Emerging With Grace

Disclaimer: I own nothing of the Harry Potter series. That belongs to JKR.

Chapter 4

I was willing myself to open my eyes. I had slept so well. The bed was so warm and inviting that I didn't want to leave it. It was like heaven compared to the sleeping arrangements I had grown accustomed to in the past months. I blinked my eyes a few times and saw that the sun was out, shining bright and high in the sky. A loud audible groan came from my mouth as I pulled the covers back over my head, snuggling further into their depths.

Not remembering many of the events from the night before I screamed when I felt an arm snake around my waist, pulling me against a warm, hard body. I quickly lost the ability to breath when startling blue eyes found mine. His wand was out at the ready and instantly pointed at the door. The giggle that had formed in my throat burst forward, sounding odd to my ears. He shot me a venomous look before lowering his wand, then putting it on the table. I clapped my hand over my mouth to stop the laughter emitting from me.

He ran his hands through his messy hair before rubbing them down the side of his face roughly, rubbing the sleep from his features.

He was magnificent in the morning. His hair stood out at different angles, there was a dark shadow on his jaw, the stubble was down right sexy. He had slept without a shirt, so I was able to see his sculpted chest and the dark tan that gleamed on his skin. I saw the numerous burn marks and scars on his arms and torso. They didn't frighten me, they were tantalizing and mysterious. I had to fight back the urge to jump on him and run my tongue across the surface of them.

His eyes smoldered when I had finished my analysis of his body. They bore into mine, glazed over in sudden passion. He leaned into me at a painfully slow pace, as his hands wrapped around my shoulders. I didn't want to fight him, I wanted him to kiss me.

His lips touched mine gently at first before he devoured my mouth. I slid my arms around his neck pulling him in closer. I didn't resist as his tongue delved further in my mouth. His taste was fantastic. I gripped my fingers into his shoulder as he moved his large body, situating himself between my legs. His erection pressed against me, hot and needy. My nails dug into his skin as I heard him groan. The deep sound of his voice awoke me for an instant, but that was all it took.

“Charlie, stop.” I was breathless as he lifted his lips from the spot they were teasing on my neck. I almost took it back and told him to continue. His lips skimming my skin was addicting, bringing up a feeling that I wasn't used to. He was driving me crazy. I shook my head, trying to clear the cobwebs that had taken up shop momentarily in my brain. As soon as it was clear his face loomed in my mind. Not Charlie's, the man who was looking at me with such desire, but Ron. The boy who had died loving me, thinking that I loved him too. “I'm sorry.”

“Is it Ron?” I flinched at his name and saw him squeeze his eyes shut, causing the corners to crease. He most have noticed. What guy wanted to see the woman he was snogging think of another man. As hard as this was for me I was sure that it was even worse for him.

“I'm sorry Hermione. I don't know what came over me. All I can say is that I wasn't properly awake and having a beautiful woman in my arms when I wake up in the morning... well.” His voice trailed off, obviously not wanting to continue.

“It's ok. It was a mistake. We just have to make sure it doesn't happen again. Now really isn't the time, you know?” I saw the brief rejection in his eyes and lowered my head.

“You're right. It was nothing. More of a kiss between cousins or something.” He gave a brief chuckle and I smiled inwardly. Charlie Weasley was anything but a cousin, I was sure of that. The feelings that I was having towards him were so far from what I should be feeling for a cousin.

He stood up from the bed and stretched his body upwards to the air. I almost choked when I saw his muscles ripple across his chest. Being in the same room with him without my usual clothing was just too much for my already overworked brain. I peeked back over the edge of the covers and saw that he had slipped a shirt on. I shouldn't have felt such disappointment, but I did.

“We should go down and get some food. Mum probably has lunch ready.” His tone was a bit harsh, I would have been deaf not to notice it. He looked back at me once more before resting his hand on the door knob. I saw his eyes rake over the messy bed with me sitting in it, a brief smirk crossed over his lips as he stepped into the hallway shutting the door quietly behind him.

I lay back against the covers and pulled my arm up to rest across my forehead suppressing the groan that was emerging from my chest. I couldn't believe that I had slept with him again, not in the same way as before, but enough to make the guilt press down on my chest. I settled in and waited for the tears to come at my betrayal to Ron, but they didn't. The only thing I could feel was a light bubble in my chest of happiness. It was wrong to be feeling content when so many were suffering, I should be suffering too. As hard as I tried I couldn't bring forth the required emotions of grief. I rubbed my fingers across my eyes and sat up. I needed to get down to see the rest of the family and see how they were doing. I made my way slowly to the door and like Charlie I let my eyes rest on the bed before I made my way to Ginny's room to get fresh clothing.

The day was a flurry of activity. Mrs. Weasley kept us all busy so that she could keep busy. We all knew that if she had the chance to sit and relax she would look at everyone there, count the number of heads and it would hit home once more that two of our number were missing.

It didn't bother me, the constant work. It gave me a chance to get my thoughts in order. There were a number of things that I needed to sort out. I had to find my parents, figure out what I would do about a job or schooling, I needed to plan out my life. Usually I found solace in organizing and planning, but I kept getting interrupted by thoughts of a certain man who was definitely not Ron.

We finally stopped around dusk and sat down to dinner. Charlie and Bill had brought tables out on the lawn, since there wasn't enough room in the small Weasley home to hold everyone who would be staying for dinner. I ran into the house to help Mrs. Weasley bring out the rest of the food. She had been cooking for most of the day. I knew that it was one of the only things that relaxed her. She had made a turkey, ham, boiled potatoes, mashed potatoes, several kinds of salads, multiple soups, numerous loaves of fresh baked bread, I think she made every kind of food that was in the pantry.

By the time we got it all out and arranged on the table it was practically groaning under the weight of the dishes placed upon it. Being the last one out there was only one seat left. I sat down quietly, hoping that Charlie wouldn't notice my presence next to him. I put food on my plate, not really noticing what I was supposed to be eating. He looked at me only once before he continued his conversation with Hagrid who was seated on his right.

I pushed my food around, not really wanting to eat, I knew that I would be sleeping in a few hours and that the dreams would upset my stomache. I didn't have much of an appetite, and sitting next to Charlie didn't really make me want to eat either. He must have heard the scrap of the fork, but didn't look at me. I felt his hand rest on my thigh and give it a reassuring squeeze. We were sitting so close I could feel the heat of his legs though my jeans. I gave an involuntary shudder thinking about him. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him give a smirk that told me he felt my movement. He started rubbing circles on my thigh with the pad of his fingertips. I leaned back, liking his touch more than I should. I felt my breath hitch in my throat, and a blush warm my cheeks. I didn't think I would be able to sit here and be silent with him touching me this way.

His hand stilled as a patronus landed at the edge of the lawn. It was Kingsley's, stating that he would be dropping in. Less than two minutes later he sat in a quickly conjured up chair and filled his plate with food. It was sometimes hard to believe that Kingsley was now the Minister of Magic. It was a comfort to know that he would succeed where others before him had failed, that he would fight for what was right. He was a man who couldn't be swayed by popular opinion or peer pressure. I wondered briefly as to why he was here, but I figured that he would tell us after the meal was over.

Not wanting to be a burden I helped Mrs. Weasley do up the dishes and pack up the leftovers, not that there were many, the men that had been there all had a superb appetite. I decided to do the dishes the muggle way instead of with magic. It gave me a chance to collect my thoughts. Sitting next to Charlie with the whole family around was not easy, especially when he was able to affect me in such a way. I brushed the thought from my mind as I submerged my hands in the water again and attacked a skillet that was being stubborn and didn't want to come clean.

I heard voices outside, it seemed that everyone was content sitting in the cool evening air while they digested there food. Needless to say I was surprised when a pair of warm hands settled on my waste. Even though I barely knew him, I knew his touch already. I sighed giving into what I wanted and leaned back against his solid chest. His hands ran themselves across my stomache lightly, teasing me with what I knew I could have. I felt his hot breath on my neck and groaned loudly when his lips pressed down onto my sensitive skin. I raised my hands out of the water, not caring that they were sopping wet and placed them on his arms, the crisp hair ticking my fingers as I traced patterns up and down his forearm. I was so lost in his ministrations that I barely heard Kingsley enter the room with a cough. Charlie, thank god, had heard and leaned into my ear.

“Later.” I smiled secretly to myself and turned around to face Kingsley after he had left the room. I plastered a smile across my lips as I turned to face him.

“I wondered if I might have a word with you Miss Granger.” I nodded my head and showed him into the sitting room. I sat in one of the chairs by the fire and gestured with my hand for him to sit in the one opposite of me. He shook his head no.

“I would prefer to stand if that is ok with you.” I smiled at him and placed my hands in my lap.

“What can I do for you minister?”

I expected to see a look of mischief, even a smirk at what he had just witnessed, but his face portrayed nothing of what he had seen. His normally expressionless face was covered in a mask of sorrow. His head was bent down and his shoulders unnaturally slouched. Whatever he had to say could not be good, I just didn't know who the bad news would be for. After a second I realized that the look on his face was for me. I knew what he was going to say before the words even left his mouth. My throat started closing up instantly.

“Miss Granger, Hermione, I hate to be the one...” He seemed to be struggling to get the words out. “It saddens me to be the one to tell you.... after everything that you have sacrificed....”

His words were drowned out, I knew what he was saying, but it didn't quite touch me. I always knew that there was a possibility of losing my parents. After all it was them, muggles, who had brought a mudblood into the world and not just any mudblood, but the best friend of Harry Potter, the boy who lived, the boy who was destined to kill the darkest lord in history. They were killed because of me. I knew that I was being monitored by Death Eaters and the Dark Lord, but I thought that I had done enough, that I had ensured their safety.

I heard Kingsley say that they had been killed the day after the Battle, the Dark Mark had lit the sky over the house they were staying in. Their deaths, one of the last committed under the name of Voldemort, would serve as a memory to all wizards about mudbloods. I heard his hushed assurances that the murderers would be caught, that this crime would not go unpunished. I looked up through teary eyes as he clasped my hands in his.

“I truly am sorry for your pain Hermione.” I merely nodded my head and watched his back as it slipped out the door.

Scalding tears left burning tracks down my cheeks as I sat there in silence. My mind had suffered too much, my heart was too torn. I looked around me at the comfort of the Weasley home and I realized that I was alone, I had no family left to me. Panic started to rise within my chest and I heard a scream, my own. It was blood curdling and chilled me. I ran through the door as fast as I could, not bothering to stop and register the concern on the faces around me. My legs pumped harder as I reached the gates where the wards ended. My tears flowed freely down my face, into my mouth and onto my neck. There were choking me as I ran. I turned with my wand and with a pop I landed in front of my families temporary home.

The dark mark still burned in the sky. Apparently the aurors weren't able to remove it. My legs carried me to the front door and I pushed it open with all my might. Not caring if someone dangerous was there I walked into the living room to see the house in a pitiful state of disarray. I held my lit wand out in front of me as I took in the scene.

The living room was completely destroyed. The sofa cushions were ripped and had the stuffing scattered all over the floor. The glass coffee table was smashed with sharp slivers of glass littering the carpet. Portraits of my parents were ripped from there frames and torn into pieces. There were faint specks of blood smattering the walls. A large chuck of the fireplace was missing and smote into dust. The trail of blood continued into the dining room. It had meet with pretty much the same fate as the other rooms. The glass table was knocked over and the legs were bent. The fine iron chairs were blasted apart and were strewn across the room, a back of one of the chairs was embedded into the wall. My mothers china cabinet was on its side, it's contents spilling out, shattered and broken.

I forced myself to walk up the stairs to my parents bedroom. I knew what was awaiting me in there. I knew that my parents bodies had been removed, but I knew that this is the room that they were murdered in. I walked into the room silently and took in the scene before me. I had almost expected to see it in the same state as the rest of the house, but it was perfect. They had left this room alone, I could still see the imprint of my fathers head in his pillow. They had killed him first, quickly and painlessly. He stood no chance against the Death Eaters that wanted him dead.

I saw it in my mind, his last moments. They would have walked in the room and grabbed my mother. It would have woken him up. He would have shaken the sleep off of himself and reached by the bed for his glasses. He obviously didn't get the chance because I could still see them sitting on the table just waiting to be picked up. He would have seen them holding my mother and the panic in her eyes as they held onto her brutally. He would have seen her terror and known that these were not ordinary men or burglars. He would have known in that instant that there was nothing that he could do, that he was going to die in only moments. A quick muttered Avada Kedavra and the life was gone from his eyes as his body slumped back onto the covers, never to wake again.

Kingsley had glossed briefly over the details of how her mother had died, but she knew from the blood trail downstairs that she had been tortured. She knew how they worked. Merely killing her mother wouldn't of been enough. She was the woman who had brought a lowly mudblood into the world, she deserved punishment. Images of her mother screaming raced through her mind as she sunk down onto the carpet in the bedroom. Sobs echoed around the room as I laid my head down in my arms. I couldn't get my parents out of my mind, their faces swam in my line of vision. I could smell their comforting scents, I could feel their arms wrap around me when I was a child, I could see their faces staring up at me blankly when I modified their memory. I was a monster. I had caused their deaths by not protecting them more thoroughly, I had let Ron die because I was off with his brother in a fit of passion. Everything that I had done weighed down on me, and a part of me hoped that I wouldn't surface because if all of these people were gone I didn't deserve to be here either.

I heard the soft click of the door as it opened and the soft tread of shoes on the carpet. I care who it was, but I knew. I knew his smell as it hit me when he sat down next to me and pulled me into his arms. My tears soaked his shirt as we sat there, his hands rubbing up and down my back taking my sobs into himself. I felt despair and nausea hit me as I looked up at him through watery eyes. My voice was so small and sad that I was surprised that it had come from me.

“Charlie, please. Make it stop, all of this pain. I can't take it anymore.”

His eyes bore into mine as he lifted my chin in his hands to look down at me. I noticed the pain in his eyes, the feeling of helplessness as he looked at me. His lips touched mine briefly before I pulled him in closer to me, crushing my lips to his and searching out his tongue with my own. I didn't care where this would lead us, I just wanted to feel something or someone, I wanted to drown in something that wasn't going to choke me for an hour. I just wanted to forget, I just wanted him.