Highly Spirited
folder
Harry Potter AU/AR › Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
16
Views:
1,884
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
1
Category:
Harry Potter AU/AR › Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
16
Views:
1,884
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
1
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter or High Spirits nor do I make any money on this.
Chapter 4: Supernatural Shenanigans
Summary: Chapter 4: Supernatural Shenanigans----------- Let the Hauntings Begin!
Warning(s): See Chapter 1 for warnings and disclaimer. I still don’t own anything.
Chapter 4 – Supernatural Shenanigans
Once shown to their room, Bill and Fleur quickly settled in. Bill pulled out his scientific equipment and began making detailed notes and observations about the potential of Hogwarts experiencing supernatural phenomenon. He pulled out his quick-note quill and began dictating. “It’s hard to get a CR reading while there are no significant observed deviations to be measured. I’m afraid this is going to be the most typical of scams,”* he began.
As Bill droned on in the background with his tedious scientific observations, Fleur managed to unpack and began to get ready for bed. After a few minutes she had totally tuned her obsessive husband out. She glanced around the room, trying to figure out where to put the hosiery she had just removed. “Not even a dress hangare,*” she snorted with disgust in her thick French accent. She eyed a six foot suit of ugly armor decorating the room and hung the garment over its arm for lack of a better place.
She moved over to the bed, searching for her nightclothes which she thought she had already taken out of the suitcase. Not seeing them, she thought she must not have taken it out, but she couldn’t seem to find them. “Beel, do you have zhe night-gown you bought for me last month?” She heard movement behind her but was struggling to remove her bra. “Honey?” Just then a silky nightgown appeared from behind her. “Merci, darling.” As she finally struggled to remove her bra, she handed it behind her. “Oh, and take this would you?*” The bra disappeared from her hand, and she never realized that her husband’s voice had continued making his observations from across the room, oblivious to all those around him, including a rather surprisingly silent and mobile suit of armor now currently holding a bra.
---
In a similar stony, cold and damp room down the hall, Ginny had gotten dressed for bed in a beautiful white silk robe decorated with pastel painted roses. She was dozily drifting into sleep as she read the latest Quidditch magazine. Just because she loved sports was no reason to assume she didn’t also like her feminine frillies! As she relaxed, she was pleased with her bed. It was somewhat nicer than she had expected, given the state of the rest of the room. It had four high, ornately carved, walnut posts and was draped with red velvet curtains and a white canopy overhead matching the blankets she rested upon. The mattress was surprisingly plush. She started dozing and began a dream where she had a Firebolt 2000 that was cursed to continually veer to the right. No matter how she tried to straighten the broom out, it flew her slowly in clockwise circles.
A slight noise jarred her, and as she looked around, she became disoriented. She had thought she had lain down with her head towards the door, but now she was facing a small sink and mirror that was to the far right of the door. She started a bit as she saw her own reflection. Understanding seemed to creep in and she sat up.
“Oh my god,*” she whispered to herself. “Major Floo lag.” She began to lay back down when the bed itself started spinning slowly around to the right. She shot up into kneeling position, trying not to panic.
“Um, excuse me?*” she called nervously around the room. “Uh, I don’t… I don’t believe in ghosts.*” She almost believed herself. The bed continued to spin. “Oh wait…wait, wait, wait, wait...*” She tried to get her thoughts together. The bed kept spinning but it started increasing in speed. She straightened up higher. “You can stop this now because you know I’m really not that scared,”* she announced to the ghost she didn’t believe in.
---
Brother Neville sat in his room by the window, reading passages from “Revelations”. The landscape outside was dark and chilly looking as frost seeped in around the frame. Neville thought it was a good place to cool his heated thoughts. He had been a little too aware of his beautiful dinner companion that evening.
He tried to concentrate on his reading but kept seeing shadows out of his peripheral vision. Every time he glanced out the window, though, there was nothing to be seen. He also thought he heard a high-pitched cry but dismissed it as wild animals that were far away in the Forbidden Forest. Perhaps one of the creatures Hagrid had described earlier.
Neville was determined to keep concentrating even after he heard the sound come closer. He was sure he must have misunderstood the cry. He was sure n creature would yell “Bastard” to a complete stranger.
Minerva was cold and tired and feeling a bit foolish swinging on the wire. That stupid pre-priest wouldn’t look up from his mouldy old book. She had swung past him several times to catch his attention, but he never noticed. Was the man blind and deaf?
Settled on her feet once again on the roof of the opposing tower, Albus whispered in her ear, “One more time, my dear, and this time try to give the window a little tap,”* and handed her a small stone.
She looked askance at him, “Tap it yourself, you old fool.”*
Albus smiled and pushed Argus, who was holding the other end of the pulley attached to Minerva, off the tower, which sent her swinging again. “Aahhh…” she screamed.
This time as she flew past, she threw the small rock at the window where Neville sat. “Look at me, you stupid bastard!”* she yelled as she swung wide.
---
Dominque, Louis and Victoire were excited to be able to share a room without the parental units. They were chasing themselves around the room, gleefully impersonating ghosts with all of the bedding they had. Fleur could hear them yelling next door. She grabbed her robe and stormed down to their room to discipline them. She flung the door open and the three children suddenly stopped giggling.
“Okay, that’s enough! You zhree weel now be silent, yes? You weel go to zleep in zhree minutes or you weel be grounded,”* she admonished them.
Louis pulled the sheet off his head and gave her the puppy eyes. “But we haven’t seen a ghost yet!*” he whined. The other two also pulled their sheets off and looked pleadingly at her.
“Weel – I’m not fooling about. No ghosts for you.”*
Suddenly all three kids stared past her and then yanked the sheets up and over their heads and ran to the side of the room and huddled. They were terrified to see a large, rusty suit of armor appear behind their mother. Too terrified to even say anything about it to her.
Fleur looked at them curiously but was satisfied that they seemed to listen to her for a change. She wasn’t sure why they had behaved so quickly, but she was pleased. She leaned to pull the door closed to return to her room. As she slammed her own door behind her, she didn’t feel the thunk of a metal helmet stick in the door from the armor that had followed her on silent roller skates.
---
“Help me!! Help me!!!”* The bed in Ginny’s room was spinning ever faster and seemed to be lifting off the ground.
Neville, in his room, finally realized that maybe that high-pitched voice was a little closer than he thought, and he opened the window. The cries of “Help me” rang through the night, and he realized he needed to go help the young woman in distress.
As he ran out, he missed Minerva flying past his window one last time muttering, “Where’d he go?*” looking into the now empty room.
---
Luna had wandered out of the room she was sharing with her employer. As ‘famous’ a psychic as she was, Trelawney didn’t pay well. Luna didn’t care. She got to see some amazing things in her travels with the woman. She didn’t even care that she mostly covered for Trelawney’s lack of actual psychic skills. Luna was a more consistent medium, but lacked the desire to pursue it. Trelawney had real predictions on occasion, and Luna helped her make the most of those.
She wandered down to a communal bathroom since Trelawney was hogging the bath. Trelawney had broken into the sherry, and Luna decided she didn’t want to spend the night singing old dirty songs with her. Inevitably, Trelawney wanted to sing “Roll Your Leg Over” all night long when she drank.
She was rinsing her face at the sink when she heard a young woman’s voice.
“Hello, there. Who are you and why are you in my toidy?”
Luna turned to see the spectre of a young woman hovering in the air. She had ponytails and round glasses. She looked rather young and wore what looked to be a school uniform.
“Oh, hello. I’m Luna,” she greeted the ghost in a very calm voice. “Who are you?”
“Moaning Myrtle!” The spook screamed and she rushed Luna. As she stopped abruptly in front of Luna’s face, she laughed, “Did I scare you?”
“Not really,” Luna said, “but it was a good try,” she added after seeing a look of disappointment in the ghostly girl's face.
“I never scare anyone,” the girl moaned. “I keep trying but even the nun is better at scaring people than I am. Not that we ever get to do it.” Her shoulders slumped.
“I’m sorry. Did you want to try again? I’ll walk out and come back in and you can try to scare me,” Luna offered.
“No, that’s okay. Wouldn’t be the same.” The girl flitted around the room a bit, but seemed half-hearted about it
“So, why are you here?” Luna asked.
“I died here.”
“I meant, why didn’t you go to the light?” Luna sat down on the stone floor and crossed her legs. She indicated Myrtle should join her.
“What light?” Myrtle asked as she adjusted her spectral form to appear as if she was sitting but she had some problems keeping her butt from looking as if it sank into the floor.
“There should have been a bright big light when you crossed over,” Luna explained.
“Oh, yeah. I kind of remember something like that. Didn’t know what it was. Besides, I wanted to keep an eye on Tom.”
“Tom?”
“Yeah,” the ghost said dreamily. “He’s so handsome.”
“Is he your boyfriend?”
“Gosh, no” the girl giggled. “He was marrying someone else.” Her voice sounded very sad. “That’s why I died.”
“No! You didn’t kill yourself?” Luna asked.
“Oh, no, no, no. I was just upset. Found out he was marrying Snape of all people. What a git! Anyways, I came in here to cry about it and slipped on a puddle of water. Cracked my head on the sink right over there,” she nodded to a very old fashioned set of sinks in the center of the bathroom.
Luna murmured her condolences.
“So, why are you called ‘Moaning Myrtle?’” Luna asked.
Myrtle giggled. “No one ever comes to visit me! Do you really want to know?”
“Of course,” Luna smiled at her.
Myrtle then proceeded to tell her how her nickname came about and the two girls stayed up giggling the night away.
---
Neville burst into Ginny’s room and was amazed to find her sitting atop a four-poster bed that was spinning in circles in the air and she was holding on tightly. “Help me…Help…*” she was yelling. She looked up at him as he came into the room. “You have to help me, Brother Neville! You have to make it stop!”*
Neville was trying to figure out how to help her when she yelled, “You have to jump!*”
“I’m coming.*” And in a leap of faith, he landed in the middle of the bed, face down in her lap.
Ginny grabbed his shoulders and yanked him up. “Don’t just lay there. Do something!”* She sounded panicky. “I’m getting dizzy.*”
“What? What? What should I do?!”*
“You’re a priest, for Christ’s sake – exorcise it!!”* she yelled, not understanding the inappropriateness of her words.
“Ohh—ohh – How about something from um… “Revelations”!!”* Neville sputtered into her face as they held onto each other.
“Revelations!?”*
He scrambled to find the pages he had just been reading. He pressed the book against her upper chest to try to read it, using her breasts as a book rest. “And I saw an angel…and I saw an…Oh, I’m going to be sick!”*
Ginny wrapped her arms around him and they held onto each other tightly. “I don’t want to die…I don’t want to die.”* She kept repeating the mantra over and over again.
Fleur watched Bill as he worked on his instruments. His lean, wiry frame still spoke to her. His long red hair, even tied behind him, still excited her. She got a little smirk on her face and ripped her robe off and flung herself backwards onto the bed, wearing the silky nightgown handed to her earlier. “Comez to me Bill-boo…Makes me a woman!”* she said teasingly to her husband.
Bill, standing on a chair adjusting some strips of test equipment hanging from the ceiling, looked across at her and swiftly removed his goggles.
“My love,*” he said in the huskiest voice he could muster. Fleur loved that voice. She couldn’t wait. And, then like cold water hitting her, he said suddenly, “Oh my, that is the most pathetic display I have ever seen.”* She would have been furious but just then she spied something flying outside the window and ran to look at it, ignoring Bill as he crossed her path. “What is that?”
Bill looked around. He had seen an image of a mummy dancing across the room behind Fleur. A mummy – dancing. A short mummy – dancing. Disgusting. He looked around the bed. “A forty-five degree semi-silver mirror?*”
----
Harry was sitting at a table, leaning over a radiator trying to dry out their still damp clothes while Draco slept with his eye pillow wrapped around his head. A light suddenly shone through the window, almost blinding Harry. He rubbed his eyes and then focused. Before him stood an apparition of a mummy holding a sword. The sword was almost as large as the ghost.
“Harry, what are you doing?*” Draco slurred. The bright light fell on Draco's sleepy form. Harry couldn’t stop staring at the image. He lost track of what it was he had been doing.
“Harry? I smell something burning, Harry.”* Harry jumped up and realized the shirt he had been holding was now a half burnt rag. He dropped it and approached the apparition carefully. As he got close, the ghost thrust his sword at Harry. Harry jumped back away from it and then watched as the ghost moved to position himself over Draco. The mummy thrust his ghostly sword through Draco. Harry leapt to Draco’s defense. Or rather he leapt on Draco.
Draco surged up and snatched the eye pillow off his face. They barely missed clonking their heads together. Draco grabbed Harry’s undershirt, berating him. “How many times do I have to tell you ‘No!’? I’m exhausted. We’re…”*
Harry tried to interrupt, “I just saw...*”
Draco continued, “We are NOT making love tonight!” He knocked Harry off the bed.
Harry landed in a heap on the floor and yelled, “I just saw a ghost!”
Draco jumped out of bed and stood over his husband. “That is the most pathetic excuse for sex I have ever heard.*” He began pacing the room. “If I say I’m too tired – I’m too tired!*” He brushed his blonde hair back nervously, then glared at the prone man. “Well, thank you very much, Harry.* Now I need to take more ‘Tension Ease’." He strode over to the coat rack and grabbed an ivory colored, fur-lined silk robe and wrapped it around his slim waist in a furious tizzy before heading into the bathroom.
----
Bill yanked their door open, only to find a headless suit of armor standing there. The head of the armor was stuck in the door but the rest of the suit began to speed away.
Fleur looked at the spectre wide-eyed. “Oh my God! It’s got my underwear!”* she said, seeing the lingerie still draped over the armor’s arm.
“Oh, very nice, a pervert ghost!”* said Bill sarcastically as he stepped into the hallway after it.
Fleur began panicking as she realized where it was going, “Eetz going to getz the children!*”
Wanting to calm his wife, Bill bucked up that courage that he was told traditionally ran through his family and stated, “It’s all right. I’ll handle this.”*
He suddenly dashed at the armor yelling, “GET AWAY FROM MY KIDS!*” He grabbed a conveniently placed decorative sword that was hanging on the wall. He swung and a loud clang reverberated through the hall as the sword struck rusted metal.
“Supernatural, huh? Sounds pretty solid to me.”* He forced the suit at sword point to go past the children’s door, which had opened as three faces peered into the hall at the noise. Upon seeing their father, they scrabbled out into the hallway towards him and their mother. “Behind me, children!*” The kids were cheering their unexpectedly brave father on.
As Bill battled the armor, he forced it towards a back wall which ended at a cracked window. Bill’s sword skill forced his opponent to turn and fight in the other direction. Upon seeing the nearly empty hall, the armor turned and fled past Fleur and the children. It rushed to escape on its now noticeable in-line skates. It seemed a little unbalanced.
Just then a large shape flew past the window behind them.
The kids turned at the movement and stared in shock. Dominque yelled, “I think it’s real!*”
At this point Bill was furious. His face was bright red. “Real? I’ll show you real.*” He swung the window opened and threw the sword down at the mirror he had originally seen from his room. The mirror shattered, which startled Argus and caused him to drop off the Tower again, sending Minerva in the other direction with no control.
A small figure squeaked up from below, “You could have killed me!*” Filius was glowering at the guests above.
---
Draco stood in the bathroom in front of the vanity, getting out his required dose of ‘Tension Ease’. Harry leaned against the walls, arms crossed. “Maybe if we made love more often, you wouldn’t need that stupid potion.*”
Draco continued his actions as if Harry wasn’t standing at the bathroom door talking to him. He sat the bottle down for a moment and picked up another.
“Do not take that potion,*” Harry pleaded. Draco began putting some night cream on his face. “Draco, do not take that potion. Would you listen to me for once in your life? Draco, please!”* Harry stepped in front of Draco and spun him around. Draco stared at him, face slathered in white cream and swallowed the potion in one gulp all the while glaring at Harry in defiance.
At that very moment, Argus had lost control of his end of the pulley that Minerva was hanging from. She came crashing through their window and knocked them into the claw-footed tub before swinging back out again as Argus regained control.
---
The three children and Fleur left to find out what happened to the perverted suit of armor. They caught up to it one floor down and began to chase it. They followed it down the hall and around several corners, running past the other guest rooms.
---
From behind one door, a drunken woman’s voice could be heard singing:
If all of the girls were bells in a tower
And I was a clapper, I'd bang one each hour
Go roll your leg over, roll your leg over
Roll your leg over the man in the moon.
If all them young ladies was bricks on a pile,
Then I'd be the mason and I'd lay them in style.
Go roll your leg over, roll your leg over
Roll your leg over the man in the moon.^^
All four of them stopped briefly to listen until Fleur suddenly cuffed them on the heads when the kids began laughing and they raced on.
Finally, they rounded a corner that ended at the top of a staircase that had just appeared. They startled the suit that was perched on the landing and it began to lose control.
----
Neville and Ginny were still spinning. The bed was near the ceiling and they still hadn’t figured out how to get it to stop.
The ceiling gave way as the bedposts hit it. A very large man and a lot of rope landed in the middle of the bed with them. Their combined weight caused them to crash through the floor, and the floor below that, and then one more which hit a stair landing. They sped down the stairs and the stair began to shift location.
---
Albus walked in from outside, realizing that their efforts hadn’t been quite as effective as he’d hoped. He looked up to see Poppy in her armor being chased by children. He noticed the staircase above it begin to move.
“What are you doing?!*” Albus yelled impatiently. At that the armor fell over and rolled down the stairs. Albus just managed to jump over her as Bill came around the corner of the top of the staircase screaming. Harry, Fleur and Draco coming up from behind.
“Dumbledore! You old phony. You cheat! You fake!!”* Bill was bellowing at him.
Albus bent down to check on Poppy, pulling the top part of the armor off.
“Demon spawn! The lot of them!”* Poppy yelled at the kids while the parents yelled at Albus.
As a group, they all clamored for his attention. Albus stood there, seemingly bemused. “Calm yourselves, calm yourselves, calm yourselves. As the brochure says, the unpredictability of spirits is expected. I would like to apologize for any minor inconvenience you may have experienced."* They all walked away from the stairs and further into the Great Hall.
Bill interrupted, spitting at him, “This is the most pitiable excuse of a sham that I’ve ever encountered.”*
Albus smiled, “It will get better, I assure you.”*
Just then a Queen-sized canopied bed occupied by a redhead, a giant and a clergyman came speeding down the other set of steps and into the Great Hall, knocking Albus off his feet and on top of the three already occupying the bed. Everyone else swiftly scrambled to get out of the way. The bed came to a dead stop in the middle of the room. There was a stunned silence for several long moments.
---
* Verbatim dialogue from the movie 'High Spirits'. * inside the quotation marks means just that sentence. Outside the quotation marks would indicate everything inside the quotation mark, not just the individual sentence.
^^ lyrics from 'The Man on the Moon' - original writer unknown.
Warning(s): See Chapter 1 for warnings and disclaimer. I still don’t own anything.
Chapter 4 – Supernatural Shenanigans
Once shown to their room, Bill and Fleur quickly settled in. Bill pulled out his scientific equipment and began making detailed notes and observations about the potential of Hogwarts experiencing supernatural phenomenon. He pulled out his quick-note quill and began dictating. “It’s hard to get a CR reading while there are no significant observed deviations to be measured. I’m afraid this is going to be the most typical of scams,”* he began.
As Bill droned on in the background with his tedious scientific observations, Fleur managed to unpack and began to get ready for bed. After a few minutes she had totally tuned her obsessive husband out. She glanced around the room, trying to figure out where to put the hosiery she had just removed. “Not even a dress hangare,*” she snorted with disgust in her thick French accent. She eyed a six foot suit of ugly armor decorating the room and hung the garment over its arm for lack of a better place.
She moved over to the bed, searching for her nightclothes which she thought she had already taken out of the suitcase. Not seeing them, she thought she must not have taken it out, but she couldn’t seem to find them. “Beel, do you have zhe night-gown you bought for me last month?” She heard movement behind her but was struggling to remove her bra. “Honey?” Just then a silky nightgown appeared from behind her. “Merci, darling.” As she finally struggled to remove her bra, she handed it behind her. “Oh, and take this would you?*” The bra disappeared from her hand, and she never realized that her husband’s voice had continued making his observations from across the room, oblivious to all those around him, including a rather surprisingly silent and mobile suit of armor now currently holding a bra.
---
In a similar stony, cold and damp room down the hall, Ginny had gotten dressed for bed in a beautiful white silk robe decorated with pastel painted roses. She was dozily drifting into sleep as she read the latest Quidditch magazine. Just because she loved sports was no reason to assume she didn’t also like her feminine frillies! As she relaxed, she was pleased with her bed. It was somewhat nicer than she had expected, given the state of the rest of the room. It had four high, ornately carved, walnut posts and was draped with red velvet curtains and a white canopy overhead matching the blankets she rested upon. The mattress was surprisingly plush. She started dozing and began a dream where she had a Firebolt 2000 that was cursed to continually veer to the right. No matter how she tried to straighten the broom out, it flew her slowly in clockwise circles.
A slight noise jarred her, and as she looked around, she became disoriented. She had thought she had lain down with her head towards the door, but now she was facing a small sink and mirror that was to the far right of the door. She started a bit as she saw her own reflection. Understanding seemed to creep in and she sat up.
“Oh my god,*” she whispered to herself. “Major Floo lag.” She began to lay back down when the bed itself started spinning slowly around to the right. She shot up into kneeling position, trying not to panic.
“Um, excuse me?*” she called nervously around the room. “Uh, I don’t… I don’t believe in ghosts.*” She almost believed herself. The bed continued to spin. “Oh wait…wait, wait, wait, wait...*” She tried to get her thoughts together. The bed kept spinning but it started increasing in speed. She straightened up higher. “You can stop this now because you know I’m really not that scared,”* she announced to the ghost she didn’t believe in.
---
Brother Neville sat in his room by the window, reading passages from “Revelations”. The landscape outside was dark and chilly looking as frost seeped in around the frame. Neville thought it was a good place to cool his heated thoughts. He had been a little too aware of his beautiful dinner companion that evening.
He tried to concentrate on his reading but kept seeing shadows out of his peripheral vision. Every time he glanced out the window, though, there was nothing to be seen. He also thought he heard a high-pitched cry but dismissed it as wild animals that were far away in the Forbidden Forest. Perhaps one of the creatures Hagrid had described earlier.
Neville was determined to keep concentrating even after he heard the sound come closer. He was sure he must have misunderstood the cry. He was sure n creature would yell “Bastard” to a complete stranger.
Minerva was cold and tired and feeling a bit foolish swinging on the wire. That stupid pre-priest wouldn’t look up from his mouldy old book. She had swung past him several times to catch his attention, but he never noticed. Was the man blind and deaf?
Settled on her feet once again on the roof of the opposing tower, Albus whispered in her ear, “One more time, my dear, and this time try to give the window a little tap,”* and handed her a small stone.
She looked askance at him, “Tap it yourself, you old fool.”*
Albus smiled and pushed Argus, who was holding the other end of the pulley attached to Minerva, off the tower, which sent her swinging again. “Aahhh…” she screamed.
This time as she flew past, she threw the small rock at the window where Neville sat. “Look at me, you stupid bastard!”* she yelled as she swung wide.
---
Dominque, Louis and Victoire were excited to be able to share a room without the parental units. They were chasing themselves around the room, gleefully impersonating ghosts with all of the bedding they had. Fleur could hear them yelling next door. She grabbed her robe and stormed down to their room to discipline them. She flung the door open and the three children suddenly stopped giggling.
“Okay, that’s enough! You zhree weel now be silent, yes? You weel go to zleep in zhree minutes or you weel be grounded,”* she admonished them.
Louis pulled the sheet off his head and gave her the puppy eyes. “But we haven’t seen a ghost yet!*” he whined. The other two also pulled their sheets off and looked pleadingly at her.
“Weel – I’m not fooling about. No ghosts for you.”*
Suddenly all three kids stared past her and then yanked the sheets up and over their heads and ran to the side of the room and huddled. They were terrified to see a large, rusty suit of armor appear behind their mother. Too terrified to even say anything about it to her.
Fleur looked at them curiously but was satisfied that they seemed to listen to her for a change. She wasn’t sure why they had behaved so quickly, but she was pleased. She leaned to pull the door closed to return to her room. As she slammed her own door behind her, she didn’t feel the thunk of a metal helmet stick in the door from the armor that had followed her on silent roller skates.
---
“Help me!! Help me!!!”* The bed in Ginny’s room was spinning ever faster and seemed to be lifting off the ground.
Neville, in his room, finally realized that maybe that high-pitched voice was a little closer than he thought, and he opened the window. The cries of “Help me” rang through the night, and he realized he needed to go help the young woman in distress.
As he ran out, he missed Minerva flying past his window one last time muttering, “Where’d he go?*” looking into the now empty room.
---
Luna had wandered out of the room she was sharing with her employer. As ‘famous’ a psychic as she was, Trelawney didn’t pay well. Luna didn’t care. She got to see some amazing things in her travels with the woman. She didn’t even care that she mostly covered for Trelawney’s lack of actual psychic skills. Luna was a more consistent medium, but lacked the desire to pursue it. Trelawney had real predictions on occasion, and Luna helped her make the most of those.
She wandered down to a communal bathroom since Trelawney was hogging the bath. Trelawney had broken into the sherry, and Luna decided she didn’t want to spend the night singing old dirty songs with her. Inevitably, Trelawney wanted to sing “Roll Your Leg Over” all night long when she drank.
She was rinsing her face at the sink when she heard a young woman’s voice.
“Hello, there. Who are you and why are you in my toidy?”
Luna turned to see the spectre of a young woman hovering in the air. She had ponytails and round glasses. She looked rather young and wore what looked to be a school uniform.
“Oh, hello. I’m Luna,” she greeted the ghost in a very calm voice. “Who are you?”
“Moaning Myrtle!” The spook screamed and she rushed Luna. As she stopped abruptly in front of Luna’s face, she laughed, “Did I scare you?”
“Not really,” Luna said, “but it was a good try,” she added after seeing a look of disappointment in the ghostly girl's face.
“I never scare anyone,” the girl moaned. “I keep trying but even the nun is better at scaring people than I am. Not that we ever get to do it.” Her shoulders slumped.
“I’m sorry. Did you want to try again? I’ll walk out and come back in and you can try to scare me,” Luna offered.
“No, that’s okay. Wouldn’t be the same.” The girl flitted around the room a bit, but seemed half-hearted about it
“So, why are you here?” Luna asked.
“I died here.”
“I meant, why didn’t you go to the light?” Luna sat down on the stone floor and crossed her legs. She indicated Myrtle should join her.
“What light?” Myrtle asked as she adjusted her spectral form to appear as if she was sitting but she had some problems keeping her butt from looking as if it sank into the floor.
“There should have been a bright big light when you crossed over,” Luna explained.
“Oh, yeah. I kind of remember something like that. Didn’t know what it was. Besides, I wanted to keep an eye on Tom.”
“Tom?”
“Yeah,” the ghost said dreamily. “He’s so handsome.”
“Is he your boyfriend?”
“Gosh, no” the girl giggled. “He was marrying someone else.” Her voice sounded very sad. “That’s why I died.”
“No! You didn’t kill yourself?” Luna asked.
“Oh, no, no, no. I was just upset. Found out he was marrying Snape of all people. What a git! Anyways, I came in here to cry about it and slipped on a puddle of water. Cracked my head on the sink right over there,” she nodded to a very old fashioned set of sinks in the center of the bathroom.
Luna murmured her condolences.
“So, why are you called ‘Moaning Myrtle?’” Luna asked.
Myrtle giggled. “No one ever comes to visit me! Do you really want to know?”
“Of course,” Luna smiled at her.
Myrtle then proceeded to tell her how her nickname came about and the two girls stayed up giggling the night away.
---
Neville burst into Ginny’s room and was amazed to find her sitting atop a four-poster bed that was spinning in circles in the air and she was holding on tightly. “Help me…Help…*” she was yelling. She looked up at him as he came into the room. “You have to help me, Brother Neville! You have to make it stop!”*
Neville was trying to figure out how to help her when she yelled, “You have to jump!*”
“I’m coming.*” And in a leap of faith, he landed in the middle of the bed, face down in her lap.
Ginny grabbed his shoulders and yanked him up. “Don’t just lay there. Do something!”* She sounded panicky. “I’m getting dizzy.*”
“What? What? What should I do?!”*
“You’re a priest, for Christ’s sake – exorcise it!!”* she yelled, not understanding the inappropriateness of her words.
“Ohh—ohh – How about something from um… “Revelations”!!”* Neville sputtered into her face as they held onto each other.
“Revelations!?”*
He scrambled to find the pages he had just been reading. He pressed the book against her upper chest to try to read it, using her breasts as a book rest. “And I saw an angel…and I saw an…Oh, I’m going to be sick!”*
Ginny wrapped her arms around him and they held onto each other tightly. “I don’t want to die…I don’t want to die.”* She kept repeating the mantra over and over again.
Fleur watched Bill as he worked on his instruments. His lean, wiry frame still spoke to her. His long red hair, even tied behind him, still excited her. She got a little smirk on her face and ripped her robe off and flung herself backwards onto the bed, wearing the silky nightgown handed to her earlier. “Comez to me Bill-boo…Makes me a woman!”* she said teasingly to her husband.
Bill, standing on a chair adjusting some strips of test equipment hanging from the ceiling, looked across at her and swiftly removed his goggles.
“My love,*” he said in the huskiest voice he could muster. Fleur loved that voice. She couldn’t wait. And, then like cold water hitting her, he said suddenly, “Oh my, that is the most pathetic display I have ever seen.”* She would have been furious but just then she spied something flying outside the window and ran to look at it, ignoring Bill as he crossed her path. “What is that?”
Bill looked around. He had seen an image of a mummy dancing across the room behind Fleur. A mummy – dancing. A short mummy – dancing. Disgusting. He looked around the bed. “A forty-five degree semi-silver mirror?*”
----
Harry was sitting at a table, leaning over a radiator trying to dry out their still damp clothes while Draco slept with his eye pillow wrapped around his head. A light suddenly shone through the window, almost blinding Harry. He rubbed his eyes and then focused. Before him stood an apparition of a mummy holding a sword. The sword was almost as large as the ghost.
“Harry, what are you doing?*” Draco slurred. The bright light fell on Draco's sleepy form. Harry couldn’t stop staring at the image. He lost track of what it was he had been doing.
“Harry? I smell something burning, Harry.”* Harry jumped up and realized the shirt he had been holding was now a half burnt rag. He dropped it and approached the apparition carefully. As he got close, the ghost thrust his sword at Harry. Harry jumped back away from it and then watched as the ghost moved to position himself over Draco. The mummy thrust his ghostly sword through Draco. Harry leapt to Draco’s defense. Or rather he leapt on Draco.
Draco surged up and snatched the eye pillow off his face. They barely missed clonking their heads together. Draco grabbed Harry’s undershirt, berating him. “How many times do I have to tell you ‘No!’? I’m exhausted. We’re…”*
Harry tried to interrupt, “I just saw...*”
Draco continued, “We are NOT making love tonight!” He knocked Harry off the bed.
Harry landed in a heap on the floor and yelled, “I just saw a ghost!”
Draco jumped out of bed and stood over his husband. “That is the most pathetic excuse for sex I have ever heard.*” He began pacing the room. “If I say I’m too tired – I’m too tired!*” He brushed his blonde hair back nervously, then glared at the prone man. “Well, thank you very much, Harry.* Now I need to take more ‘Tension Ease’." He strode over to the coat rack and grabbed an ivory colored, fur-lined silk robe and wrapped it around his slim waist in a furious tizzy before heading into the bathroom.
----
Bill yanked their door open, only to find a headless suit of armor standing there. The head of the armor was stuck in the door but the rest of the suit began to speed away.
Fleur looked at the spectre wide-eyed. “Oh my God! It’s got my underwear!”* she said, seeing the lingerie still draped over the armor’s arm.
“Oh, very nice, a pervert ghost!”* said Bill sarcastically as he stepped into the hallway after it.
Fleur began panicking as she realized where it was going, “Eetz going to getz the children!*”
Wanting to calm his wife, Bill bucked up that courage that he was told traditionally ran through his family and stated, “It’s all right. I’ll handle this.”*
He suddenly dashed at the armor yelling, “GET AWAY FROM MY KIDS!*” He grabbed a conveniently placed decorative sword that was hanging on the wall. He swung and a loud clang reverberated through the hall as the sword struck rusted metal.
“Supernatural, huh? Sounds pretty solid to me.”* He forced the suit at sword point to go past the children’s door, which had opened as three faces peered into the hall at the noise. Upon seeing their father, they scrabbled out into the hallway towards him and their mother. “Behind me, children!*” The kids were cheering their unexpectedly brave father on.
As Bill battled the armor, he forced it towards a back wall which ended at a cracked window. Bill’s sword skill forced his opponent to turn and fight in the other direction. Upon seeing the nearly empty hall, the armor turned and fled past Fleur and the children. It rushed to escape on its now noticeable in-line skates. It seemed a little unbalanced.
Just then a large shape flew past the window behind them.
The kids turned at the movement and stared in shock. Dominque yelled, “I think it’s real!*”
At this point Bill was furious. His face was bright red. “Real? I’ll show you real.*” He swung the window opened and threw the sword down at the mirror he had originally seen from his room. The mirror shattered, which startled Argus and caused him to drop off the Tower again, sending Minerva in the other direction with no control.
A small figure squeaked up from below, “You could have killed me!*” Filius was glowering at the guests above.
---
Draco stood in the bathroom in front of the vanity, getting out his required dose of ‘Tension Ease’. Harry leaned against the walls, arms crossed. “Maybe if we made love more often, you wouldn’t need that stupid potion.*”
Draco continued his actions as if Harry wasn’t standing at the bathroom door talking to him. He sat the bottle down for a moment and picked up another.
“Do not take that potion,*” Harry pleaded. Draco began putting some night cream on his face. “Draco, do not take that potion. Would you listen to me for once in your life? Draco, please!”* Harry stepped in front of Draco and spun him around. Draco stared at him, face slathered in white cream and swallowed the potion in one gulp all the while glaring at Harry in defiance.
At that very moment, Argus had lost control of his end of the pulley that Minerva was hanging from. She came crashing through their window and knocked them into the claw-footed tub before swinging back out again as Argus regained control.
---
The three children and Fleur left to find out what happened to the perverted suit of armor. They caught up to it one floor down and began to chase it. They followed it down the hall and around several corners, running past the other guest rooms.
---
From behind one door, a drunken woman’s voice could be heard singing:
And I was a clapper, I'd bang one each hour
Go roll your leg over, roll your leg over
Roll your leg over the man in the moon.
If all them young ladies was bricks on a pile,
Then I'd be the mason and I'd lay them in style.
Go roll your leg over, roll your leg over
Roll your leg over the man in the moon.^^
All four of them stopped briefly to listen until Fleur suddenly cuffed them on the heads when the kids began laughing and they raced on.
Finally, they rounded a corner that ended at the top of a staircase that had just appeared. They startled the suit that was perched on the landing and it began to lose control.
----
Neville and Ginny were still spinning. The bed was near the ceiling and they still hadn’t figured out how to get it to stop.
The ceiling gave way as the bedposts hit it. A very large man and a lot of rope landed in the middle of the bed with them. Their combined weight caused them to crash through the floor, and the floor below that, and then one more which hit a stair landing. They sped down the stairs and the stair began to shift location.
---
Albus walked in from outside, realizing that their efforts hadn’t been quite as effective as he’d hoped. He looked up to see Poppy in her armor being chased by children. He noticed the staircase above it begin to move.
“What are you doing?!*” Albus yelled impatiently. At that the armor fell over and rolled down the stairs. Albus just managed to jump over her as Bill came around the corner of the top of the staircase screaming. Harry, Fleur and Draco coming up from behind.
“Dumbledore! You old phony. You cheat! You fake!!”* Bill was bellowing at him.
Albus bent down to check on Poppy, pulling the top part of the armor off.
“Demon spawn! The lot of them!”* Poppy yelled at the kids while the parents yelled at Albus.
As a group, they all clamored for his attention. Albus stood there, seemingly bemused. “Calm yourselves, calm yourselves, calm yourselves. As the brochure says, the unpredictability of spirits is expected. I would like to apologize for any minor inconvenience you may have experienced."* They all walked away from the stairs and further into the Great Hall.
Bill interrupted, spitting at him, “This is the most pitiable excuse of a sham that I’ve ever encountered.”*
Albus smiled, “It will get better, I assure you.”*
Just then a Queen-sized canopied bed occupied by a redhead, a giant and a clergyman came speeding down the other set of steps and into the Great Hall, knocking Albus off his feet and on top of the three already occupying the bed. Everyone else swiftly scrambled to get out of the way. The bed came to a dead stop in the middle of the room. There was a stunned silence for several long moments.
---
* Verbatim dialogue from the movie 'High Spirits'. * inside the quotation marks means just that sentence. Outside the quotation marks would indicate everything inside the quotation mark, not just the individual sentence.
^^ lyrics from 'The Man on the Moon' - original writer unknown.