Shadows Of The Past

Chapter Four: A Sin Revealed





Where Draco learns of the past and Hermione reveals her decision.









Something was going on with his father, Draco was certain of it. He had been behaving strangely all evening, for a little over a week actually. He had tried to chalk it all up to his father adjusting to life outside of prison but that explanation didn’t sit well with him any longer. There was something more going on, he was going out every evening and staying gone for several hours. At first Draco had thought his father was visiting a mistress, getting a little action after so long without but he never came home with the look of a man who had just tumbled a beautiful woman. Sometimes he wore a strangely amused smile on his face and at others he looked tense and frustrated, but never did he have that freshly shagged look.







He was standing by the window of the salon, the sash opened slightly so that the cool evening air lifted his hair and the fresh scent of new autumn filled the room. He looked pensive, worried as he stared out into the night. Could he be depressed? Could prison have done more damage than Draco suspected?







“Father, are you alright?” Draco asked finally. The corner of Lucius’s mouth twitched and he shook his head.







“Not especially.” Lucius said quietly. He watched the ducks move about on the lake in the dim evening light and tried to organize his thoughts. He wasn’t finding much success. “Draco…have you ever done something for no good reason? Done something without realizing what you were doing until it was over and there was no going back?”







“What have you done?” Draco asked hoarsely, terrified that his father had done something to land him back in Azkaban.







“Something terrible.” Lucius said quietly.











“When did it happen?”







“It happened five years ago.” Lucius ran his hand over his face and turned from the window to face Draco. It crossed his mind that confessing to his son was more difficult than facing the ministry courts. He crossed the room and sat down in his favorite leather chair, letting his head rest against the back as he watched his son through slitted eyes. He was afraid to look the young man in the eye as he told the story, afraid of what he would see.







“I don’t understand.” Draco was confused and more than a little worried about his father’s mental health. “What are you talking about?”







“As the battle neared its end your mother and I ran into the castle searching for you. We looked everywhere, filled with terror thinking you were dead. As we ran through a passageway we saw you across the courtyard and your mother screamed your name. There were death eaters everywhere and word had quickly spread that we had changed loyalties so it was no surprise when that hex hit you.” Lucius’s face twisted into a mask of pain as he recounted the memories of that night. Draco sat and listened in awe, having never heard his father speak of what happened. “When you went down your mother ran for you…I called for her to stop, tried to grab her but it was too late, she was crossing that courtyard and before I could stop them they hit her with the killing curse, square in the chest. She fell just a few feet from you. I went crazy; I believed that my entire family had just been wiped out before my eyes. I killed them all. Every last one of them, not a single one got away and then…then I went to your mother but it was too late, she was gone. I crawled to you and when I touched you I felt a pulse so I pulled you into my arms and when you started screaming in pain…well I have to admit I had never heard a more beautiful sound because it meant you were alive.”







“Father, you don’t have to do this.” Draco said quietly as he watched his father’s eyes grow misty.







“No, I need to tell you this…I need to tell you everything and hope that you will understand, that you will forgive me.”







“Forgive you? What is there to forgive?” Draco asked, his confusion growing.







“Just listen, Son, just listen and let me finish before I lose my nerve.” Lucius took a deep breath and continued with his tale. “I carried you to the hospital ward. You were checked out and I was so relieved to learn that it was simply a dislocated shoulder. When they told me you were going to be alright and were sleeping I went back and got your mother. I carried her to a makeshift morgue set up in a classroom. I hated carrying her like that, she was so heavy and limp, so cold. I couldn’t go home…I didn’t want to go back to this house after everything that had happened here, I knew I wouldn’t be able to live here, to stay here until everything had been gutted and replaced, until all the evil was gone. So I let myself into Severus’s quarters where I showered and found some clean clothes then I went to the Slytherin common room and I just sat there.” He stood and walked back to the window, he couldn’t look at Draco for the next half of his story. “I had swiped a bottle of Sev’s bourbon and was more than a little pissed when company arrived. Hermione Granger was patrolling the castle, checking up on the refugees and trying to combat her own demons I suspect. Much to my surprise she didn’t leave, she stayed and she comforted me, she talked to me. I am not quite sure of the details, but somehow…somehow I ended up taking her. I…I had intercourse with her.”







“You what!” He winced at Draco’s shocked exclamation.







“Let me finish!” Lucius shouted. “I don’t know how it happened, I didn’t want her, I didn’t want sex…it had nothing to do with desire or pleasure…I didn’t even take any pleasure in it. It was about need…comfort…I needed comfort and she was there and for a moment I was able to forget. When I realized what had happened I was horrified, I sent her away immediately…I was convinced that I had raped her because there was no way that she was a willing partner. I kept waiting for her to press charges but she never did…I spent four years in that prison wondering why. When I was released I hired an investigator almost immediately to find her, I needed an answer…What I found…well…you have a brother, Draco. He’s four.”







The silence was deafening. Lucius swallowed hard and tried to make his body turn around but fear kept him staring out the window, waiting for Draco’s reaction.







“Did you rape her?” Draco asked tightly. He knew his father was capable, or had been, of terrible things, but he didn’t want to believe that rape was one of them.







“She said no, she said that she allowed it.” Lucius answered. He didn’t see Draco sigh in relief.







“So Granger’s child…he is yours.” Draco said in disbelief. “I always thought he was Potter’s.”







“His name is Elias, and he is your little brother.” Lucius finally turned from the window and stared at his oldest child. “He doesn’t know yet but I intend to be his father in every sense of the word which means that eventually his parentage will become public knowledge. It also means that he will know that you are his brother. I wanted to tell you now, before Hermione and I tell Elias the truth, to give you a chance to deal with your own feelings about the situation.”









“My feelings?” Draco looked up, anger and hurt shining in his eyes. “My feelings? My mother wasn’t even cold in the ground and you were off shagging Granger! My feelings? I can’t fucking believe you!”





Lucius expected his anger. Draco had idolized his mother and he knew his son would feel like he betrayed his mother. Hell, Lucius felt as though he had betrayed her. He knew that were he in Draco’s shoes he would be reacting the same way.







“I understand that you are upset…”









“Do you? Do you really understand how upset I am right now?” Draco asked, pushing himself off of the sofa. “You fucked Hermione Granger before the sun rose on my mother’s body! Gods…what is wrong with you? Do you have no soul?”







“I never intended for anything like that to happen, you have to believe that. It was just…I don’t know how to explain it to you when I barely understand it myself. Can you honestly believe that I would set out to…deflower…a girl barely of age? I never held with the assaults on muggle women, you know that. I still feel tremendous guilt for what I did, you can never understand the horror of seeing the blood of innocence on your body, believing that you had forced yourself on a young woman. I still feel as though I stole something from her that night, despite her protests.” He ran his fingers through his hair, still avoiding Draco’s eyes. “I ruined her life. She would have gone to university, had a normal life and probably a career but because of me she works in a shitty little bookshop, lives in a rundown little house that is smaller than my bedchamber and she raises a child…my child…alone. What is wrong with me? Gods you don’t know how many times I have asked myself the same question.”







“I’m sorry…I can’t feel sympathy for you, Father. I just can’t. You slept with another woman…you betrayed my mother and her memory…Gods I cant believe this….you had a child with another woman, with a muggle-born no less, after all your preaching and posturing over the years you went and had a half-blood child.” Draco had a right to his anger, Lucius knew he deserved it and while it hurt, he accepted it. “Did she seduce you?”







“No.” Lucius shook his head, smirking at the thought of it. “No, she didn’t. She simply offered me comfort, her sympathy, a shoulder to lean on for a moment.”







“You did a lot more than lean on her shoulder.” Draco sneered. He still couldn’t quite believe it.





“Don’t blame Hermione and don’t insult her. She is an amazing young woman. She didn’t have to keep Elias, she didn’t have to choose to change her life so dramatically but she did.” Lucius finally looked at Draco and he recoiled slightly from the pained expression on his son’s face. “I would like for you to meet your brother, when you are ready.”







“Why didn’t she tell you?”







“The reasons are obvious are they not?” Lucius shrugged. “What matters now is that I know and I am building a relationship with the boy. I hope that you would do the same…eventually.”







“I can’t look at you right now…I can’t begin to think about having a relationship with…with…” Draco struggled to find the name.







“Elias, his name is Elias.” Lucius said. “Don’t blame him, Draco. Don’t hold my actions against him, he is just a child.”





“Oh, so suddenly you are preaching tolerance? Acceptance? When all my life you taught me to hate people who weren’t to blame for their birth? Why should I listen to you now? What did listening to you get me before? A bad reputation, servitude to a maniac, nearly losing my life and I DID lose my mother.” Draco shook his head, a look of disgust on his face. “I can’t believe this…I can not believe you would do something so heartless. I don’t like you very much right now.”







Lucius didn’t try to stop him as he got up and walked away. Hermione was right, he was angry and it was going to take him time to work it out. Lucius had no choice but to let him go and pray that he would come to understand, that he would come to forgive him in time.







~@~







Hermione stood on her back porch and watched Elias blow bubbles in the fading light of the day. He was so happy playing with something as simple as liquid soap, dipping the plastic wand into the bottle again and again and filling the air with delicate iridescent bubbles before chasing them down and squealing in delight as he popped them between his hands. If only everything her life was as enjoyable as watching her son play.









“Are you alright?” Hermione heard the back door creak open as Harry joined her on the porch. He laid his hand on her shoulder and she had to fight with herself not to shrug him off.







“Not really.” She said, her voice raw and scratchy.







“Molly and Ron left already, Molly said she will be here in the morning same time as always.” Harry sat in the lawn chair leaning against the porch rail and looked up at her. She looked so sad and very, very tired.







“She loves Elias, despite hating me.” Hermione sighed and leaned down, folding her arms on top of the rail. She was thankful that Ron and Molly had left. She couldn’t handle any more of their negativity. She had invited them all over so that she could tell them how her situation had changed. They were horrified to discover that Lucius had been in contact with Elias and even more so when she told them that he was visiting on a regular basis with the intent to eventually reveal his relationship to Elias.







Ron had voiced his concern for she and Elias’s well being and his worries weren’t unreasonable given Lucius’s past. While he had been honest and open about his concerns he also respected her and her decisions. It had been so hard on him when she found out she was pregnant and had to tell him what had happened that night in the Slytherin common room. Just like everyone else he had automatically assumed that she had been raped and had been more than a little shocked when she confessed that it wasn’t the case. He had tried to understand, he had even tried giving their relationship a chance, willing to stand by her and adopt her child when it was born. But it had been difficult for him when she began to show, seeing her pregnant when he had never shared her bed, knowing that another man’s child grew inside her. When Elias was born looking so very much like his father Ron realized that he couldn’t do it.







Hermione didn’t blame him for his choice. She was heartbroken that the relationship she had craved for so long was without a doubt over, but she understood and didn’t hold it against him. In time they resumed their friendship and Ron grew fond of Elias though not like Harry. Harry had seen himself in the little boy, a fatherless child who needed someone to guide him, someone to be there for him to show him right from wrong. He had stepped into the role of Uncle and father figure without a second thought.







Molly had been the toughest. She blamed Hermione for hurting Ron, for betraying him and she didn’t hide her disappointment in her for sleeping with Lucius. She was distant and somewhat cold, disapproving of Ron’s attempt to stick with a relationship. Molly Weasley was more than a little protective of her children and Hermione understood that now that she had Elias. She would hate any woman who dared to break Elias’s heart. But despite her feelings towards Hermione, Molly loved Elias, she had from the moment she laid eyes on him. She didn’t understand how Hermione could possibly justify allowing Lucius Malfoy into Elias’s life. It didn’t matter that he was his father and she didn’t care that Lucius seemed like a different man, Molly had a very long memory and Lucius was not forgiven for his transgressions.







If nothing else, Hermione was a strong woman. She stood her ground and didn’t try to defend her decision to allow Lucius into their lives. It was her decision, her life and her child. She told them out of courtesy because Lucius was going to be around often and sooner than later it would become public knowledge that Elias Granger was in fact Elias Malfoy.







“No one hates you, Hermione. They just don’t understand your decision.” Harry hated to see her looking so down, it always made his chest ache when Hermione was upset. He didn’t want her to ever believe that she wasn’t loved.







“Truthfully…they don’t need to understand my decision, this is about me and Elias, they just have to accept it.” She said firmly. “Lucius is his father, like it or not. I saw something in him all those years ago that made me willing to take a chance on him and I still see it. He wants to make amends and he wants to be a good father to Elias, to be what he couldn’t be for Draco…and I believe him. I’ve seen him with Elias, Harry. He has come to visit him every evening this week and he is so good with him.”







Her soft smile was telling and it surprised Harry more than he could say. She really did believe that Lucius deserved to be and could be a decent father to Elias. Harry wasn’t convinced but then again the last time he had seen Lucius Malfoy he had been sitting in the center of the courtroom hearing his sentencing. And one thing was certain, he would never know him as well as Hermione.







“I want to trust your judgment, Hermione, it just may take me awhile. I want only the best for you and Elias, you know that.” He reached up to touch her hand and she looked down at him with that familiar indulgent expression she had been giving him since their younger days.







“I know that, Harry. I just wish people could trust me to know what is right for my son, what is right for me. I don’t think that this is a mistake, I feel that this is the right thing for Elias.” She said, sure of herself and sure of her decision.







“I will support you, Hermione, always. I may not understand it but I trust you. I know that you would never do anything that may hurt Elias.” Harry took her hand and gave it a little squeeze. “Now, I am going to go play with Elias.”







Hermione watched with amusement as Harry bounded off of the back porch and into the yard, wand drawn as he multiplied the bubbles. Elias’s shrieks of delight filled the air and her problems were forgotten as she lost herself in the joy of her child.