. Harry was pleased just to see a plate in front of Draco with a worthwhile helping of food on it. He was happy to see Draco with an appetite again, but privately cursed himself for a horny bastard when he instantly found himself hoping that 'other' appetites were returning soon as well.

He knew he should just be happy Draco was feeling better...the notion of demanding anything Draco wasn't ready to give made Harry almost sick with shame. He could wait as long as he had to. Draco didn't need any stress at a time like this, and Harry would be damned before he was going to be the source of any!

Draco leaned in for a quick kiss, then immediately pressed Harry for details on his first exercise session. "Spill, love! I sooo want to hear how it went. You look pretty happy, so I'm assuming you didn't accidently blow anything up...gimme details!" Draco's cheerfulness was infectious, and quickly took the edge off Harry's momentary lapse into angst.

"It wasn't half as hard as I thought. Getting into a trance was the hardest part; after that it all came so easy. Still, hard to imagine doing it while people are throwing curses at me. Mostly, I just felt energy around me for the first time, and then I managed to manipulate it a little, you know? Like Levitation practice, when you learn to carefully float things...except with this, it's just raw magic, and you pull it in and out of yourself. I'm just happy it went well. I ought to be able to try something new before the week's up, at this rate!"

Harry tucked into a plate piled high with his favorites (which, for Harry, meant almost everything that couldn't crawl away in time to escape his busy fork.)

"Bravo, boyfriend! I knew you'd make this work. Just so you know, while you're with Snape tomorrow I'll be visiting Azkaban to see my father." Draco cut off Harry's worried look with a raised hand. "Don't worry, Harry...I'll be fine. This I can handle. You've got things to do and so do I. Doesn't mean I don't need you, just means I can deal 'til I get home and can curl up with you for awhile."

Harry was skeptical, but took Draco at his word. That's what boyfriends should do...and Harry was beginning to realize that, with the exception of only a few circumstances, he trusted Draco implicitly. He worried about things like Draco taking on too much or getting hurt, but other than that he had complete faith in his lover's judgement. It was sobering to think of, given that Harry had never had this close a relationship with any human being before Draco.

They chatted amiably; met Ron and Hermione for a short translation session in their suite, sat up and scrupulously copied the notes from the grimoire, then worked on the mound of homework that had piled up around them. It was later than normal when they finally crawled into bed and, despite their best efforts to snog each other silly, they still drifted into slumber before they could do anything more.

Tuesday was a blur of activity from beginning to end. Both boys found themselves running to keep up with their classload and additional duties. By the time Draco left for the Ministry and Azkaban, they were both flustered and half dead on their feet from a day that still wasn't over.

At least they managed a decent snog in the hall outside Snape's classroom, but there just wasn't time for more. Draco gave his love to Harry and started on his way, as Harry turned to face the classroom where a new headache was sure to be born. Snape might be a bit mellower lately, but he was no pushover when it came to teaching. Two hours never looked so long.

At least Occlumency and Legilimency practice ended on a fair note. Harry was finally getting through Snape's defenses one try out of every ten. Given that Snape was an Occlumens of exceptional talent with twenty years practice, it was a lot to be proud of.

Then came the study of the notes he and the others had made from the grimoire. Snape taught him technical terms that were rare even for most wizards. Legernorm the Wise had been brilliant, and his writing reflected a level of accomplishment beyond most wizard's caliber.

There was a lot more Harry would have to learn over the coming weeks, but at least now he understood enough to work on some new exercises with Hermione. When it was over, he thanked a tired and grumpy Snape, and headed to his room with thoughts of curling around Draco and collapsing as his only comfort.

Draco fared little better. Ministry policy generally forbade any gifts to Azkaban prisoners. The added security meant that, even with Shacklebolt's support, the jewel had to be checked by half a dozen Ministry officials, and the whole process took over an hour and a half. Only then was he allowed to be Portkeyed to Azkaban and actually visit his father's cell.

Shacklebolt led him down the dim hallways of weathered grey stone and through the mazes of locked doors and stairs. Finally, they reached a single wooden door at which Kingsley stopped. He withdrew a heavy keyring, and eventually unlocked and opened the door for the younger Malfoy. Draco stepped into the cell. It was barbaric. Squalor at its worst. A bowl for food, a bucket for waste and a straw pallet for a bed.

Curled in a corner, in ragged clothes and a filthy blanket, was a wretched figure with long and dishevelled blond hair, rocking back and forth in numb silence. Draco stepped into the stinking gloom and knelt down beside the sorrowful creature that was his sire.

"Father? I brought something for you...a gift. Something you said you wanted. It's right here." Draco tried to hand the man the jewel, but no response was forthcoming...only Lucius' glassy eyes flicked his way, then the rocking continued unabated. Draco looked to Shacklebolt for some kind of help...but Kingsley could only shake his head apologetically. The Kiss did this to all of them in the end. Even the strongest rarely lasted more than month after the sentence was concluded.

Draco wasn't ready to quit just yet. "Daddy? It's Draco...your son...your heir...I want you to look at this...just once. If you like it, you can have it." Draco held the jewel before Lucius' vacant eyes and let the flickering images catch the man's attention. "See? That's you, and Mother, and there we are in the gardens...you like?"

Lucius' gaze fell upon the twinkling jewel with awe. His mouth was slack and a few drops of drool slid from his chin... but he stopped rocking. He gazed into the depths of the spelled jewel with rapt fascination...then reached slowly for it. Draco let him take the jewel into his filthy palm. Lucius held the jewel like it was an infant, staring into it, wide-eyed and trembling.

"That's it...you wanted something to remember. Harry and I made it for you. I'm glad you like it. I have to go soon. I know you can't answer, but I wanted you to know that I love you. Mother missed you terribly and she'll be waiting for you when you're ready. Don't be afraid. Goodbye, Papa." Draco bent down and kissed his father on the brow, turned, and left the shattered and silent husk of Lord Malfoy behind. Shacklebolt turned the key in the lock and sealed the door. Then they made their way back through the long halls of Azkaban to home.

What neither of them could have heard was the harsh and croaking voice of Lucius Malfoy in the middle of the night, reciting two words, like a mantra for absolution, over and over again. The words he murmured in darkness were these:

"...my son...my son...my son."