The Beauty of Grey: The Bitterness Inside
How It Feels To Be Alive
“As your will is bent and broken
And every vision has been cast into the wind
As your courage crashes down before your eyes
Don’t lay down and die”
- ‘One Day Remains’ – Alter Bridge
Draco was sitting on the Hogwarts Express on his way back to school after the Christmas holidays. He was in the compartment at the very back of the train. He was sitting there with Blaise, Crabbe, Goyle, Nott and Pansy. They were speaking of holidays and what presents they had gotten and whatever else happened, not that Draco was listening. He was staring out the window, watching as the countryside flashed by.
He wished sometimes that he could disappear, just take whatever few possession he had and take off, live like a Muggle if he had to, but just get away from this. His life was beginning to seem more and more like a joke to Draco. He always had that dull ache that was his longing for a girl he would probably never have. He always had a fake smirk on his face, and a look of interest to make the people around him think that he was with them. He felt like he had absolutely nothing to look forward to, nothing good he had to wait for. Only miserable and scary things in his future. It was times like these was when Draco felt like he might as well just die now, and get it over with.
But it usually did not last very long. He somehow found something, even if it was something very small, to be thankful for. He was surprised sometimes at how the stupidest thing can give him a reason to live on a particular day. It can be the sun shining through the enchanted ceiling of the Great Hall onto his plate of breakfast. It can be the simple sound of Blaise teasing Goyle in the morning about something or the other. I can be the fact that he had Arithmancy first class in the morning. It can be Astoria laughing or blushing or sneezing at the breakfast table.
Right now, even though he was flirting with the idea of running away, he felt alright. At least now he could go back to school and not have to pretend in front of his parents. That was the worst. And he could sneak looks at Astoria again and he can play Quidditch, unlike Potter.
When they arrived at school Draco quickly unpacked all his things into his room again, and he headed to the Prefects Bathroom after to have a nice soaking and relaxing bath. That was what he needed. He couldn’t wait for dinner, he knew that they’d have something good since everyone was back again. He longed for some warm baked pudding, some spicy pumpkin juice and then a good sleep in his bed, he had a feeling that tonight, at least, he would sleep well.
He was on his way to Arithmancy on Tuesday morning. He was early, but he always seemed to be a tad for this particular class. He stopped abruptly before he turned the final corner. Draco heard two voices speaking, and he heard his name in the conversation.
‘Draco Malfoy?’ a girl asked.
‘Yes,’
‘Draco Malfoy the Slytherin Prince?’
‘Oh, Kim, would you stop overreacting. We just had ice cream,’ Astoria whispered.
‘What did you talk about?’ Kim asked, clearly interested in what was happening.
‘School and stuff,’ Astoria answered back quickly.
‘What stuff?’
There was a moment of silence.
‘Fine, okay, I won’t ask you anymore questions about why Draco Malfoy, of all people, came to visit you and had ice cream with you. Sheesh, I’m sorry,’ Kim said her voice getting a little shrill.
‘I think it was only because I got him out of the lake, he felt like he had to show me some... I don’t know...’
‘Gratitude?’ Kim filled in. ‘Respect? Recognition?’
‘He thanked me already,’ Astoria huffed.
‘Yeah, but you didn’t bake him cookies, you saved his life!’ Kim said again.
‘What more do you want him to do? Huh? I’m sure that next time he walks past me, and my life happens to be in danger, he might consider try helping me out,’ Astoria whispered back. ‘Now, can you please keep it quiet? I’m not sure if it’s a good thing if everybody knows about this.’
‘Yeah, cross my heart,’ Kim whispered back.
‘Besides, he said he did not want to go home, so I gave him an excuse to stay. It didn’t mean anything you think it might,’ Astoria sighed. ‘So why don’t you tell me more about how you managed to break your brother’s broom?’
‘Well, we were kicked out of the house already, because we were driving my mom crazy, but then the brat had to go and...’
Draco stopped listening. So she thought that he came for a visit because she saved his life and wanted somewhere to hide out. She thought that he had used her. Draco felt how the good feeling that he had, the good feeling that kept him sane during the rest of the holiday, faded away quickly. He waited a few minutes before he turned the corner.
‘Morning,’ he said softly, trying to act like he wasn’t crazy about one of them and hadn’t just eavesdropped on their conversation.
‘Hi,’ Astoria said softly.
‘Hello,’ Kim said, poking Astoria in the ribs.
He went and leant against the wall, casually, and tried to look like he wasn’t nervous about standing there. He noticed that one of Astoria’s socks was pulled up higher than the other.
The moment was becoming awkward really fast.
‘Malfoy, Malfoy,’ came the calls of Crabbe.
‘What now?’ he said surprised by the sudden arrival of Vincent.
‘Granger is on her way,’ he said.
‘So?’ Draco replied, knowing he was going to be in a difficult position.
‘I don’t know,’ said Crabbe, shrugging his shoulders.
‘Yeah, I’m not going to waste my breath today,’ Draco said softly so that Crabbe could hear, but that Astoria might just miss it.
And, presto, there Granger came around the corner, with a heavy bag over her shoulder and more books in her arms. She went and stood with Astoria and Kim and they started talking about the homework assignment that had to be in by Friday.
Draco looked as Astoria spoke softly and politely to Granger. She was so genuinely nice to everyone. She probably would have done the same for Crabbe here if he had asked her for help.
He noticed that the Ravenclaws got on really well with Granger, probably because of all the cleverness. But Draco knew he wasn’t stupid, so he squared his shoulders and told himself to get a grip.
When the rest of the students finally arrived, they were led into the classroom by Professor Vector. Draco went straight to his desk and sat down, and waited for Astoria to come and sit next to him. He might actually talk to her today, if Vector gave him a chance at all.
She sat down next to him with one of her smiles, and started unpacking her books.
Vector spoke and spoke and explained new formulas and how to manipulate them. It was new work so Draco had to pay attention. He made notes and listened as best he could.
When they were left for the last few minutes to continue on their own, Draco searched his brain for something to say. He wanted to tell her that he definitely wasn’t using her in the way she thought. It surprised him that she allowed him to use her, or so she thought, and that afterwards it did not seem to bother her.
‘How was the rest of your holiday?’ he whispered to her while he kept on writing.
She stopped scribbling for a second to look at him, and then replied and continued with her work. ‘It was fine, thank you. And yours?’
‘Fine,’ he whispered again.
‘That’s nice.’
A whispered conversation while they were supposed to be figuring out really complex Arithmancy was clearly not going to happen.
They packed away when the bell rang, and he made sure to smile back when she smiled at him before she left.
Draco felt how his hope deflated. He had thought that he had made progress with his relationship establishment with Astoria that holiday. Even though he made her cry, he did not think it went too bad. But here she was acting more or less the same way she did before the holidays thinking that he had just used her for a quick hide-out.
That night as he lay in his bed, staring at the canopy of his bed, he could not stop thinking. His head was hurting again, he felt exhausted but he could not sleep. When the realization hit, his breath was gone for a few seconds, and then it was replaced by an ache in his chest.
Astoria knew that her mother was killed by Death Eaters. It was considered general knowledge that Draco’s father was involved in with Death Eaters. That’s why she was acting a little funny. That’s why she would never ever give Draco a chance. That hurt Draco more than he expected it to.
Draco had to talk about all of this. He needed someone who would listen to his dilemma, take it seriously and give him advice. More importantly he needed some perspective. His mind was clouded over by images of sweet smiles, and socks – one higher than the other, and black t-shirts, and soft skin at the back of her neck.
He was having trouble finding a suitable candidate, though. It was one thing that Draco simply did not have - someone he could trust unconditionally.
He decided that the best one for the job was Blaise. While Crabbe and Goyle would forget everything he said about two and half minutes later, they simply lacked the... emotions for a mature conversation. His parents were most definitely not even considered. The idea of telling all this to Pansy was laughable. So unless Draco wanted to make an appointment with either Dumbledore or Potter, he had to settle for Blaise. Besides, he figured, if it goes completely wrong, I can always Obliviate him.
So a few evenings later, almost all the Slytherins had gone off to bed, it was just him and Blaise left in the common room, they were sitting in front of the fire on the comfortable sofas. Draco knew he would be hard pressed to find a better opportunity than this. He took a deep breath to settle the uneasy feelings. Blaise was his best friend, he trusted Blaise to a certain extent. Maybe he shouldn’t give names.
‘Blaise?’ he began hesitantly.
Blaise just grunted.
‘Can I ask you a serious question?’ he continued.
‘Yeah, I guess,’ Blaise replied.
‘I...,’ he stammered. ‘I like this girl,’ Draco finally said, rather lamely.
Blaise snorted. ‘Oh boy.’
‘You don’t know the half of it,’ Draco whispered.
‘So I take it it’s not Pansy, then?’ Blaise said, looking up at the ceiling.
‘No, it’s not,’ Draco admitted.
‘Okay, so what’s the problem?’ Blaise said, shrugging.
‘What’s the problem? Blaise, you are aware of the fact that I have to marry Pansy, right?’ Draco said, losing his calm a little.
‘I am,’ he said lightly. ‘So?’
‘Merlin, I should have known better than to talk to you,’ Draco said, anger settling in, and he made to get up.
Blaise grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him back down. ‘I’m sorry,’ Blaise whispered. ‘Tell me the damage.’
Draco sighed. ‘She’s not Slytherin,’ he said quickly, needing to get that out of the way.
Blaise cringed. ‘Go on.’
‘She’s not a pureblood.’
‘Mmm.’
‘I am... well, I really like her. I mean really like her,’ Draco said trying not to blush.
‘Oh boy,’ Blaise said again. ‘Oh, Draco, why?’ he asked rhetorically.
‘It wasn’t on purpose,’ Draco almost pouted.
‘Okay, so who is it then?’ Blaise, asked turning more fully towards Draco.
‘I don’t think I should tell you,’ Draco said.
Blaise looked at him in consternation. ‘What are you telling me all this for, then?’
‘I honestly can’t remember right now,’ Draco hid his face in his hands.
‘Hey, just tell me. You know I won’t tell,’ Blaise said, his voice a little calmer. ‘Is that what you are scared of?’
‘Well, yeah, Blaise, my dad would roast me on a magical fire if he knew what was going on in my brain,’ Draco said, feeling more and more hopeless.
‘I’m your best friend. I will not tell your secret to anyone, okay?’ Blaise said, seeming a little worried.
‘I know,’ Draco said, looking at his friend in the eye. ‘You know that night I almost drowned?’
Blaise just nodded, with a frown on his forehead.
‘The girl that pulled me out of the water? The one you saw down at the lake? It’s her.’ Draco’s fingers were twining in his lap, and he was almost sure that his usual calm face was red.
‘The Ravenclaw?’ Blaise asked, looking at the ceiling as he tried to get an image of her in his head.
‘Yep,’ Draco grunted.
‘Well, at least she’s not a Hufflepuff, right?’ Blaise laughed.
Draco smiled. Blaise was taking this well.
‘I can’t really remember what she looked like. I just remember that she had her robe around you when Snape and I came down to fetch you. I remember the blue around the edges,’ Blaise said still thoughtfully looking at the ceiling, like a photograph of that night was replaying from it.
Draco imagined himself, lifeless, covered in Astoria’s robe, next to the lake, with bits of ice in his hair.
She took off her robes to keep him warm.
‘So you love this girl because she saved your life? Draco, isn’t it called Stockholm Syndrome or something? It’s fine, I’m sure it’ll go away in a while.’
Draco hit himself on the forehead. ‘Blaise, you nitwit, Stockholm Syndrome is when you fall in love with someone that’s kidnapped you!’
‘Really? Oh, I must have been thinking about... well whadduya know? Why would you do that then?’
‘What?’ Draco asked.
‘Fall in love with someone that kidnaps you? Isn’t that a little stupid?’ Blaise asked, tapping his fingers on his thighs.
‘Gods, Blaise, can you focus, please?’ Draco said through clenched teeth.
‘Oh yeah. Sorry. What were you saying?’ Blaise asked, blinking a few times.
‘I liked her ever since the Yule Ball. This is not because she saved my life. Although, that didn’t hurt at all.’ Draco spoke softly.
‘The Yule Ball? So, it’s been about a year now?’ Blaise asked, actually sounding like his intelligent self again.
‘Yes.’
‘And you are afraid of what will happen if your father, or Pansy for that matter, finds about this?’ Blaise asked, investigating.
‘Or her sister, Daphne. But yes. Basically.’
‘Does she know?’
‘Know that I like her?’ Draco licked his lips. ‘Well, no. I haven’t said anything to her.’
Blaise sighed. ‘Have you spoken to her at all?’
‘Yes, we sit next to each other in Arithmancy and we’ve had a few conversations.’ Draco said.
‘Does she seem interested at all?’ Blaise asked.
‘I haven’t really noticed any signs that she might return the feelings,’ Draco felt himself deflate. ‘There is a bigger problem,’ Draco almost whispered.
‘What?’
‘Her mother was killed, in the Diagon Alley attack, by Death Eaters,’ Draco cringed.
‘Merlin,’ Blaise said. ‘Does she know this?’
‘Yes, she knows. I don’t think she knows that my father was present though,’ Draco ran his fingers through his hair, leaving the usually neat, fine strands standing up at odd angles. ‘Blaise, how can I ever expect her to even give me a chance if... her mother was murdered and she was injured by the very side I am supposed to be on? I feel responsible somehow.’
‘Draco, you were, what? Three years old? You did not do anything.’
‘No, but...’
‘Dude, you are seriously messed up.’
Draco looked up again, and saw that Blaise didn’t hold any malice, he seemed empathetic. ‘I know,’ Draco laughed sadly.
‘Look, if you are really this much into this girl, Draco, then you should at least try.’
‘What if –‘
‘Draco, my good friend, allow me to paint you a picture, will you?’ Blaise continued without waiting for permission. ‘Imagine yourself in about twenty years, okay?’ He said, holding his hands up and making sure that Draco understands that he is not kidding. ‘You are there in your big manor, okay, you’ve got the money and whatever. Are you with me?’ Blaise asked.
‘Yes,’ Draco said, afraid of where this might lead.
‘Okay, now in this future we are imagining, you did nothing, and married dear old Pansy,’ Blaise continued.
Draco cringed again.
‘She is there walking around in her skimpy dresses, twenty years older than she is now, with fake nails and big hair, spending your money. You picturing this?’ Blaise asked again.
‘Unfortunately,’ Draco replied.
‘Okay, let’s say that there are about three little kiddies running around, all bratty and snotty, also wanting your money, and you are left with no other option but to hide in your study for the foreseeable future.’
‘Merlin’s beard, Blaise!’ Draco said, as he pictured all this vividly.
‘Sorry, mate, but it’s necessary,’ Blaise said. ‘Now erase that. Imagine that you are there in your manor, but this time...’ Blaise paused. ‘What’s her name again?’
Draco sighed. ‘Astoria.’
‘Okay, you and Astoria, in your house, and she is all, um, pretty and whatever else you think she is...’ and Blaise went on a pointless rant.
Draco had already pictured this. Except they were not in the manor. Somehow, Astoria and the manor did not go together. ‘Blaise,’ Draco interrupted him. ‘I get it okay?’
‘Good.’
‘So what do you propose I do about it?’
‘Charm... Astoria, is it? See what happens.’ Blaise shrugged his shoulders, like it was that simple. ‘Charm her with your... charms, not your wand, obviously.’
‘You reckon I should go for it?’
‘Hell yeah,’ Blaise said.
‘And what if Pansy finds out?’
Blaise pressed his lips together. ‘You’re going to have to keep it a secret. This is not just a scolding from your father that you are risking. You could piss Death Eaters off, and you could get her in danger too. You keep it a complete secret. I’ll help you out as much as I can.’
Draco looked at Blaise in surprise. ‘Thanks,’ Draco almost whispered.
‘Just try, okay? You’re going to regret it if you don’t,’ Blaise encouraged.
‘I will.’ Draco said, feeling tons better.
‘Okay, good. Can I go sleep now?’ he said looking hopeful.
‘Yeah, you can. Thanks, man.’
Draco stayed on the couch in the Slytherin common room until he fell asleep there. He tried very hard to picture a scenario that would actually work.
January was half way through, and the cold winter persisted. Walking in the halls and corridors on your way to class was a rather chilly activity. Going outside for Herbology or Care of Magical Creatures was the worst. It required a scarf, ear muffs, beanie, gloves, extra socks and as many layers as you can fit under your school robes before you dare stick your nose out of the front doors.
While Draco was trudging through the snow down towards Hagrid’s Hut for Care of Magical Creatures, hardly able to move with so many things keeping him warm, he felt at peace. The talk with Blaise made him feel like he was not losing his marbles. He thought about a previous Care of Magical Creatures Class, the one where Umbridge came in to inspect Hagrid (Hagrid who looked like the giants weren’t particularly nice to him out there, what with his face being all messed up). The one where he told her about his injuries. They had done Thestrals on that particular day.
Draco felt disappointed that he could not see them. He wasn’t sure why though. He had gone to the Library afterwards and found drawing of the horse-like creatures, and thought that they were not as scary as some people had made them out to be.
After Care of Magical Creatures, Draco headed for his other classes. It was Friday, and he was looking forward to the last class of the day, which was Arithmancy.
He had been thinking of a plan, a way to get closer to Astoria, to make her notice him. It was more difficult than he thought it would be. He thought of many different ways to get her alone, and then he thought of things to say to her when he had her alone. But nothing good enough came to mind. He even brainstormed with Blaise but nothing came of it. It wasn’t until three days ago, that again he overheard a conversation between Astoria and Kim. They had been talking about the birthday present that Astoria had gotten from her grandmother. He had listened intently to the conversation and figured out that her birthday was on Boxing Day.
So his not quite brilliant plan was to give her a birthday present. He gave the present much thought too. It couldn’t be something big and expensive, because that would be inappropriate. But he wanted to give her something special nonetheless.
The other problem he had, was that he had no way of getting to Diagon Alley or Hogsmeade so fast, so instead, he rummaged through his belongings in his school trunk, to find something small, but special that he could give to her tonight, if everything went according to plan.
He knew when he saw it lying there in his trunk, or didn’t see it, more accurately, that it was the right object. He picked the invisible satchel up, and as he held it in his hands, the fine woven, purple, silk material became visible. He had opened it, pulling the draw string loose, and emptied the contents into his hand. The bag held a few letters from his father that he did not want anyone to find, and some of the more expensive sweets and treats that he didn’t want Crabbe or Goyle to find. He then placed a select few of the treats back in the bag and drew the strings tight, then put it on the window sill behind his bed, where it turned invisible again after not being touched for a while, until he would come fetch it later that evening.
While he was sitting in Arithmancy, very aware of how Astoria’s thigh brushed his every now and then, he wanted to say something, but didn’t. Just the usual greeting, asking to share the text book. His mouth was dry. Why was he this nervous? He felt ridiculous.
After classes were finished, he hung out in the Slytherin common room, until dinner. After he ate second helpings of chocolate pudding, he headed back to his dormitory, where he sat on his bed, drew the curtains around his bed, and took the bag with sweets from his window sill. He watched as the purple became visible in his hand.
It felt like time stood still until he waited for everyone to get in bed. He had tried to read his book to pass the time, but he found himself repeating the same paragraph over and over again, because his mind kept drifting off. When Draco finally heard that Goyle was asleep, he quietly opened the curtain, and slipped his shoes on. He made sure that he had his wand in his cloak pocket before he was ready to go.
‘Good luck, mate,’ Blaise whispered from behind his curtain.
Draco tip toed out the dormitory and then walked through the common room where there were still a few Slytherins awake. They didn’t notice him, really. He walked up the dungeon steps to the Entrance Hall, and already felt the cold seeping into him. When he pushed through the front doors, he let his breath out slowly and a puff of white formed in front of him. It was beautiful out, the sky was clear, and the moon was shining brightly on the white snow. She’d definitely be out tonight.
It took him a few minutes before he saw her, lying, again, just out of reach of the Whomping Willow, looking up at the stars. His heart started beating faster as he approached. He took another calming breath.
He walked closer, deliberately crunching his feet in the snow as loud as he could, so that she would hear him coming, and not be frightened. It worked. She quickly came up on her elbows and turned her head, her eyes wide. When she saw that is was him, she seemed to relax.
‘What are you doing here?’ she asked.
‘I could ask you the same question,’ he smiled at her.
She looked at him a while longer, like she was unsure of what to make of the situation.
‘Can I join you,’ he finally asked.
‘Of course,’ she said, sitting up.
He sat down next to her, and felt that he was enclosed in her warming spell. ‘Oh, this is nice and warm,’ he said to her.
‘It’s too cold out to not have one,’ she explained.
‘Waiting for someone to drown in the lake again?’ he asked, trying to get the conversation going.
She actually blushed again. ‘Hopefully not,’ she said shyly.
‘Just looking at the stars then?’ he said, as he looked up at the sky, and saw the millions of white sparkles across the sky.
‘It’s a perfect night,’ she said. ‘No clouds.’ She was also looking up.
Draco looked over at her, and thought about a way to bring up her birthday. Suddenly it seemed like a really stupid and desperate idea. There was no way he could do it anymore. It would be ridiculous for him to ‘accidentally’ meet her outside and give her a birthday present. He wanted to smack himself.
‘Lie down, then you can see better,’ she said, as she relaxed backwards.
Draco lay down next to her, and looked at the stars. It felt weird. If only his heart would stop beating so loudly – he was sure she could hear it.
She lifted her arm up and pointed with a gloved hand at the sky. ‘Do you see those three stars huddling together?’
Draco looked where she was pointing and saw three stars, one brighter than the other two. ‘Yes, I see them,’ he said.
‘Well, that’s the head of the dragon in the Draco constellation,’ she smiled at him.
‘Really?’ he asked. ‘That’s awesome.’
‘Yes, I think it’s nice that you’re named after a constellation.’
‘I knew I was named after stars, but I never bothered to find out which stars,’ he said, really shocked for a moment and ashamed of himself. ‘A lot of the family on my mother’s side was named after stars and constellations,’ he said softly to her.
‘Really? What are their names? Maybe I can show you,’ she said kindly.
‘My mother’s name is Narcissa, but I don’t think it’s a constellation.’
‘Not one that I know of,’ she confirmed.
‘Um, I have a cousin named Andromeda?’
‘Oh, yes, Andromeda is there,’ she pointed. ‘Those three very bright stars and then the few duller ones around it, that’s Andromeda.’
‘And Bellatrix,’ he asked.
‘Oh, Bellatrix is the third brightest star in the Orion constellation,’ she explained while pointing Orion out to him.
‘And I have an uncle Sirius,’ he said, deliberately leaving out the Black at the end.
‘Yes, Sirius is the brightest star. But it’s actually more than one star, I think, we see it as just one, though, with the naked eye. It’s in the Canis Major constellation, also known as the dog star,’ she said.
Dog star, how appropriate, he thought.
Suddenly Draco realized why she was in Ravenclaw. She was really smart, but not as annoying about it as Granger was.
‘How do you know all this?’ he asked her as he looked at her instead of the sky.
‘There are some wonderful books about stars in the Library, plus paying attention in Astronomy helps,’ she said simply.
‘Of course,’ he said, because it was obvious.
They laid there in silence for a few minutes, when a stomach rumbling interrupted the quiet. Astoria immediately clamped both hands over her tummy. ‘Sorry,’ she laughed. ‘Merlin, I should have had seconds of that delicious pudding.’
He laughed at her. ‘I had seconds,’ he said.
‘That’s not fair,’ she pouted. ‘Terry Boot took the last piece before I could.’
‘That bastard,’ he joked.
‘That pudding was heaven though, wasn’t it,’ she asked, looking at him for the first time. She quickly broke eye contact, but kept her head tilted in his direction.
‘Definitely, so moist and sweet,’ he agreed.
‘Do you know what would make it even better?’ she asked. ‘Nuts.’
‘Nuts?’
‘Yes, a few nuts sprinkled over, would make it perfect.’
He laughed at her enthusiasm. ‘You’re right.’
‘Now I’m hungry,’ she said.
The Draco remembered that he had sweets in his pocket, which was supposed to be her present. ‘I have some sweet things in my pocket?’ he said, as he took out the purple bag, and drew the string loose. He threw the contents of the bag between them. ‘You can have them.’
She took one. ‘Thank you,’ she said as she unwrapped it. ‘Let’s share it,’ she said like he was being silly giving all of them to her.
‘Alright,’ he said as he also unwrapped a sweet.
‘Wow, these are good,’ she said, closing her eyes while savouring the taste, and Draco was reminded of when she did the same with her ice cream at Florean Fortisque’s.
They finished the gourmet chocolates in silence, only once in a while commenting on the filling or the taste. Draco was pleased that she shared his sweet tooth.
They laid back down and Astoria pointed out more constellations, and telling him more about stars. He listened to her intently, taking in what she was saying, but also listening to the sound of her voice, and the way she took deep breaths in between words. He felt at peace, lying there next to her in the snow. He realized that being with her was easy. She didn’t ask uncomfortable questions like what he was doing outside, she just let him join her, and kept the atmosphere friendly without ever straying further than what either one of them felt comfortable with. Draco was also relieved that she didn’t hate him. She seemed to accept things for exactly what they were, she didn’t assume anything about Draco, or so it seemed.
‘I think we should go back,’ she said almost whispering. ‘It’s probably very late.’
Draco took a look at his watch. ‘It’s past 3 am,’ he said also shocked that time had gone by so quickly. They have been there nearly four hours.
‘I’ve never stayed here this late,’ she admitted and then she yawned, placing a gloved hand in front of her mouth as she came to sit up straight. She stretched her arms out over her head. ‘I’m tired.’
Draco also sat up. ‘I’m tired too,’ he agreed before he stood up and offered her a hand to help her up. She took it eagerly and got up too. She gathered the blanket they were laying on.
Together they trudged back to school through the thick snow. Draco wished she could come to the common room with him and then they sit in front of the fire for a while longer, but he knew that was not going to happen. So instead he walked her to her common room.
The Ravenclaw tower’s entrance was on the fifth floor. ‘Good night,’ he said to her.
‘Good night,’ she smiled at him sweetly. ‘It was nice having someone to talk to tonight.’
‘I had fun,’ he told the truth.
‘Me too,’ and then she turned to walk up the steps.
‘Astoria,’ Draco called her and she turned around. ‘Here,’ he said holding the purple bag out to her.
She left the blanket on one of the steps and walked back. She took it and looked at it with confusion.
‘You can have it,’ he said. ‘It goes invisible if you don’t touch it for a while, a very good thing to hide things in.’
‘Why are you giving it to me?’ she asked, still looking puzzled.
‘Your birthday was over the holidays right?’ he asked. ‘So take it as a birthday present.’
‘How did you know?’ she asked.
‘Well,’ Draco looked at his shoes. ‘When I was at your house, you told me that your mother died right before your third birthday... I figured it out.’ He said it and knew that bringing her mother’s death into the conversation probably wasn’t a good idea. He tried to have as much tact as possible.
Her eyes locked with his. He could see them beginning to get teary but she didn’t cry. It was the longest she ever held eye contact with him. She took two steps closer to him and put her arms around his waist, giving him a soft hug.
Draco’s heart fluttered again, and he could hardly breathe as he returned the embrace.
‘Thank you,’ came her muffled voice from his shoulder.
‘You’re welcome,’ he said.
She let go, and walked back to abandoned blanket. She turned one more time to wave at him and then she disappeared as the steps curled upwards.
Draco stood there looking at the empty staircase with a smile on his face. Maybe this was not going to be as difficult as he thought.
‘So, what happened?’ Blaise asked, as he leaned back in the armchair in front of the fire back in the Slytherin common room.
Draco smiled. ‘She doesn’t hate me,’ he said simply.
Blaise jumped up. ‘So it went well?’ he fished for more information.
‘It went better than I thought it would,’ Draco said, waving his friend goodnight.
Draco took a quick hot bath to get the chill from his bones, and then climbed in bed, and fell asleep quickly thinking about how he didn’t have to get up early tomorrow because it was Saturday, and thinking about the nice hug.
‘Hi, Draco,’ Astoria said with a smile as she sat down next to him in Arithmancy the next week.
‘Hey,’ he smiled back.
She unpacked her books. ‘Hey, I was meaning to ask you, where did you buy those sweets? Was it in Hogsmeade, because I think we’ll be having a Hogsmeade weekend soon, and I want to buy myself some.’
‘It wasn’t in Hogsmeade, sorry,’ he said.
‘Diagon Alley then...’ she assumed.
‘No, not Diagon Alley either,’ he said.
She seemed confused. ‘Don’t tell me they are Muggle sweets, I cannot believe that a taste that good does not come from magic.’
‘No, not Muggle sweets either.’
‘Oh,’ she seemed put down.
‘I don’t know exactly where my mother gets them from, but she mails me a boxes full every now and then,’ he explained.
‘Oh right, then they’re probably imported. And expensive,’ she concluded.
‘Yes, probably.’
‘Oh well,’ she shrugged.
Draco made a promise to himself to give her his last box if it that he kept hidden in his trunk.
‘Morning Fifth Years,’ Professor Vector boomed as he walked into the classroom. ‘I trust that your weekend was good?’
The class murmured in response.
‘Right, today I will be giving you your yearly assignment. You will be required to work in pairs. You can work with anyone you want as long as it is from another House. Therefore, class, Slytherins with Ravenclaws.’
Draco immediately looked to Astoria. ‘You and me?’ he asked, before his courage deserted him.
‘Sure,’ she said.
Professor Vector waved his wand, and a lot of writing appeared on the blackboard. Instructions for their assignment. Astoria was scribbling it down with her pencil before Draco could fully register.
‘This assignment,’ Vector continued. ‘Is to be handed in on May first. With other words, you have almost three and a half months. I will not tolerate any slacking off where only one partner does all the work but both takes the credit, therefore I encourage you to report such behaviour. Also, no late hand-ins. You have had ample warning.’ Vector rubbed his two hands together as he spoke. ‘Any questions?’
Draco looked at the writing on the board. It was complicated and very involved, but not undoable. Draco was extremely pleased that he could be working with Astoria to get this done. The gods must be smiling upon him today.
‘Right, when you leave you will get a list of subjects for your assignments...’ Vector went on.
‘Got it,’ Astoria said, as she placed her pencil down. ‘This might be a bit of a challenge.’
‘I’m sure we can do it,’ Draco said.
‘Yeah, of course we can,’ she smiled.
‘Very well, now let’s continue with our work from last week. Did everyone do their homework?’ Vector continued with the class, and there was no time for further chatting.