The After Effect

Authors Note: Just to clear up a few things before you start reading. Harry is not going to be this afraid little sub that goes around like he has been abused. Of course he has been abused so some of that will show through but for the most part Harry is going to be very much himself as portrayed in the books. But of course I am going to have him gay and well how I think the abuse he suffered affected him. Big crowds make him nervous but he doesn’t run and hide from them like he used to. He will still suffer from some (some meaning very little) PTSD. The reaction Harry had to Hermione finding out was the fear of being alone something he is very deeply afraid of. This won’t be a story based on a frightened man using bdsm to escape, this will be about a man who found bdsm and lived. This is my own interpretation of how he will be affected based on what I myself have gone through and what I have witnessed others go through. I myself get nervous in large crowds but instead of hiding I make myself the spectacle because if I am forcing everyone to look at me then it is on me. Harry will have a lot of me in him because well I am my prime example of what a person is like after abuse. Makes sense right? And if you don’t like my Harry you can suck it. Thanks, love you.

So remember this while reading and I hope I made sense. Lol.

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The last two weeks had been exhausting, more mentally then physically, and now finally as his prize he was allowed to go to his first BDSM club. Excitement coursed through so swift and hard it made the hair on the back of his neck stand straight up. Tonight might finally be the night he would find out who SirAlexander was.



In the fourteen days he had learned what he really wanted his life to be. Things he hadn’t even heard of were laid out in front of him. He had been told every misconception, every lie about his choice of lifestyle and then told why they were false. They had wanted him to know what people would say about his choice and what stories he would hear. He learned about those who used bdsm as a ruse to abuse people and he learned how to keep himself out of those situations. His first lesson hadn’t even been with his mousy-haired ‘Mione as he thought it would be, it had been with her sub. Sitting in his bathroom he started the long process of braiding his hair as he thought back on his first meeting with Blaise.

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Harry had been pacing his living room for about an hour his thumb between his teeth as he gently bit at the pad of it. He was so engrossed in his movements he actually jumped when the doorbell rang. Staring at the door it took him a few seconds to register there was somebody waiting for him to open it. Shaking his head to clear it he walked over to the door “Get a hold of yourself Harry.”



Taking a deep breath Harry opened the door and was greeted with the dark skinned sub. Blaise was wearing a sky blue button down and a pair of dark blue jeans. His light brown eyes stared back at Harry. It took Harry a couple seconds more to motion for Blaise to come in. “Sorry, come in…” He ran a hand over his French braided hair.



Blaise turned around in the room looking around for a few seconds before pulling out his wand and giving a light flick. The air around Blaise’s neck started to shimmer and appear to fall away, in its wake was the softest velvet blue collar Harry had ever seen. Harry’s green eyes got wide as he stared at the collar around the man’s neck. He could make out a few words “The Heart of Hermione Granger?” Harry whispered out loud.



A smile crossed the dark skinned man; his hand came up to finger the soft fabric. He shrugged slightly, “She always has been and still is sentimental.”



Harry took a step forward but stopped himself “When did… I mean how long… Oh bollocks.”



The other man chuckled lightly and motioned for them to sit on the couch. He waited for Harry to sit and get comfortable before he spoke. “I have had my collar for about four years and in those four years I have only taken it off once.”



The green eyes widened in amazement, “Only once?”



The pain of the memory was clearly written in the Slytherin’s eyes. “When you get your collar it is the most amazing feeling in the world. There should never be a reason to take it off. When I had to it was the hardest things I have ever had to do.” Harry bit his lip but didn’t say anything, obviously this was something Blaise did not like thinking about and Harry knew well enough about bad memories, he wasn’t going to pry. Finally after a few minutes Blaise spoke in a steady almost emotionless voice as if trying to cover up the heartache that ran through him. “There is one punishment in the word that is worse than anything you can imagine. It isn’t physical and it often times isn’t something you can conjure up. It is disappointment.”



Harry’s blanched slightly. He knew how horrible disappointment could be. All of his life he had been a disappointment to his family and even to his friends. Biting his lip he nodded to Blaise waiting for him to continue.



The dark skinned man looked at Harry for a moment before he started talking. His voice was slow and forced as he tried to keep that emotionless rhythm he was so known for. “About nine months ago I brought home a wooden box, about the size of a shoebox, and placed in my dresser. Hermione didn’t know about it till one day she was going through my clothes to pick out what she wanted me to wear.” At the confused look on Harry’s face he said “Sometimes Hermione likes me in certain things and it feels nice when she takes the time to lay out an outfit.” He motioned to his clothes and smiled when Harry blushed “Well anyways, she found my box and I came home to her sitting at the table with the box in front of her. I remember the dread that went through me; I stopped dead in my tracks looking at her. I was so worried she had already opened it. She then pushed it towards me and told me to open it. I told her I couldn’t, and then she told me if I didn’t open she would. Now Harry just because Hermione is my Mistress does not mean she controls everything. The box was locked in my dresser hidden; obviously I didn’t want her in it. I told her as much, telling her that it was not to be opened. She got so angry; I didn’t at the time understand. Hermione was never like this. If I told her I didn’t want her to do something, if I told her no she listened. It was such a change, like she was possessed almost. ”



He swallowed a few times the memory making his throat go dry, he closed his eyes for a moment to compose himself, “She pulled out her wand so fast…” his fingers reached back up to his collar, “and just as she said the spell I yelled my safe word. But it was too late. Inside sat her engagement ring. I was so upset, I felt betrayed. I slowly took of my collar placed it in front of her and walked out. I couldn’t even look her in the face.”

“I remember you staying at Draco’s for a few days and then Hermione coming over with her engagement ring just a week later.” Harry reached over and grabbed Blaise’s hand a liberty he would have never taken while they were in school. “How did you ever forgive her?”



“She came over every day and apologized. I was so disappointed. It was the only time she had failed me not only as my dom but as my significant other... I felt that she didn’t trust me, and that nothing was safe.” He gave Harry’s hand a small squeeze. “Finally after four of the longest days of my life Draco finally convinced me to talk to Hermione. She looked like a mess; her hair was everywhere, her eyes red and she looked like she hadn’t eaten since I left. In her hands she was clutching that bloody box. I was so tempted to walk right out but she held it out to me. She had spent the last three days with Flitwick, while she wasn’t trying to convince me to talk to her, making that box impenetrable to everyone, even her. It was mine she said, she couldn’t open it if she tried, nobody could but me. She handed it to me said that she was wrong and she had failed, she kissed my hand and walked away. I don’t think she took more than three steps before I started yelling. I don’t even remember what I said but she stood there and said ‘I know’ over and over in that voice she gets when she has cried too hard and can’t cry anymore. I hollered till my throat was raw and then I kissed her. “



The look on Harry’s face was between confusion and awe. “You kissed her?”



Blaise smiled slightly, “I couldn’t stop myself. I love her, with more of myself then I thought possible to love a person. Hermione will and always be just as much mine as I am hers. It wasn’t till later, the next day to be exact, that she sat me down and explained what had happened to her; what had made her act that way. The war affected us all in different ways with Hermione she is always looking at innocent things like it has some dark agenda. When she saw the box and knew that it was locked in our bedroom she became afraid, afraid that some dark wizard had caused me to take it home and that it was a bomb that would kill us. Her war instincts had come into play and she was no longer my Dom and lover she was Hermione War Tactician. She said she couldn’t even think, nothing made real sense to her. She just knew that I could open it without it blowing up.” He shook his head.



Lifting his fingers up to his collar he traced the stitching. “I knew that she would never have asked me to wear it again. She felt she failed me and that she no longer had the right.” He smiled “I am not going to go into detail on how I convinced her to give it back but I did.”



Harry looked at the floor and when he spoke there was such want in it, it broke Blaise’s heart “You two have it.” Without explanation Blaise knew what he meant.



“Well luv that is why I am here.” He leaned forward slightly placing his elbows on his knees. “I am here to teach you how to be a sub and everything that it entails. The first thing is Harry do you want this?”



There was a pause as Harry rolled over the answer in his head trying to find the best wording. “I feel like I need it, not want but need it. Like the need to breath but I know that if I had to I could live without it. I mean the last twenty-four years of my life I have lived without it and I could continue to live without it. But I know with certainty for me to be happy, to truly be alive not just living, that I need this.”



Blaise nodded in understanding. “That is good. Very good actually. Most people say they can’t live without it, you would be surprised what you can live without, but being alive now that is a different subject matter entirely.” Blaise rubbed his hands together in thought, “The first thing that you need to learn to be a good Sub is how to be a person. You need to be your own individual, with your own self esteem and your own wants and needs. If you ever get into a relationship with a person that wants you to give up who you are you run, you run hard and fast and come to me or Hermione or Remus. Anybody you trust. Those are people you need to stay away from.



They aren’t real Dom’s what they are is a controlling and often times abusive arse who uses the BDSM lifestyle to prey on people.”

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Harry placed the elastic band around the end of his hair tying off his braid. He moved into his bedroom and looked at the clothes laid out on his bed. Ambush was having a masquerade costume night and Remus had picked out his clothing. Hermione had fought hard on the matter but finally relented.

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The fire flickered in the living room causing shapes to appear on the wall. They had all decided to get together are Remus’s since him and Ron had the biggest living room. Neville and Draco were sitting on the loveseat together Neville leaning against the blond holding a piece of the expensive cloth between his fingers rubbing it back and forth. Something Harry noted that Draco didn’t seem to care. Blaise was sitting on the floor in front of Hermione’s chair and Ron was sitting in front of Remus’s both of whom were standing yelling at one another.



Harry himself sat between the two chairs eyeing them both with an amused look on his face. They were arguing over who should dress him for his first night at Ambush. At this point he really didn’t care but he wasn’t going to turn their attention on him. Blaise and Ron had the same resigned look on their face as if they had seen this happen more than once which was probably the case.



“I do not understand why you should get to dress him! He is my best friend!” Hermione had her hands on her hips her nose was wrinkled and her brows drawn down close.



“Hermione dear I think you’re missing a very key element here.” Draco’s aristocrat drawl went through the room.



She looked at Draco raising an eyebrow.



“Last time I checked you were a woman Hermione.” Remus said in an almost civil tone, well as civil as you can be whilst yelling.



The woman stood back confusion coming over her face “What does that have to do with anything?”



“You will be looking for what woman wants to see a male sub in. I will dress him in what I would want to see a sub in.” Ron gave Remus’s leg a soft swat relaying the ‘you should want to see any sub in anything besides me’ message. Remus dropped a hand down and curled it through the redheads hair pulling on it slightly causing Ron’s eyes to flutter closed.



Harry couldn’t stop the blush that came over his face nor could he stop the deep want he got when he saw the two men interact.



Hermione sat down finally conceding to the point “I didn’t think of that. Fine you pick it out but I still want to be there.”



The older man gave a soft chuckle and sat down as well. “Of course ‘Mione, I wouldn’t deny you the chance to dress up another pet we all know how you love dress up. You can be there but I have the final say. Agreed?”



Hermione nodded a smile on her lips as she looked down at her dark sub who seemed to take no note of the look Hermione was giving him.

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The brown haired man shook his head at the memory. Almost every night for the last week Hermione had him sit in with them to watch them interact. Each of them showed a different element of the wizarding bdsm community that was key. Hermione and Blaise had a total power exchange, Ron and Remus were bond by Remus’s creatures nature, and Draco and Neville were ‘whenever-the-mood-strikes-us’. Each of them had shown them a different part of the world Harry wanted to live in. Each was important to know and understand.



They had wanted Harry to know he could choice what he wanted, that not all BDSM relationships were the same. Every relationship had their own dynamic and it was important for him to find the one that best fit what he wanted and needed.



Turning his thoughts back to his clothes he smiled to himself. It was a very risqué number. It was made of a dark green satin with pieces of teal and black shimmer that shined through. A rush went through him as he started to put it on. It was one piece that looked like two. Carefully he fastened the clips around his waist and then at his shoulders. The clasps were a black gold that had chips of emeralds which could only be seen in the firelight giving the jewel the name of Green Fire.



He had just finished putting on the costume when he heard the knock and his front door open. Grabbing the mask on the bed and placing it on his face, he quickly left the room his bare feet padding softly across the floor. Of course Remus would pick something that had to be worn with no shoes. As he rounded the corner and walked into the living room he stopped suddenly at the gasps that filled the room.



They were all looking at him. His face started to turn red and his palms sweat he wanted nothing more to run back into his bedroom, instead he turned in a circle causing the material to spin. Carefully he stood placing his hands in front of him bowing his head in respect he said “Ma’am, Sirs.”



Hermione was the first to break the silence “Remus you were right.”

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Severus was already at Ambush setting up. He wore a simple costume, a black suit with a matching mask and his cane. His hair was pulled back with a black ribbon at the nape of his neck. He was currently watching over the set up of the stage. It was customary for new Elite members to give a show. The Elite members were their thirty or so regulars who were given special treatment. Tonight was their special event. If Harry was going to be one of their Elite he would have to put on a worthy performance.



A smirk came across his thin lips as he thought of the delectable things Harry could do on that stage just for him. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts he reminded himself harshly that Harry had been infatuated with SirAlexander and not him. Closing off those thoughts he got ready for the evening.



Everything went by so quickly. Ambush had been set up so the stage with a circle in the middle of the club around the stage was couches with plush pillows on the floor in front of them. The light was designed to hit the stage and just barely cast a glow a foot surrounding it so the couches were cascaded in black privacy. The only other major light was at the bar which took up the whole of the right side of the club. Along the left were tables that had a u shaped couch around them, they were lit with a soft red light that allowed only those at the table to see one another. One of Ambush’s major rules were ‘Privacy unless invited.’



Quickly the room started to fill with the Elite that Severus greeted warmly and showed everyone to their seats. Finally, after everyone had been seated, he sat in the centre most couch not having to wait long for the rest of his group to sit.



Hermione was wearing a Robin Hood-esk outfit tight brown leather clung to her body from the boots to the corset, at her hip was her whip, the only colour was her red mask she wore over her eyes. Blaise was wearing black suit pants and a pair of suspenders that hung down and would have fallen off had they not been still attached to his pants. He wore a white mask that stood out against his dark skin. She sat to Severus’s left and Blaise sat on a pillow between her legs.


Remus was wearing a pair of trousers and white shirt with a pair of brown suspenders, in his mouth was a pipe. He had styled his hair so it covered his right eye. Ron was perhaps the most scantily clad individual in the group only wearing what appeared to be nothing more than a white cloth buckled at his him with a green pendant. He wore a beautiful blue mask decorated with white embroidery and had white and blue feathers coming off the left side. It was feminine but didn’t take away from his masculinity. Remus sat next to Hermione and patted his lap, Ron sat in Remus’s lap placing a leg over each of Remus and letting his head fall back against the older man’s chest. He had his arms behind his back a hand at each elbow, it wasn’t the most comfortable position but Remus enjoyed having Ron at his mercy. Remus spread his legs a little wider which caused Ron to spread his. A smirk settled on his lips.



Finally Draco came and took the seat next to Severus. Severus had to roll his eyes when he saw what his Godson was wearing. Draco was decked out in a white tuxedo down to the white cane, shoes and mask. Taking a gloved hand Draco pulled the similarly clad Neville to the floor between his legs. Neville was dressed in a white suit that matched Draco’s minus the cane, gloves and shoes which he wore none of. Neville leaned his cheek against the blonds cheek a content smile on his lips.



With a sneer on his lips Severus leaned towards Draco and whispered in his hair “All your missing is the wings.”



A soft chuckle left Draco “I didn’t want God to think me one of his angles and whisk me off to heaven. I am having too much fun here.”



Severus was kept from replying when Hermione patted his arm and motioned to the stage. “Hush here he is.” Excitement coursed through his body as the lights dimmed and the room turned to black. Slowly music started to fill the room. It was a drum beat that slowly grew louder and louder, suddenly the lights came back on and there was Harry standing in the middle of the stage.



He was bent back his back arched his arms back over his head. His left leg was slightly bent with his right leg out in front of him and bent to the right. Beautiful green cloth fell over his body in sectioned sheets. The skirt part of the outfit was cut low showing off his thin shapely lips. The sides of his legs were bare where the fabric didn’t cover it, and with his right leg out in such a way it was completely bare up to where his thigh met his hip. The cloth covering his stomach was so thin and sheer it was barely visible. It was cut into a very thin cobweb shape that barely connected the top and bottom part of the costume. Over his arms were long sheets of cloth that covered his upper chest to right below his nipples but fell off his shoulders and was slit so that his arms were only covered when they were straight down at his sides. With his body bent in its arch they hung down the ends touching the floor.



Severus’s breath caught in his chest and Harry stood there for what seemed like ages. Then slowly his hips started moving back in forth in the same rhythm as the drum. Then as if hit with a wave he began to dance, his arms came down and moved over his body as he stood his right leg moving to go behind him and curve upward as he spun on his left. He landed his left foot in front of his right and his arms over his head. His hips moved back and forth, his arms were over his head, his hands weaving a spell above him. Everyone’s eyes were glued on the man in front of them. Harry weaved back and forth with the music his hips telling the story of denied love. The music held no words but Severus found that none were needed. Harry put such passion in his movements that people were held captive. Severus pressed the palm of his hand against his forming erection trying unsuccessfully to ward it away.



Then far too quickly as far as Severus was concerned it was over. Harry dropped to his knees in one fluid movement falling backwards his hands touching his feet keeping him up in a weird triangle shape. His knees were parted so that if the fabric had not been there his manhood would be shown to the world. Then the room went black and the music stopped.



Severus was still looking at the stage when the centre light came back on. He heard Hermione snicker to his side “I will go fetch Harry while you set up our table.”

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Woo hoo update! Ten almost eleven pages!



Sorry it took so long I have been swamped with school and work. I really only updated to clear my mind because I was starting to go insane so yah…. Hehe. I hope you lot enjoy.



So just so you guys know I actually danced out this dance to make sure I wasn’t making Harry do anything impossible. Woo hoo yoga.



Oh yeah read and review.



Special thanks to all those that did review. Love you lot.