When Snape Finally Loses It

Infinite thanks for the reviews and the general approval of these scenarios. I am loving writing them and have many more to come, they just need a bit of spit and polish as will Snape when I'm through with him!


Scenario Seven – In the Post One Day!
*Inspired by ProtoWilson who writes THE most wonderful and hilarious cartoons on DeviantArt, seriously if you like these make sure you check her work out!*

“Do you think Snape’s been acting weird recently?” Ron paused and wrinkled his nose in thought, “I mean weirder than usual.” He clarified as Harry and Hermione glanced up from their work. They slowly studied the dark clad man at the front of the classroom; he was currently looming over a steaming cauldron. His eyes were flickering nervously and suspiciously over all of the students. This would be quite normal if they had been concocting any potions. However, today they were merely writing notes on what had gone wrong with Neville’s explosive attempt at a sleeping potion last lesson and Snape was definitely over-twitchy for this sort of activity.

“I’ve heard he’s been getting a lot of post recently.” Harry whispered to Ron. They both glanced at Hermione as she gave a little squeak and coloured rather pink. Instantly Snape was in front of them.

“Do you have something to divulge Miss Granger?” He hissed as his potion stained fingers pressed against the desk. Hermione began trembling between the two boys, both of whom began to look at her suspiciously. Snape raised an eyebrow slowly and Hermione coloured even deeper.

“No... No! Professor.” All three watched as she fumbled with her quill and hurriedly bent over her work, concentrating furiously. Snape glanced at the two boys sharply before stalking away with his hands behind his back. Seconds later, he had pounced upon both Pansy Parkinson and Pavarti Patil shouting the same question. Harry watched in amazement as he glared suspiciously at Neville, causing the lad to shade even darker than Hermione and spill his ink over his parchment. “Stop staring Harry!” Hermione hissed at him, a deep scowl on her brow and her cheeks still slightly rose tinted. Harry quickly focused back on his work only looking up whenever Snape pounced on a desk and demanded what that student knew.

Everyone glanced up when a knock came at the door. The trio stared at Snape as he paled to an even more gruesome shade of sallow. With shaking knees he made his way to the door and slowly pulled it open just wide enough for his nose to fit through. “Who is it and what do you want?” His normal hissing tone was somewhat less threatening with the nervous trembling of his vocal chords.

“Delivery for Professor Snape!” The bright voice of a student declared through the small gap in the doorway. If it was possible, the Professor began trembling even harder. “Are you going to take it Professor or would you like me to put it on your desk?”

“NO! Give it to me.” Snape demanded, his voice taking on a hysterical edge. The door slammed shut, Snape turning to face the class as they all snapped their heads back to their work. Harry watched out of the corner of his eye as Snape stalked back up to his desk. In his clenched fist was a roughly wrapped package in the shape of a cylinder. He continued to stare as Snape sank into the seat behind his desk and slowly began to unwrap the package. Assuming the interesting part was over Harry cast a shrug at Ron who was looking at him curiously and they returned to their work dejectedly.

Seconds later an almighty roar erupted from the front of the classroom, Snape exploded from his chair and stood on top of his desk. Cloak swirling about him threateningly, although he looked more like an enraged bat than a professor of Potions. “Who sent this?!?!” He screamed. Spittle was flying from his mouth as his eyes widened to the size of eggs and the front row of students shrank back quickly or raised their sheets of parchment to defend themselves. Rapidly he held his hand up and pointed furiously to what had obviously just been delivered. “What is this?!?!” Everyone in the class stared dumbly, all eyes fixed on the twirling and flashing dildo in Snape’s hand. It was a brilliant emerald green with a raised snake on opposite sides, which had glittering LED lights in crimson for the snake’s eyes. The colour was a very vivid contrast against Snape’s now crimson skin as he shook and trembled with barely restrained rage before them. “This is the eighth one I have received in the past week! Who is sending them?!?!”

The students sat silently staring as the dildo whirred and vibrated in Snape’s hand. Few dared to breathe, making the whirring and flashing seem only more obvious in the echoing atmosphere of the dungeon. A knock was the only sound that issued for almost ten minutes as Professor and students stared each other down. When Snape failed to answer the door, it opened slowly with an ominous creek and Professor Remus Lupin peered around the side. Harry and his friends turned to watch as Remus peered around the side of the door, staring in a fully amused manner at the scene before him. Snape, legs splayed and hands thrust forwards like a superhero wielding a sword, on top of his desk with eyes as dark as night surrounded by bloodshot white in the wideness. The offending dildo was still whirring and flashing with its head wiggling around in a bizarre circle. “You weren’t supposed to open it in front of the students. Did you not read the note?” Remus declared in amusement.

“YOU sent this to me!” Snape screamed like a banshee, more spittle flying and his eyes going wider yet, making him looking like a harpy.

“Yes, you looked like you needed to unwind and seeing as you turned down my generous offer...” Remus declared before ducking out of the classroom as the dildo collided with the door, closely followed by a bellowing Snape.

Scenario Eight – In the Divination Classroom One Day
*Written long ago and brought back to memory by Fanimegrl’s review, what a guess my dear!*

“Silence!” Harry and Ron stared in complete horror as the owner of that hideously silky voice began to appear through the trap door of the Divination classroom. It started with the oily, greasy black hair and then THE nose, hooked and huge breaking over the edge of the floor and finally a sea of depressing black robes. “There will be no talking in this class.” Snape snarled as he stepped into the room, swirled to stand before the fireplace and folded his arms over his chest. He basked in the impressive glow the fire cast about his frame and the elongated shadows about his eyes, in truth he looked rather like a sallow demon that had strayed too far from the devil’s fire and lost its colour. “As you now know Professor Trelawney has been taken ill. A funny cup of tea no doubt.” He paused for effect before squashing a cricket with the heel of his shoe, which was the only creature for miles to make a noise.

“Oh, oh Professor!” Lavender Brown began to waft her hand in the air, blowing several curling wisps of over-powering perfume across the classroom to break on his arms.

“Which part of silence did you NOT understand Miss Brown. Now I believe that you were up to the...” Snape began only to be interrupted for the first time in his life.

“Oh, oh Professor we were up to Love Readings in Palms and Tea.” Lavender almost screamed across the room, her eyes glaring soulfully into a now terrified Ron’s. Ron promptly fell off his stool backwards and battled to clamber back on with as much dignity as could be maintained in a classroom with Snape and Lavender in.

“I am well aware of that Miss Brown now will you PLEASE be silent! Twenty points from Gryffindor, ten for opening your mouth again!” Snape snarled in malicious pleasure. “Very well, I shall set you up in pairs to practice this... ‘practice’.” A more malevolent glint rose into Snape’s eyes than had ever done so before and every student shrank back as he paired up everyone who did not get along. Ron paled considerably as Lavender pounced onto the stool opposite him. Harry almost laughed until Snape pointed with a delighted expression that he was to take a seat beside Millicent Bulstrode.

The lesson passed with a deadening drag as the students battled to understand their teacups or palms and fought to hide their true feelings from their partners. All the while, Snape prowled amongst them, suddenly immensely knowledgeable about tealeaves and palms. Every student there began to think that Snape was having far too much fun. He was almost smiling. His yellowed teeth began to be revealed as his thin lips peeled backwards, the skin stretching unnaturally into a mad man’s grimace of delight. The usually dark eyes were beginning to take on a glitter that had not been known to exist before this day. Even his nostrils seemed over-excited, flaring and subsiding with alarming clarity until it almost looked as if he would take flight. Finally, the lesson began to draw to an end, both boys and girls almost sweating, not from the heat of the room, but from the tyrannous rule of Snape presiding over their private affairs as if airing his underpants.

“The final exercise is to read your partner’s palms and assess how accurate your interpretation matches their own.” Snape declared in a gleeful tone as he once again prowled about them. His delight was soon brought to a standstill as a girlish squeal of sheer joy erupted from across the classroom causing every to turn and stare. A Slytherin girl was staring in utter contentment at her palm, currently clutched in a completely bewildered Gryffindor boy’s hand. “Keep your exuberance to yourself Miss Hardbroom unless you care to share your future with the entire class.” Snape snarled and turned to begin his favourite past time of torturing Neville.

“Oh but Professor, how can I? After all it is very taboo.” The girl giggled, staring at her palm as if it had just told her how to produce gold from thin air. Snape merely ignored her and began to snipe cruel remarks about Neville’s trembling fingers. He froze, his mouth half way through the motions of trilling about the boy’s incompetence, and silence fell in the classroom. Harry and Ron stared in complete disgust, awe and disbelief at Snape. Miss Hardbroom had dashed across the classroom, smacked flat into Snape’s back, wrapped her arms about his waist and draped herself across his bent frame. She had just begun rubbing her hands over the Professor when he came to his senses and attempted to escape her tentacle like arms as they snagged and caught in his suddenly too many layers of clothing.

“Miss Hardbroom release my person at once!” Snape shouted, swatting at the girls hands as she kept an unnaturally close proximity to him and found several gaps in his clothing under which her hands rapidly disappeared.

“Oh call me Olivia please!” She demanded passionately, hooking a leg over his hip and pulling herself halfway up his frame. Snape released a most terrified squeak and started to back up, knocking over tables and pouffes as he attempted to retreat. “I want you Severus, so badly. I was just waiting for the right moment! It’s on my palm, Alastair said ‘Go fuck Snape’ and so I must do it... or rather you!” She cried, her hands beginning to unfasten the innumerable buttons holding his under jacket together.

“Miss Hardbroom! Let go! Don’t do that, I will use magic if I have to!” Snape squealed and pushed her away.

“Oh yes treat me rough Severus, I love it when you’re rough. I scream your name at night while I...” Olivia screamed, running her fingers through her hair and writhing on the floor.

“MISS HARDBROOM GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF! I am NOT a sex object!” Snape shouted, colouring a hideous crimson with embarrassment and being completely flustered.

“No Severus, you’re an ANIMAL!” Olivia screamed with delight as she launched herself at him once more. “I want you on the pouffe, the tables, surrounded by crystal balls!” She declared, knotting her fingers into his hair as Snape began to reach for his wand. Harry and Ron began to retreat with the rest of the class towards the trap door, not willing to be caught in a stray hex, or to see the nauseating display any further.

“Miss Hardbroom, I am Professor Snape to you not Severus!” Severus shouted, beginning to look at the students for help and realising that none would come to his aid as they ran for the exit. He was suddenly toppled by her weight and landed on his back in front of the excessively large fireplace.

“Oh how perfect Professor, my Professor! I always wanted to ride you in front of the fire place. The heat on my skin and the shadows... oh Merlin!” She shrieked in delight, as Snape stared at her in complete bewilderment and finally got his wand free.

The students exchanged nervous glances at the bottom of the ladder to the tower. Alastair was being bombarded with questions, “I only said it because she was annoying me!”