Bad Moon Rising

Chapter Four: I’m Sorry







I\'m sorry I\'m bad, I\'m sorry you\'re blue……I\'m sorry about all the things I said to you…….And I know I can\'t take it back









Hermione sat at the scarred kitchen table and stared at the cup in her hand. It was empty, the leaves at the bottom just a muddled blob. She had never believed in divination and couldn’t begin to read any possibilities in the form they had taken. She shifted and winced as her body protested. She could see the ring of a bruise encircling her wrist from his fingers and she knew that there were matching bruises in the shape of his fingers on her thighs.







She still couldn’t believe it, she was no longer a virgin. She had always hoped that Remus would be the one but never dreamed it would happen. Of course she never dreamed that it would happen the way it had. She looked back to the books lying open on the table in front of her.







The Black Moon. That was what brought him to her. Not any sort of love or desire for her just an uncontrollable need to mate. He had tried to control it, had told her to run, to get away from him but stubborn as she was she had refused. When he pressed her hand against his erection she had felt her body come alive instantly. When he kissed her there was no going back, she was lost.







She should have fought; she should have pushed him away instead of letting it happen. But she wanted him so badly for so long that no rational thought found its way through the haze of lust. She had what she wanted in her arms and he had wanted her in return. It had felt so good to have him touching her. His mouth exploring her body had been intense, frightening and so fucking good she thought she would die from the pleasure it brought.







It had hurt when he pushed his way inside her. She knew it was going to, she was prepared for it, but she hadn’t been prepared for the powerful emotions that came from being filled to bursting by the man you were in love with. Even in the throes of his lust he had waited, letting her adjust to him before he began moving. It had burned, each stroke of his cock inside her abrading her tender, unused flesh. But mixed with the discomfort was something else, not really pleasure, but a slow building pressure, a need to have him become part of her, a hunger to pull him inside her completely.







When he came he slammed into her so hard that it jarred her teeth. It was incredible to see him, his head thrown back, the tendons straining as he howled his release. She had felt him filling her, bathing her womb in his seed. When he settled against her, his face in her neck as he shuddered in her arms, she felt nothing but joy and wonder.







When she woke just before dawn and slid from beneath him she felt sick. She had taken advantage of his condition. He was victim to the effects of the Black Moon, he had no control over is need, over the instinct to mate and instead of fleeing like he begged she had stayed, pushing him beyond his control and essentially forcing him to take her. She had been selfish, thinking only about herself, what she wanted, not considering what it meant for Remus.





She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes, wondering if he would ever forgive her for what she had done. She suddenly felt like she wasn’t alone and opened her eyes.







Remus was standing in the doorway, his face pale and his eyes haunted as he stared at her. He could see the red marks on her neck and face from his stubble and the bruise circling her wrist from his fingers. How many other marks had he left on her body? How badly had he hurt her?





Their eyes met and then she gave him a soft smile and his heart nearly burst. He was across the room and on his knees, his head buried in her lap and his arms around her waist as he cried.





“I’m sorry, Hermione, I am so sorry, please forgive me.” He sobbed, he had never been ashamed of showing his feelings to her, and she never judged him for it or called him weak. Even now, when he didn’t deserve it she shushed him gently and caressed the back of his head.







“No, I should be the one apologizing. You told me to go and I didn’t, I…I took advantage of you.” She began to cry along with him.







“You? Hermione I…I…raped you.” He choked on the words, holding her tighter when he knew he had no right. He should be in prison; she should be hating him, screaming at him, hexing him. She shouldn’t be comforting him, apologizing and taking the blame onto her self.





“I would have had to be unwilling for it to be rape, Remus.” She said quietly.







“I didn’t give you a choice.” He said, lifting his wet, red eyes to hers. “Forgive me; please say you can forgive me.”







She could see that he was torn apart inside as he begged for her forgiveness. She laid her hand against his cheek and smiled through her tears.





“There is nothing to forgive, Remus. Listen to me…I was willing, you did NOT force me. Do you understand that? I had my wand within reach, I could have hexed you if I wanted free but I didn’t…I wanted it. I wanted you. It’s me who needs your forgiveness; I took advantage of your reaction to the black moon. Forgive me, Remus.” She was crying hard and it wasn’t one of those pretty cries she had seen on other women. No, when Hermione cried her eyes swelled, her face got all red and splotchy and her nose would run, she had an ugly cry.







“Hermione? What…you wanted it?” He asked in confusion. It was then that he saw it, the softness in her eyes, that tender spark that let him know that her feelings ran deeper than he had ever suspected. “Oh, Hermione.”







“I have had feelings for you for a very long time. I always hoped that it would be you.” She said softly.





“You are so young, so sweet, so beautiful…don’t waste your feelings on a creature like me. Your first time should have been something beautiful and I stole it from you violently. I’m a monster.” He laid his head back on her thighs, ashamed to show his face.







“They aren’t wasted, Remus. And sure, it wasn’t flowers and candles and music but I wasn’t exactly complaining.” Her face flushed a little. “I rather enjoyed most of it.” She said, hoping it was some consolation to him.







“I hurt you. I saw the blood on my….I hurt you. I need to know…how badly.”







“I’m sore, I have a few bruises, but I am fine. Yes, it hurt, but it was supposed to.” She said, scratching his scalp lightly. “If you need to hear it then I forgive you, Remus.”







“You deserved better. One day you will meet a man who will show you what it should be, Hermione, and then you will truly see me for the monster I am.” He said.







“I could never see you as a monster.” She bent down and kissed the top of his head. and I will never meet a man who I will love as much as I love you she thought sadly.









****Lyric from Sorry by BuckCherry