It Was Only A Kiss!

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Chapter Three

‘This is stupid.’

‘Huh? Did you just call me stupid, Moony?’

‘No, I said this is stupid.’

‘What? Your toothbrush?’

‘Oh, for the love of Merlin…’

‘Remus... just leave it, alright?’

The suddenly low, soft tone made Remus look over and, seeing the flush across those high cut cheekbones all the girls envied, he guessed Sirius had known exactly what he was talking about. They were the last to use the bathroom tonight after a long, trying day and the unusual tension was becoming unbearable in the tiny washroom.

‘If it’s going to cause this big of a problem…’

‘It’s not.’

‘It is.’

‘It’s not, Moony.’

‘You can’t even look at me, Sirius. You haven’t looked at me all day…’

‘You’re bleeding.’

‘I…what?’

‘You’re bleeding.’

Remus turned back to the mirror to see that he was, in fact, bleeding.

‘Shit.’

He grabbed his towel and held it to the nick, glaring at his razor, which he’d mistakenly picked up instead of his toothbrush, before checking the cut at the corner of his mouth.

‘Damn, I opened up the edge of the scar.’

‘Let me see…’

‘It’s fine…’

‘Will you let me have a fucking look at it, Moony?’

In exasperation, Remus pulled the towel away and angled his head so Sirius could see the cut on his jaw. The brunette squinted at it, shifting closer to gauge how bad it was then he reached for his wand.

‘I’ll heal it. It’s not deep, but you’re right - you’ve opened that scar again. You should be more careful when you’re brushing your teeth with your razor.’

Remus shot him a dirty look. ‘Thank you, Pads. I’ll keep that in mind.’

‘Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, Moony.’

‘You are the lowest form of wit, Padfoot.’

Sirius chuckled then pointed his wand at Remus’ face, his hand rising to grip his chin to hold him steady.

‘You do know what you’re doing, don’t you?’ Remus asked suddenly, his voice wary.

‘Course I bloody do. Who do you think heals the smaller wounds after you transform? Hold still.’

There was a quick burning sensation as the skin knitted back together then Sirius mumbled, ‘Uh oh.’

‘What!?’

Remus wrenched himself out of Sirius’ grasp and checked his face, expecting to see some hideous deformation but there was nothing but the scar that had been there before. He heard Sirius chuckle and smacked him on the arm.

‘Not funny, Padfoot!’

‘Au contraire, my dear Moony. I thought the look on your face was priceless.’

He ducked to avoid Remus’ swinging fist, laughing as he reached for his toothbrush and Remus checked his face again.

‘Don’t worry, Moony. You’re still gorgeous.’

Remus stared at Sirius, seeing his grin fade when he realised what he’d said. Grey eyes shifted to peek warily at the werewolf who‘d decided he‘d had enough of this.

‘Look, I’m straight. You’re straight. We were pissed and had a snog. It’s no big deal, is it? I mean…it’s not like we shagged or anything. We aren‘t poofs.’

‘No, I…you’re right. I’m just being stupid about it, I suppose.’

‘Well, now that you mention it…’

‘Shut up, you scruffy werewolf.’

‘Bite me, mangy mutt.’

They both grinned then shuffled awkwardly.

‘So, are we gonna be alright?’

‘Yeah, course. Besides, if we were weird much longer, James and Pete would start asking why. I don’t want to be the one who tells them we made out.’

Remus snorted then smiled wickedly as Sirius started scrubbing his teeth. ‘I don’t know. It’d almost be worth it to see the looks on their faces.’

Sirius choked a little then spat out his toothpaste hastily, looking up at Remus with an appreciative grin.

‘Oh, that would be awesome. Can you imagine James’ face? And Peter…I reckon he’d wet himself…’

The two boys broke down laughing, leaning against the vanity as they predicted how their fellow Marauders would react if they learnt about their little indiscretion. Remus wiped away a tear of amusement and sighed before dragging a brush carelessly through his hair. Sirius watched him for a moment, startled at his sudden realisation that Remus’ hair wasn’t just brown but it was threaded with gold and red and even a little grey - the lamp light glinting off the errant strands.

’What? You need my brush?’

Sirius blinked then shook his head and reached for his comb. Since when did he notice the complexities of other boys’ hair?

Fuck.

He took extra care with his own raven locks - he needed to make sure he looked good so Kelly would be in the mood for shagging. He had to enforce his heterosexuality tonight before his dick fell off and he turned into a complete woman.

‘Do you really heal me after the moon?’

Sirius looked over at Remus’ reflection and saw him staring at him. ‘Yeah. James gets too squeamish with…you know…the blood…’

Remus grimaced and a crease appeared between his brows at the mention of blood.

‘And do you really think we’d trust Pete to heal anything? You’d end up eviscerated.’

Remus let out a breath of laughter and Sirius grinned, pleased that he was smiling at least. Remus hated anyone seeing how badly he ripped himself up, hated anyone seeing the scars that littered his body. He hadn’t known before now that Sirius had seen all of it - and the brunette wasn’t sure how his friend would react once he realised that in order to heal him, Sirius had to have seen everything he always tried to hide.

Including the large bite mark he loathed with all his heart and soul.

‘It’s not a big deal. I just make sure you don’t bleed to death before Pomfrey arrives…’

‘You’ve seen my scars. You’ve seen my bite.’

Remus had always had been quick on the uptake. Sirius paused then answered simply.

‘Yes.’

Remus’ frown had deepened and he was staring at Sirius with an indecipherable expression.

‘I didn’t know that.’

His cheekbones were flushed with colour and as Sirius’ eyes met his, he looked away uncomfortably. He had never thought anyone but the school nurse had healed him; had seen his scar ridden chest and back or the large bite that had started all of this. He’d always assumed that his friends just made sure he wasn’t dead then covered him with a blanket before they went to get some sleep. He realised now that Sirius must have seen these scars ages ago but had never said a word, never treated him any differently…

Well, actually that wasn’t true.

Sometime last year, before Christmas, Sirius had started staying longer with him, sitting with him until he heard the matron’s footsteps then he hid under the cloak until it was safe to go back to the dorm. Remus enjoyed that time alone with Sirius when the Animagus was being calm and quiet and gentle - everything he needed him to be. The realisation that he was doing all that, despite having seen the worst of him, made Remus’ skin feel hot and too small for his body all of a sudden. He had to get out of here, away from Sirius, before he either burst into tears or did something else equally as regrettable.

‘Remus, I…’

‘I’ve finished in here. Night.’

‘Remus…’ He grabbed Remus’ arm as he moved away from the sinks.

‘Don’t, Padfoot. Just…let me think about this.’

‘There’s nothing to think about. Moony, you think I care about some scars? You think seeing what I already know is there is going to make me think less of you?’

‘Seeing is different to just imagining…’

‘Yeah it is.’ Sirius moved closer, irritated that Remus wouldn’t look at him. ‘Will you look at me, please?’

The blue eyes met his and Sirius said, ‘Do you know what I imagined? I imagined ripped skin and huge, masses of torn up flesh…It was horrible, Remus. Imagining the worst. I hated the thought of you covered in all that ugliness.’

Remus made a strange, strangled sounding noise in his throat and turned away but Sirius still had hold of his arm and turned him back towards him.

‘But they aren’t ugly, Remus. They aren’t. They’re like…badges of honour or something. They show how brave you are, how strong you are and I…’

He stopped abruptly, realising that if he voiced his original thought that the scars he saw were actually beautiful in their own way, he’d make things even more awkward between them.

‘…I don’t think they’re ugly at all.’

Remus just stared at him, eyes searching his for any trace of a lie. He gnawed at his lip and Sirius tapped his finger on the reddened flesh.

‘Don’t. You’ll make it bleed.’

Remus stopped but Sirius’ finger lingered, heat suddenly shooting up his arm from the feather light contact. Remus’ eyes widened a little then his gaze fell to Sirius’ lips before they realised what they were doing and pulled away hastily.

Remus cleared his throat. ‘Hurry up, will you? I can‘t sleep with you banging about in here, fussing with your hair products.’

Sirius nodded, not trusting himself to sound normal - not with this lump that seemed to have taken up residence in his throat - and turned back to the mirror.
He saw Remus walk to the door then stop, hesitating for a few seconds before turning back. Sirius quickly busied himself putting away his toiletries.

‘Thanks, Padfoot.’

He paused his frantic packing up and looked up at Remus in the mirror.

‘For healing me.’

Sirius gave him a small smile and nodded then watched as Remus turned and left the room, holding his breath unconsciously until the door closed behind the werewolf. He exhaled noisily then swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the lump as he wondered what the hell was going on with him. Shoving the rest of his toiletries haphazardly into his kit, he almost ran back into the dorm, anxious now to get to that cupboard and fuck Kelly to within an inch of her life.

James looked at him with a confused frown. ‘Where are you going?’

‘Got a date.’

Sirius resolutely refused to look at Remus, who he could feel staring at him, and pushed aside the enquiry from his usually silent voice of reason that was questioning why he was worried about what Remus thought of his date. He threw his belongings into his trunk carelessly and slammed it shut before giving them all a wave and throwing a ‘Don’t wait up!’ over his shoulder as he left.

He crawled back into bed an hour later and buried his face in his pillow, trying to resist the urge to scream. Kelly was everything he liked in a girl - pretty, blonde, busty, easy…so why couldn’t he get the picture of a flat-chested, scar-covered, brown-haired boy out of his head while his dick was inside the girl.
He groaned audibly this time and silently repeated what was quickly becoming his new affirmation.

‘I’m not gay. I’m straight. I don’t fancy boys. I like fucking girls.’

But no matter how many times he repeated this refrain, he couldn’t get around the fact that the only way he could get off tonight was by allowing his thoughts to stray to that kiss he and Remus had shared last night. He couldn’t pretend that it hadn’t been his best friend’s name that lingered on his lips and that it wasn’t his face in his mind when he came.

‘I’m not gay!’

‘What?’

Sirius started when he realised James was still awake and muttered, ‘Nothing. Sorry,’ before rolling over and punching his pillow hard.

TBC...