Shell Shock

Part four:


Harry was afraid to meet Severus’ piercing glare for fear of being refused again so instead he focused on the skin underneath his fingers. It wasn’t as smooth or as soft as Seamus’ but it had a wonderful and unique texture of its own. Harry closed his eyes briefly and cursed inwardly, reminding himself he wasn't going to do that again, wasn't going to compare reality with a memory. Harry closed his eyes tighter and tried once again not to think about the words that were whispered so long ago.

“I want to touch you. Touch your skin. Just once--”

No. He had to stop thinking about Seamus. About what could have been. About the many times he had longed to be in a situation such as this. Because now it was too late. Seamus was gone. Perhaps, Harry thought, it was for the best that they never were able to take that final step in their relationship. He didn’t even want to imagine what that would feel like. Maybe Seamus was right.

Everything happened for a reason. Or in their case - didn’t happen.

Harry slowly opened his eyes as his mind drifted away from the past and back into the present. The warm flesh he was absently stroking was still there. Still moving under his touch. He watched in awe as the chest – Severus’ chest – seemed to rise up to meet his soft caress. It suddenly occurred to Harry that something else was happening as well.

Severus wasn’t stopping him.

Harry gathered up all of his courage and made a bold move by lifting himself up to his forearm. He wanted to see more – to see everything. When there was neither a response nor any type of refusal, Harry found himself smiling and then allowed himself to continue. He wasn’t exactly sure of why he wanted to continue. Only that he did. But as Harry ran one of his fingertips over the indentation between Severus’ ribs, he unconsciously began to think about it.

Just what was it about this man that made Harry feel comfortable enough to do this? It wasn’t as if he had previously thought about Severus in that way. Nor was there any inclination on Severus’ part that Severus was even attracted to him.

So why was Severus letting him?

Suddenly, a feeling of panic ran through Harry. What if this one night changed everything? Would the unspoken friendship that had gradually formed between them be broken? Would Severus think that he was only being used and then put up an irreparable wall in the morning? Harry shuddered at the thought. That's the last thing Harry wanted and nothing was worth the risk of losing what little they did have. No matter how trivial it was. And if Harry was to be honest with himself, he was afraid. He was afraid to start something - anything - with someone just to lose it. Lose them. He couldn’t bear to have that happen to him again.

Harry sighed heavily and decided to stop this before it went any further. Besides, he was almost positive that Severus wasn't really attracted to him, and really didn't want to do this, and would most certainly regret it in the morning. Not to mention the fact that he would probably hold Harry in contempt. But then - why? Why wasn’t Severus stopping him? Was it because he might actually want to--? Harry inwardly shook his head. No, that wasn’t it. It couldn’t be. But then why? Suddenly, a terrifying reason washed over him. Pity. Harry clenched his jaw. He hated to be pitied. He had enough of that shit at St Mungo’s.

Harry closed his eyes and started to withdraw his hand. He was caught off-guard, however, when his wrist was unexpectedly stopped in mid-motion. Harry instantly snapped open his eyes and looked up in astonishment. Severus was observing him intimately and Harry noticed that the expression he was wearing was neither the look of pity or of contempt. Harry stared at him curiously for a moment before softly gasping as his hand was placed back upon Severus’ chest. He quickly glanced down to his covered hand and then back up. Severus nodded.

Harry realised in that moment that this really wasn’t an act of pity but of mutual consent.


~*~*~*~*~


Harry's heart raced with the knowledge that not only did Severus wanted this, but would watch him as well. He knew he really shouldn't be embarrassed, but the thought of having Severus actually watch him made him ten times more nervous than when he had thought he was doing this when Severus was asleep. He was glad of the semi-darkness hiding the small flush in his cheeks. Harry stole a quick glance in Severus’ direction and was relieved to note the man had closed his eyes. He hesitated for a moment and then took a deep breath before finally turning his attention to the warm hand covering his own. As it slowly pulled away, fingers softly caressed his skin, causing gooseflesh to appear over his entire body.

Harry’s eyelids fluttered closed for a moment before opening them again and took a deep, hitching breath. Slowly and timidly, he ran his fingertips down Severus' body until meeting the top of Severus' trousers then back up to the hollow of his throat. He did this a few times before gradually lowering his hand to his palms and began to lightly caress the skin underneath, using only the merest pressure. He heard Severus’ breathing grow shallow at this point and couldn’t help but smile. He continued exploring the warm body for a while longer until he finally got enough courage to circle one of Severus’ nipples and gently tug on it. A sharp intake of air above him was the response and so he reached over and did the same thing to the other one, which earned him a loud gasp.

Feeling a little more confident, Harry slid his hand down Severus’ torso and gingerly placed his hand on top of the tented trousers. He curled his fingers around the trapped erection and gently squeezed it. Severus’ hips rose slightly and, out the corner of Harry’s eyes, he could see Severus’ hand gripping the sheets. He tightened his hold and awkwardly rubbed up and down the length as much as he was able. Harry jerked his hand back when both of Severus’ hands touched his; giving him the impression that he was stopping him. Instead, however, Severus fumbled with the thin belt, and quickly lowered the zip. Harry moved back to allow Severus enough room so that he could lift his hips and push down his trousers. When Severus reached for the top of his boxers, Harry smiled shyly and nudged the two hands away with his own; he wanted to do this part by himself.

From the dim lighting in the room, Harry could just make out the colour of Severus’ underpants. They were red. Harry’s smile turned into a full grin, thankfully hidden by his bowed head. He pushed himself up, resting on his forearm, and continued once again rubbing the more prominent erection through the thin material. A groan of frustration came from Severus, but Harry ignored it, choosing to prolong his slow administrations. Finally after a few minutes, Harry curled his fingertips, and slipped them just inside the rim of the material and slowly peeled them down, revealing a rather thick and incredibly hard erection. Harry firmly wrapped his hand around the shaft and pulled the skin up until it met the soft glans, covered by the foreskin. Harry barely loosened his grip and pushed the forekin back enough so he could see the tiny slit filled with clear liquid. He ran the pad of his thumb over it, simultaneously compressing his fingers, bringing forth more precome.

Harry leaned over and slowly licked the head of Severus’ cock, cherishing the sounds he was causing. He could feel the muscles in Severus’ legs tighten as he ran the flat of his tongue against the tip. Another moan escaped Severus’ lips and a trembling hand touched Harry’s shoulder. Harry pursed his lips and carefully slid them down, enveloping just the top. Fingers dug into his shoulder, but not hard enough to hurt. Severus was breathing heavily now and it only increased in volume when Harry lowered his head. He moved his mouth up and down the length of Severus’ cock, keeping rhythm with his hand. As Harry increased the speed, Severus unconsciously lifted his hips. Harry knew from his own personal experience that by the way Severus was breathing, it wouldn’t be long before the man came.

Harry sped up his thrusts, twisting his hands as he did so. He could feel Severus’ cock swelling and the large vein under his fingers grew hard. With a strangled cry from his deep in his throat, Severus’ cock began pulsating and Harry’s mouth was filled with a warm substance. He held on tight and froze as the last bit of liquid was released then slowly pulled away, swallowing everything. Severus’ body collapsed on the bed, and his chest was heaving with every breath he took. Harry raised his head to look up at him and warmly smiled when their eyes met.

Suddenly, Harry found himself on his back and gasped when his throat was attacked by a pair of lips fastening onto his neck. His hands immediately flew up and intertwined themselves into the long hair covering half his face. His body was instantly set on fire when a strong hand slid under Harry’s underpants and latched onto his straining erection. He bucked his hips up and met it stroke for stroke. He knew he wouldn’t be able to last long. Severus’ mouth released his neck and traveled down his body quickly as his hands yanked down Harry’s pants.

A pair of tight lips replaced Severus’ hand and Harry cried out as his cock was sucked into a hot mouth. One hand gripped his hips and held him down while the other cupped Harry’s balls, eliciting another cry. Firm fingertips rubbed the sensitive spot just above his entrance and, instinctively, Harry’s legs bent. Digging his heels into the mattress, he clung to Severus' hair for dear life. His orgasm rapidly approaching with every stroke of wet heat, he knew it would be any second now.

When Harry felt lips touch his pubic hairs, he arched his back and howled. He came so violently his entire body shook and all of his muscles locked. He remained frozen in time, feeling every spasm his cock made. After what seemed like forever, Harry finally collapsed on the bed with a groan, his mind swimming from the aftershock. He tried to breath but the air just seemed to have left him. Small tremors erupted throughout his body as his heart slowly returned to normal. Finally Harry was able to take a deep breath and blinked a few times before looking down at Severus through sated eyes.

Severus stretched out against Harry’s side and pulled him in close. Harry wrapped his arms over his chest, curled his body into his and snuggled up next to Severus. Sleep came easily to him and he was soon enveloped in darkness.

With a smile on his lips.


~*~*~*~*~