Lost Memories

Chapter 4






Chapter 4

 

 

Hermione quietly entered the
castle and found her way down to the dungeons.
She knocked on his door, hoping it was the correct one.

 

“Enter!” she heard him
yell. Opening the door slowly, she
peeked in. He was sitting on the couch
by the fire, throwing rolled up scrolls into it, watching them burn.

 

“I’m not disturbing you am
I,” she said quietly. His head shot up
at the sound of her voice and looked at her in disbelief. He closed his eyes for a second and then
opened them.

 

Knowing what he wanted to say
and actually saying was two different things.
“What do you want?” he hissed, throwing another scroll into the fire.

 

She ignored his tone and
walked toward him. She could see the
hurt in his eyes and she felt a hurt in her heart. Realizing this was the first strong emotion she had felt for him,
she took a chance and sat down next to him.

 

His pride did not allow him
to look at her, but it didn’t stop her from speaking to him.

 

“Severus, the last time I saw
you, you apologized to me, but it is I who needs to apologize,” she voiced
softly. This got his attention and he
stopped throwing the scrolls. “I was
foolish enough to look into Ron’s Pensieve and believe everything I saw.”

  “Yo “You should believe it. It’s all true,” he snapped. His eyes were empty and cold.

 

“Yes, it is all true, but it
is not the whole story. Just today I
experienced more of the story, but I am still wanting to experience the whole
story.” She stopped speaking.

 

Finally, he looked at her,
“What are you asking for Hermione?” His
tone was still harsh, but she had his attention.

 

“I want to see your memories
of us.”

 

“Why? I thought you were happy with Mister
Weasley,” he sneered. She had heard
enough from Ginny to understand his harsh attitude, so she forced herself to
ignore it.

 

“Severus, I am still the same
person with the same persona. All I
lack are my memories. So far I have
seen my years at Hogwarts, my friends and how our courtship began, but I want
to see us fall in love.” He studied her
for a while and then got up. Walking
over to his cabinet, he retrieved a Pensieve and placed it in front of her.

 

“Is it ready?”

 

“Yes,” he said. He looked into that Pensieve every night,
wishing she would come back to him.
Hermione leaned forward and spun into his memories.

 

It was the night he told
her about her parents. She saw herself
running out of the house, after hearing about her parents. Severus was close behind her. She was running fast, but he was so quick,
even with his injuries. Grabbing her by
the waist, he pulled her close into him and Apparated with her. Next thing she knew, they were in a dark
room. She could see his silhouette
flick his wand and a fire lit up in the fireplace. Severus still had his arm wrapped around her waist, guiding her
to the couch to sit down. She turned
into his chest and began to sob as his arms wrapped around her and comforted
her. Time past while he silently held
her, allowing her to cry in his arms.

 

She lly lly pulled back
and looked at him. “I’m sorry,” he
whispered. “I tried. I swear, I tried to prevent it from
happening, but I failed.” She could
hear his voice crack as if he were ready to cry. She hugged him as if she were comforting him.

 

In the next vision, she
saw herself in his potion’s class. She
was concentrating on brewing a potion and did not notice him staring at
her. Every move she made, he saw and
looked at her with admiration. Upon
finishing her potion, he walked over to her.
Giving his approval, he whispered something into her ear and she gave
the faintest smile.



There were more visions of
him watching her. He was silently
observing her whether it was in the library or in his classroom he was always
there. There were also more of her wishing
him good luck when he was going to meet with Voldemort.

 

In the next vision, she
saw herself standing in his private labs, in front of Severus.

 

“I’m glad you came back to
visit me Hermione.”

 

“I told you I would,” she
smiled at him.

 

“I just didn’t expect you
this soon. It was only yesterday that
you were here.”

 

“Do you want me to leave?”
she teased.

 

“No,” he said quickly.

 

She realized it was after her
graduation.

 

He stared at her, not
believing she was actually there. “You
said something about us being more than friends. Have you changed your mind?” she asked.

 

He stepped closer to her
and placed a hand on her cheek, “Never.”
He lowered his mouth to hers and kissed ever so gently on the lips. He pulled back and looked at her. “Is this okay with you?” he asked. She only smiled and kissed him back.

 

Hermione could see the love
in her eyes along with the love in his eyes.
She knew this was the man she belonged to. Realizing there was a hand around her arm gently pulling her, she
sat up. Severus had pulled her from the
Pensieve.

 

He had calmed down a great
deal. She could see the warmth in his
eyes along with hope.

 

“Severus, I know that I will
probably never get my memory back,” she began.
He nodded, acknowledging what she said.
“And I know I have behaved terribly, but do you think we could try to
become friends again?”

 

His heart sank. He wanted more than just a friendship, he
wanted his lover back.

 

She continued, “And maybe we
could be more than friends.” Her voice was soft. Soing ing deep down inside her was telling her not to let him go
and she was agreeing.

 

“Are you sure Hermione?”

 

“Yes. There is something about you that I cannot
let go. You are all I have thought
about since I left. And thanks to
Ginny, I want to get to know you, again. I need to get to know you again.”

 

“But I have a dark history
and a lot of dirty secrets Hermione.”

 

“I know. Ginny managed to fill me in.” He cursed Ginny, but Hermione continued,
“She said I was fully aware of them before and I still loved you, so she told
me about them or at least what she knew.
Clearly I forgave you before and I know I can forgive you again. Actually, I don’t need to forgive you. They are a part of you and that is what I
fell in love with, right?”

 

He looked at her as hesentsentmindedly picked up another scroll.
It almost pained him to think she was willing to explore their life
together. She took the scroll out of
his hand and unrolled it. Her head
dropped, realizing it was their wedding invitations he had been burning.

 

“Severus, I am so sorry,” she
whispered, taking his hand. He looked
down at the scroll she held and nodded, acknowledging her words.

 

After a moment of silence,
Hermione spoke, “Severus, could we take a walk around the lake?”

 

He looked at her in surprise
with a raised eyebrow. “Anything you
wish,” he said, taking her hand and leading her the door. He put on his winter robes while she still
had hers on. He took her hand again and
led her to the lake.

 

They were about a quarter
away around the lake when she asked softly, “Why did you look so surprised when
I asked to take a walk?”

 

“Because you have always
loved taking walks around this lake, no matter what the weather is like.” She gave his hand a little squeeze at
hearing this.

 

“Tell me something about us,
something that only you and I would know.”

 

“Well,” he said, thinking
about what he should tell her. “You and
I spent a lot of time together, intimately.”


 

She blushed, “Go on.”

 

“For starters, you introduced me to a Muggle activity called
skinny dipping.”

 

“We went skinny dipping?” she
giggled and then bit her bottom lip. He
noticed this and smiled.

 

“Over there,” he pointed to a
part of the lake that was partially hidden with trees. “It was a scotching summer night and the
moon was full. We were taking a walk,
trying to cool off when I was teasing you about throwing you in the lake. You said you had a better idea,” he smirked.

 

Hermione beamed at the smile
on his face. “Tell me something else,”
she pleaded.

 

He felt more comfortable
opening up to her and sharing their secrets.
“You see the tallest tower?” he pointed at the castle.

 

“The one I was crying in?”
she said softly.

 

“Yes. That is our tower. You asked Albus if you could have it because no one else ever
went up there. The reason you wanted it
is because it opens up to the mountains.
You said the view is ‘majestic.’
We would spend time there talking, holding each other and...” He paused,
hesitating on the next part.

 

“Go on Severus,” she could
sense he had more to say, “tell me
everything.”

 

“It was there that we first
made love,” his voice trailed off. nbspnbsp;

Hermione was speechless. She could hear the pain in his voice and
knew she had to say something, so she spoke the truth. She stopped walking and turned to look at
him. “Severus, I want to know what our
life was like together. I can’t begin
to imagine the hurt you feel right now, but please, please keep sharing with
me.”

 

Looking into heg brg brown
eyes, he melted. He would have given
her the world on a silver platter if she requested it. “Yes,” he said.

 

They continued walking again,
while he told her about the things they had shared together. When they came back around the lake to where
they began, she asked, “What did we do when you weren’t teaching, I wasn’t at
school and we weren’t up at the tower?
Did we go places?” she blushed.

 

“We read.”

 

“Really?” this surprised her
after what Ron had kept telling her.
“What did we read?”

 

“You read your books for your
classes and I read for my potion’s research, but every night before bed, we
would sit in our chair and read together.”
She looked at him while he spoke.
It was obvious he was recalling this in his memory.

 

“We read all the time?”

 

“Yes, Hermione. You and I both share the same thirst for
knowledge, so yes we read a lot. Does
this surprise you?”

 

“Yes and no, but it makes
sense. I am always wanting to read, but
Harry and Ron keep making play Quidditch with them.”

 

“You hate Quidditch,” he
snapped.

 

“That’s what I thought, but
Ron insisted that I loved playing it before.”

 

“I will kill him,” he hissed.

 

“No Severus,” she placed her
hand on his arm, “I would rather you show me which books we have read
together.” It was clear that Ron had
manipulated more that just the Pensieve, but she wanted Severus giving his
attention to her, not to Ron.

 

He looked down at her and
smiled. He missed her and here she was,
wanting to spend time with him. He
would take care of Mister Weasley later.
Gently taking her hand, he led her back to the castle.

 

In his rooms, he helped her
remover her winter robes before going to the bookshelf. He pulled a book off the shelf and turned to
her. “We were getting ready to read
this one,” he handed it to her. She
looked at the title and smiled.

 

“Would it bay iay if were
read some tonight?”

 

“Of course. Where would you like to sit?”

 

“Where do we normally
sit?” He pointed to the oversized
chair. “Okay,” she said, moving to the
chair. Severus followed. She sat down first and he sat next to
her. It was a perfect fit. He opened the book and began reading. Subconsciously, she leaned against him and
listened to his voice as the words flowed out of his mouth like velvet. After about twenty minutes, she took over,
reading to him. His arm went around her
and for the first time in months, he truly felt like his Hermione was back.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

“What do you mean she’s with
Snape?!” yelled Ron.

 

“Just like I said!” snapped
Ginny, “She went to go see Snape.” Ron
grabbed his jacket and was getting readyleavleave.

 

“Ronald Weasley!” screamed
Ginny, “You will not leave this house!
I heard what you did to Hermione with that Pensieve you created. Lies!
They were all lies! How could
you do that so such a sweet girl? You
knew she was in love with Severus Snape and yet you tried to destroy their
life!”

 

“Ginny! Don’t tell me you actually support her
marrying Snape?!”

 

“She loves him!”

 

“He tricked her. He has been cruel to her and he used magic
to make her fall in love with him!”

 

“Ronald Weasley! Severus Snape is one of the most honorable,
bravest wizards I know. He risked his
life over and over for you, me and everyone else in the wizarding
community. I have seen the way Hermione
has been looking at him since her fifth year and they way he looks at her. They love each other!”

 

“You don’t know what love
is!” he yelled.

 

“Ron,” Ginny said in a calmer
voice, “She loves him and he loves her.
They belong together.”

 

“But I love her.”

 

“No you don’t Ron. You love the idea of Hermione Granger, but
you don’t really love her. If you did,
you would accept that she loves to read and doesn’t play Quidditch.” Ron glared at her. His face was as red as his hair.
He walked out of the burrow, slamming the door behind him.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Severus and Hermione sat in
the chair, reading for several hours when she yawned. “I’m sorry,” she said, covering her mouth.

 

“It’s late. We should be going to bed,” he answered
automatically, not realizing what he had said until it was too late. He looked her, waiting for her reaction.

 

“Yes, it is time for bed,”
she said, getting out of the chair.
“Would you mind if I stayed here tonight?”

 

“No, not at all. If fact you can have the entire bed. I will sleep on the couch,” he quickly
offered.

 

“Do you normally sleep on the
couch?” she asked, slightly puzzled.

 

“No, but I assume since - ”

 

“I don’t mind sharing if you
don’t,” she said, smiling at him.

 

He nodded, “I don’t
mind.” He walked over to his dresser
and pulled out one of her nightgowns and handed it to her. “Hermione, why are you here?”

 

“I have lost my memories
Severus and I know I have made some poor choices in the last month trying to
discovery them, but I realized something while spending the day with you. I realized that I lost my memories to my
mind but not to my heart. My heart has
been aching all this time. While at the
burrow, I could not figure out why until I was with you. I now realize my heart has been aching for
you. Everything you have told me makes
sense. I have had quest abo about my
needs and desires and you have answered them,.”
.”

 

For the first time, Hermione
felt that she truly belonged. They each
changed for bed without leaving the room.
It seemed automatic for the both of them. She pulled back the thick comforter and crawled in. He quickly got in to, but wasn’t sure just
how close she would allow him, but that was quickly solved when she snuggled up
against him.

 

He wrapped his arms around
her, and breathed in her scent. It was
heaven to have her back, but he reminded himself that she wasn’t truly back,
yet. He was still scared she would
leave.

 

Holding each other, they both
fell asleep.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

During breakfast at the
burrow, the entire family was busy visiting with each other.

 

“Where’s Hermione?” asked
Molly, who was serving Arthur some eggs and sausages.

 

Ron scowled at Ginny, but
Ginny ignored him, proudly announcing, “She is at Hogwarts with Proor
or
Snape. She sends her apologies, but she
needed to spend some time with him.”

 

“I thought she was over him
and was with Ron. Ron, what is going
on?” asked Arthur. Ron fumed as he
stood up, threw his napkin on his plate and left the burrow.

 

Ginny explained to her
parents what had happened and how Ron and Harry had used the Pensieve to make
her hate Snape. Her parents were
outraged, but they also knew Ron was hurting since Hermione was with Snape.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Ron Apparated from the burrow
to Hogwarts. He mindlessly made his way
into the sl anl and down to the dungeons.